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| Re: h by cococandy(f): 6:47pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
Urine:bless you too  2 Likes |
| Re: h by Nobody: 6:48pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
Babe this is a tough one. You are desperate because why? Because if you really do "LOVE" your boyfriend as you claim then you wouldnt think of marryying your ex. This may not be a personal desperation but one borne out of the pressure from family and your "FEELING" your parents are tired. They are not tired please, they are just worried for you hence their prayer for you to get married soon. Once you pass that age you are, it becomes difficult to marry. Hard as it may sound, its the reality. It becomes hard because you start to show desperation to guys, you begin to misbehave, you begin to act weirdly amongst people and this is usually because of pressure and then you begin to subconsciously chase potential partners away. I feel you should let your dad call your present boyfriend and speak with him. Men are rational and he will be able to decipher if that guy is really being honest with you or he doesn't want you anymore but doesn't know how to go about it. You could ask him to let you guys get a court wedding done or minimize cost as much as possible for the wedding while he continues to hustle. Who is not hustling already? All man dey hustle except of course he is not doing anything at all. Your ex may love you too but there are very funny things attached to this. He may have been told by some pastors (whether fake or not) that you are his wife or that your destiny is tied together. You know im just giving you scenarios. However, my closest friends dad married his mum when she already had one child and need I say its the best marriage iv ever seen in my life. I am trying to let you know that when push comes to shove, you will have to make this decision yourself and like all decisions and choices, you will have to bear the consequences of your actions. One thing I also find difficult to tell people is that you should pray about it because at the end of the day, its God that can help us. Lastly, im sure Jesus would want you to marry the guy who got your pregnant in other to correct the wrong you guys had done. 3 Likes |
| Re: h by deylookme: 6:50pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
T |
| Re: h by samtol4(m): 7:06pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
deylookme:and with due respect when will he be comfortable? 10 Likes |
| Re: h by kelvinodum(m): 7:11pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
deylookme: Now dear, from ur responses your heart is not with ur ex,ur heart only goes there out of pressure, dis is the tym to be resilient,and I feel if you overcome dis you might have achieved victory. secondly I see reasons with ur baby's daddy,his reason for not agreeing to his family seems genuine, seems he is working towards it,don't u think a little patience will do? also a little support on ur part be it financially or otherwise might do the magic. what u are facing right now is pretty simple,its only complicated before your eyes because of the pressure on you. Be Strong. Be strong 1 Like |
| Re: h by Exjoker(m): 7:56pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
deylookme:Though human being are unpredictable, but I can tell you that all is well. Wish you a happy marriage in advance  1 Like |
| Re: h by deylookme: 8:02pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
. 1 Like |
| Re: h by MizMyColi(f): 8:04pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
agarawu23: Huh? Dude, you prolly don't get her point. @Deylookme I am so sorry I couldn't comment when I wanted to. I got unavoidably distracted. Urine and Cococandy has said it all. They have. Here's wishing you the best Ma'am. 2 Likes |
| Re: h by Nobody: 8:28pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
Time waits for no man, take this guy to the registry. He can't expect you to wait forever because you have got his kid. If he dumps you after wasting your time, what will you do? As for the ex, forget him. Get him to the registry first and continue the wait afterwards. 5 Likes |
| Re: h by Nobody: 8:48pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
samtol4: Abi..! When will he accept, he's gonna be comfortable. HuMan wants is unsatiable.. His description of comfort might be, until he becomes a millionaire or a billionaire? Who knows? A young man wooed me last year, he has 2 children from 2 baby mamas, and he came out plain about it, but I asked him, how come u impregnanted 2 women and u r not married 2 neither of them? He said d first lady, her parents said he's 2 poor for their standard 2 marry their daughter, so he had no choice than 2 let her go, but he's taking gud care of his kid. D 2nd lady nko? He said it was a mistake n does not really love her n but he's fulfiling his responbility on dis 2nd kid. And when he saw me, All he can think of his marriage and he will even introduce me 2 his mum.. I sighed and said sorry, I can't date or marry you.. U av 2 women on yur neck waiting for u 2 make a choice on either of them. My dear, count me out. D reason of my story is dis, how are u so sure, yur baby father will eventually marry you?.. Some men will make promises, even swear by d bible or quaran but 2 follow thru is another Ball game.. Av seen it happen life, not story. Then 2ndly, av seen mechanics, okada riders even bus conductors with their wives n kids, especially on sundays. If truly he wants 2 marry you, my dear he will Hustle, like never b4.. Real hustle , forget am not yet comfortable, story for d gods.. @ least u r working, he shud put his Acts together and be a man, hustle and manage for now. That's all I can say. 6 Likes |
| Re: h by Natasha2(f): 9:01pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
Amelian you took those words right from my mouth, you might wait forever, no body is too poor for marriage even truck pushers get married, If your man is serious he should be making plans by now, it doesn't have to be big, it doesn't have to be a church wedding, just payment of the bride price and other little rites in presence of family members is enough my dear, you can do the huge celebration later. 3 Likes |
| Re: h by pickabeau1: 9:05pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
Let me get you right The father of your child is not ready to marry because he wants to attain a a certain level of comfort He is however assured of some support from his parents to help him with his business but a condition is that he settles down with you? Your ex is ready to marry even with your kid only that he drinks n is a mummy's boy in your words? Can you quantify his drinking...socially or drunkard? What does mummy boy mean in this case Is that it? 2 Likes |
| Re: h by Nobody: 9:32pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
Of course! Natasha, av already seen the stunt dis baby daddy is trying to play. That's why, I always say, age doesn't matter in marriage,d op's baby daddy is 10yrs older than her but he can't put his acts 2gether, while t he younger guy is even. Ready 2 accept all d responsibilities that comes wit the op, let's assume he's sincere in accepting 2 train and accept the op's child as his. Althought its rare for a nija man 2 accept another man's child under his roof , when d real. Father is alive and kicking. But he's ready 2 take d bulls by d horn and settle down wit a single mum who's older than him. Op , if u r uncomfortable wit his drinking, u can curb it gently, he will adjust and gradually change. Then, u. Said he's a mama boy, but luk @ d good side, his mum likes you. As long as u r sincere , kind and friendly 2 his mum , u shouldn't have a problem wit her , cos she likes u already. Op, think wisely.. Tubaba didn't marry all his baby mamas, even the one that had 3 carbon copy healthy fine boys for him. He didn't choose that one. He chose someonelse who gave him a girl. So forget sentiments.. Think wisely, the tides of most people with conscience have changed drastically.. Don't fall a victim of had I known. 4 Likes |
| Re: h by deylookme: 9:33pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
G |
| Re: h by pickabeau1: 9:40pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
deylookme: So he refuses his parents help of startup capital so as to maintain a facade of pride but is content to sit home doing nothing The second guy is a social drinker according to you.. Is that a deal breaker for you? You may need to clarify this... He does what his mum wants him to do Is he an only child or son? Is he just close to his mum? |
| Re: h by Nobody: 9:40pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
deylookme: He's a social drinker is Not a problem, as long as he doesn't get drunk. Some guys smoke, some drink, some do both, some womanize, while some are none of the above but extremely quiet and into their shells and listen 2 no one but their mind. Trust me, the last description, u have 2 dread, cos u cannot read his mind and he won't say a word, even if u r his wife. Then the mother? Ask yurself? Is she a good mum? If yes? Then u have no problem. With time, he will also listen 2 you. It takes time. Simply take the mum, as yur mum and friend. Everything will be ok. |
| Re: h by deylookme: 9:42pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
I |
| Re: h by deylookme: 9:44pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
? |
| Re: h by pickabeau1: 9:48pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
deylookme: Well you know him better as I have nor seen anything that strikes this guy off aside the fact he's your ex The only plus of the other guy is that he is your child's father Aside from that he seems to be a proud guy who is not seeing the impact of his procrastination on his child and mother. He will not even consider his blood family's opinion What makes you think he will listen to yours' when issues arise'? 2 Likes |
| Re: h by Nobody: 9:50pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
deylookme: My dear, if he doesn't want registry, which cost only 15k, then he's not sincere wit his feelings for u.. He's simply stringing u along, then fiaamm! Before u know it, d story changes. Conscience of most men have gone with the winds. This guy is not serious wit you.. Pls time is not on yur side. But for him, if gets to 80yrs and he's very rich  he will get a toyin tomatoe 2 marry of 20yrs of age. Hmmm, hmmmm!. Ok o2 Likes |
| Re: h by Nobody: 9:56pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
pickabeau1: Gbam! He's proud 2 hustle! But rather sit @ home for miracle 2 happen? And he won't also listen 2 his family? . If a man does not listen to anybody in his family and take to no one's advise... Not even One person?...... Ha! U. Will be on a military and rule marriage...which is OYO... And trust me , once again, one won't enjoy such kind of person,  ... No matter how good he is in other things.2 Likes |
| Re: h by deylookme: 10:10pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
Q |
| Re: h by pickabeau1: 10:18pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
deylookme: Why not The intentions of the father figure is quite important You just have to be patient Not everyone's father today is their biological father. 3 Likes |
| Re: h by Nobody: 10:34pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
My dear, your baby will understand, depends on the love and support u give 2 your baby and don't bad mouth his dad. When your baby grows up and becomes an adult , he or she will clearly see your reasons more. Simply be the best mum, u can be for your baby. More babies will still come yur way, so don't wrap your entire happiness around a baby. When a mother is happy, the baby too is happy.. Simply be d best mum.. Your happiness counts too.. When a mum smiles wit joy carrying her baby, d baby smiles back. And worrying abt if yur baby will be loved back by another man, takes d grace of God... I have a bossom friend, she's married but not settled.. She has a baby boy , carbon for her husband, splitting image. But d man has never for one day carried his son, he's 5yrs old. He has never felt the love of his dad. This boy is so stubborn , unruly and always crying. The mother is always lOoking frustrated handling this boy. Av never seen her look peaceful, always disheveled trying 2 calm d boy. She will complain taya 2 d husband 2 @ least show d boy some love, he will look @ her disdainfully and said that yur possessed son that breaks almost everything in d house n cries like crazy. He shouldn't come near me o.. He will dress up, impecably , looking cool , calm, pick his car keys and off he goes. My friend is so unhappy, she was evenplanning 2 divorce him, but thank God, she's still wit him, managing. And they are very wealthy. She's just too simple , sincere and ordinary for the ungrateful husband.. Smhh |
| Re: h by Natasha2(f): 11:47pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
Amelian: Very true, I really wish I could share my mums story with the op but I just can't some men are something else. You really hit the nail on the head, In as much as I want her to be with the baby's daddy, she should apply wisdom in this matter. |
| Re: h by Natasha2(f): 11:52pm On Dec 28, 2014 |
@op I think you should press on with the registry stuff, chip it in once in a while. I know the feeling of not wanting to look desperate but don't let that stop you, watch his reaction to this closely, I think it will give you a better view on what to do. 1 Like |
| Re: h by Nobody: 3:51am On Dec 29, 2014 |
@OP You are not desperate.I applaud you for seeing the importance of having a father figure for your son. Does your boyfriend really want to marry you?Search yourself deep down,i'm sure you know the answer.Make sure you listen to your instinct.What degree of comfort is he waiting for before he marries?Is he waiting to have a range rover?He's being offered to be set up but he has refused due to his pride?Does it occur to you that maybe hes comfortable with things just the way they are and does not want the responsibility of a family tied to his neck?The way things are now,you say you basically take care of yourself and the needs of the baby and then he chips in when he has some cash so it's basically a win win situation for him.If you marry,the dynamics change ,he's expected to provide for you all as the head of the family.He probably understands this and doesn't want that sort of burden at the moment. You can wait for him to be ready if you choose but bear in mind that you should be aware of the risks. 1.He may wake up one morning,meet one chick and feel like you are an old cargo,you'd be shocked at how quick he will marry the new person. 2. He may never reach the level of comfort he wants so you will forever be his baby mama 3.Maybe things will fall in place and you both will marry. It's a dicey situation and no one has the answers.Court marriage is not expensive,a small traditional marriage is not expensive as well.Many people started off in face me i face you type of houses.Everything depends on whatever we place as priority.Since it's him you love,you can broach the topic again and suggest a court wedding.Remind him that you are also working and combined with his own cash you both can build and support each other towards greater things.Watch his reaction then tell yourself the truth.Creating a stable environment for your son should be the topmost thing in both your minds. Some people adopt children and love the wholeheartedly without holding back while some are just not not able to give affection to children who aren't theirs.Which class does your ex belong to?You don't judge by what he says,you judge by his actions.How does he act towards your kid?How does he act towards other children?This will give you a clue and guide your decision.Being a biological parent doesn't necessarily mean a person will raise a child best. I wish you the best ooo my sister!!There's no right answer. 4 Likes |
| Re: h by baby124: 3:59am On Dec 29, 2014 |
If you did not have the baby I will have told you to move on. You know why? He wants to make so so amount of money but does not seem to have a real plan on how to make that money. He also does not give you a time frame to work with, that does not make you seem like you are waiting for nothing. That being said, I think you are being honest in your thread about who he is. He seems like a reasonable guy. I want to ask though, are you the demanding and unreasonable type? Is finance a problem for you? If it is, then that could be why he is delaying because he knows your personality. He knows if no money, hell fire. Now I think you need to change strategy and just be upfront with him. Let him know that people are asking for your hand in marriage and you want that with him. So what can both of you decide or plan to do to make that come true. if he does not show concern or is playing games please move on o. Also Please be sure he is not just a dreamer o. Otherwise you may be frustrated in the so called marriage. If he is unwilling to work with you, my dear find someone else. A stubborn dreamer is the worst choice. As to if a new man will love your child like the father, well that is possible. But make sure you are very careful in your choice if it is not the child's father. You don't want to make too many mistakes in your life, and there are a lot of child molester's out there desperate for a single mum they think is desperate. Be wise, open your eyes and never be gullible or desperate in your choice. This new guy is already doing things you don't like. You think he will truly change after marriage  Please rethink that kind of thinking. Most times such habits get worse. He is also a mama's boy? My dear, I hope you have other people interested apart from this serious option.1 Like |
| Re: h by Nobody: 6:19am On Dec 29, 2014 |
Never fall into the " let me just marry " trap Drown out all the noise, nothing wrong with being charitable I am like that, many people don't understand why, even you giving don't understand sometimes. You don't want to know how many times I was mocked by people close for having worn out shoes yet using my small money to pay a strangers school fees. I always thought something was wrong with me too. But what God has done for me now I couldn't have achieved with a thousand years of saving. Some of the people I dated who broke it off with me or used style to pursue me told me this was the reason, they thought I was stupid, I dont blame them too because it also seemed stupid to me but God ways may seem stupid to man. Once I was in the hospital I had 15k and transferred 10k for a single mother to do a skill acquisition training because I felt if my surgery went wrong let her have something to fall back on Guess what the lady dropped out half way through saying she lost interest, meanwhile that money could have been used to purchase some drugs I needed after surgery but I was busy thinking about someone else. That act cut me really deep but it didn't stop me, it was only this Christmas I forgave the lady. So imagine any " smart " man having to live with a person like me, off cause human sense will say leave this one she doesn't know what she is doing. I have a friend who over the years has raised over 100 million for sick kids yet he doesn't even have a car. Ask him why he gives, is it a direction from God or what? Please don't be desperate to marry because your family is complaining Sit and have a talk with your man. Ask direct questions without interrupting ; 1. What are his plans for you and your baby? 2. Whats his timeline for these plans if any 3. Why does he give even when things are not rosy? ( listen attentively to this answer) 1 Like |
| Re: h by deylookme: 6:45am On Dec 29, 2014 |
A |
| Re: h by Nobody: 7:51am On Dec 29, 2014 |
You need to convince him for the registry bit. He doesn't need to have a billion before he gets married. Meanwhile, stop all this ultimatum mentality, you either wait for him or you get married to one of your one million suitors. Be careful the picture you paint about your availability to other men, you could lose out in the end. 1 Like |
| Re: h by Nobody: 8:02am On Dec 29, 2014 |
deylookme: Hmmmmmm at the last paragraph. I wish you knew me in real life. I have great casual and mutually respectful relationships with wealthy Nigerians in high offices but I never for one day went for personal favors. When I go to see them its always for some sick kids, some lady with cancer some orphans fees etc. One of my exes was so frustrated that I couldn't ask for a contract as many of them will not even hesitate because of how they have taken me as a daughter. You will see a VIP breaking protocol to say hi to me yet if you see me in real life you will wonder if I am sane. I am not asking you to stay with him, I am simply saying wme and him have the same calling. At that point in my life I worked for the basics, managed my life with what I had wouldn't beg for what to eat but didnt have any luxury. If you see me with a shoe of more than N 5000 just know my sisters either bought it for me or did me hand me down. Not that I wasn't earning much oh I just was doing Gods work in ways I couldn't understand. A lot of people would shout Abrahams blessing and claim it without wanting any of Abrahams hard work mumu way of following Gods direction. Abraham was a classic example, he had no child waited for donkey years then God said take that child and go and sacrifice and he mumuishly obeyed God. Its doesn't make any sense. When our parents celebrated our wedding all the people who knew me were shell shocked when they came. The kind of people they saw there, a lot of them almost slapped me for pretending. They said so this was who I was yet always forming poor. The truth is I have nothing save for what God has given. All those years I was acting foolishly in the sight of humans even to my own eyes sometimes I didn't understand. Things were had, I would struggle to meet rent, minimize my feeding, walk to save costs not that I didn't have money but I would rationalise so and so needs fees if I use the money for this bag to buy shoes so and so can't write exams Did they always pay back with good no oh, some would even accuse me of using them to collect money from Government. Human beings have needs I understand your daughter nay need a new toy and daddy says lets use the money t op feed that hungry man he doesn't know it doesn't make sense I know. I Am normally very rational, i feel ashamed to type most of these things because people will call it foolish and sensless but my dear If its God leading him things may look crazy but GOD DOESNT LIE I AM LIVING PROOF I am alive today for reasons I dont understand or explain. Not because of money or the best doctors in the world. Doctors will say you have 25 percent chances God will laugh, Doctors will be shocked. Last time the Doctor looked at me and said I wont even bother telling you your chances again because somehow you make me look like an illiterate lol. If i die today I die very very satisfied not for anything because for me to live has always been Christ, I have one kind of peace regardless of the situation that I cant explain. Sorry for the long story, I just understand what your baby's dad is facing 3 Likes |
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