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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" (67258 Views)
God Is Punishing Me, Someone Please Help Me..... / I Am Sleeping With Our Pastor – Lagos Wife / Is This Gods' Way Of Punishing Him, Pls Advise Him (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by Nobody: 10:36am On Dec 09, 2014 |
The harsh comments men r giving here are too painful really. I think I'm just going to unfollow. I don't think a first time should be traumatic tho. If a person has had sex before marriage now some guys would see the woman as a slut. Well, men are hard to understand. 3 Likes |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by Sammiejo: 10:37am On Dec 09, 2014 |
andromida:Sincerely if this story is true, I find it difficult to believe he raped her. If Sex was all he he was after , he would have found a way to get in her pants before now. @OP Just try my advice for two weeks and tell us the difference. 1 Like |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by Nobody: 10:40am On Dec 09, 2014 |
chukist: Simple! But some irrational folks who find pleasure in hiding away truth would be saying thrash here. If she's not ready for marriage (which is very obvious) neither ready to learn and amend her ways, quit marriage. That's the highest advice i can give. Enough of this yarnings. I don dey vex sef. 1 Like |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by ffo(m): 10:51am On Dec 09, 2014 |
blesie: OP, just one question for you, did you tell your husband while you were dating that you are a virgin? Because i married a virgin as well, and we prepared for it together, read about the disvirgin process and etc. |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by Nobody: 11:22am On Dec 09, 2014 |
stagger:. Well said that what a loving husband does not be so selfish and insensitive. It looks like he only care about himself. |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by Nobody: 11:27am On Dec 09, 2014 |
RedBenson: I fail to understand how this has turned to be about "my type" and my marriage management skills not to get sidetracked though can you clarify how this woman has been rude and of ill character, hostile and unfriendly? maybe i can't see what you can see i am open to being wrong so share what you saw in her post that made you conclude she is hostile, rude, unfriendly and of ill character towards her husband. Let me follow your thread of thought a man courted a woman for three years and some how, someway marries this woman who is of ill character. I can't wrap my mind around what he was courting for three years that he could not see they are not a match if this be the case. According to you her perhaps childishness and naivety about her husband's needs makes her a woman of ill character that deserves to be raped and she should understand why she must be raped on an almost daily basis as against the husband being patient and teaching his darling wife what he wants and how he wants it. |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by Nobody: 11:30am On Dec 09, 2014 |
Sammiejo: If its true you are not the one in the story if she said she was raped then she was raped. What does she have to gain by painting her husband a wicked man? Nothing. |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by omogesola: 11:33am On Dec 09, 2014 |
Dear Blesie. This is my experience. Hope it will make you relax I met my man @ age 22, got engaged @ 23 & married him @ 24. While he was asking me out, we agreed on a no-sex before marriage relationship & he agreed. Few months before we got married, he always says it to my hearing that I should never deny him sex while we are married. Infact, some days before the wedding, he will complain to me how he had a no-stop erection all through the night. The trad. was Friday. On Wednesday, I almost called the wedding a quit because I was scared of the topic, sex, sex, sex... On a second thought, if I tell my people, the wedding will no longer hold, only one question will they ask me , why? To tell them its because of sex will be so silly & naive. I graduated from University @ 20. By then, I have masters degree already. I blanked my mind to stop thinking about the whole matter & focus on the wedding plans ...The wedding night We spent the night at his parent's place. After the usual traditional welcoming of the new bride, I was asked to go into my room, and prepare for my husband to join me. I was in the room siting on the bed with my wedding dress. The word "Prepare for your husband'' get ringing in my ears. So these people know, I M GOING TO HAVE SEX. Whao! Immediately, he came into the room, he unclad & ask me to do same. I even gave excuses that I needed to pack our bags for the honeymoon set for the next day. He asked me to put all on hold. The whole process was going too fast for me. I thought he was going to hold on for me till we get to our hotel room the next day. We were at his parent's. Everybody will know what was going on He dragged me to the bath, insisting we take our bath together. I cant explain what happened in the bath. I felt bad. I felt strange. I felt I am doing something sacrilege. The whole process was new & not funny! After we left for the room, he pounced on me asking me to raise my legs. This was strange. The idea of sex I have seen in movies is just a man lying on a woman. I really didn't know for a fact that it involves leg raising. It was hell. The whole process was fast, painful & .... Again, the thought came that I return back to my father's house, dey no chase me. The question is, what will I tell them The first 7 days was hell. All he wants is sex, sex, non-stop. I used to be very outspoken before we got married, but after I got introduced to sex, I became very gentle & moody. Unfortunately, my man didn't notice me as long as he is having sex. Infact, I used to have my way, but I couldn't anymore because he didn't even give me a chance to tell him no The guy seems happy but I was sad. then I choose to be happy. I decided to embrace my husband's high sex drive. Even though, the first three month was hell for me, I was newly married but always sad. He didn't notice my mood until 3 months after. One day, he asked me? I just started crying. He knows that for me to cry, it must really be painful. We talked through it & he promised to always seek my consent before sex, although it is not a ground for me to say 'No'. He emphasized. He actually kept to his promise. The day he wants hot sex, he will send me messages, talk to me severally on phone joking about how lucky I am to have a man with high sex drive because it is the prayer of most married women. He tells me of how his female friends complain about their husband's inability to satisfy them sexually thereby seeking recourse with another man. Above all, he tells me he will rather sleep with me than any other woman & that the day he stops wanting me, I should suspect he has another partner. I don't think I want that We have been married 8 years & we have a son together but still dear, the sex drive has not reduced. I am used to it So my dear, you are not the only one in this. You cant prove that a man you are married to raped you. Nobody will believe you. Once you know his habits, give it to him before he forces it on you. I m sure after a while, the guy will pipe low a bit after he's had enough of what he missed in 3 years. I can assure you he will adjust when you cooperate. Give it a little time. Pele oh! 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by Nobody: 11:33am On Dec 09, 2014 |
Sammiejo: You speak from a man's point of view without bothering to understand her. |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by repogirl(f): 11:47am On Dec 09, 2014 |
Nairaland ehhhhhh! I am not usually harsh but I will be because this your story is too annoying to me. You should not withhold sex from him, what is your problem exactly? He is not desirable to u or what? Are you frigid? As a virgin, aren't you curious what it feels like? You should be happy to be doing it with the love of your life you are married to and not fighting him. I agree that he is wrong in forcing you but this is a man who has been waiting to ravish you for three years! You expect him to keep bottling his konji when he now has the konjugal rights over your body? Girl, you better open up and give him free access, relax your body and lie limp if you like but don't fight or resist, he is your husband o. you think it is easy to hold back konji? Abi you want to be a virgin till death? This is why me am skeptical abt this abstaining thing especially when u know u will get married to the person. Give yourself a chance to enjoy the sex so that the raping will stop. I hope it will, that is if it isn't that he is enjoying forcing you sef. Nawa as for your pastor and wife, they are jobless to leave church on Sunday, simple. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by rapmike(m): 11:50am On Dec 09, 2014 |
pweetixandy:Just answer yes or no Or if you are on the way. P.S. If you have a steady boyfriend, its a yes automatically |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by MistadeRegal(m): 11:55am On Dec 09, 2014 |
Ma'am, I know how you feel. It is not a easy job to convince a virgin about sex. I lost my first girl because of this(she's always wanting to be my first) the current one understood me well because she is also a virgin. Eventhough I am 26 years and 2 months old, sex still remain a sacriledge to me. So ma'am I'm really sorry about what you're going through. Just try to adjust to him. |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by ocelot2006(m): 11:58am On Dec 09, 2014 |
andromida: Maybe you need to read the OP's story again. As much as i condemn the husband's approach, the lady is equally at fault acting like a damn wood from her wedding night till date. It's understandable if it was her first that night; the man could've been patient with her. But afterwards, she no try at all. I can assure you that every other man would've been so frustrated sex ally they'll either seek satisfaction outside or in very very very rare cases act out like her hubby (not a good choice at all). |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by ocelot2006(m): 12:02pm On Dec 09, 2014 |
andromida: I'm eager to hear her own point of view, cos I still don't understand how a wife will still remain so frigid long after her wedding day. But hey, do tell the house. |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by Nobody: 12:04pm On Dec 09, 2014 |
ocelot2006: I don't share the believe every other man will seek satisfaction outside just because his wife is learning the ropes of how to please him its still under a week. Not all men are wild animals. |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by pweetixandy: 12:14pm On Dec 09, 2014 |
rapmike:yes |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by rapmike(m): 12:18pm On Dec 09, 2014 |
pweetixandy: Ok. Nice meeting you anyway. |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by Sammiejo: 12:54pm On Dec 09, 2014 |
andromida: I understand her position very well. Not all men act this way when their wives are virgins or a little bit resistant to sex, but in this case I assume she is looking for a workable soultion to move her marriage forward. What should she do? Report to every body to talk to the husband. Who is in the marriage, the people or her? Except she is saying she married him for just goodies he provided prior marriage or to fulfil expectation. Sex is a vital part of marriage and must be enjoyed(MHO). As first timer, she might not be inclined to be free and hence resistance, and my way to deal with it is to settle her mind that this is her husband for life, SHE MUST HAVE SEX WITH HIM even when not in mood sometimes. it will not be imediately smooth, especially if there some other issues with the OP, but gradually na she go dey follow hubby about Just to share , when I just got married, it so bad. I lock up keep key, if it was possiblea towns people meeting would have been called to beg me, infact I would say I was highly frigid fortunately my spouse was EXTREMELY patient albeit there were quarrels. Religous background and early indoctrination from parents and church of the evil of sex were the main inhibitors. Even after reading plenty kamar sutra and the rest, nothing really changed, until I made up my mind one day that I MUST DO THIS. Considering the progress I have made over the years, I have only one self question, why did it take me so long to do what I finally did. So I believe I understand part if not all of OP's issue. OP forget all those he forced me things, he need my permission, na my body, i must agree, Sincerely e no go help you. If after about 6months -1 year of FREELY having sex and he still forces you, then there MIGHT be a problem. 2 Likes |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by paulobaze: 1:10pm On Dec 09, 2014 |
let me tell u dear.i registered as a nairalander 2day jst to hlp u save ur marriage because ii hv been following ur post resently.pls dont allow any third party to come into ur marriage in d name of settling u and ur husband because dats wot kills marriage nowadays.lemme start from d weddin eve to explain things to bath ur husband which u claimed u love is it a bath thing?i understand how d man felt because if u were to b in her shoes,u would hv done worst.d man confirmed it dat u re a virgin and as a mark of respect,he bought u a car to show dat u were a real virtuous woman.all d man needs is care and love wish i know u can do dat without any problem.u complain abt sex because u re new in d game but remember u guys jst wedded,dis is d man's time and also ur own time to enjoy sex because there will surely b a time wen ur husband will b tired of dis sex.all u need to do is pls jst pretend dat u dont hate sex and try to make it interesting 4 him.am sure dis guy loves u dr 1 Like |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by Dandified(m): 1:59pm On Dec 09, 2014 |
ireneidiva:soo u sincerely tink dt filing for a divorce is best in dis case becus there are plenty men in the world??...My dear, u dnt run marriage like u run a relationship and my advise is dt they shud both sit down and find ways to resolve there diferences..evn if d man is a sex maniac and d woman is a Virgin she shud knw that knowledge has covered al of dt and dtz y u av d internet @ ur disposal to get information abt how to improve ur sex life and enjoy ur marriage.....Learn, acquaint urself wif it and sumday,he'l be d one begging u 2give him a brk becus naturally women are sexually stronger and active than d Male counterpart..... 2 Likes |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by arvinsloane(m): 2:04pm On Dec 09, 2014 |
aitop:Well, you made point. |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by redsun(m): 2:45pm On Dec 09, 2014 |
Religious people live as if they literally have another life after death. Myopically sad. The only thing you benefit from being a virgin is not being exposed to sexual diseases like HIV or unplanned pregnancy. Sundays that you should lie in with your man and get the best of him,you are bothering going to church to shower a human being like you with your hard earned money,only because he can reasure you that you are saved or that you won't be sacked from work.. |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by cjeriia: 3:08pm On Dec 09, 2014 |
pweetixandy:Took 1 look @ ur profile & culd not but marvel @ how d devil managed 2 pour so much filth in you. Well... I'll just pretend u don't exist |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by pweetixandy: 3:32pm On Dec 09, 2014 |
cjeriia:next time..dnt go about nairaland dissing people u don't know.u could have just ignored my post and moved on,but no,u just had to say somethn nasty. I'll pretend u dnt exist as well. Rme |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by ocelot2006(m): 8:42pm On Dec 09, 2014 |
andromida: You're right, not all men are animals. But EVERY man's patience has a limit. 2 Likes |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by ocelot2006(m): 8:51pm On Dec 09, 2014 |
paulobaze: Please don't tell her to pretend oh. It is way worse. She should have a Lil heart to heart talk with her hubby about her fears about sex (I still believe the man will be reasonable and listen to her). She must also be willing to loosen up and stop acting like some frigid wood. As for the man, I advise he be a bit more patient and show her the ropes gently. Better still, he allows her take a bit more control in bed. It will relax her mind, allay her fears a bit, and both sides get to have the best night of their lives. |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by bluegrey: 6:13am On Dec 10, 2014 |
I haven't read all the comments, when the first episode of this saga was posted, some people accused d poster of telling lies, but I believed d story, now reading this second part, it sees so untrue. First of all, which pastor and his wife will be do jobless as to visit her immediately after service? Most pastors are usually busy for hours after service. Secondly, how can someone face his "pastor" and say he was hoping his wife was practicing sex styles before the wedding? |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by folawiyoma(m): 8:31am On Dec 10, 2014 |
andromida: Are u sure u are saying the right thing? The bible even say a woman should satisfy her husband. Am not saying its right for the man to rape her but I think the lady cause this to happen. If its sex, food and character that is causing there problem. I think the wife should start knowing what she is doing rather than blaming the husband and saying she need a divorce. I hate woman who let there emotion control there thinking. Divorce my foot. |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by Nobody: 9:03am On Dec 10, 2014 |
folawiyoma: Every man who wants a happy wife should understand that women are emotional beings she cannot satisfy any husband if her emotions are off. She may become the agreeable wife that gives him sex any time he asks but she will not be happy. From what i am reading here i can see many men only care about submission not the full joy and happiness that comes with living. It is important for a man to be able to catch his wife's emotions.Submission is easy if a woman is happy and can see that her welfare is priority in her man's life when she can't see that she starts fighting for herself because she feels alone and threatened hence the power struggle. I truly cannot see why this man married her he talks of love but all i see is a selfish man whose sexual needs MUST be met even if the wife is harmed in the process. And the Bible said a man should love his wife as Christ loved the church we all know how much Christ loved the church- he died for the church. The wife is to blame? What i am reading on this thread is alarming clear lack of accountability on the men's part which is a reflection of our society unfortunately it is these same men that are driving the society driving it to pieces and blaming the women anyway history is always on repeat button so we shall see. 1 Like |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by folawiyoma(m): 11:07am On Dec 10, 2014 |
andromida: Even thou I agree with you on the basic of the bible you just quote. But do you remember the same bible said " the woman must be submissive to her husband' when I say submissive I mean everything including her money lols. If I was ask to judge both of them. The husband. I will give the husband 15 lashes (offense - for not loving and adoring his wife the way he should) The wife. She need either a sexomilkymilky deliverance or baptism so that she can satisfy the soldier in her husband. (Offense- proud and not ready to learn new things even if it means to make her husband happy). My advise to both of them is " if you want a smile give a smile first" Pastor sexomilkymilky. |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by folawiyoma(m): 11:41am On Dec 10, 2014 |
undercat: " there is no rule that says a married couple must have sex. Sex is the norm, but technically its not a must. On your own part, you should have discussed your stance on sex with your husband beforehand. I know nobody usually has such a discussion, but where you don't have any desire for sex with a man, you should let him know before you get married to him." Are u serious? Did you even know why God said multiply. Why married when you know you don't want to have sex abi na confu den dey do there ni Na wa o. 1 Like |
Re: Our Pastor Sided Him For "Punishing Me After Marriage" by totoakins(m): 12:00am On Dec 11, 2014 |
Sophyrocks:i pray you get a husband that would do all this after a tired day just to have sex 1 Like |
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