ammyluv2002:
7. Never give him money to pay your bride price



Nice write up

lastpage:
Looking at the "seven tips" given by the poster concerning relationships, it is not only silly, it is immature and reeks of crass ignorance!

As someone who is married for close to two decades, l can tell you that l have "forgone" some "moral values" (things very important to me) of mine, to suit my wife. For example, l stopped taking alcohol completely cos my wife does not like it.
She in-turn has had to change some of her own "values" to suit me. That is the way "marriage works" .... give and take!

My wife has had to chose a particular colour of Suits & Tie for me because she thinks it fits me more. She has sewn native Attires for me because she sees it on some men and thinks it will look good on me. I have seen some look beautiful in some clothes or hair do and have told my wife l will like her to try it out and it has always worked. The whole idea is to "compliment each other". We would "adjust for each other" as need arises.

Marriage means TWO DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES ARE "TRYING" TO BECOME ONE! (Take note: I said "trying"!).
There is no more two unique personalities! You cant be striving for "uniqueness" in a marriage... what you strive for is "blending"!

growing-up, l have heard "intelligent and matured people" say that when you live long enough with your spouse in a good and healthy relationship/marriage, tow of you start "resembling each other and becoming like Brother and Sister"!
I am sure other people have heard this also.
That is "blending".... not Uniqueness.

As for "handing over the reins", ..... you never had the reins! NEVER!!
But a smart woman knows that despite not holding the "reins"... she can direct the "holder" to steer the horse in the direction she want!
It just takes "subtleness and confidence inspiring" to make a husband do what you want...... not all these "gar-gra and over-sabi"
"Good Mothers" need to inculcate this into their daughters and live by such example.... as my wife is doing.
My own wife knows that if she tries to 'struggle or order me around' on something, l will do the "exact opposite" but because she uses the "right approach" as a wife, l will sacrifice my life for her!

We dont even have this "power struggle" as each one of us is "always trying" to satisfy the other and make the other person happier. Making her happy is my goal and she does her possible best to ensure that l am happy as well.
What else does one want from a spouse or in a marriage?

When immature folks come on here to post nonsense in form of "advice", like they are some authority on "How marriage woks", l just pity the foolish person that will "swallow such gibberish" and start acting it out in their own relationship.
Dont give advice, (even if it is copy and paste) on what you are clueless about.

Anyway, its your life, you can ruin it if you want but dont blame one "foolishly anonymous post" on Nairaland.
Discretion is always advised.


Lastpage!

lastpage:
Looking at the "seven tips" given by the poster concerning relationships, it is not only silly, it is immature and reeks of crass ignorance!

As someone who is married for close to two decades, l can tell you that l have "forgone" some "moral values" (things very important to me) of mine, to suit my wife. For example, l stopped taking alcohol completely cos my wife does not like it.
She in-turn has had to change some of her own "values" to suit me. That is the way "marriage works" .... give and take!

My wife has had to chose a particular colour of Suits & Tie for me because she thinks it fits me more. She has sewn native Attires for me because she sees it on some men and thinks it will look good on me. I have seen some look beautiful in some clothes or hair do and have told my wife l will like her to try it out and it has always worked. The whole idea is to "compliment each other". We would "adjust for each other" as need arises.

Marriage means TWO DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES ARE "TRYING" TO BECOME ONE! (Take note: I said "trying"!).
There is no more two unique personalities! You cant be striving for "uniqueness" in a marriage... what you strive for is "blending"!

growing-up, l have heard "intelligent and matured people" say that when you live long enough with your spouse in a good and healthy relationship/marriage, tow of you start "resembling each other and becoming like Brother and Sister"!
I am sure other people have heard this also.
That is "blending".... not Uniqueness.

As for "handing over the reins", ..... you never had the reins! NEVER!!
But a smart woman knows that despite not holding the "reins"... she can direct the "holder" to steer the horse in the direction she want!
It just takes "subtleness and confidence inspiring" to make a husband do what you want...... not all these "gar-gra and over-sabi"
"Good Mothers" need to inculcate this into their daughters and live by such example.... as my wife is doing.
My own wife knows that if she tries to 'struggle or order me around' on something, l will do the "exact opposite" but because she uses the "right approach" as a wife, l will sacrifice my life for her!

We dont even have this "power struggle" as each one of us is "always trying" to satisfy the other and make the other person happier. Making her happy is my goal and she does her possible best to ensure that l am happy as well.
What else does one want from a spouse or in a marriage?

When immature folks come on here to post nonsense in form of "advice", like they are some authority on "How marriage woks", l just pity the foolish person that will "swallow such gibberish" and start acting it out in their own relationship.
Dont give advice, (even if it is copy and paste) on what you are clueless about.

Anyway, its your life, you can ruin it if you want but dont blame one "foolishly anonymous post" on Nairaland.
Discretion is always advised.


Lastpage!

OlamiB:
When two people come together in a relationship, it is important that they make certain adjustments. This helps their bond to grow stronger and fonder. But, always remember that a healthy relationship is a two-way street. A place where both partners are equal at all levels. We say so because when you look around you find that it is the woman who makes more than her fair share of sacrifices and compromises for her men. Especially after marriage, she is the one who is expected to make all the adjustments and changes. Ladies, while you might be doing some things happily, there are some crucial aspects in which you should never compromise evem when you are in love. Here are some things that you should never do for your man

1. Ignore Your Dreams

Just because he wants you to spend time with him or be around him always, should not make you feel guilty into turning down that big promotion or the chance to go for thyuat prestigious conference abroad. He should never ask you to make a choice between your dreams and him. There should always be a common ground to work on. Ask yourself, would you be happy in a relationship where you have to give up your hard-earned dreams? If he loves you, he will understand that your dreams and career are as important as his.

2. Modify your values

All of us have our own set of moral values and principles that we believe in. These values form our identity and individuality to a good extent. Never try to change your morals just because your man wants you to. Even if you two don’t share common values, he should always respect yours, rather than change them. This is not just about moral values; it is also about religion and beliefs. Such things cannot and should not ever be changed just because someone else wants you to do so.

3. Change Your Look

woman should never change her appearance or the way she looks only because her man desires so. Subtle changes are acceptable, like dressing and styling ones. But if he wants you to go for surgeries to change certain aspect of your appearance then never agree to it. He should admire your natural beauty and not work towards changing it. Just because he doesn’t like the way your nose looks or if he finds your ears too pointy, it should not guilt-trip you into going for something as drastic as a surgery.

4. Sacrifice your personal space

Even your family and friends need your time and attention, and this is something even you enjoy, right? So, never sacrifice your personal space and time that you should be spending with them just because he wants you to. Try to divide it and strike a balance. Just because you are in a relationship does not mean that you do not need anyone else apart from him. And, he should understand and respect that.

5. Forget Who You Are

Never try to act what you are not. Do not show that you are less intelligent than him just to boost his ego or only because it will make him happy. Men like independent women, so acting stupid is not going to help at all. Also, you should not change your likes and dislikes for him. These things make you unique. So, do not lose your individuality and identity for a man. At least, not when you are being forced to do so

6. Handing over the reins

Never give him the access to be in control of you. No matter how much you love him, the decisions should always be mutual. He should never make the final decision of what you should and shouldn’t do. Always discuss with him, but make your decision keeping your own lifestyles and choices in mind.

Ladies, keep these things in mind. There are certain aspects of your personality that you should not change for a man, even when you are in love. If you are not true to yourself, you can never be true to your relationship!

Source: copy and paste

BOMANY:

Sorry, Your points indicate experience, immaturity & over self estimation
you left the main point which is never give him money and pointed out what can never make a family. Women with such attitude can never pass girlfriend stage even when they get married. In marriage both partners sacrifice, from their time, dreams, space etc, otherwise they should nt marry
lol

OboloMAN:
And that's how all the Men in the OPs life left Her.

Now She's 42 still Searching.

Oya kontinu..... be forming Principles.. lol..

samplet:
@Op tanx a million but am so ashamed to anounce 2 u dat, i hav already made all d mistakes listed. wia do i go frm hia? i need ur advice.

akinsadeez:



Hehehehe. . true though.

But what if he says the only thing stopping him is dat he doesn't have d bride price and d lady is already in her thirties?

dechandel:

Never wear his engagement ring for more than two years

BellaBambina:
@OlamiB Ladies should never ever ever ever spend their money on men. Whether it is your hard-earned money, runs-earned money, theft-earned money or unearned money. The guy ll just use your money to razzle other chics and there's nothing you can do about it. A neighbour of mine was supporting this urchin-of-a-man she had been dating for 6 years. She had a well-paying job and even bought the fool a car. They made plans to get married and on the day he was supposed to meet her family, he bailed! He ran off with all his stuff and stood her up. A mutual friend of theirs broke the news to her a year later that he had relocated to another city and married another girl (a girl he had been dating for a longer time than her).
In a nutshell ladies: to avoid a nollywood-like drama playing itself out at your expense, don't give any man your money. A real man has pride and where is his pride if he cannot cater for the one he loves?

dechandel:

Never wear his engagement ring for more than two years

OlamiB:

3. Change Your Look

woman should never change her appearance or the way she looks only because her man desires so. Subtle changes are acceptable, like dressing and styling ones. But if he wants you to go for surgeries to change certain aspect of your appearance then never agree to it. He should admire your natural beauty and not work towards changing it. Just because he doesn’t like the way your nose looks or if he finds your ears too pointy, it should not guilt-trip you into going for something as drastic as a surgery.

Source: copy and paste

mesoade:
Even after reading this,some girls will still remain adamant blaiming it on love . . Love kor attraction ni

dioman:

She can help on other things but for bride price, we have to pay because that's the tradition. A man must marry a woman not contrary.

lilflipnerd:
That bride price shiit is a scam it's doesn't have any logical reasoning

SAMBARRY:
chaiiii because it hit some people's fragile egos

all4naija:
After that auction it for any price to purchase a jeans pant.

Exactly.. But not a jeans pant something worth my wasted time with him.. Chocolate

OlamiB:

I am not a feminist and I am equally not against anybody's relationship progress, like LASTPAGE said all these might not be able to give a good relationship. I am against some of the list too, I only posted cos I think it might be helpful to ladies that doesn't believe in what I do. Its copy and paste, I didn't form it!
Whichever think you believe in, dnt let a list probablyy compiled by westerners spoil ur marriage, this is AFRICA
G night everybody