harjibolar10:
Can't believe you are still a secondary school student(don't mind me, that's what caught my eyes in the first place ni oo)

Anyways, you are doing a great job here, let's see how we can help thou(did I said we, sorry I mean I)

OBSERVATION(s)
1. Proof-reading: the only way you can you avoid too much typographical errors, is to proofread all what you've written over and over again(I mean times, like 30times per se), before updating. By this, (I mean) after you must have finish typing, (all you need, is to just) take your time to read all over again, so as to minimize the errors.

2. Spacing(punctuations): think oga boss as wrote something about that earlier, all you need is to just take your time, put necessary (punctuation)marks to anywhere they deem fit, and believe me, you story will be like... What can I use oo(let me keep that, for now). Reading some story here on NL by our mighty autors(writers), will surely helps you on that.

3. Grammatic Expressions: I won't say much on that, as it is obvious that, you have to work on you use of Tenses and ya grammatic expressions(I won't cite you any example)

4. Invitation: I wan use style invite our amiable readers and writers, whose their pressense(here) will surley give you the ginger, swagger, criticism, encouragement that you're clamouring for.

Tag: Kingphilip, fataveli, fembleez1, almacherish, tiffanyJ, repogirl, therock555, bluestarry, nitefury, onemansquad, kinwayne, thronekid, supermartins, hazardous, frank317, and some importants people like ormorlehwah , grocery ,
christybabe , ice4jez ,
pwettynini , chijudith ,
fluffyp , blesynluv ,
kennylizzy , lilypet ,
bibiolu , gra890 ,
unibenstudent ,
tuddiies , peacynelson ,
olasunbophummie ,
debbysky , aprilwise ,
maputohq , shaks97 ,
rmfunky , benz4pimp ,
Hyfe , mohjisolah ,
bdaniel178 ,
muniratAbolanl ,
ziziola , bumsiee ,
spotmataz, ogunsiji ,
zikyke , mohjisolah ,
larteefah , hnkan ,
mitchelle55 , HelenBee ,
Oluwatyna ,
preciousberry , mary
haam , lyzee21 ,
ebonyme890 ,
ifedinna ,eielalove ,
alayormii , rudepen ,
sebak , chistar01,Shaxee... You are all invited ooo, our sister here needs your help(welcome in advance)

Did I forget to say, you gat a nice work doing here, keep it up oo

present sir...what going on here?

Bluestarry:
present sir...what going on here?

Welcome on board sir.
Just find somewhere (good) to relax, and enjoy your stay

Thanks a lot. I will try to improve but since am using a handset its gonna be kinda hard but al the same i wil try

DaughterZion...Nice Moniker.

Storyline...cool


My personal observation,

From your narration,ths story is about a teenage girl Lillian,I think you over used your adjectives by describing her as an hour glass.this girl is just in Ss1,she's probably 13 or 14 or just about to attain pubery.She shouldn't even be crushing on someone talk more of falling in love.

And the Leo character,I'm tryng hard to form his image in my head,these are rich kids you know,most of them are ajebutter,and I'm sure he'll be of same age bracket wth Lily,so where did he come about his deep baritone tone.


You're describing those two mentioned characters like adult,but they're not.Because with what you're saying,those two would end up having sex soon.I just want you to watch the moral you're passing across to others.SS1 students shouldn't be dating talk more of falling in love,there're other young people reading your story,I'm sure you don't want them thinking about relationship now.

There was a passage you described when Mrs dan brought Lilian to sch,and while Lilian was waiting,those two girls who walked by chatting..their conversation is not fit for young girls from rich home.


And this their big expensive school,why are the teachers still making use of chalkboard.Pls correct that.


Above all,you have a good story here,nice beginning,take time to create good and well described scenes,bring in suspence and take to corrections and I'm envisaging a great ending for this piece.


Welldone..

Thanks flakky i will correct that soon.

[quote author=Bluestarry post=29653531]present sir...what going on here?[/quote





Blue u to dey here?

[quote author=Trypa post=29657790][/quote]baby i dey here o long time. Where have you been?

Flakkydagirl:
DaughterZion...Nice Moniker.

Storyline...cool


My personal observation,

From your narration,ths story is about a teenage girl Lillian,I think you over used your adjectives by describing her as an hour glass.this girl is just in Ss1,she's probably 13 or 14 or just about to attain pubery.She shouldn't even be crushing on someone talk more of falling in love.

And the Leo character,I'm tryng hard to form his image in my head,these are rich kids you know,most of them are ajebutter,and I'm sure he'll be of same age bracket wth Lily,so where did he come about his deep baritone tone.


You're describing those two mentioned characters like adult,but they're not.Because with what you're saying,those two would end up having sex soon.I just want you to watch the moral you're passing across to others.SS1 students shouldn't be dating talk more of falling in love,there're other young people reading your story,I'm sure you don't want them thinking about relationship now.

There was a passage you described when Mrs dan brought Lilian to sch,and while Lilian was waiting,those two girls who walked by chatting..their conversation is not fit for young girls from rich home.


And this their big expensive school,why are the teachers still making use of chalkboard.Pls correct that.


Above all,you have a good story here,nice beginning,take time to create good and well described scenes,bring in suspence and take to corrections and I'm envisaging a great ending for this piece.


Welldone..

check it out again ave corrected some errors

Bluestarry:
baby i dey here o long time. Where have you been?

Ave been a ghost reader o u no na! Ghost mode activation lol how r u?

Am here,......would take time to read after I finish watching dem my boiz play some soccer . #YNWA



Please Op,reserve something for me wey I go take step-down abi na step-up before them those long throat finish am

harjibolar10:
Can't believe you are still a secondary school student(don't mind me, that's what caught my eyes in the first place ni oo)

Anyways, you are doing a great job here, let's see how we can help thou(did I said we, sorry I mean I)

OBSERVATION(s)
1. Proof-reading: the only way you can you avoid too much typographical errors, is to proofread all what you've written over and over again(I mean times, like 30times per se), before updating. By this, (I mean) after you must have finish typing, (all you need, is to just) take your time to read all over again, so as to minimize the errors.

2. Spacing(punctuations): think oga boss as wrote something about that earlier, all you need is to just take your time, put necessary (punctuation)marks to anywhere they deem fit, and believe me, you story will be like... What can I use oo(let me keep that, for now). Reading some story here on NL by our mighty autors(writers), will surely helps you on that.

3. Grammatic Expressions: I won't say much on that, as it is obvious that, you have to work on you use of Tenses and ya grammatic expressions(I won't cite you any example)

4. Invitation: I wan use style invite our amiable readers and writers, whose their pressense(here) will surley give you the ginger, swagger, criticism, encouragement that you're clamouring for.

Tag: Kingphilip, fataveli, fembleez1, almacherish, tiffanyJ, repogirl, therock555, bluestarry, nitefury, onemansquad, kinwayne, thronekid, supermartins, hazardous, frank317, and some importants people like ormorlehwah , grocery ,
christybabe , ice4jez ,
pwettynini , chijudith ,
fluffyp , blesynluv ,
kennylizzy , lilypet ,
bibiolu , gra890 ,
unibenstudent ,
tuddiies , peacynelson ,
olasunbophummie ,
debbysky , aprilwise ,
maputohq , shaks97 ,
rmfunky , benz4pimp ,
Hyfe , mohjisolah ,
bdaniel178 ,
muniratAbolanl ,
ziziola , bumsiee ,
spotmataz, ogunsiji ,
zikyke , mohjisolah ,
larteefah , hnkan ,
mitchelle55 , HelenBee ,
Oluwatyna ,
preciousberry , mary
haam , lyzee21 ,
ebonyme890 ,
ifedinna ,eielalove ,
alayormii , rudepen ,
sebak , chistar01,Shaxee... You are all invited ooo, our sister here needs your help(welcome in advance)

Did I forget to say, you gat a nice work doing here, keep it up oo

Shows up, lookx around "choi, dx cutie too get followers oh,where i go xtay naw? Maybe i go go my haux go bring chair o"

Fembleez1:
Am here,......would take time to read after I finish watching dem my boiz play some soccer . #YNWA



Please Op,reserve something for me wey I go take step-down abi na step-up before them those long throat finish am

anythng u want na. But u must get d money

u didn't update and you want money for what my twin brought ko possible

Do it

Exams were over and the students were told to check their results online giving them scratch cards and their numbers. Lilian decided to check hers on a sunday when her parents will be home.
On the 14th of december being a sunday she went to the cyber cafe after service to check her results. She was nervous and she prayed to God for help. After what seemed like ages the result came out and guess what! She did very well for a start. She scored 5th out of 22 students.
"Mum dad come see my results she shouted as she ran to her parents room. She was suprised to see her mum's face swollen which showed she had been cry and dad's once handsome face angry. She was confused. What was wrong.
"Lilian you are going to port harcourt to live with your aunty and you will stay there till your waec" her dad said angrily and stormed out of the room. Lilian was shocked.
She looked at her mum who was still crying.
"mum whats wrong?" concern written all over her face.
"listen to your father Lilian. You will have to go to port so as to find how life is and learn to live without your parents" her mum said in a teary voice and walked away leaving Lilian dazed.
Lilian walked to her room slowly as she pondered over the little play her parents exhibited. She had lots of unanswered questions.
Why is mum crying?
Why is dad angry? And most important of all
why are they sending her to go live with her aunt.
She thought about her friends in school. She made quite a lot for he beauty and brilliance then she thought about Leo. They had only talked to each other once and that was by mistake she could remember when she mistakenly bumped into him and her books fell down.
"am sorry" she had said nervously.
Leo simply looked at her "watch out next time" he said and walked away ignoring her apology.
She thought of Mara and jude. She was going to miss them for they were great friends. Jude was her classmate and also a friend of Leo, bu whenever Leo saw both of the chatting he ignored them as if he knew them not.......
Lilian could had continued thinking if sleep had not come.

thronekid:

Shows up, lookx around "choi, dx cutie too get followers oh,where i go xtay naw? Maybe i go go my haux go bring chair o"

Finally, i'm here with my 3-seetee chair. Although i went thru a lot juxt to get here, i wont hold dat against you ¤no be you say make my haux far @ OP.
. So, anything available fr munching or are snacks for V.I.P only?
.
. Prettydiva89, teebashy, helenbee, come seat with me plz, owk??
.
. In ryback's voice- [size=19pt]FEED ME MORE!!![/size],

---

@Daughterzion

Daughterzion:
Exams were over and the students were told to check their results online giving them scratch cards and their numbers. Lilian decided to check hers on a sunday when her parents will be home.
On the 14th of december being a sunday she went to the cyber cafe after service to check her results. She was nervous and she prayed to God for help. After what seemed like ages the result came out and guess what! She did very well for a start. She scored 5th out of 22 students.
"Mum dad come see my results she shouted as she ran to her parents room. She was suprised to see her mum's face swollen which showed she had been cry and dad's once handsome face angry. She was confused. What was wrong.
"Lilian you are going to port harcourt to live with your aunty and you will stay there till your waec" her dad said angrily and stormed out of the room. Lilian was shocked.
She looked at her mum who was still crying.
"mum whats wrong?" concern written all over her face.
"listen to your father Lilian. You will have to go to port so as to find how life is and learn to live without your parents" her mum said in a teary voice and walked away leaving Lilian dazed.
Lilian walked to her room slowly as she pondered over the little play her parents exhibited. She had lots of unanswered questions.
Why is mum crying?
Why is dad angry? And most important of all
why are they sending her to go live with her aunt.
She thought about her friends in school. She made quite a lot for he beauty and brilliance then she thought about Leo. They had only talked to each other once and that was by mistake she could remember when she mistakenly bumped into him and her books fell down.
"am sorry" she had said nervously.
Leo simply looked at her "watch out next time" he said and walked away ignoring her apology.
She thought of Mara and jude. She was going to miss them for they were great friends. Jude was her classmate and also a friend of Leo, bu whenever Leo saw both of the chatting he ignored them as if he knew them not.......
Lilian could had continued thinking if sleep had not come.

Well am not a writer but I do read wat ppl wrote.....Did episode is sumhow mixed up....U said she is in SS1, how cum she want to write her waec?

Cool story dear, lovely piece I must say.

thronekid:

Finally, i'm here with my 3-seetee chair. Although i went thru a lot juxt to get here, i wont hold dat against you ¤no be you say make my haux far @ OP.
. So, anything available fr munching or are snacks for V.I.P only?
.
. Prettydiva89, teebashy, helenbee, come seat with me plz, owk??
.
. In ryback's voice- [size=19pt]FEED ME MORE!!![/size],

---

@Daughterzion

am coming hope there is food

I heard my name, and so, I answered. Please give me time to read this work

Zion am hungry for more updates and not food

TiffanyJ:
I heard my name, and so, I answered. Please give me time to read this work

and i know you will help tutor her ma(trust you)

prettydiva89:

am coming hope there is food

Yeah, itx bout gettin cold, you need to get here quickly dear

Teebashy:

Well am not a writer but I do read wat ppl wrote.....Did episode is sumhow mixed up....U said she is in SS1, how cum she want to write her waec?

dats nt waec. Nrmal skul exams bt studnts chck their results in the skul website

Seems we'r not welcome here o.
Maybe the waiter isn't willing to perform his duties or coz we aint yet star writers, ryt dear prettydiva89 ?
'
. Nw, harjibolar10 , what do you have to say bout dz,u knw u invited me, right? Since morning, no food, nt even pure water, i had t buy snacks for sm cuties- prettydiva89,teebashy and helenbee buh t my utter dismay, they couldn't make it. Now, d snacks hv been rendered useless, nw, u'l agree wif me dat dat aint fair enuf,abi i lie?
'
...Beta start talking oh before me and my cuties go face you oh, shey u get?

Lilian tried to ask her parents what the matter was but they were adamant. They told her all was well but Lilian could not be fooled nevertheless, she kept cool to the relief of her parents. They arranged for her journey and within two weeks, Lilian was in portharcourt.
Aunty becky was Lilian's paternal aunty and was the last born in her family. She just got married a year before lilian came to a medical doctor while she worked as a secretary in a company.
On arrival, Lilian took mental note of the apartment. It was a very beautiful bungalow with flowers planted around its walls and had its background colour as brown while its pillars were painted yellow. When she got inside, she saw the palour was tastifully furnished to modern taste. Her aunty really had taste.
"Welcome sweet niece. Come let me take you to your room" aunty becky said half dragging Lilian to a room.
"make yourself at home while i bring you something to eat" aunty becky said leaving lilian to unpack.
Lilian looked around her. The room was painted blue with a bed at the far end of the room. She had to admit she loved the room.
She unpacked and decided to log into facebook to see if her friends were online. She noticed she had a friend request and clickedm to see who it was. She was shocked, it was Leo David!

thronekid:
Seems we'r not welcome here o.
Maybe the waiter isn't willing to perform his duties or coz we aint yet star writers, ryt dear prettydiva89 ?
'
.
...Beta start talking oh before me and my cuties go face you oh, shey u get?

abi oo tell her before we leave

Daughterzion:
anythng u want na. But u must get d money

It is a shame,I was invited here and you are asking me for money just to get something to chillax u dey pursue me

"When she was 'true' .".............should be 'through',...I.e 'when she was through'.



"The 'sky blued' wall",............should be"The sky-blue wall"



"Their richly 'stripped' red skirt",...............stripped is to be naked,...take note 'striped' as in 'stripe' has only one 'p'.




"You have beign."............did you mean 'been'?.




"She 'scored' 5th out of 22 students."............you can't score '5th' out of 22 pupils/students but can only 'come out' or 'came out' (as in past tense) 5th or 'came 5th' in the class of 22 'students'(not necessarily relevant).






"She just got married a year before lilian came to a medical doctor while she worked as a secretary in a company.?",...................I got confused here if you do like to elaborate.









All round,..........nice story you got,I read through when I wasn't really feeling like reading cause it's late,so I had to omit or overlook some other errors...........all I can say is,calm down dear,don't rush yourself or the story,proof-read before posting,it would do you a lot of good.




More power to your elbow and more ink to your pen.

prettydiva89:

abi oo tell her before we leave

Calm down cutie, letx wait a little, u tink?

thronekid:
Seems we'r not welcome here o.
Maybe the waiter isn't willing to perform his duties or coz we aint yet star writers, ryt dear prettydiva89 ?
'
. Nw, harjibolar10 , what do you have to say bout dz,u knw u invited me, right? Since morning, no food, nt even pure water, i had t buy snacks for sm cuties- prettydiva89,teebashy and helenbee buh t my utter dismay, they couldn't make it. Now, d snacks hv been rendered useless, nw, u'l agree wif me dat dat aint fair enuf,abi i lie?
'
...Beta start talking oh before me and my cuties go face you oh, shey u get?

Oga no vex abeg, all the attendant plus the waiters are on indefinite strike maa ni, and we dey pay them.

Anyways, I go come do it my self ni yen oo,
Now place your order, I'll be glad to be at your sevice.

And for the story, It will soon continue, very soon (I think)

thronekid:
Seems we'r not welcome here o.
Maybe the waiter isn't willing to perform his duties or coz we aint yet star writers, ryt dear prettydiva89 ?
'
. Nw, harjibolar10 , what do you have to say bout dz,u knw u invited me, right? Since morning, no food, nt even pure water, i had t buy snacks for sm cuties- prettydiva89,teebashy and helenbee buh t my utter dismay, they couldn't make it. Now, d snacks hv been rendered useless, nw, u'l agree wif me dat dat aint fair enuf,abi i lie?
'
...Beta start talking oh before me and my cuties go face you oh, shey u get?

ayam here!!!