aisha2:


Adamawa and Taraba have very expensive marriage rites some parts that is, so bad that the churches are now intervening and putting blanket amount for brideprice. Some N50 like ECWA church. The box items they request can get crazy costing almost N500k. But churches and people are fighting against it, afterall thats not the only clothes the man will buy for her all her life.

It's good, let Churches and other religious bodies fight against it. As a woman I will never let anyone collect bride price for my child, I can't be fighting for equality for my child and then collect money from her husband like he is buying shoes it's good more mothers are speaking out, the annoying thing is that most of the people who request all those ridiculous things are some distant family members that contributed nothing to train the child . It's just a money making scheme and it's like if you collected things from my daughters husband then I'm waiting for my turn to collect from yours

I honestly hope this bride price practice is scrapped.

babygirlfl:
I honestly hope this bride price practice is scrapped.

Nice.

I guess bride price for you is out of the equation then.

Let me scram before I derail this thread - out, baby.

It's a cool culture that a few greedy buggers have corrupted and given bad press!!


One of the few stories I love listening to till date is the N50 bride price my Dad paid my Mum's family in the late 70's, which according to him was used to build a bridge and tar the whole road linking her hometown Abeokuta to Lagos-Ibadan expressway, exposing them to civilisation

Nonso23:


This is my stance. Modify the culture but retain its color.
Here it is all scrap! scrap! scrap!

Most ladies don't want to hear How they were bought over and over again

aisha2:


Some women dont change their surnames.
Some things were culture like killing twins [/b]women [b]not inheriting from their fathers but these things have changed and are changing

These things you mentioned were bad examples and not widespread throughout Nigeria. There is nothing wrong in paying bride price. As a matter of fact, it is a thing of pride in many areas.
Secondly brideprice is not a Nigerian custom. It is done worldwide except in the US an UK where most whites do not have a custom or culture.

Finally even a caucasian man when he comes to marry from a place where brideprice is paid, pays the bride price happily. It gives him a sense of achievement and belonging.

QED.

Nonso23:


Then the onus rests upon the new generation to teach the upcoming the true essence of that practice.
No one is buying anyone and besides the practice could be tailored to the taste of the concerned couple.

We tear down more than we build in this country.

Lol @ last sentence....

I am still for scrapping though

Perhaps when it is scrapped, it can be reintroduced with its true essence

@chaircover, your husband didn't pay your bride price?

chaircover:


LOL @bad child
return ke?
Olorun o ni je
Unless he can return me exactly the way he took me
Return is not even my portion
[b]For the record, it was put in an envelope and handed over and it was handed back
[/b]Like I said, customs differ.

Ehen. Now you are talking. I for say o.

Stillfire:
Brideprice should be banned. It serves no purpose in today's society. Women are at a detriment with this practice.

No surprise in this answer. Some people will never change.

5minsmadness:

These things you mentioned were bad examples and not widespread throughout Nigeria. There is nothing wrong in paying bride price. As a matter of fact, it is a thing of pride in many areas.
Secondly brideprice is not a Nigerian custom. It is done worldwide except in the US an UK where most whites do not have a custom or culture.
Finally even a caucasian man when he comes to marry from a place where brideprice is paid, pays the bride price happily. It gives him a sense of achievement and belonging.
QED.

Whose pride? Should pride have a place in marriage?

5minsmadness:
@chaircover, your husband didn't pay your bride price?

LOL . . and before you ask . . my sisters are all married

Technically they didnt pay . . .
I keep on threatening to write my own list since he didnt get a long one to start with
My list will include Iphone8, Range Rover 2016 model, Macbook encyclopedia, BMW 10 series . . Im still compiling my list

5minsmadness:

These things you mentioned were bad examples and not widespread throughout Nigeria. There is nothing wrong in paying bride price. As a matter of fact, it is a thing of pride in many areas.
Secondly brideprice is not a Nigerian custom. It is done worldwide except in the US an UK where most whites do not have a custom or culture.

Finally even a caucasian man when he comes to marry from a place where brideprice is paid, pays the bride price happily. It gives him a sense of achievement and belonging.

QED.

Indians pay groom price . . .
Im curious . . what is the groom being paid for

aisha2:


Whose pride? Should pride have a place in marriage?

It is a thing of pride for the man that he married his wife properly. Bride price is symbolic that the man can take care of his wife.
It is a thing of pride for the woman that she was given out properly to her husband.
I asked chaircover if really no brideprice was paid on her head like she was insinuating in her first post then realised someone else (lafflaff) had already asked her. You can see how quick she was to respond that it was paid but returned even though they didn't return the yams and other items her family wasn't hungry for like she said.

Bride price tells well of the man that he respects you enough to request for you formally from your parents instead of you following him wantonly to start having kids in the name of 'we are modern so no bride price'.

It also shows that the woman is a good woman and the bride price is symbolic of her worth. Yes I said it. It shows the parents are reluctant to give away their daughter and have put certain conditions before she can be taken away from them. A woman who is taken by her husband without any ceremony is like someone they dashed to him or wanted to get rid of quickly...a bad child like someone else said.

Don't give a dog a bad name because you don't want something a bad husband will use against you in the future.Many of you are asking for bride price to be abolished because you don't want it to be used as a reminder during quarrels that 'afterall I paid your bride price'. Is everyone here looking to marry bad and quarrelous husbands? Na wa o.

Am coming.

Am back.

My dear. The truth of the matter is one of the reasons you can go with your husband anywhere is because you are proud of him. One of the reasons your husband married you is because he is proud of you. You cannot respect your husband if you are not proud of him. Abi don't you respect your husband? Or is that against gender equality too?
So yes, pride is important in marriage.
My phone battery wants to go off. Will answer others in due course.

5minsmadness generally speaking yoruba families only accept a token or no brideprice at all
It does not mean that the husband cant afford to look after his wife to be or the wife is bad.
Yorubas say ofe ni isu loka . . .means a proper wedding ceremony with yam and amala
That money did not exchange hands does not mean that the woman was given away

On a serious note who can pay my parents my real worth?
I have a daughter too and I cant put a price on her head. She is priceless.
I am also sure that the woman that my son will marry one day too is priceless to her own parents too.

bukatyne:


Most ladies don't want to hear How they were bought over and over again

Exactly

Nonso23:


This is my stance. Modify the culture but retain its color.
Here it is all scrap! scrap! scrap!

Co-signed 100%

My favourite part of weddings esp Yoruba weddings is the traditional engagement esp all the hassle they make the groom and his family go through.It might not be cool or modern but I love the rich tradition and drama.alagas ( traditional mcs)are so hilarious

I don't think whatever yam,orange, malt ,dried fish etc my husbands family brought was up to a fraction of what my parents spent on our wedding not to talk of my education and bringing me up.There was no bride price and they too also got gifts back to share among their kin.

If he says we bought yam me too I will I say 'See how you were prostrating like your life depended on it' I say it sef you saw fine gal and flew miles and prostrated In front of the whole world

ifyalways:
Speaking as an Igbo lady. . .

Traditional wedding which includes bride price, exchange of gifts by both families signifies :
The groom and his family can take care of the bride.
Both families agreeing to eat from one pot, drink from one cup.
Appreciation to the parents, community for raising a fine(not meant literally) daughter.

I love trad. Weddings, makes sense to me as opposed to going to a church/mosque/ shrine to swear and/ or take imported meaningless oaths. No pun or offense intended.

damiso:
My favourite part of weddings esp Yoruba weddings is the traditional engagement esp all the hassle they make the groom and his family go through.It might not be cool or modern but I love the rich tradition and drama.alagas ( traditional mcs)are so hilarious
I don't think whatever yam,orange, malt ,dried fish etc my husbands family brought was up to a fraction of what my parents spent on our wedding not to talk of my education and bringing me up.There was no bride price and they too also got gifts back to share among their kin.
If he says we bought yam me too I will I say 'See how you were prostrating like your life depended on it' I say it sef you saw fine gal and flew miles and prostrated In front of the whole world

Nice posts...



Let's not throw away our culture in the name of being "civilized"

Your bride price isn't you worth!

SirShymex:


Nice.

I guess bride price for you is out of the equation then.

Let me scram before I derail this thread - out, baby.

The practice of bride price should be stopped.

Funny, I wanted to post this in my diary but will post it here.
I attended my cousin's intro. When I and my sister got there, my two cousins were cleaning afang leaves in a huge basket and there was also a huge basket of waterleaf not yet plucked.
Next morning, more than 12 coconuts were broken for coconut rice. There were huge yams for white soup and pounded yam. Goat for goat peppersoup, and one other delicacy like that.
"Na wa, is this not too much for ordinary intro"
"Too much? This is the main wedding. The trad is a ceremonial affair"

Okay, let me break it down better. There are 3 processes to getting traditionally married in Akwa Ibom that I know of.

1. The 'door knock': Here the potential groom and perhaps one or two of the family members come and see the potential bride's family and make his intentions known. It really is a small affair (I haven't attended one yet) and the potential groom is given a list of items that would be brought for the 'introduction' - mbib.
The items on this list cannot be negotiated. The list is a short one (I haven't seen a sample) but I know it includes money.

2. The 'Introduction' - Mbib: The groom comes with more key members of his family. Each side introduces their key members via a spokesperson. Outsiders can attend but it isn't usually a flamboyant affair but according to all I spoke with, this is the main marriage. Before, the man could take his wife home at this point but with the introduction of white weddings, they have to wait a bit.

A list for the traditional marriage is given at this point. A longer list that includes different age grades (the old women, youths bla bla bla) I have seen a sample of this before.

3a. The Negotiation stage: The long list can be negotiated on an agreed date. For example, if two basins of crayfish was listed, it could be negotiated to one or if the groom's belief prohibited alcohol, cash could be given in place etc. The bride price is paid here and all items on the list that has been agreed on, given.
I have heard of a supposed father rejecting the attire he was given saying it was of inferior quality.
Others make outrageous demands especially if the groom is wealthy

3b. The traditional ceremony: More people attend this one. There is more food. And also special delicacies peculiar to the bride's village prepared specially for the groom and his people. After the ceremony, the bride leaves with items given by the bride's family to her new home. Goat, yams, dried fish, mortar and pestle, water drum, garri frying pan, iron bucket, pots and some other items I cannot readily remember

So Bukatyne was 'bought' by a man...hahahahahahaha! Now I know why you sound so bitter against men... Pseudo feminist! Just joking sha. I believe the culture is good..it helps to make marriage in Nigeria a serious business. Here a man does not just marry a wife...he marries her family and people and vice versa. We must not try to copy the west....where marriages takes place with reckless abandon and divorces follow suit. Our strong family and community spirit is one of the reasons marriage lasts here.

bride price is not mandatory.

just move into the man's house if you don't like the idea of him paying bride price.

you guys should enjoy each other until he finds the woman he will gladly pay bride price for.

its a free world, no need to perambulate and argue endlessly over stuff.

dinachi:
So Bukatyne was 'bought' by a man...hahahahahahaha! Now I know why you sound so bitter against men... Pseudo feminist! Just joking sha. I believe the culture is good..it helps to make marriage in Nigeria a serious business. Here a man does not just marry a wife...he marries her family and people and vice versa. We must not try to copy the west....where marriages takes place with reckless abandon and divorces follow suit. Our strong family and community spirit is one of the reasons marriage lasts here.

You must have missed where I said no BP was paid... Sorry to disappoint you, I was not bought.

babygirlfl:


The practice of bride price should be stopped.

Baby girl, I agree. The whole nonsense looks like trying to sell one's daughter out for quick bucks, and families trying to zang people. How do you expect folks to respect an item they paid for? I remember telling my mum the same thing one time during a discussion about marriage - and the woman just started laughing her ar.se off. I'll never pay that shiit, they can keep their daughter. What do you think this is? - slavery 2.0?

Somewhat reminiscent of certain cultures I read about in culture section, when I was still a regular there (circa 2013), about marriage rites involving grooms getting their ar.ses whooped with switches/tree-branches. Like seriously? - you might as well keep ya daughter, ain't no one whooping my ar.se. How can you physically abuse someone, and expect him not to beat the crap out of the woman when they start living together?

Don't get it twisted, I'm an avid believer in cultural conservatism, but certain peripheral aspects of Africa cultures have no place in today's world. Just keep the nucleus, and simplify the peripheral bit, so more folks can buy into it. It's not even just marriage - traditional African religions need a lot of fine-tuning as well. All the medieval aspects have to go.

SirShymex:


Baby girl, I agree. The whole nonsense looks like trying to sell one's daughter out for quick bucks, and families trying to zang people. How do you expect folks to respect an item they paid for? I remember telling my mum the same thing one time during a discussion about marriage - and the woman just started laughing her ar.se off. I'll never pay that shiit, they can keep their daughter. What do you think this is? - slavery 2.0?

Somewhat reminiscent of certain cultures I read about in culture section, when I was still a regular there (circa 2013), about marriage rites involving grooms getting their ar.ses whooped with switches/tree-branches. Like seriously? - you might as well keep ya daughter, ain't no one whooping my ar.se. How can you physically abuse someone, and expect him not to beat the crap out of the woman when they start living together?

Don't get it twisted, I'm an avid believer in cultural conservatism, but certain peripheral aspects of Africa cultures have no place in today's world. Just keep the nucleus, and simplify the peripheral bit, so more folks can buy into it. It's not even just marriage - tradition African religions need a lot of fine-tuning as well. All the medieval aspects have to go.

You have to look elsewhere for a wife
Else those tubers of yams, kolanut, boxes of cloths must be provided

lafflaff123:
I don't think bride prices are expensive according to the people that are married, methinks it is the accompanying party things that makes people spend a lot.

In some culture the bride price is as low as One Kobo.

Even in the almighty Imo State where they are notorious with giving(selling)their out daughters out expensively, the bride price is cheap there, but the list of the THINGS to bring is usually what kills you.

Met a guy once who was not pissed with the one million things on the list he was given, except for the one thing they requested he added, which was a FOOTBALL. They said the Football was for the youths of the VILLAGE.

Is the list not a form of bride price?

Justfollowit:


You have to look elsewhere for a wife
Else those tubers of yams, kolanut, boxes of cloths must be provided

Lol, must those items be part of marriage rites? Why can't I just buy them for her folks separately as a gift, with no strings attached? Don't you know once you put a price on something, whoever pays that price, will both consciously/subconsciously always have a sense of ownership/entitlement?

Err, based on what I know dowry (bride price) was practised in every culture during the medieval times basically cos women back then were mostly raised to be housewives. And it's basically a form of appreciation. However, it was gradually phased out when women became more empowered. Also, we're in a consciousness where being a full housewife is no longer fashionable - and women are raised from a young age to be independent. Thus making marriage more of a partnership, based on skill set, albeit the man is still naturally the head of the family. Basically cos of what the average man offers mentally, in regards to decision making, temperament, and control - alpha male. So, don't you think putting a price on a woman's head, in this age, is somewhat degrading/disrespectful?

Anyway, in as much as I've no problem with marriage as an institution - I've always been indifferent about marriage, and it has never been my priority. Even right now, it's not even on my wish list. And perhaps, I might add it in a couple of years' time, after globetrotting. But I doubt I'll ever pay it cos I don't think I'll marry any chic I don't have the same outlook to life with. Ditto cultures/family I don't agree with. Connection is my priority in every relationship - then what I want my kids to be raised around.

chaircover:
5minsmadness generally speaking yoruba families only accept a token or no brideprice at all
It does not mean that the husband cant afford to look after his wife to be or the wife is bad.
Yorubas say ofe ni isu loka . . .means a proper wedding ceremony with yam and amala
That money did not exchange hands does not mean that the woman was given away

On a serious note who can pay my parents my real worth?
I have a daughter too and I cant put a price on her head. She is priceless.
I am also sure that the woman that my son will marry one day too is priceless to her own parents too.

So Chaircover. If i "SNATCH" you from your husband, i will no longer pay anything since your EX has done all the necessary things for me?which brings me to the question. Do women that are divorced get bride prices paid on them when they want to get married again?