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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. (46767 Views)
15-Year-Old Marriage Crashing Over Mouth Action / Court Dissolves 18-year-old Marriage Over Incest / My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by Nobody: 9:03pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
uzolexis: Okay, lets be objective a little abt dis. Let me ask you, how can a 65 year old mom, who PROBABLY(before u attack me, the emphasis here is on probably) got married in the 70's and has probably spent about 30 years of her life having only missionary style of sex(90% boring sex) with her old-skool husband, and has gotten used to 15 minutes only sessions of sex? Does she even know what it means to have a high libido? Do you know if her mother can do without sex for a whole year, as most women can? You don't just talk to a mother about sex simply becos she is a mother. You shd ask ur self if ur mother is knowledgeable in this area? Mothers have limited knowledge cos age, experience and knowledge are not synonyms. And experience is only a function of what you know. If you have spent the last 30 years of your life eating only jollof rice, can you teach someone how to prepare coconot rice or carrot rice way u neva even chop before? You have to talk to someone who is learned. Some pastors are learned and some are not. A sex therapist is the best person to talk to, and for your info, some sex therapists dis days are pastors ![]() 2 Likes |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by uzolexis(f): 9:13pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
obongproff: lol...ok u win, u av a very good point ![]() |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by Nobody: 9:18pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
uzolexis: sorry ma, I wasn't arguing with you or trying to win you at all. I was only trying to explain myself so dat u can feel me. Thank God say u don finally fell me at last ![]() and I still got ur initial point sha. |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by uzolexis(f): 9:25pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
obongproff: we were kinda arguing but objectively and very reasonably and i love the fact that you were able to pass ur pnt across without resorting to name calling cause it's very rare to see that on NL these days. |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by teemy(m): 9:34pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
sheddyboy: Dear Mrs Ola, I am glad you are on a path of betterment of your marriage's sexual health rather than contemplating an extra-marital affair. I hope you would make your husband see reason with some advice I would be putting up here. Money and Sex issues and not even lack of love top the reasons marriages fail followed third by decisions on children. Sex in marriage is a fundamental duty of both partners in marriage to one another and as the almighty has put it a force of bonding as such that the great apostle paul mentioned that it could make a man soul clung to a prostitute. Why not have let that soul-tie exist within a holy matrimony. For Mrs Ola to have joined the #notamperingtillmarried I really commend her and I say do not be discouraged by the disapointment of low sex explosion you have always believed in while still holding out. Operation Seduce Mr Ola An appropriate solution is needed for a properly identified problem cause. Case 1: Mr Ola Really Believes Sexual Contact Is A Sin Forgive us for this sin we are about to commit (Seriously some do this!) 1Co 7:1 Now, to deal with the matters you wrote about. A man does well not to marry. 1Co 7:2 But because there is so much immorality, every man should have his own wife, and every woman should have her own husband. 1Co 7:3 A man should fulfill his duty as a husband, and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other's needs. 1Co 7:4 A wife is not the master of her own body, but her husband is; in the same way a husband is not the master of his own body, but his wife is. 1Co 7:5 Do not deny yourselves to each other, unless you first agree to do so for a while in order to spend your time in prayer; but then resume normal marital relations. In this way you will be kept from giving in to Satan's temptation because of your lack of self-control. - Good News Bible You guys are married and hence should fulfil each other's sexual needs which paul calls normal marriage relations. If it was just for kids modern science can get the sperm and egg lab built to produce a baby but as a deterrent to immorality paul recommended marriage and as being human it is an appetite like food that needs to be met hence the hunger for it every once in a while. Playing the "You have a Jezebel spirit card" is wrong as having sex regularly is normal. How regular? I remember a thread https://www.nairaland.com/2070153/sex-marriage-pastor-taiwo-odukoya by lalasticlala where it was mentioned that lack of enough sex in marriage can have grievous consequences. A 2-3 times per week is on the average. Some go like once a week and some more for like once or twice per day (guess they have no need chasing money to have that amount of time - why rich people have better sex). Rather the prayer point should be for Mr Ola to have a higher sex drive and over time a threshold would be reached for the two of you in between. Case 2: Physical Trauma a: Lack of body stamina to carry through the process hence leaving him well spent and stressed out. Let him have revitalizers to regain back his strenght. Don't forget lots of milk b: Abbrasions from friction causing soreness Usually a woman's complaint which can be phased out with proper lubrication. Prior to sex, Mrs Ola should consume lots of waterlike an hour or so for the body to produce lubricating fluid required for sex and with good pre-intimacy, the vagina should produce abundant. Some women however still cannot produce adequately (no two people are the same anyways) enough or some other reason or just to play safe, secondary lubricants can be used. E.g your local chemist should have Lubrica or KY Jelly. Our ever popular olive oil like Goya used by church goers as anointing oil is cheaply available and perfectly safe - probably your most common choice (Lubricate the penis shaft). Oil or oil-based lubricants however break latex condoms so keep note to check the contents and switch to water-based lubricants if you are to use a latex condom. Case 3: Psycological Trauma Was Mr Ola abused as a kid, did he see something in the past that put him off? You need to have a heart tete-a-tete with him and let him pour out his soul to you. Alternatively: You Can Masturbate Yourself To Climax Nowhere in the bible is masturbation called a sin. The misleading is caused by what some call the sin of Onan Gen 38:8 And Judah said to Onan, Go in to your brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to your brother. Gen 38:9 And Onan knew that the seed would not be his. And it happened when he went in to his brother's wife, t[b]hat he spilled on the ground, not giving seed to his brother[/b]. Gen 38:10 And what he did was evil in the eyes of Jehovah. Therefore He killed him also. - Good News Bible Onan was killed by God for having sex with his late brother's wife whom he married yet did not want to give her kids in the name of his brother. Just to chop and clean mouth. The semen he spilled on the ground at the time of ejaculation. Who else is being killed for not giving his brother's wife kids? However if we are to make use of Jesus' defination of immorality Mat 5:27 You have heard that it was said to the ancients, "You shall not commit adultery." Mat 5:28 But I say to you that whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. - Good News Bible it would not apply as immorality to you if the one you sexually affix your attention to is your spouse. This is not a case of wanking off to a picture of some other person in a mag or whatever. (Which in a way means singles should steer clear off masturbating as usually your desire is affixed to someone you are not married to - no technical twisting) I would paint another picture here. Usually men stroke their John Thomas once in a while to make it stand erect before penetration or woman to get lubricated. What do we call that. Still arguing that it is okay because they are in the process of having sex? What if one party is a little distance away say at the end of the bed, 5 metres away, just stepped into the next room for a brief moment to shush the baby, in the shower, next house, next town. Now you probably have been using distance as a yardstick to measure morality. A rule not laid down in the bible. The main aim is to keep all your sexual desire to only your spouse and not burden/enslave yourself with hearsay nonexistent commandments. Act 15:1 And certain ones who came down from Judea taught the brothers, saying, Unless you are circumcised according to the custom of Moses, you cannot be saved. Act 15:2 Therefore dissension and not a little disputation occurring by Paul and Barnabas, they appointed Paul and Barnabas and certain others of them to go up to Jerusalem to the apostles and elders about this question. Act 15:9 And He put no difference between us and them, purifying their hearts by faith. Act 15:10 Now therefore why do you tempt God by putting a yoke on the neck of the disciples, a yoke which neither our fathers nor we were able to bear? Act 15:24 Because we have heard that certain ones who went out from us have troubled you with words, unsettling your souls, saying, Be circumcised and keep the law! (to whom we gave no such command); Act 15:29 that you abstain from meats offered to idols, and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication; from which, if you keep yourselves, you shall do well. Be prospered. Act 15:31 And when they had read it, they rejoiced at the comfort. - Good News Bible In this case of the converted gentiles, it was settled by them keeping away from idolatry and fornication. Finito. In Conclusion I hope your marriage lasts throughout your entire lives and there would be no need to call it quits. Prayer does move mountains and Mr Ola needs to wake up to his manly responsibilities quick. One point or the other he would see reason and Mrs Ola do be gentle with him. Wishing you well - Teemy 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by Nobody: 9:35pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
uzolexis: Hay! Some of us are matured na. No be everybody day like do e-fight sha. ![]() and I wd take dat as a compliment ![]() 2 Likes |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by raymondinc(m): 9:43pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
My dear! Are you very sure your husband loves you? Because if he does, there would be no Amount of stress that would make him deprive you of your right or don't you know is your right? must everything be written in the constitution? Perhaps, he's that type that gets tired of sleeping one particular woman but he should know that, that's what marriage is all about. Find out if he is still active or something had gone wrong with his manhood because his excuse is despicable and inconstitutionalised. He should be proud for having you as a virgin which is very rear this days, come to think of it, if he could do it to an extend of having a baby is it now he perceived it to being a sin? My friend there are some hideous craft that he's shading away from you. Try to find out before any further action. Thanks. 1 Like |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by DesChyko: 9:44pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
[quote author=milky3 post=29647883][/quote] Did it occur to you that it was posted by a 'guy'? |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by EzeeYFB(m): 9:48pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
SeverusSnape:such men r hypocrite!! Haba wif wife z nt al abt procreation ooo,say wetin . |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by EzeeYFB(m): 9:48pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
SeverusSnape: |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by DWJOBScom(m): 10:15pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
5minsmadness: You never disappoint me!!!!! 1 Like |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by skkutty: 10:22pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
What a world. My story is just the same or even worse than yours. My wife doesn't care if I have urge or not. It is easy. I feel you. I am being tempted everytime. Mine is already five months now. I will easily fall if I am tempted right now |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by souljaboi51(m): 10:22pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
Maybe he is gay ![]() |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by ManTiger(m): 10:24pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
So sister... So sorry for the pain you're going thru. |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by tyle(m): 10:51pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
He may like it when you two are old. Just keep trying. |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by Oxytocin712: 10:54pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
[quote author=teemy post=29649606] Dear Mrs Ola, I am glad you are on a path of betterment of your marriage's sexual health rather than contemplating an extra-marital affair. I hope you would make your husband see reason with some advice I would be putting up here. Money and Sex issues and not even lack of love top the reasons marriages fail followed third by decisions on children. Sex in marriage is a fundamental duty of both partners in marriage to one another and as the almighty has put it a force of bonding as such that the great apostle paul mentioned that it could make a man soul clung to a prostitute. Why not have let that soul-tie exist within a holy matrimony. For Mrs Ola to have joined the #notamperingtillmarried I really commend her and I say do not be discouraged by the disapointment of low sex explosion you have always believed in while still holding out. Operation Seduce Mr Ola An appropriate solution is needed for a properly identified problem cause. Case 1: Mr Ola Really Believes Sexual Contact Is A Sin Forgive us for this sin we are about to commit (Seriously some do this!) 1Co 7:1 Now, to deal with the matters you wrote about. A man does well not to marry. 1Co 7:2 But because there is so much immorality, every man should have his own wife, and every woman should have her own husband. 1Co 7:3 A man should fulfill his duty as a husband, and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other's needs. 1Co 7:4 A wife is not the master of her own body, but her husband is; in the same way a husband is not the master of his own body, but his wife is. 1Co 7:5 Do not deny yourselves to each other, unless you first agree to do so for a while in order to spend your time in prayer; but then resume normal marital relations. In this way you will be kept from giving in to Satan's temptation because of your lack of self-control. - Good News Bible You guys are married and hence should fulfil each other's sexual needs which paul calls normal marriage relations. If it was just for kids modern science can get the sperm and egg lab built to produce a baby but as a deterrent to immorality paul recommended marriage and as being human it is an appetite like food that needs to be met hence the hunger for it every once in a while. Playing the "You have a Jezebel spirit card" is wrong as having sex regularly is normal. How regular? I remember a thread https://www.nairaland.com/2070153/sex-marriage-pastor-taiwo-odukoya by lalasticlala where it was mentioned that lack of enough sex in marriage can have grievous consequences. A 2-3 times per week is on the average. Some go like once a week and some more for like once or twice per day (guess they have no need chasing money to have that amount of time - why rich people have better sex). Rather the prayer point should be for Mr Ola to have a higher sex drive and over time a threshold would be reached for the two of you in between. Case 2: Physical Trauma a: Lack of body stamina to carry through the process hence leaving him well spent and stressed out. Let him have revitalizers to regain back his strenght. Don't forget lots of milk b: Abbrasions from friction causing soreness Usually a woman's complaint which can be phased out with proper lubrication. Prior to sex, Mrs Ola should consume lots of waterlike an hour or so for the body to produce lubricating fluid required for sex and with good pre-intimacy, the vagina should produce abundant. Some women however still cannot produce adequately (no two people are the same anyways) enough or some other reason or just to play safe, secondary lubricants can be used. E.g your local chemist should have Lubrica or KY Jelly. Our ever popular olive oil like Goya used by church goers as anointing oil is cheaply available and perfectly safe - probably your most common choice (Lubricate the penis shaft). Oil or oil-based lubricants however break latex condoms so keep note to check the contents and switch to water-based lubricants if you are to use a latex condom. Case 3: Psycological Trauma Was Mr Ola abused as a kid, did he see something in the past that put him off? You need to have a heart tete-a-tete with him and let him pour out his soul to you. Alternatively: You Can Masturbate Yourself To Climax Nowhere in the bible is masturbation called a sin. The misleading is caused by what some call the sin of Onan Gen 38:8 And Judah said to Onan, Go in to your brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to your brother. Gen 38:9 And Onan knew that the seed would not be his. And it happened when he went in to his brother's wife, t[b]hat he spilled on the ground, not giving seed to his brother[/b]. Gen 38:10 And what he did was evil in the eyes of Jehovah. Therefore He killed him also. - Good News Bible Onan was killed by God for having sex with his l |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by iykedare(m): 10:56pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
jadelyn007: Hoeeeee. |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by shomutuski(m): 11:09pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
Mrs Ola. All I can say is for you to hook up wif me and ur life will change.. I will f**k u to the extent you will renew ur marriage vows with ur hubby... 3319a393, if he sure for you... |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by billyG(m): 11:14pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
Chei!so na so joystick dey sweet lady?iwish am a lady 4 a day 2 xpernce this sweetest stick,may be after 1 birth he find yu hole wide & loose especially if he has a small stick..sometin is not attracting him.go nude show him yur pinky if he ran away,he need a pschycologist or sexologist. |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by soulglo: 11:21pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
You need to let your husband know that a woman is at her sexual prime in her 30's. He needs to change that mindset. Having said that, there are people who are just not into sex. It might be that he simply does not have a sex drive. Maybe next time he gets ready to go to work just follow him outside and start humping his car LMAO. He might see how sexually frustrated you are. There's also the option of toys. He might decide to take care of his responsibility when he sees that sex is very important for you. I can't imagine a sexless marriage and I have to give it to people who have to stay in sexless marriages. It takes the grace of God to deal with it 1 Like |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by KLand(m): 11:46pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
My dear, I really sympathise with you. Sex is meant to be enjoyed in marriage and you have full right to enjoy it. God made it so. Obviously, doing it just twice a month is not good enough. I can imagine how you feel... So unsatisfied. But please don't divorce your husband. And don't divorce him either! I think he is a victim of bad religious sex education. Apart from that, there could also be some childhood experience that has affected his attitude to sex. Pls help him to discover emotional healing. Accept it as a challenge to help him overcome his lack of desir to do the thing always. Like I said, do not cheat on him and don't divorce him either. Humbly and politely discuss your expections about sex with him. At this juncture, both of you should also seek sexual, marital counselling. A good counsellor could help him tackle the rootcause of the problem. Above all, also pray about it. Let me assure you, very soon your husband will be asking for it everyday. It is possible. |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by KLand(m): 11:53pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
shomutuski: Pls stop encouraging her to commit adultery. She wants help with her husband not unholy offer like yours. 1 Like |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by Nobody: 11:53pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
madam sit down,is sex a food? |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by KLand(m): 11:57pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
jadelyn007: If I were her I would ignore this advice. Adultery is a sin. It breaks marriages. |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by KLand(m): 11:59pm On Jan 09, 2015 |
dancok: Sex is good in marriage. It meets a hunger food cannot satisfy. |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by Rendition(m): 12:00am On Jan 10, 2015 |
jadelyn007:wanna blive ur opinion was a joke coz!!!!!!!! Omo I no go like wish u for my enemy o |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by Temysteve(m): 12:32am On Jan 10, 2015 |
This is really serious, how can a lady keep her self till marriage and still be denied by 1 foolish man,the lady should just get a divorce and move on with some1 who is ready to satisfy her. |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by Angeldemivida: 12:34am On Jan 10, 2015 |
Please where did this Miss Ola woman get the man from? Did she pick him from the gutter or something? Smh. I don't like it when these women run and marry any man just to be married and the next minute they come to nairaland to shout "Help, he can't f*ck me well enough!" like she just woke up and the husband was forced in on her. Didn't she realize all these at the onset and know to walk away from a man with such limiting thinking faculty? Excuse me, please. 1 Like |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by adesbreath: 1:25am On Jan 10, 2015 |
[quote author=princemillla post=29641746]If truly the story is real and you the subject is reading..... I am saying it bodly you are mumu.... How can you base your marriage on sex? Nairalanders, pls advice this illicit fated fellow.. [/quote so on top of what should she base her marriage have u ever been in her shoes, do you know what it means to live with someone you love without having sex, was that her contract with him before they got married... Sex is everything and more in a marriage if u are married u should know that. dear OP I pray that God heals your broken heart caused by the rejection of ur supposed lover... the saying goes that u can take a horse to the stream but u cannot force it to drink water... there is only so much u can do to help him it's for him to make that conscious effort to change meanwhile, love yourself like never before let your happiness come from within change yourself be better than before God knows why He will give you peace and rest. |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by emiye(m): 2:26am On Jan 10, 2015 |
Everyting seems to be sin to him,Funny, but not funny ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by inspiROHM(m): 3:54am On Jan 10, 2015 |
princemillla:How can you say that? IT IS HER CONJUGAL RIGHT!!! ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Help.. My 4 Years Old Marriage Is Gradually Crashing Out. by darealez(m): 4:06am On Jan 10, 2015 |
[quote author=sheddyboy post=29627995][/quote] You want your marriage to work? Then, its up to you and you only. Your hubby might be the type that reads "sin" to almost anything, it might be due to the way he was brought up, how he learnt and from whom he did learn. You must note that for years isn't enough to re-orientate nor change his metality about sex. Cheating one him will profer you sastifaction temporarily and sink you deep and deeper into the dungeon. Treat him like you will treat a slow learner, address him like you'll address a stubborn man, don't make all your conversation with him about sex, let affection in and not wrath. Ask him what exactly you've done wrong and why he's hurting you intentionally. Just think of something, somehow nd someway that will make your marriage work. All those advicing you to get a divorce will think twice if they where in your shoes! |
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