1. I have this view... Maybe I should get it out of my head but I can't help it: I think; since he loves me so much and wants to spend rest of his life with me, since I'm the woman he's in love with; then if he makes a child with me, he should love that child more. More than the one he made with a slutty ex by accident, who is still behaving in an evil way. (additional info: she tricked him and got pregnant on purpose, and after 1.5-2 years cheated on him)

What do you think about this? Do you think men love their children more if those children are made with a woman they're in love with? Do you think I'm right in wishing for such a thing?

Because I have always thought having a child with the one you love is one of the most beautiful and special things in life. And those children are fruits of love, and they are lovelier and more loving people themselves....

I like that little child, but sometimes I find myself resentful that he loves the child of such a slut so much. And then I think; if he's gonna love my child at the same level; then what's special about it...What's special about having a child with the one you love and all?

*****

2. I also think, his child with his ex ( 4 now) might influence the children I will have with him in a bad way, if she came living with us. Sometimes I think it might be nice... but sometimes I think she will be an outsider, kind of like a secret agent; not exactly from the family; representing her mother, and maybe sometimes reminding her, or defending her. Kind of like a dark cloud above the happiness of the family. Keeping us from behaving comfortably, or keeping us from just being the family; like for example preventing me from telling my children how I met the love of my life, their father, my future husband, because she might get jealous or something. Lots of things like that.... What do you think about this?

My man said she might put her mother's picture in her own room when she comes living with us, or even a picture of the mother and my man and the child together (as a family!!?!!!) and he said as much as he wouldn't like this, he should be and also I should be ok with this...

3. Sometimes it's also bothering me that she has a part of him... That way she made herself "forever" remaining in his life, that way or the other. In a way, she still has power over him. As if, he, in a way, partially belongs to her. Despite him saying he hates her badly and everything and they don't even have a proper friendly conversation. He is the father of her child. And he's crazy about her (his) child! There's no stronger bond than that!

Then, I love him so much and he's exactly what I'm looking for.... And we have a beautiful, lovely, romantic relationship and we get on well, have similar views in life and similar mindset, talk about anything and everything for hours, value each other deeply....

And then I find myself upset and. And I need advice on these bothering issues!

Can I silence these thoughts?

SHOULD I RISK?

SHOULD I LEAVE?


NOTE AFTER SOME COMMENTS: I wasn't there when things happened between them; so I won't refer to his ex in a bad way anymore.

NOTE 2: I NEVER EVER MISTREATED THE CHILD. WHEN I SEE THE CHILD I DON'T THINK ANY OF THESE. THE CHILD IS A DIFFERENT PERSON. THESE THOUGHTS DON'T AFFECT WHAT I DO OR HOW I TREAT THE CHILD.

NOTE 3: I'D LIKE TO SAY THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO APPROACHED WITH UNDERSTANDING AND PROVIDED BETTER PERSPECTIVES, AND HELPED ME SEE IT IN A BETTER WAY, AND FEEL MORE RELIEVED ABOUT IT. BLESS THEM.

Haaaaa!

Op, you clearly cannot take his child as your own. You are wishing there is a sort of preference for your child over his own. you are only dreaming and are on the road to a huge disappointment. I also think thats heartless of you. No offense. I believe when dating or before dating a single father, you should ask yourself if you can accomodate his child. If your answer is No, please dnt start what you cnt finish.

As for the way you addressed his baby mama as a 'Slut', thats totally disrespectful and shows you also have issues with her. You are going to see her from time to time. dnt get it twisted.This story of she forcing the pregnancy on him, how true is that? was that what he told you? Lol. Men will tell you anything, my dear, to make themselves look flawless. The road you are taking, ehn, i just hope you wont transfer your aggression to that little girl that knows nothing. Overall, you appear to me like you wont be a good mother to her. The choice is yours. These are your feelings about this? SMH. then i wonder why you are dating this man.

I read the first two paragraphs and stopped because it is enough for me to know that you should not get married to this man, in fact, you should not get married at all. You are jealous of a child and it shows how immature you are. You have no business getting married.

A father's love does not depend on the love for his mother. If it did, all divorced men would stop loving their kids or love them less.

You remind me of the kind of women who abuse kids. Extremely irritating thread.

If u treat dat child wit luv, he/she will so bond wit u,he is only 4,just take him as ur own n'if he dosent visit his mum often,u become his mama,if u decide to marry him,if u Luv d'child unconditionaly he ur guy wil luv u too

estheremma:
If u treat dat child wit luv, he/she will so bond wit u,he is only 4,just take him as ur own n'if he dosent visit his mum often,u become his mama,if u decide to marry him,if u Luv d'child unconditionaly he ur guy wil luv u too

Please, stop. I am tired of the threads with photos of kids who were abused by their stepmothers. This is exactly the type of woman.
Immature, insecure and ...

LEAVE!
For the sake of everybody involved!

Children are a gift from God and God`s gifts are holy to him.

You have not even been blessed with your own child yet and are trying to run down the gift God has already given to the man.

show this child love and you will receive love and blessings.
The child will love you and nothing compares to the unconditional love of a child.

Also the man will love you more. If you treat the child bad the man will loose his love for you and show the child more affection. He may even bring back the mother since you cannot be a mother to the child.

Ask yourself, why should your child deserve to have it`s mother in the home and this child not?

Anyway good you are being honest about it so you can get advice.

carefreewannabe:
I read the first two paragraphs and stopped because it is enough for me to know that you should not get married to this man, in fact, you should not get married at all. You are jealous of a child and it shows how immature you are. You have no business getting married.

A father's love does not depend on the love for his mother. If it did, all divorced men would stop loving their kids or love them less.

You remind me of the kind of women who abuse kids. Extremely irritating thread.

I met the child, been with her several times, she even called me mummy, I get along well with her.

Haven't you ever had some thoughts crossing your mind that you know are not right? Ever wondered why I wrote them all with honesty? To get advice that can help me get them fixed. Don't be so harsh. A true cruel stepmom doesn't even write those things here.

I pray you do the sensible thing and leave

Your stepmother complex material is enough to sew for a town.

I'm impressed with the posts of the ladies who r calling it as they see it

A budding evil stepmom

However I respect you for being true to yourself

If more people did this

Things will be better

LostMermaid:
1. I have this view... Maybe I should get it out of my head but I can't help it: I think; since he loves me so much and wants to spend rest of his life with me, since I'm the woman he's in love with; then if he makes a child with me, he should love that child more. More than the one he made with a slutty ex by accident, who is still behaving in an evil way. (additional info: she tricked him and got pregnant on purpose, and after 1.5-2 years cheated)

What do you think about this? Do you think men love their children more if those children are made with a woman they're in love with? Do you think I'm right in wishing for such a thing?

Because I have always thought having a child with the one you love is one of the most beautiful and special things in life. And those children are fruits of love, and they are lovelier and more loving people themselves....

I like that little child, but sometimes I find myself resentful that he loves the child of such a slut so much. And then I think; if he's gonna love my child at the same level; then what's special about it...What's special about having a child with the one you love and all?

*****

2. I also think, his child with his ex ( 4 now) might influence the children I will have with him in a bad way, if she came living with us. Sometimes I think it might be nice... but sometimes I think she will be an outsider, kind of like a secret agent; not exactly from the family; representing a slutty mother, and maybe sometimes reminding her, or defending her. Kind of like a dark cloud above the happiness of the family. Keeping us from behaving comfortably, or keeping us from just being the family; like for example preventing me from telling my children how I met the love of my life, their father, my future husband, because she might get jealous or something. Lots of things like that.... What do you think about this?

My man said she might put her mother's picture in her own room when she comes living with us, or even a picture of the mother and my man and the child together (as a family!!?!!!) and he said as much as he wouldn't like this, he should be and also I should be ok with this...

3. Sometimes it's also bothering me that she has a part of him... That way she made herself "forever" remaining in his life, that way or the other. In a way, she still has power over him. As if, he, in a way, partially belongs to her. Despite him saying he hates her badly and everything and they don't even have a proper friendly conversation. He is the father of her child. And he's crazy about her (his) child! There's no stronger bond than that!

Then, I love him so much and he's exactly what I'm looking for.... And we have a beautiful, lovely, romantic relationship and we get on well, have similar views in life and similar mindset, talk about anything and everything for hours, value each other deeply....

And then I find myself upset and. And I need advice on these bothering issues!

Can I silence these thoughts?

SHOULD I RISK?

SHOULD I LEAVE?

I hope this man wakes up from his deep slumber very soon and runs far away from you
What an evil woman,insecure and scared of a 4 year old child
You haven't even married the man yet and you are already plotting evil of his child
Don't deny it
It is all over your post
She tricked him into having a baby and you didn't?
He is not married to you remember
Your child will soon be in the position of that other child
This poor man won't be asleep too long
Baba God please save this man from making the worst mistake of his life, do it for the sake of this innocent 4 year old child
Amen

.

LostMermaid:


I met the child, been with her several times, she even called me mummy, I get along well with her.

Haven't you ever had some thoughts crossing your mind that you know are not right? Ever wondered why I wrote them all with honesty? To get advice that can help me get them fixed. Don't be so harsh. A true cruel stepmom doesn't even write those things here.

Please don't try to color this now
The poor child calls you mommy and you call her mother a slut?
You both got pregnant for the man out of wedlock
If she is a slut,so are you
You are wondering the position of your unborn children when you haven't carried this pregnancy to term, birthed a live baby or come out of labor and delivery alive .haven't you heard the story of a certain Haman ending up in the gallows he dug for mordecai?

I wish you spent half the energy you spend gritting your teeth at the thought of this girl in convincing this man to marry you before knocking you up
Anuofia
As for the highlighted part nothing could be farther from the truth
Even serial killers write out their thoughts on paper and mark their targets before the killing spree
Your fingers wrote out of the abundance of your evil heart

LostMermaid:


I met the child, been with her several times, she even called me mummy, I get along well with her.

Haven't you ever had some thoughts crossing your mind that you know are not right? Ever wondered why I wrote them all with honesty? To get advice that can help me get them fixed. Don't be so harsh. A true cruel stepmom doesn't even write those things here.

Yes, I did and I was harsh on me for having such thoughts, this is how I control them. Let reason and compassion be your guides.

You are immature, I am not sure you are ready for marriage.

carefreewannabe:
I read the first two paragraphs and stopped because it is enough for me to know that you should not get married to this man, in fact, you should not get married at all. You are jealous of a child and it shows how immature you are. You have no business getting married.

A father's love does not depend on the love for his mother. If it did, all divorced men would stop loving their kids or love them less.

You remind me of the kind of women who abuse kids. Extremely irritating thread.

Spot on.

OP please spare this child and just take a walk.

I can't see anything wrong with your jealousy if you explore it you will not wallow in it. wallowing in it is deadly if i were in your shoes i'd probably have one or two thoughts along these lines you are just being very honest with yourself that i believe is a good thing because while being truly honest with yourself you'll come to the best decision for yourself which maybe to be with this man forever or to step.

I can see your jealousy clouding your i like to think beautiful self so before you marry this man who has a right to love his child and treat her mother with respect even if you think is slutty you need to put the jealous monster within you to permanent sleep if possible.

Stop judging her as slutty and slutty is not bad anyway i imagine you've been slutty many times with your man only you didn't get pregnant yet in future you will be slutty many many times with him so stop judging the woman and believing your man was tricked accept the past that comes with your man don't let that green eyed monster ruin a good thing on the other hand its situations like this that show us who we really are and if you can't do this it does not make you less than any body it just means you are not cut out to share in this kind of way. Be true to yourself, do right by you and so right by the man and his kid never estimate your capacity to love be sure of it to avoid future heart palpitations. Remember Sarah the wife of Abraham the father of faith? she couldn't stand Ishmael so be kind to yourself.

LostMermaid:
1. I have this view... Maybe I should get it out of my head but I can't help it: I think; since he loves me so much and wants to spend rest of his life with me, since I'm the woman he's in love with; then if he makes a child with me, he should love that child more. More than the one he made with a slutty ex by accident, who is still behaving in an evil way. (additional info: she tricked him and got pregnant on purpose, and after 1.5-2 years cheated)

What do you think about this? Do you think men love their children more if those children are made with a woman they're in love with? Do you think I'm right in wishing for such a thing?

Because I have always thought having a child with the one you love is one of the most beautiful and special things in life. And those children are fruits of love, and they are lovelier and more loving people themselves....

I like that little child, but sometimes I find myself resentful that he loves the child of such a slut so much. And then I think; if he's gonna love my child at the same level; then what's special about it...What's special about having a child with the one you love and all?

*****

2. I also think, his child with his ex ( 4 now) might influence the children I will have with him in a bad way, if she came living with us. Sometimes I think it might be nice... but sometimes I think she will be an outsider, kind of like a secret agent; not exactly from the family; representing a slutty mother, and maybe sometimes reminding her, or defending her. Kind of like a dark cloud above the happiness of the family. Keeping us from behaving comfortably, or keeping us from just being the family; like for example preventing me from telling my children how I met the love of my life, their father, my future husband, because she might get jealous or something. Lots of things like that.... What do you think about this?

My man said she might put her mother's picture in her own room when she comes living with us, or even a picture of the mother and my man and the child together (as a family!!?!!!) and he said as much as he wouldn't like this, he should be and also I should be ok with this...

3. Sometimes it's also bothering me that she has a part of him... That way she made herself "forever" remaining in his life, that way or the other. In a way, she still has power over him. As if, he, in a way, partially belongs to her. Despite him saying he hates her badly and everything and they don't even have a proper friendly conversation. He is the father of her child. And he's crazy about her (his) child! There's no stronger bond than that!

Then, I love him so much and he's exactly what I'm looking for.... And we have a beautiful, lovely, romantic relationship and we get on well, have similar views in life and similar mindset, talk about anything and everything for hours, value each other deeply....

And then I find myself upset and. And I need advice on these bothering issues!

Can I silence these thoughts?

SHOULD I RISK?

SHOULD I LEAVE?

**Applause**

Everything you typed here is the typical mentality of a Nigerian woman, you didn't mince words or try to be hypocritical or fake virtuosity.
Your thought process is the reason why the majority of Nigerian women can never handle being step-mums.

Unfortunately, I must also tell you that you are a very selfish woman - the exceptional thing about you however is knowing this already, hence your reason for being stuck between making the decision to continue or get-a-going.

Leave!
This is what you should do.

What a beautiful soul-provoking write-up

Oh for goodness sake!
The hypocrisy and self-righteousness on this thread is utterly disgusting!
The lady simply poured out her heart, how she feels and is looking for a listening ear, NOT JUDGEMENT!

Those ladies above me prattling their mouths and behaving like mother Theresa should swear on amadioha's shrine that the same.thoughts won't cross their minds if they were to be in the same ladies shoes! Haba.
She is looking for help, not condemnation. Some already calling her evil stepmother.

Family section indeed!

LostMermaid:


I met the child, been with her several times, she even called me mummy, I get along well with her.

Haven't you ever had some thoughts crossing your mind that you know are not right? Ever wondered why I wrote them all with honesty? To get advice that can help me get them fixed. Don't be so harsh. A true cruel stepmom doesn't even write those things here.

Pls don't mind them. Hopefully those that have had experience with dating men with kids will come and advice you better.




Ok Av read further down. There are some good advice there but am sure even better ones are coming.

Well i am impressed they called it

That means when they see it in themselves too they will be convicted

As crackhaus said this is the true mentality of the average nigerian woman who sees marriage as an office

Once they marry they see themselves as a employee who should be paid whether business is good or not and not a partner
When the transaction is over, they see the payday as settlement for all the effort they put in

Afterall they gave you their body and children


This lady yes she is honest but she has to move past that

5minsmadness:
Oh for goodness sake!
The hypocrisy and self-righteousness on this thread is utterly disgusting!
The lady simply poured out her heart, how she feels and is looking for a listening ear, NOT JUDGEMENT!

Those ladies above me prattling their mouths and behaving like mother Theresa should swear on amadioha's shrine that the same.thoughts won't cross their minds if they were to be in the same ladies shoes! Haba.
She is looking for help, not condemnation. Some already calling her evil stepmother.

Family section indeed!

5minsmadness:
Oh for goodness sake!
The hypocrisy and self-righteousness on this thread is utterly disgusting!
The lady simply poured out her heart, how she feels and is looking for a listening ear, NOT JUDGEMENT!

Those ladies above me prattling their mouths and behaving like mother Theresa should swear on amadioha's shrine that the same.thoughts won't cross their minds if they were to be in the same ladies shoes! Haba.
She is looking for help, not condemnation. Some already calling her evil stepmother.

Family section indeed!

For the very first time, I TOTALLY agree with you!

To be honest, I will have worse feelings/thoughts if I was in her shoes. Reason I wouldn't even dream of dating baby daddies, talk more marrying them. Call me selfish, territorial, immature, wicked, jealous, but that is the way I feel. I just cannot deal with such drama. My respect to ladies who can.

OP, if you feel strongly about this, then maybe its time to take a step backwards and re-evaluate the whole thingy. Are you ready to live this way for the rest of your life? Are you ready to treat that little innocent girl like yours? Are you ready to have the baby mama meddle in your family affairs (sometimes) using her daughter as an excuse? Weigh your options and be very sincere to yourself. This is your life. Some people can manage the situation properly, others can't.

No matter how popular the "baby mama syndrome" has become, it still is a difficult situation to be in. Ask women in it and if they are being sincere, most of them will tell you it isn't as easy as it looks on the outside.

Marriage in itself, without all this drama, isn't a walk in the park. Then add all these and well. . . The Lord is your muscle.

Goodluck with whatever you decide.

5minsmadness:
Oh for goodness sake!
The hypocrisy and self-righteousness on this thread is utterly disgusting!
The lady simply poured out her heart, how she feels and is looking for a listening ear, NOT JUDGEMENT!

Those ladies above me prattling their mouths and behaving like mother Theresa should swear on amadioha's shrine that the same.thoughts won't cross their minds if they were to be in the same ladies shoes! Haba.
She is looking for help, not condemnation. Some already calling her evil stepmother.

Family section indeed!

You dey mind dem? Self-righteousness at its best...

I don't care if you leave or stay. I just hate it that you can open your mouth and call your fellow woman a slut.
For what na?
She got pregnant out of wedlock same as you and you're better than her because?

Reminds me of one stupid Facebook girl that's always disturbing us with videos of how to be a lady, always using dirty names like bytch,hoe and slutts on other women but she is a single mother too with a child born out of wedlock

Where do some you ladies get off to feeling that you're better than other?
It annoys me seriously.

As for you, leaving or staying is your prerogative. I don't like baggage either so I get where you're coming from.I've rejected a marriage proposal too because the man had twins from another girl.
Me don't like long complicated stories.

pickabeau1:
Well i am impressed they called it

That means when they see it in themselves too they will be convicted

As crackhaus said this is the true mentality of the average nigerian woman who sees marriage as an office

Once they marry they see themselves as a employee who should be paid whether business is good or not and not a partner
When the transaction is over, they see the payday as settlement for all the effort they put in

Afterall they gave you their body and children


This lady yes she is honest but she has to move past that

Like the husbands don't behave like employers

bukatyne:


Like the husbands don't behave like employers

I don't understand your point or post

pickabeau1:


I don't understand your point or post

Simple

Some wives behave like employees

Some husbands behave like employers

bukatyne:


Simple

Some wives behave like employees

Some husbands behave like employers

And so....

How does that link to women hating other kids by their hubby

I pray in Jesus mighty holy name that this man will be led to this thread and see the woman he is contemplating marrying oh. May God save him from this wahala he is entering in Jesus name
Jesus father of little children please protect this innocent child from this lady please.

Is this how you will be referring to her mother to her hearing? Every sentence in reference to her mum is filled with hate and curses, ha I am speechless ohhhhh.

God please come and deliver this little girl from this problem she is about to be shoved in.

Poster in Gods name please leave that man oh, he has a child you are not ready for a man with baggage you will get a single man without kids please and start your ideal family with in Gods name for the sake of that innocent child I beg you walk away

Your person visible from your write-up, you wont leave this man for anything... I want to be honest and considerate with you too cos i dont have all the parameters to judge you. The shoe you are about to wear is one that can be ONLY truely felt when worn. Some people who think they know they cant treat other children unlike theirs will only know otherwise when they get there because all children are not same. If the child exhibite some stubborn/weird traits like stealing, lying, dullness etc no matter the effort invested on them (such children exist), it is usually the mothers fault forgetting the possibility of it coming from the dad or his family. These kinds of fault is mostly and easily managed by a biological mother's love. I want you to find things to study to help you mature as you are still immature for marriage, love that girl like your own. Look at it like this, knowing you cant control tommorrow, think of all possibilities that can make your child end up with another woman and answer yourself if you like yours to be treated the way you treat this girl not forgetting you reap whatever you sow. On the good side the girl child is mostly well behaved when young, when adult is determinant on the hand that groomed them. In the main time find out the challenges of a step mother from the step children, their mum even your to be hubby and prepare yourself.

chaircover:
Haaaaa!

oropesije

The dangerous mind of MOST today ladies.. Hence the numerous Calamity in marriage that are unheard of.


Eeshh

I didn't have to read to the end to realize, that innocent kid would be maltreated by you, if you marry her father.