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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? (24159 Views)
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Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by 5minsmadness: 9:36am On Dec 14, 2014 |
Rolling on the floor omg! How did I miss this??! |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by folawiyoma(m): 9:42am On Dec 14, 2014 |
drnairalov: Thinking of leaving this forum but with this, I don't think I will ever leave. Seriously, I laugh that I was on the floor. Nairalander are indeed sick in the head. And I love that. |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by Francman(m): 9:44am On Dec 14, 2014 |
EfemenaXY:Coz they knw what is proper! |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by Nobody: 9:55am On Dec 14, 2014 |
Edusouls: you don't know me, bro. I am 34 and just got married. Trust me, i know the stuff i am made of. #madeofblack #madeofnoemotion |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by Nobody: 10:04am On Dec 14, 2014 |
Kingexcellence:You and the OP are kindred spirits. You will learn the hard way. 1 Like |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by Godsate: 10:14am On Dec 14, 2014 |
For you to be abused by your wife it means that you have already lost your position as the man of the house. To be her crown is more than money. U must be wise and discipline. U must be a complete man. If your five is calling you baby, that's what you are to her. She slaps you because u are not her head but her baby. Be a real man. 1 Like |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by kmitty: 10:14am On Dec 14, 2014 |
To all those ranting nonsense here, tell the op to give you his address and you can help fight with his wife.. Most of you people wash your gf's panties and face worse abuse than this, and you come here claiming superman! Let God be judge! |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by kmitty: 10:19am On Dec 14, 2014 |
To all those ranting nonsense here, tell the op to give you his address and you can help fight with his wife.. Most of you people wash your gf's panties and face worse abuse than this, and you come here claiming superman! Let God be the judge! 1 Like |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by 5minsmadness: 10:36am On Dec 14, 2014 |
Edusouls:Wow Bro, r u married? |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by 9jatatafo(m): 10:38am On Dec 14, 2014 |
I will hold her tight and take her to the bedroom, give her a hot bleeping, then she will calm down and we discuss the issue in bed. This works for me well. |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by drnairalov: 10:51am On Dec 14, 2014 |
folawiyoma: lol |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by juliettamaj: 11:33am On Dec 14, 2014 |
I think d way u excuse urself is beta but if dat does nt stop it, is just to leave d house and allow her to calm down then later settle ur differences in godly and mature way just like my house does sometimes. 1 Like |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by saoseun(m): 12:09pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
kazlaw2000: Itz not weakness but maturity. Two wrongs can never make a right. He did not run away from the situation but he used wisdom. Imagine what would have happened?!! Look at them now, they resolved it peacefully. Kudos to u bro |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by Nobody: 12:16pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
Sorry to say poster, you sound like a typical abuse victim. Excusing your abuser, justifying their actions and using love as a reaosn for their actions. You come home tired and stressed, even when you don't talk the sensible reaction is to ensure you are fine find out why you are late and try to make you comfortable not jump sorry sky rocket into conclusion and start biting hitting and slapping. Am sorry your wife needs help. She will do it again. Tomorrow you may give your colleague a ride and she will see you and be home waiting with hot water. Forget shame and ego, either handle this now or live satisfying her insecurities. 2 Likes |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by Amhappy(f): 12:18pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
@ruuudboy I commend you for this action. You wife over reacted and you went to a very extreme to achieve peace. Silent treatment annoys me so much too,just like you wife. I like discussing things esp when i feel so frustrated. However talk to you wife about her reaction. She need serious anger management class.I slapped my boyfriend(now husband) once because he was cheating on me. I was so angry when i found out and told him not to touch me instead he grabbed me and the slap followed. He left and we settled the next day. It was a bad incident for us. Now i have learnt some anger management tips. |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by babygirlfl: 12:24pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
SirShymex: Wow, shame you don't believe in equality. It is not everyday we come across men who accept responsibility and fault. Great respect for you. SirShymex: Communication and counselling can do wonders only if the abuser is ready to communicate or go for counselling. From experience, the best most abusers do is say am sorry. I agree with you on the catalyst point that the couple should work on it. As for ego, we both know the gender that takes their ego very seriously and yes it should be dropped.Walking away is not always the answer but sadly, sometimes it's the best decision. Sirshymex, if an abuser makes a decision to stop and starts doing something about it like going for anger management class or counselling then it is worth giving them a benefit of the doubt but if they do nothing about it or makes excuses about why they abuse you, then it's probably best to walk away or at least separate temporarily. As for the shoulder punch, it may work when the abuser is a woman because if its a man, that might just be you sentencing yourself to death. SirShymex: Lol That's not the only problem you have with women (at least in nairaland). Remember the f- word. |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by mutter(f): 12:26pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
You have betrayed your mission as a man and the head of the home. Respect has to be commanded even in love two people are pulling on opposite sides of the rope. If you pull too hard you floor your partner but if you allow yourself to be pulled you crash on the floor! You just crashed. You better take a drastic measure because in a few years your children will start abusing you and even beat you up when you have an issue with their mother. I have seen a few families like that it is absolutely disgusting. Kids beating up their dad and then going on to have screwed up marriages themselves. You would be enabling your kids to disrespect and beat you up. Yes you may be able to choke it but the children will incur the wrath of God on themselves. In a marriage you have to think about what happens in the future. So take a consequent action- if you have forgiven her now make sure you let her know that it can never happen again. 2 Likes |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by sexybash(f): 12:31pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
Amhappy: I bet your husband is still cheating Peeps like you love the make up sex Good luck with your slapping adventure |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by IFELEKE(m): 12:45pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
OP, As a married man, I'll advise you not to take all you read here hook, line and sinker, sieve through, pick the few that suites the modus operandi of your home and go with it, no one knows your wife/home better than you and most of the people you are reading here are either not married or do not have a clue on how to raise a peaceful home so if keeping quiet or begging her make your peaceful, by all means, go for it while exploring options to avoid repeat occurrence. Topic, My wife does not like open confrontation, she prefers writing/pouring her feelings in notes, sms or mail this I found not funny at first but we found a way of striking a balance, now when we have mis-understanding, we trash it out via talks, sms, notes and we make up the best way ever!. So OP, Not getting physical even in the face of provocation is a sign of maturity but please sit your wife down and tell her in clear terms that you'll no longer condone that attitude, make her understand that it emasculates which might push you to do things you don't want to and also let her see the danger in allowing your children grow up seeing that kind of scenerio play out in the house. 3 Likes |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by Amhappy(f): 12:48pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
sexybash: Nne you know nothing about me and cannot bet on anything. Pls face the post. Yes i love the make up sex,i'm sure you do too. Who doesnt? |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by Nobody: 1:04pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
Laeroy: Ur marriage is 1month, OP's is 4 years!! What's the basis of comparison? God reigns in ur house becos there hasnt been any abuse, u're indirectly saying God doesn't reign in the OP's house!! 1month in marriage, u're still in honeymoon phase my dear & u ain't seen nothing |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by Nobody: 1:04pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
19naia: not all lady will let you fu*ck under this tense situation if some women r provoked my broda u will not think of above long written poem 1 Like |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by adebayour26: 1:13pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
coogar:No, he's not weak. |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by Nobody: 1:30pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
babygirlfl: Erm, let me just say my case was different cos I never got slapped (lol) and it wasn't something utterly disrespectful. Just hawkish shouting matches, that sometimes get physical due to emotional outbursts. No one is allowed is slap my face except my parents. And the ricochet effect of a slap to my face is a straight punch to the jaw - reflex action looool. Anyway, in life, you have to always accept responsibilities for your actions. That's what pops taught me. Whenever there's a problem - just make sure analyse it critically with the hawk-eye. See where you're wrong, learn from it, and look for ways to change it. However, though I knew my actions were the primarily induced the emotional outbursts. But I was unwilling to change cos the space I was in, was a little window of opportunity to explore an experience that won't be there forever. So, I had to ride the wave - and soak up whatever she threw at me. And she wasn't even a threat to me...just someone weaker than you trying to tell you to listen to her. Moreover, when I finally got bored and changed - she stopped. I provoked the abuse, and accepted responsibilities - that's what most women who provoke domestic violence also need to start doing. Err, I don't support the equality feminism preaches. If it were just about equal pay and other things that women can compete effectively with men, based on the same body of work - fair enough. However, when you start touting equality where you can't compete, just to make up the number - that's unacceptable and akin to superiority complex. The world is a competitive place, and you have go out there and compete, and not demand everything on a platter of gold. Thus making the whole system anti-men. Look at tennis for example, women don't play the same number of games as men, yet they want the same money - is that not madness? Then you look at fields like Engineering, technical aspects of IT, Surveying, etc. that men dominate probably with a ratio of 100:1. Yet they want equality in those fields - and lord over men. How's that possible? Heck, even people from the same family, raised the same way aren't equal. And solving class problems is still a myth. So, equality will always be a pipe-dream. Well, if someone can be humble enough to apologise and say, "sorry" - then I don't think such a person would be averse to communication/counselling. You just have to look for the right time/place to do it. Walking away from something that isn't a threat to your life, isn't always the best option. Okay, you walk away from that, without necessarily finding out what's wrong and if you're the problem. Move to the next person, and it's still the same way - then what? Are you going to keep walking out on everyone? Quick fix is most times never the solution. Yes, it does work sometimes in isolated cases - but it's never going to work for everyone. Sometimes, you just have to ride it out, and find a solution somewhere/somehow. Ol'boy just needs to talk to his wife, and try to see where he's wrong, as long as the woman isn't trying to dominate him - apart from the emotional outbursts. I honestly don't like when folks try to influence people to destroy their relationships. They're the two parties involved and they both need to do some soul searching; see where they're at fault; take responsibilities; and look for ways to get help/solutions. Lol, I don't have a problem with women. I only have problems with biiitches and feminazis - peep the difference. I love and adore women. 2 Likes |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by yemivictor: 1:32pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
Opiosko: so what should he have done? suffer in silence?!! you're right, he should have just kept it to himself and let it fester until one day he goes to sleep and some crazy woman (op not your wife please) cuts off his privates. |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by sexybash(f): 1:39pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
[quote author=Amhappy post=28870498] Nne you know nothing about me and cannot bet on anything. Pls face the post. Yes i love the make up sex,i'm sure you do too. Who doesnt?[/quote TERRORIST am Running cos the anti Christ is coming |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by romkey(m): 1:56pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
believe me, women are like kids. she will surely do the same. in my own house, i reciprocate whatever my wife do, good or bad. the great truth here is that, women need iron hand like kids. as you did in your house, that made you a man. just because you were able to handle the situation. ([that make a man) 2 Likes |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by babygirlfl: 2:07pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
SirShymex: Domestic violence is a threat to life. Most people don't just leave an abusive partner after the first incidence. it's mostly after they have tried everything and the abuse still continues. I was not trying to advice the op. I was replying to your post. SirShymex: ok |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by Nobody: 2:33pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
babygirlfl: I will just say I don't like the slapping bit cos it is utterly disrespectful to slap someone. So he might need to warn her about hitting her back the next time she tries it. Or probably smack her harder, just to make her feel the pain of her action. And do the same every time she tries it. The scratching:pushing bit isn't that serious - most women do that when they get emotional. Also, as long as he still has his balls intact, and she isn't trying to dominate him. They both just need to find a common ground somewhere and seek professional help. There is no perfect relationship/marriage, just as there is no perfect human being. Fights/disagreements/arguments are always going to happen. And how you deal with them is what is going make it stand the test of time. It is a learning process, and you grow in it, you learn. Domestic abuse can either be physical and/or emotional. And it happens in all relationships. But the severity varies. So, as long as it isn't that serious and not the slightest threat to ya life. You just have to look inwards and find solutions. No one is beating anyone to a pulp in this case, neither is anyone threatening to harm the other person. It is basically just emotional outbursts induced by shouting matches and the woman trying to make him listen in a dumb way. Walking out on that would be dumb in my opinion. Just man up and handle your business. Men don't run from battles. 1 Like |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by Nobody: 2:39pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
ruuudboy: My guy, you just opened the doors to more abuse. She will do it again. Pray this time she doesn't use a weapon on you. She is a violent person, don't delude yourself into thinking it will not happen again, because it will definitely happen. Forget about the opinion ladies and sissies will give here commending you for your patience, all nah wash. You are the one who is going to be suffering it, not them. Their complements will only massage your ego, but not solve the problem. Remove the monkey's hand from the pot of soup before it becomes a human hand. Wake her up from sleep one midnight and warn her sternly about a reccurrence, when she sees your blood-shot eyes and mean demeanor, she will comply. Women are like babies, if you allow them to bully you, it becomes a cycle. I am very nice by nature, but she has to know that there is a propensity to be really, really mean. My guy, don't get played for a sucker to avoid stories that touch... |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by Stanleyafam(m): 2:44pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
Hope u guys had make up sex o |
Re: How Do U Handle Abused In A Marriage As A Husband? by Idowuogbo(f): 3:20pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
A woman slapped o din din bale ile? Haa! That marriage needs counselling.There's something seriously wrong with that woman ooo... seek help or move on! My brother,don't encourage that animalistic behaviour. |
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