Only thoughtful rational people understand that love alone is far from being sufficient a reason for anyone to walk another adult down the aisle. Today's marriages are mostly built on fragile frothy love, love that gets overwhelmed when wedding day plus honeymoon pageantry scales off inevitably. Love is good, but commonsense is better when choosing a spouse.

An2elect2:


eh eh tell me something. Chai u dey embarrass oh! just say u dont understand what marriage is all about.

English please.

dammyjay93:
Good Morning N'anders, wishing y'all a lovely morning and day ahead.

Now to the Discussion of the day :

In the Past, marriages were most often pre-arranged by families with LITTLE or no emphasis on love or dating but then marriages lasted more but nowadays that people are freer to choose and even date for extended periods, the rate of divorce is so high.

Why is this? Let's discuss

Op, obviously you've not been listening to tales by old folks. It is when you go to your village you'll see elderly women who were married four or five times and gave birth for those different men. Technology just brings divorce news easy to those who care to know. It's nothing new.

jennykadry:


English please.

I wanted to say u an embarrassment to womanhood.

An2elect2:


I wanted to say u an embarrassment to womanhood.

Check your English and write clearly and in full

jennykadry:


Check your English and write clearly and in full

lol typical of you :'/

When God instituted marriages from the beginning there wasnt any form of technical applications.these days,u here funny proposals online from different people,backgrounds,ethnicity,level of understanding and conformities...and u expect the marriage to last?To be frank,marriage these days r not backed up by God.pple just join themselves for their own reasons leaving God at the backyard.May God reposition our understanding in this 21st century.

carefreewannabe:


For now they have rights in Nigeria.

So this foøl is still on Nl. If you think Nig is that bad, keep it to yourself, skùnk! Still doubt you actually live in Germany.

There is really nothing about the typical ancient women that I like, Nothing at all .

As women become financially independent the man has lost his typical role of being the provider.
However we tend to forget the meaning of provider. It means so much more than financial support.. A good man gives a woman a sense of security. It is a great feeling to be loved and to know that someone cares and shares his life with you. You can work hard and have money but you can`t buy someone who cares for you. Comparing today with yesterday would be wrong because it is not about staying in a marriage but it is about having a good marriage. I think that today women have a better chance of going into a marriage and it succeeding because they can make their choice and are more independent and exposed. The reason it does not work out in most cases is that society has lost touch touch with the real values in life.

delishpot:
Oh, another woman bashing thread. NL men, una favourite food done cook o. E don done. Make una come chop.


Eh, let me say what the typical NLand men/ boys will say, its the womens fault. A mans attitude should be borne by the wife no matter what, our fathers beat our mothers yet they still stayed. Our fathers married and fathered kids all over our village yet mommy still stayed, she made him happy, knelt down to serve him water and food, knelt down every morning to greet him. Our women of these days have been exposed to education. They can now get jobs and feed their kids instead of depending on us as before thereby making them our slaves. Our parents no longer send their abused daughters back to the abusive husbands again. In the good old days, fathers will return abused daughters cos they had no food to care for her and her kids. Nowadays they dare keep them!
Hmnnnn, men be wise marry a church rats daughter who is ignorant, do not let her earn a penny, keep her always on her toes, trying to make you happy even after you rain her some hot slaps or insults like, has your father ever bought a TV in his life? In the village where I picked you, did you even know what a wC meant? Howmany of your brothers can afford to lay a stone on the ground talkless of building a house? She will still lick your bum cos she aint got no where to run to. Shebi its the type of wife most NL boys want to marry? Good luck finding one sha.

What are actually the main points of this junk? Men are abusive? Men like treating their wives as slaves? Don't let nollywood decieve you, women were seldom beaten those days. Beating of women began to rise as monogamy rose.
In those days, a man could have 5 wive and 25 children, he didn't have to concentrate on a woman, therefore, her flaws were well hidden and domestic violence was low. Polygamy in those days gave a lot of independence to women, even more than feminism can ever give. That is why our mothers were very industrous cor they could leave the whole family without woring about the family. Except for lack of sex, they had a lot to gain. The rest are left to be imagined. No wonder divorce was so low.

off all comment on here, i am yet to see some deep reasoning from anyone on here, look marriages in the past survived because of the natures of the couples, you have women who want to be like thier mothers and u have men who want to be like thier fathers. by so doing they end up possessing a fatherly/motherly nature this is what keeps marriage, if not, then show me a true mother who will abandon his kids and choose not to live with his husband all for one reason, show me a man who will choose to leave his household just to become single and alone or with another woman, an african man would rather marry more women to find happiness than divorce his wife, he will end up taking the first wife as his mother, and the wife will end up seeing the man as his father.
Divorce isnt common in africa, most especially Nigeria.westernization, is one reason we divorce these days, especially because we re exposed to other lifestyle lived in other countries in the west most especially,

one other reason is education, i am not insinuating that its bad to be educated, but i think people forget or set aside the Natural gift God has given to them and embrace the external and so they end up coming up with toughts such as divorce.

show me a true father that will leave his wife and not think of her importance to the children
show me a mother that will leave his husband and not think of his importance to the children.

many couples / parent have lost touch partially with nature/ or thier true nature.

there are no perfect people anywhere.

Sophyrocks:
Lets not deceive ourselves with this comparison. There were still divorces back then even though they were not as rampant as it is now. The fact that the marriages lasted longer then does not mean they were all happy, healthy ones. Some of them had dysfunctional families and were just merely patching up. We have people who can testify to this in their indivdual homes. These same marriages of then produced new generations with a lot more horrible mentality towards marriage thus transfering the same dysfunction from generations to generations. Now add that to the low morals of now plus marrying for flimsy reasons or to please society, then you see the product as many more dysfunctional marriages and more divorces. A good marriage of an old generation will produce sane and sound individuals with a healthy mentality towards marriage.

Lets just say that people are now more aware of what they want and would not remain in a marriage when their lives are at stake unlike that of marriages of old. Since many are marrying to please society or to fulfill righteousness then expect more divorces.

Little can I wonder the number of marriages this single post can break. I sincerely hope you are not a christian.

Emmalot121:
Little can I wonder the number of marriages this single post can break. I sincerely hope you are not a christian.

Eyah. Pele. Truth hurts. Reality will always stare at u in the face.

Billyonaire:
The difference is social media. There were lots of divorce too but there was no means of transmission of the news of divorce.

The very reason Islam promote illiteracy amongst women is to make sure women remain loyal to men, so was it those days, because men refuse to train their daughters too, out of ignorance and dependence on men as bread winners, but now women have equal opportunity to get education and work to earn a living, so women can decide to divorce at will, for "irreconcilable differences".

Love isnt a good reason to get married, not then, and not even now, because love is unlimited in nature, it can be depleted, but friendships keep unions strong after the diffusion of love.

This isn't your most intelligent post, but it's the first of yours I totally agree with. Maybe cos it's not political.

True, developments, social media, and other forms of exposure has definitely changed things, but hasn't made marriage any better or worse. Each generation encounters its socio-environmental challenges

Sophyrocks:

Eyah. Pele. Truth hurts. Reality will always stare at u in the face.

I watched Trisha two nights ago, there I watched the shock of my life, Men who considered their wives as mere properties in USA. You would have thought, 'At this time in USA'?! These 2 women should be long gone. But we must agree that some women are to emotional to decide on issues like this.
You could feel the disgust of female audience and it got more when one of the men told his wife to help him massage (spelling not sure) his toes. People were calling for them to quit the relationship but we all could feel they didn't want to.
Instead of Trisha to encourage them to quit, she took both men into a room and councelled them. I could feel the remorse on their faces, one even burst into tears as he explained himself. Jesus needs women like Trisha, who could think that she could save a marriage, not people like you that you think you can help free a woman from her holy matrimony. Your worst enemy, through perseverance can turn to be your best friend. Women get easily distracted by people's opinion expectially when they are in emotional distress. A comment today, no matter how honest your motives are can destroy a life. Those two men and their submissive wives are now living a beautiful biblical life. So emotional!

Emmalot121:
I watched Trisha two nights ago, there I watched the shock of my life, Men who considered their wives as mere properties in USA. You would have thought, 'At this time in USA'?! These 2 women should be long gone. But we must agree that some women are to emotional to decide on issues like this.
You could feel the disgust of female audience and it got more when one of the men told his wife to help him massage (spelling not sure) his toes. People were calling for them to quit the relationship but we all could feel they didn't want to.
Instead of Trisha to encourage them to quit, she took both men into a room and councelled them. I could feel the remorse on their faces, one even burst into tears as he explained himself. Jesus needs women like Trisha, who could think that she could save a marriage, not people like you that you think you can help free a woman from her holy matrimony. Your worst enemy, through perseverance can turn to be your best friend. Women get easily distracted by people's opinion expectially when they are in emotional distress. A comment today, no matter how honest your motives are can destroy a life. Those two men and their submissive wives are now living a beautiful biblical life. So emotional!

So what is this your story supposed to do for me now? I resemble counselor for your eye? The op asked a question and i stated my opinion based on peoples' experience. Does my comment look like advice to anybody? Have u stated ur opinion? So what can i do for you? What quota have u contributed to making men better husbands?

F117AA:
Calm your titts , woman.
What are you on about?
Btw,what is wrong with such women?
Will you advise your brother to marry a woman that will compete with him in his own house?

In his own house kwa Is the house not supposed to be their house,as in the husband and the wife

uzolexis:


In his own house kwa Is the house not supposed to be their house,as in the husband and the wife

The house belongs to the man as long as he pays the rent or built the house.
That he married a woman does not change that.

uzolexis:


In his own house kwa Is the house not supposed to be their house,as in the husband and the wife

Polygamy is still rampant. That apart, what he wrote is figurative, all he meant was that a wife shouldn't b competing for the 'head' status.

My opinion is that our mothers endured a lot of things of our fathers and some were just there because of the children they already had in the marriage and some of us can bear witness to it and have decided not to take the s**t anymore because we don't want to die young.

Emmalot121:
What are actually the main points of this junk? Men are abusive? Men like treating their wives as slaves? Don't let nollywood decieve you, women were seldom beaten those days. Beating of women began to rise as monogamy rose.
In those days, a man could have 5 wive and 25 children, he didn't have to concentrate on a woman, therefore, her flaws were well hidden and domestic violence was low. Polygamy in those days gave a lot of independence to women, even more than feminism can ever give. That is why our mothers were very industrous cor they could leave the whole family without woring about the family. Except for lack of sex, they had a lot to gain. The rest are left to be imagined. No wonder divorce was so low.

Any story to allow men have more wives ba? Anything to promote polygamy ba? Dont you think allowing your wife to have more husbands will also remove her wahala from focusing on you? What do you have to lose except lack of sex? If she has more husbands the less she will worry you.
Oh wait, did I strike the wrong cord? How dare I sugest men are denied s€x? Arent women built to be abandoned and given less s€x while the men enjoy all the s€x they crave? Ohhh oooo, see asce pain you for body? Na so e dey pain women when they are pressured by society to agree to be treated like a piece of furniture in a mans house.
See question, so for your mind lack of sex is good for the woman ba? But not acceptable for the men? I wonder why men think sex is not important to women. No wonder marriages break theae days.

My dear, the only reason marriages seemed to be working well then was porverty, financial dependence on men and the society shielding the woman/ girl child from having any desire in life other tjan to get married and do as hubby says. Anything outside that she is considered a bad woman or over ambitious. cos women were economicaly tied to their husbands. Men marry more women than they could catter for., he abandons them to their fate. If he loves them well enough, he gives them a piece of land to farm on. If they leave him, they forfiet the land and thus cant grow crops to feed their kids or sell to raise funds for kids school fees so they are smart enough to sit thight and ignore the man. They just shift focus on their kids. If the man dies, the woman may be killed, treated badly by his people after tagging her a witch or passed on to another member of his family and if she refuses to be passed around, she is kicked out and the source of income which she got by marriage to her late husband is taken from her. So she ia wise and betteroff staying married to that family. But ask yourself, is that the life a woman deserves? If you were a woman, is that what you would want your future to be?
Why the hell are women expected to endure marriages?
Marriages seemed to last longer because if a woman left the man, her family will be made to refund the bride price, she will be ridiculed by the village people and she will be a diagrace to her family so she sits tight and is encouraged to find something to do to take her mind off the man and focus on her kids. Even till today, a lot of wives are still told to sit tight, pray and fast and forget about the wayward man( dont bring polygamy here cos I know about men with 10 wives who still have girlfriends out side so polygamy does not cure cheating. all those Alhajis with 4 wives yet are still runsing campus babes will tell you same thing)
Its because you are not women sha. A white man may not see any problem with enslaving a black man but if he suddenly turns black and is enslaved, he will then see how painful the treatment is to the black man.
I don tire. When una finish to blame women for the woes of mankind, make una tell me.
I am sure women are to blame for boko haram and for GEJ becoming naija presido.
I am not saying there are no bad women o. I know there are bad women. but, not all broken marriages are caused by the women. Most I know are caused by the men, who believe they can behave anyhow, deny the wives sex while they go out to get some and still expect to come home to smilling wives and hot edikaikong soup and foofoo waiting on the table.
Women now are not presaured to stay if they dont feel happy in their marriages. They can now move on and make a happy or peaceful or safe lives for themselves thus, more wives are making the decision to leave their marriages.
Any woman with a good husband that does not appreciate him and makes him leave or she packs out, its her loss. I have no time to start making a data for her.
Marriages involve men and women and not women alone. Both paeties have equal role to play in making it work. Not like most men who expect wives to go out and work to feed them and yet do all the chores at home while they answer master, daddy, and do nada or do as they please. Men like to treat wives the way they will never accept to be treated. No sane woman with a loving, kind and good husband will mess her marriage up. If you find any that destroys her happy home with her hands on purpose, she is insane quote me to her!

F117AA:
The house belongs to the man as long as he pays the rent or built the house.
That he married a woman does not change that.

Who says it's the man that always pays the rent or builds the house. Have you not seen marriages where the financial obligation is shared among the couple, rent n all or where the couple saves up to build a house together Even if the man built the house b4 he married her, marriage changes the ownership of the property, it becomes their's not his, they r now one.

Emmalot121:
Polygamy is still rampant. That apart, what he wrote is figurative, all he meant was that a wife shouldn't b competing for the 'head' status.

Men and this "head" issue, I tire o. Marriage is like a partnership, no one is above the other, decisions n all should be made jointly and nobody's opinion should supersede the other. Both parties should be ready 2 compromise,that's what marriage is about.

uzolexis:


Who says it's the man that always pays the rent or builds the house. Have you not seen marriages where the financial obligation is shared among the couples, rent n all or where the couple saves up to build a house together Even if the man built the house b4 he married her, marriage changes the ownership of the property, it becomes their's not his, they r now one.

Whoever pays the rent own the house.
Yes, marriage changes a lot of things as long as the marriage is sweet, but when push comes to shove, the owner of the house will claim the house.
That is reality.

Sophyrocks:

So what is this your story supposed to do for me now? I resemble counselor for your eye? The op asked a question and i stated my opinion based on peoples' experience. Does my comment look like advice to anybody? Have u stated ur opinion? So what can i do for you? What quota have u contributed to making men better husbands?

Help me ask o. So women should sit and take all the bs hoping one day their husbands will give them biblical marriages kwa? Its well. Chei women oooo una don surffer. Its well.
I rise hand for my mom sha. I know she did not enjoy her marriage for years upon years. She stayed cos of us and cos she had no support network to help her if she left with 5 kids that is id she will be allowed to take us o. And many people here will agree to same concerrning their moms unless they want to lie to themselves.
If you look well, most people complaining are men. They do not care about a womans feeling they are about tgeir own satisfaction and peace. Just like most ogas and madams work house helps. They do not care if she is tired, id she has been deprived sleep for days, if she is sick. She must do what ever work they want her to do. From morning till midnight, no closing hour. She must work, for that was why she was brought/ bought.

It is simply because, nowadays relationship before marriage is 10% behavioural/character or emotional connection & 90% money, beauty, height, education, tribe, status/class & children connection . Which is not suppose. The foundation of many relationships of today is as a result of enough money being spent on the girl. Any guy that cannot spend on a girl in a lovely relationship, is being called a greedy & wicked guy that will maltreat the girl after marriage. Then, men & wowen in our modern society will advice the girl to leave the boy even when they know that the guy has much responsibility to do with his little money or the the guy cannot spend on the girl above his income. I am not poor, I am a level 8 step 4 staff in civil service. But I will be happy to get married to a good girl that love me apart from my income. Divorse is not common among husband & wife that got rich after marriage. It is not common among the d poor or average married couple. Divorse is common among the well-educated married couple. It is not compulsory I must marry a lady who is a graduate simply because I am a graduate. I know of a female lawyer that divorced & seperated from her else husband till now just because the husband said he wanted his mother that is lonely in the village to stay with them in the city.

We'll,l nawadays Women feels that marrige is a kind of being in boundage or slavelly.

Billyonaire:
The very reason Islam promote illiteracy amongst women is to make sure women remain loyal to men.

This is Ignorance of the Highest order ... You shouldn't be authoritative and assertive in a statement you have little knowledge and expertise ......

Making a statement is beyond Opening and closing the mouth nor typing them because the keypads is @ your fingertip .... Making an authoritative statement is about getting informed and educated about them !!

Islam promote literacy and education of the female

The Holy Prophet (blessings and peace be upon him) said:

''Acquisition of knowledge is binding on all Muslims both men and women without any discrimination. (Narrated by Ibn Maja in al-Sunan,1:81 §224.)

The Holy Prophet (blessings and peace be upon him) also said at another place:

''Acquire knowledge even if you may have to go as far as China for it'' Narrated by al-Bazzar in al-Musnad,1:175 §95.

He (blessings and peace be upon him) said at another place:

Allah Almighty makes the path to paradise easier for him who walks on it for getting knowledge.Narrated by Muslim in al-Sahih,4:2074 §2699.

It is apparent from the Holy Qur’an and hadiths that the acquisition of knowledge is obligatory for women in the same way as in the case of men.

Say: ‘Can those who have knowledge and those who do not be alike?’ So only the wise do receive the admonition. ]al-Zumar, 39:9.

So only those of His servants who have knowledge )of these realities with a vision and outlook( fear Him. Surely, Allah is Almighty, Most Forgiving. ]Fatir, 35:28.

Islam is guided by hadith and Qur'an thus there is non of this document which mandated women not to get literate/educated !!

Being a billionaire of the brain is highly essential as it suggest highest level of being informed and doing away from bias

dammyjay93:
Why is this? Let's discuss

The truth is the economic realities of the world then differs from that of today :

I believe there will be longterm marriage in a socialist/communist economy than a capitalist/laissez-faire economy ....

Both men and women are facing economic and Political reality of capitalism i.e the more you can Opened the window of Opportunity for yourself interms of advancement , creativity, invention and Innovation the more your chances of living balanced life !

I believe in the bid of chasing the neo-economic/political challenges which promote competition and profitability, couples have less time devoted to their family also often find one party as an hindrance to the success of another !!

Knowledge has also been globalised thus virtually everyone is informed about the real essence of marriage which is LOVE and HAPPINESS ...

''If you can't make me Happy, then I'm obliged to get you outa my life'' !!

::::::::::::::::::::::::

The period where Knowledge is restricted(not globalised), economy is predominantly socialistic/Communistic (Government owned everything) i.e whether you work or don't , what belong to your constituency will surely get there .

There wasn't much reason to use excess energy in chasing Opportunities , with little effort you can make much and concentrate more on bringing your family together .... Everybody wasn't severely busy nor find the other party as much hindrance .

Also, most men/women due to lack of exposure/education/community norm concealled their unhappiness in their marital home because of fear of divorce and jumping from one home to another .... It is like a shame if you quit your marriage because of her challenges and you are hero/heroine if you stand-up to the marital challenges by enduring it all !!

The extended family that facilitate the marriage also quickly resolved couples marital conflict as soon as it occurs unlike now where everybody is on their own after the showyshowy during wedding !!

Conclusion
I believe Socio-Political emancipation, Economic harshness, Globalisation, Competition etc are all bane to succesful marital life and the new socio-Orientation now is that Marriage is becoming Unnecessary and a kinda bondage .... This socio-orientation will surely threatened Global Peace if not re-orientated through economic/political palliatives !!


It is like everybody get frustrated easily nowadays both the Rich and The Poor !!