bukatyne:


@OP:

You said 2x in four years and you have explained what caused this. What happened the first time?

That said, your wife is very wrong hitting you.

Next time she does it, pack a small bag and head off somewhere you can be accounted for and report her to her parents telling them to caution their daughter

Return home after they have warned her and she apologizes. Publicly is better so there are witnesses.

All the best.

Timbuktou:
Brother, your problems are caused by you. This post of yours has indicted you.

fr3do:
Flying nodding

aventura:
what happened to slapping her back. In a law court it would be seen as self defence. shikena

ruuudboy:
She was just ranting all around saying the one i did outside was not enough, i came home and still continued with my phone chatting with some i.diot girls whereas i was chatting with my boss and colleagues.

i later went outside to buy recharge card. I was on the phone with my boss which made me stay a bit more outside but i guess she has been trying my number which was busy..

This got her infuriated as she locked the door and started, i was just looking at her trying to explain things but she wouldnt allow me.

i just kept quiet as shstarted talking. i didnt know my being silent will lead to attack.

adebayour26:

Mehn, I commend ur Patience. you are a good man.......

ruuudboy:



Thankz so much.....i tried as much as possible to be straightforward cos relationship not built on trust will definitely crumble.
Sincerely, communication has never been an issue but u no sometimes after a rough day u just want to relax your brain before delving into other things at home. My routine has always been from work to house on a daily basis. The latest i come home averagely is between 5-6pm and my weekend is always with my famiky. I dont have friends that i hang around with nor drink to warrant spending tym outside. She's 95% sure of all my movement just that she's always sceptical based on some guys parol she was exposed to before marriage
i was raised in a separate family before my father died and ever since i got married and up till now,the advice i get from my mum is to always learned from their own mistake that if she had known then,she would have done everytyn possible to make her marriage work rather that go the way of divorce with my dad....... That have always been working on cos even if i call her today and she asked abt my wife, she will still give the advice that i should always do everything within my power to make my marriage work and never attempt separation in order not to be like them. More reason why i cant even report her to my mum cos they are very close and it will get her thinking abt their own past mistakes.

mencade4:
even if u r wrong dont beg any woman.....

Kingexcellence:

I'll rather you say 'always beg every woman, even if you are right'. That makes you strong and keeps you at your rightful position. Every woman respect such person, she may try avoid showing it to cover her weakness though. #dont allow some 'inexperienced' bachelors on NL to ruin your home. The quality of the internal workings of your home depends on how well you can manage it. Every woman has a problem, the nature only vary with individuals. Your wife is yours, a part of you. Will anyone cut the nose away because of running oozes?
+I am still a bachelor though

ruuudboy:
More reason why i cant even report her to my mum cos they are very close and it will get her thinking abt their own past mistakes.

EfemenaXY:

Na wa o!

I honestly don't know what to say. Why didn't you kick her out at the first sign of violence against you? I.e the scratching and pushing stuff?

Yes, walking away is good but in the short term only, because as you can see, it'll only get worse which is exactly what happened in your case. She notched it up to the next level. That aside, even when you walk away, your head would be buzzing with the destructive insults and name-calling she would have thrown your way.

I know you said your response to her striking out at you in the car was reflex, but maybe you should have just pulled up and thrown the shrew out on her ear? Let her walk the long distance back, and when she gets back home, she'll find that you've locked her out.

You were lucky you didn't get involved in an accident that day.

alutacontinua:
You need a separation from that woman.

1. That woman fit hit you with stick or land table or bottle on your head one day.
2. When a woman raises her hand to slap a man, all atom-and I mean every single grain of respect is gone in that marriage. My people call it 'see finish', and you ain't getting that respect back anytime soon.
3. The fact that this is her second time means she'll most likely keep doing it till Jesus comes.
This is one situation where I'll say you probably need to send her back to her father for some retraining (like coogar will say)

ProffT01:
Leave the house for her at that moment.

zeb04:
Op don't listen to any of the advice here esp from the women.

Divorce/Seperation because the woman was banging on his door?
Didn't Op say he has settled with his wife and she promised not to repeat that again.
You all giving such advice are sick in the brain.

Since when did marriage become childplay.
Nansense.

freezyprinzy:
1 of d reasons y am scared of get'n married

Kindly relocate to an abbey

seangy4konji:
Its gone but give her a very big silent warning that it SHALL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN...

Am not married but my woman chop liver to come meet came at the guest house with plenty mature men and slapped me 5 TIMES there,i did not raise my hand,i took back door and drove off...I told her the next time it happens

God htook control for you cause some people self wan die and just need person to send them away...

Patience is key but give a very good warning...it is height of disrespect and she must v shown you some signs of aggression and later withdrew it cause she wan marry to show her self?next time she does

Send your kids to boarding school and leave the house to her.

Sormeh:


What do you expect? Honeymoon is always sweet. that's why it is called HONEY + MOON. I can only pray that it continues like that.

tintingz:
Is still a month ...I pray no sort of physical and emotional abuse in your marriage but ofcos misunderstanding will always occur at some point tho.

Reference:


1 month eh?.... Remember those VHS video tapes...at the beginning you have a transparent, blank section before the black when the film starts....I guess your marraige hasn't started.

Ilekokonit:


Anger is one letter short of Danger. Women have been known to cut off their husbands privates in their sleep for cheating and there is the case of an aggrieved Nigerian wife who killed her cheating husband by throwing an electric heater into his bath water as he lay with eyes closed in the water soaking in the bath.

You have not yet cheated on her and she is raining punches, bites and slaps on you, Now extrapolate that to see what she will do to you if she catches you cheating on her. na sure death or poison be that.

Your wife is very insecure and insecurity in marriage doesn't go away it only gets worse. Its most likely that your wife also keeps score of things you've done to wrong her and also keeps grudges.

A woman that keeps grudges is one of the most difficult women to marry or live with as they remember real and perceived offences even after 20 years of marriage. An insecure woman will eventually always tear down her own home with her own hands.

Regarding the loss of respect she had for you to be able to punch, bite and slap you, such will recur in future especially as you did not put a stop to it the first time it happened.

Once they start, they don't stop.

Part of the problem is that you come home too early after work and you are too predictable to her. Women don't like nice guys who are too predictable as there is no mystery in that.

Some of the problem we men have is that we believe that our first marriage must last forever to just that same woman even when the couple drift permanently apart and become as incompatible as boiling water and snow.

We repeatedly forget to learn from marriages that are daily crumbling all around us (including that of Top Pastors) that the love in marriage sometimes dies after some time (familiarity breeds contempt).

Also, not everyone (male + female) is ready for the everlasting handcuffs that marriage represents and if care is not taken when the tedium of marriage sets in after a few years, one party then starts getting resentful at being tied down in perpetuity in boredom to their partner.

It even gets worse after 2 kids when unknowingly the wife devotes all her energies to their children and her career thus neglecting the various needs of her man who after sometime may seek comfort in the arms of another woman outside.

This thing called marriage is not a 100 metre dash. It is a marathon.

Moslem women are less prone to play up or "unnecessarily" wind their husbands up because his religion allows him to marry up to 4 wives. In fact his religion advocates for the husband to flog the wife if she is disobedient and so the case of her striking the first blow is out of the question.

As you still love your wife, you have no choice but to force her to work on her anger issues giving her an ultimatum to either stop the violence or risk a trial seperation the next time she is violent towards you and ensure you carry out the trial seperation the next time she attacks you.

SirShymex:


There was no way I would've kicked her out like that. The madness and serious arguments started after we were like a year and half deep into it. And most times, it was always my fault, and I'm the type of guy that never shy away from taking responsibilities. I was in Uni back then, on the YOLO wave - wild and living the life. It was a case of consciously/subconsciously taking the piss, cos I had her on lock - and I knew she wasn't going anywhere. All she wanted was more attention, and for me to grow with her cos I was all she cared about. But when you're in a space where there's so much fun around, with a gang of friends who just wanted to ride the wave with you. It's basically difficult to do that. But I understood where she was coming from. Hence I had to hang in there, and soak up all her emotional/temper tantrums. Also, we kind of grew up together, and she gave me 110% (also a rider) - the type you don't meet everyday. So, there was no way I would've kicked her out. The ball was in my court to change/grow.

Anyway, as for the thread/topic - I think communication/counselling can do wonders. When it comes to domestic violence, if those involved aren't naturally violent/disrespectful. And it's something within the relationship that's acting as a catalyst/trigger for it, couples need to drop their egos, and talk about it. A change in approach might just be the spark needed to solve the problem. Walking away isn't always the answer, especially when you have invested so much in the relationship. Some people just don't know how to handle their emotions, and once you can understand that - you might need to change ya approach/rules-of-engagement with them. And shoulder punch isn't a bad idea, if it can temporarily make the abusive partner disengage for a short period - pending when everything would be defused lol. However, when weapons start getting involved - run for ya life!!!

The only problem I've with women is that: they make domestic violence seem like it's a male thing. When that isn't the case. Women can be abusive/violent as well - and most times, they also provoke the violence.

alutacontinua:
You need a separation from that woman.

1. That woman fit hit you with stick or land table or bottle on your head one day.
2. When a woman raises her hand to slap a man, all atom-and I mean every single grain of respect is gone in that marriage. My people call it 'see finish', and you ain't getting that respect back anytime soon.
3. The fact that this is her second time means she'll most likely keep doing it till Jesus comes.
This is one situation where I'll say you probably need to send her back to her father for some retraining (like coogar will say)

alutacontinua:


I did not say divorce. I said SEPARATION.
Truth is there will be no next person after she lands bottle on your head and kill you, will there?


You need to show this woman some tough love, man! No offence but your manhood has been thrown in the gutter, you need to get it back WITHOUT DIVORCING HER! Send her back to her father's house for 2 months!


Sagamite, shymexx, coogar, TV01 this is one situation where I wouldn't mind y'alls methods
what arrant nonsense!

merit12:
Op howfar you?

You only told us about the abuse side of the story .


Wetin u do the woman.(Did she found out you been sleeping with your neighour or have 3kids outside)

What would have resulted let's hear your own fault.

Team black women

Edusouls:
hahahaha how old are you? you re still a very young man, you never jam, and your type may even fall inluv so deeply to a woman that when she starts abusing you, you will be so harmless that you just beg and plead.., you never go deep into women, when you do, u now undestand how powerful women are..