"A cheat will always be a cheat"

I hear this saying making rounds on social media but I think it is false. Nobody is born a cheat. A person becomes a cheat when he/she is placed under certain circumstances.



A faithful husband that has been denied sex for long periods of time is more likely to cheat than if he has sex regularly. A girlfriend who is denied love and attention constantly by her lover is more likely to cheat with him over someone else. This would have been different if her boyfriend was more loving and attentive. A poor guy that shows his love, support and attention to his girl is more likely to have a loyal babe than a rich guy who hardly shows his girlfriend any attention.


Saying a cheat will always be a cheat leaves the relationship open to do whatever you like, thinking that your partner will always be faithful no matter what. It also prevents you from forgiving your partner even if he/ she makes a mistake because you think once they have started cheating they will continue cheating all their lives no matter what. That assumption is baseless.

Of course there are exceptions to the rule but should we use the stubborn few to punish the vast majority?

Abeg how do you cheat by mistake?

A cheat is likely to cheat again.However,a cheat may not remain a cheat.
There are people who change and drop wrong behaviour just like stopping smoking or alcohol.
However,it takes deep conviction on the part of the individual.

Mynd44:
Abeg how do you cheat by mistake?

Anybody can make a mistake, not all people are saints.
A person can cheat willingly on his/her partner and realise later on it was a mistake i.e be sorry for what he/she has done.




Modified.
Pls the issue is not wether cheating is a mistake or not. The question addresses the term "a cheat will always be a cheat" meaning that a person that is going to cheat will always do so regardless of circumstance wether rich or poor, married or unmarried, happy or sad.

I say no. A cheat becomes a cheat via various circumstances and can easily stop cheating if those circumstances are changed.

This person is different from those who have made cheating a habit i.e serial cheats.


This thread does not support cheating in any way.

5minsmadness:

Anybody can make a mistake, not all people are saints.
A person can cheat willingly on his/her partner and realise later on it was a mistake i.e be sorry for what he/she has done.

What if I kill your child willingly and then realize my mistake. Does that count?

a cheat will always be a cheat unless there is an 'overall revolutionary change of his/her personality';

Mynd44:

What if I kill your child willingly and then realize my mistake. Does that count?

We are talking of cheating on one's partner here, not murder. The second is so serious it is punishable by death under law. Don't make bogus extrapolations.

5minsmadness:

We are talking of cheating on one's partner here, not murder. The second is so serious it is punishable by death under law. Don't make bogus extrapolations.

See the flaw in your whole point? Punishable by law bla bla bla. Cheating is morally wrong and so is murder. I doubt you people even know the impact of cheating when a partner trusts you with everything only to find out that you betrayed that trust.

In some cases, your cheating is as bad as killing the person so please hold your theories.

You can't cheat by mistake except you were molested. How can a grown supposedly sane adult pull off his/her clothes and cheat and when the act is over remember that it was a mistake.

Where do you people come from?

Alexk2:
a cheat will always be a cheat unless there is an 'overall revolutionary change of his/her personality';

A person can cheat once and repent. A serial cheat has made it into a habit. This is more difficult to break. But you can't condemn the first to a lifetime of cheating because of the anger towards the habitual cheater.

5minsmadness:

A person can cheat once and repent. A serial cheat has made it into a habit. This is more difficult to break. But you can't condemn the first to a lifetime of cheating because of the anger towards the habitual cheater.

"Trust is like a mirror. Once broken, you can fix it but you will still see the cracks"

Given that change, is the only constant in life, i'll say a cheat can change for better or worse but it all depends on the cheat himself, not any circumstance.

Cheating is a choice
Yea, we know all there are factors that can lead one to cheat but
deciding to actually cheat or not is
where the true test lies.

Mynd44:

See the flaw in your whole point? Punishable by law bla bla bla. Cheating is morally wrong and so is murder. I doubt you people even know the impact of cheating when a partner trusts you with everything only to find out that you betrayed that trust.

Calm down sister. I'm not saying I cheated on anyone.

In some cases, your cheating is feels as bad as killing the person so please hold your theories.

Corrected.
Although you may feel that way and you are entirely right to do so, it is definitely not as bad as killing someone else cheating would have been punishable by death. This is not theory but fact.

You can't cheat by mistake except you were molested. How can a grown supposedly sane adult pull off his/her clothes and cheat and when the act is over remember that it was a mistake.

Where do you people come from?

A molested person doesn't count as cheating. The person was forced, its not his/her fault she was molested.

I come from a place where people have different opinions from yours. Such people actually exist you know.

A woman spoke to me once about her husband. He was the loving guy and then he cheated on her. She was pissed and angry and tried to leave the husband as she had told herself she could never forgive a cheat her family members spoke to her, she said no. Then her pastor called her and the husband and the pastor said he has spoken to the husband and he has agreed to change.

The woman is living somewhere in Ibadan right now with HIV contracted from her husband who cheated and she forgave because it is just once.

Cheats are evil and have no regard for you, your love, your sanity or life. They only care about the pleasure they will get in that moment and when they get that selfishness off their body, they get sober and beg.

If he/she cheats, before you forgive and stay because of love or religion think about your life and how much that person values it.

Mynd44:

"Trust is like a mirror. Once broken, you can fix it but you will still see the cracks"

Nice phrase. Sounds intelligent but its not true. And it originated from lady gaga, not an epitome of morality in herself.



I prefer the saying below. Yes trust cannot be easily regained but it can definitely be rebuilt...and without the cracks.


"Trust is like a house. You can break it down in a day but it takes years to build back up."
-5minsmadness

Mynd44:
A woman spoke to me once about her husband. He was the loving guy and then he cheated on her. She was pissed and angry and tried to leave the husband as she had told herself she could never forgive a cheat her family members spoke to her, she said no. Then her pastor called her and the husband and the pastor said he has spoken to the husband and he has agreed to change.

The woman is living somewhere in Ibadan right now with HIV contracted from her husband who cheated and she forgave because it is just once.

Cheats are evil and have no regard for you, your love, your sanity or life. They only care about the pleasure they will get in that moment and when they get that selfishness off their body, they get sober and beg.

If he/she cheats, before you forgive and stay because of love or religion think about your life and how much that person values it.

I totally understand where you are coming from, that's why I said cheating is a choice and if a cheat can choose to cheat, don't you think, he can also choose not to do it again?

5minsmadness:

Nice phrase. Sounds intelligent but its not true. And it originated from lady gaga, not an epitome of morality in herself.



I prefer the saying below. Yes trust cannot be easily regained but it can definitely be rebuilt...and without the cracks.


"Trust is like a house. You can break it down in a day but it takes years to build back up."
-5minsmadness

So you would say we all go about singing kumbaya and if you cheat, you will be forgiven and we can build the trust once again.

Have fun rolling around with betrayers and their ilk

freecocoa:
I totally understand where you are coming from, that's why I said cheating is a choice and if a cheat can choose to cheat, don't you think, he can also choose not to do it again?

Do you want to take that gamble?

Personally, I'd rather not. A man/woman stands before his maker and swears allegiance to something and he/she falters. I will forgive yes but give that person a chance to do it again? Not happening.

Look at the case of that woman, she could have left and have sickness free life with herself but she chose to believe a man who had already showed how much his promises meant.

Sure. A cheat can change. It is possible.

Mynd44:
A woman spoke to me once about her husband. He was the loving guy and then he cheated on her. She was pissed and angry and tried to leave the husband as she had told herself she could never forgive a cheat her family members spoke to her, she said no. Then her pastor called her and the husband and the pastor said he has spoken to the husband and he has agreed to change.

The woman is living somewhere in Ibadan right now with HIV contracted from her husband who cheated and she forgave because it is just once.

Serial Cheats are evil and have no regard for you, your love, your sanity or life. They only care about the pleasure they will get in that moment and when they get that selfishness off their body, they get sober and beg.

If he/she cheats, before you forgive and stay because of love or religion think about your life and how much that person values it.

I know a man who cheated on his wife once. He used to go with us for seminars in Abuja and on one occasion and for whatever reason he decided to pick one of the loose girls that hung around the place to spend the night with.

The next day he wasn't his usual self and didn't participate in the seminars as vibrantly as he usually did. The GM had to ask if he was ill. He later confided in us that he had cheated on his wife the night before and was feeling terrible. The sex was good but he had just don't something he swore he would never do i.e being unfaithful to his wife. It worried him till we left abuja.

It took him a week of brooding around the office before he finally decided to tell his wife. It wasn't easy and one of our guys had to accommodate him for a few days but eventually the wife forgave him and took him back. The main reason? He was not the cheating type. We all knew him to be a responsible and well behaved fellow, lord knows what entered him that day.



And we do HIV screening every six months , he is not positive. Not everything ends in tragedy like the case you mentioned.

Not everybody is a serial cheat. Some people do make mistakes. Life is not black and white but a multitude of colours.

Mynd44:

Do you want to take that gamble?

Personally, I'd rather not. A man/woman stands before his maker and swears allegiance to something and he/she falters. I will forgive yes but give that person a chance to do it again? Not happening.

Look at the case of that woman, she could have left and have sickness free life with herself but she chose to believe a man who had already showed how much his promises meant.

You don't have to see it from one perspective, how about seeing it as as giving the person a chance to prove why they should be trusted again?(unless you don't do 2nd chances)

Life on its own is a gamble, we are talking a one time thing here, however, I do respect your opinion but personally, I can forgive cheating, depending some things like, how I found out he cheated,if I contributed in anyway to make him consider cheating, who he cheated with etc.

The woman probably made the mistake of marrying a serial cheat, therefore you can't judge all who have ever cheated based on the actions of this man.

As i said it is your choice

A cheat can change,it's possible

Mynd44:

Do you want to take that gamble?

Personally, I'd rather not. A man/woman stands before his maker and swears allegiance to something and he/she falters. I will forgive yes but give that person a chance to do it again? Not happening.

Look at the case of that woman, she could have left and have sickness free life with herself but she chose to believe a man who had already showed how much his promises meant.

Are you saying that once a person cheats once its 'over? that might be a tad too 'strong'. This is by no means an endorsement of marital malpractice... but for my fellow unmarried folks... pls unless you can agree to FORGIVE ANYTHING pls dont bother getting married.

Mchugh:


Are you saying that once a person cheats once its 'over? that might be a tad too 'strong'. This is by no means an endorsement of marital malpractice... but for my fellow unmarried folks... pls unless you can agree to FORGIVE ANYTHING pls dont bother getting married.

I am saying I do not agree to the saying that cheating is a mistake.
I am saying I will forgive cheating (I don't have time for baggage) but staying with a cheat will take a whole lot more that asking for forgiveness and promising to change

Once a cheater, always a cheater? I say yes.

EnlightenedSoul:
Once a cheater, always a cheater? I say yes.

I wonder why people need to convince others that cheats can change.

Are they trying to send a message?

[quote
author=5minsmadness post=29806222]
A person can cheat once and repent. A serial cheat has made it into a
habit. This is more difficult to break. But you can't condemn the first
to a lifetime of cheating because of the anger towards the habitual
cheater.[/quote]


a cheat is a cheat no matter the frequency pls...the only point taken is the 'repenting' part. i believe there should be a place for forgiveness to for a genuine repentant 'cheat' but then he/she should work toward earning the trust of the partner all over again; it may take time!

Cheating is not a mistake, its a choice!!!

Mynd44:

I wonder why people need to convince others that cheats can change.

Are they trying to send a message?

Cheats do change. Non-cheats change too. Change is inevitable in humans.

laplace12:


Cheats do change. Non-cheats change too. Change is inevitable in humans.

Rapists and pedophiles too change.

Change is inevitable

Once a cheat always a cheat.

I don't understand why people take cheating patners back,
cheating is choice,walking away is another choice.but you stay and pretend everything is alright why you doing backyard business is not acceptable

Cheating is same offense as murder to me on moral grounds.