LostMermaid:


But he was trying to leave her; several times he would want to end and she would come to him crying and begging to get back. Soon after, she became pregnant! When she was claiming to be on birth control. And moreover, claimed to have not realised she's pregnant until too late. This is way too suspicious. AND even if he was telling her she was his all and etc. And even if they had been MARRIED, forcing a man into becoming a father doesn't seem right. Does it? Even if the woman is his wife.

My dear you are spending too much energy on the whys and ifs
No one really knows what goes on in a relationship
You are only getting a third party account
You were not there
I am sure the ex too has a thousand negative things to say about your bf too
meanwhile there is no guarantee that you will get married to this guy and you may find yourself in the exact same position as the ex
From a sister to a sister, free your mind
Take a big breath and relax and have an open mind.
its their problem, not yours.

LostMermaid:


But he was trying to leave her; several times he would want to end and she would come to him crying and begging to get back. Soon after, she became pregnant! When she was claiming to be on birth control. And moreover, claimed to have not realised she's pregnant until too late. This is way too suspicious. AND even if he was telling her she was his all and etc. And even if they had been MARRIED, forcing a man into becoming a father doesn't seem right. Does it? Even if the woman is his wife.

Just stop already, you weren't in the relationship with them, this isn't your battle to fight.

I'm beginning to think that your bf is no good and still hung up on his ex, why talk about her in such a hateful way to you? I won't listen to such if I were in your shoes, it's not wise to let somehow fill your head with hateful things about another person, especially since the person hasn't hurt you in any way.

Whatever happened between them is not your business,if you are meant to carry his first child, it would have happened, accept what you cannot change and move on already, why is it so hard for you to understand?

chaircover:


My dear you are spending too much energy on the whys and ifs
No one really knows what goes on in a relationship
You are only getting a third party account
You were not there
I am sure the ex too has a thousand negative things to say about your bf too
meanwhile there is no guarantee that you will get married to this guy and you may find yourself in the exact same position as the ex
From a sister to a sister, free your mind
Take a big breath and relax and have an open mind.
its their problem, not yours.

Lol true, I always say widows and widowers are the only ones who make their exes saints even if they were the worst spouses on earth but as long as the person is alive and not with us they are devils

LostMermaid:


But he was trying to leave her; several times he would want to end and she would come to him crying and begging to get back. Soon after, she became pregnant! When she was claiming to be on birth control. And moreover, claimed to have not realised she's pregnant until too late. This is way too suspicious. AND even if he was telling her she was his all and etc. And even if they had been MARRIED, forcing a man into becoming a father doesn't seem right. Does it? Even if the woman is his wife.

Yet he's the one fighting tooth and nail to be in the child's life despite the fact that the ex tried to keep him away from the child.

Oh boy.

This is very serious. Seriously.

LostMermaid:


Oh... Thank you very much for this sincere and nice post. I really appreciate it.

Well; when I tried that; tried to stop him and say the woman is not faulty he said I've never been in such an abusive relationship and I don't understand. He even told me that woman attempted to punch him hit him spit on him several times. He even punched him when he was asleep and woke him up like that!

When I saw baby mama, when we were visiting the child (and I was playing with the child- NO PROBLEMS! no wicked stepmom!!); I tried to talk a couple of friendly words with her, and he reacted so angry at me afterwards; as if I crossed the line by speaking in a friendly manner with the "enemy". That's how he reacted. And said things like; oh you taking sides with her, go on then, let's end it; and all, and he started being a bit mean to me, it made me cry.

So I thought, this woman did something really really bad to him. And if I'm with him, I can't go and talk friendly with that woman and all, because it's like betraying him as well.

That's how I felt...

Please correct me if I'm wrong.

Now we r coming closer home.
No, u followed the right step.
Why did I tell u this.human's r very good at shifting blames.

Dont,bc he is ur guy and u r so in lv start ur marriage in a shaky ground.
If he start being mean to u cos u wanna get closer to d baby mama(is that not an alarm?)
Rnt u supposed to be curious. For sure I will.

For the rest of that gal's life, u must be entangled with her mum. It's a fact. If she sees u r pushing her away like ur man,heheheee, a woman can do anything for her daughter.

So take a chill and go tru some posts here and talk to urself,then talk to ur man. If ur hearts didn't connect,pls don't enter. Ur true and rightful man will come.
But if he sees things ur way,by all means u can go ahead.
All these r precautions and safety measures for d future and not now.
Again,all d best.

LostMermaid:


Still have a thing -you mean still keeping the anger of the things that happened in the past?


I don't know how to answer this question. From what I have observed he is a very good, sensitive, caring man.

It's hard to believe he did bad things. Maybe because of cannabis that he was using then. I don't know.

If you saw him you wouldn't believe he could have done bad things; cause he's a really nice and thoughtful guy, my family and friends love him.

It's very obvious u r still young.
I won't explain it either if u didn't get me.
No offense.
Pls can u tell me a little about ur background?
As honest as u were with ur other posts?
I and some others will use that to know a little about u.
Don't worry, we won't lead u astray.
We want d best for u and we hope u will feel better by d time u log off.

moca:

Now we r coming closer home.
No, u followed the right step.
Why did I tell u this.human's r very good at shifting blames.

Dont,bc he is ur guy and u r so in lv start ur marriage in a shaky ground.
If he start being mean to u cos u wanna get closer to d baby mama(is that not an alarm?)
Rnt u supposed to be curious. For sure I will.

For the rest of that gal's life, u must be entangled with her mum. It's a fact. If she sees u r pushing her away like ur man,heheheee, a woman can do anything for her daughter.

So take a chill and go tru some posts here and talk to urself,then talk to ur man. If ur hearts didn't connect,pls don't enter. Ur true and rightful man will come.
But if he sees things ur way,by all means u can go ahead.
All these r precautions and safety measures for d future and not now.
Again,all d best.

Thank you again for the kind post. Yours and some others really did make me feel relieved and see it from another point of view.

Do you think he was scared I would become kind of friends with baby mama and baby mama might tell me some things that he doesn't want me to know?

aisha2:


Lol true, I always say widows and widowers are the only ones who make their exes saints even if they were the worst spouses on earth but as long as the person is alive and not with us they are devils

Abeg, lets mellow down on her.
I can figure she still has a lot to learn about man/woman relationship.

moca:

It's very obvious u r still young.
I won't explain it either if u didn't get me.
No offense.
Pls can u tell me a little about ur background?
As honest as u were with ur other posts?
I and some others will use that to know a little about u.
Don't worry, we won't lead u astray.
We want d best for u and we hope u will feel better by d time u log off.

I'm young but not that young. Not a teenager etc.

I had a couple of short relationships, 2-3 months; but not proper ones; had just one boyfriend before him as long term (about a year).

This guy I'm with is the first guy I shared something sexual with. Except for the time I tried to talk to his baby mama; all along the relationship he's been very understanding and very good to me even at times I was faulty...

I don't know what else to tell..

LostMermaid:


Thank you again for the kind post. Yours and some others really did make me feel relieved and see it from another point of view.

Do you think he was scared I would become kind of friends with baby mama and baby mama might tell me some things that he doesn't want me to know?

Exactly if a man reacted so angrily because you were trying to his speaking to his ex I would be worried because he probably does not want me to have a better view of some one he desperately wants me to hate

ileobatojo:



Yet he's the one fighting tooth and nail to be in the child's life despite the fact that the ex tried to keep him away from the child.

Oh boy.

This is very serious. Seriously.

Ile, read in between lines pls.
I hv,lets try and help her any way we can.
Biko mami

moca:

Abeg, lets mellow down on her.
I can figure she still has a lot to learn about man/woman relationship.

She seems young its good she learns to be open minded. Life is funny

aisha2:


Exactly if a man reacted so angrily because you were trying to his speaking to his ex I would be worried because he probably does not want me to have a better view of some one he desperately wants me to hate

OK. I understand better now... He doesn't want me to find out some things, cause if I do, I might leave him, he thinks.

So this shows he's done bad things...

Now that I know this; should it affect my feelings? What should I do about it?

LostMermaid:


Thank you again for the kind post. Yours and some others really did make me feel relieved and see it from another point of view.

Do you think he was scared I would become kind of friends with baby mama and baby mama might tell me some things that he doesn't want me to know?

Gbam!!!!!

LostMermaid:


OK. I understand better now... He doesn't want me to find out some things, cause if I do, I might leave him, he thinks.

So this shows he's done bad things...

Now that I know this; should it affect my feelings? What should I do about it?

I am not saying he has done some bad things I don't know that, I don't know him, what i am saying is that he is spending too much time making you hate her which is not right, and by your admission the few minutes you had with her she didn't seem to be the monster he painted.
My advice is that you stop listening to the hate campaign and have an open mind. You were not in a relationship with them, what happened wasn't your business. If he insists that to love him you must hate his ex then I would be worried if I were you.

My problem with all this is because he is too invested in his past and its affecting you who wasn't part of it

Go back and read through your post how many names you have called her based on an involved parties account. I can imagine how many times a day he abuses or speaks about her to effect your judgement this much.

aisha2:


She seems young its good she learns to be open minded. Life is funny

Yes, she is and innocent minded too.
Simply exhibiting what was injected in her which on d long run will affect her and all concerned.
I'm tired pls.
Will come back again when I hv rested and done some things.

moca:

Ile, read in between lines pls.
I hv,lets try and help her any way we can.
Biko mami

YPP, I'm helping her by speaking the truth. Time for our little princess here to leave la la land and move to the real world.

moca:

Yes, she is and innocent minded too.
Simply exhibiting what was injected in her which on d long run will affect her and all concerned.
I'm tired pls.
Will come back again when I hv rested and done some things.

Lol true, I pray she doesn't find out the hard way that today its someone else tomorrow it could be her and not to allow anyone to use her clean nyash.

Rest my sister

moca:


Iyaaaaaa!!!
No be today hausa men begin use spear!
I never ever make mistakes in this kind of thing
I can tell who is smitten by who here, pure hatred from who to whom,gal/gal rivalries bc of jealousy, guy/guy admiration and image booster eg all d guys r alive and extra charged when coogar is in d house(d men's thread says it all) and those flirting with each other.
I study my environment wella and here is no excpetion

But carry go, nothing do u
Once she declare say she don carry belle, u will mellow
I pray I will still be here by then

moca the FBI agent......

ileobatojo:


YPP, I'm helping her by speaking the truth. Time for our little princess here to leave la la land and move to the real world.

)))

Lostmermaid - Pls leave this guy and look for somebody else. You are still in ur mid-twenties right. From ur all posts on this thread and previous threads, you can't handle being a stepmom and you will never be able to. It has nothing to do with age else we won't have matured wicked stepmoms.

Right from the start regardless of age, it's either you love ur stepchild or you don't, Infact, I'll say wicked stepmoms get worse with age when the child starts to grow and blossom right under their eyes. And these thoughts of urs and continuos hatred of the mother is where such wickedness springs from.

You claim you love the man and he loves you back but guess what, sometimes love is not enough when you get married. I don't even believe ur man hates the ex cuz he is willing to allow her pic in his daughter's room. he just told u what happened btw them and you held on to every word, became his lawyer like someone said while acting as a jury to his ex. And forget all the public smiling to the child and ex, it doesn't mean a thing obviously.

You can't handle his stepchild, and you won't learn to, leave him and find someone else who will love you as much without any babymama.

Kimoni:
Lostmermaid - Pls leave this guy and look for somebody else. You are still in ur mid-twenties right. From ur all posts on this thread and previous threads, you can't handle being a stepmom and you will never be able to. It has nothing to do with age else we won't have matured wicked stepmoms.
Right from the start regardless of age, it's either you love ur stepchild or you don't, Infact, I'll say wicked stepmoms get worse with age when the child starts to grow and blossom right under their eyes. And these thoughts of urs and continuos hatred of the mother is where such wickedness springs from.
You claim you love the man and he loves you back but guess what, sometimes love is not enough when you get married. I don't even believe ur man hates the ex cuz he is willing to allow her pic in his daughter's room. he just told u what happened btw them and you held on to every word, became his lawyer like someone said while acting as a jury to his ex. And forget all the public smiling to the child and ex, it doesn't mean a thing obviously.
You can't handle his stepchild, and you won't learn to, leave him and find someone else who will love you as much without any babymama.

The guy is actually the one feeding her all the hate. Worst still when she attempted to be nice to his ex he flared up and was mean to her.

The man is the one with the issues in all this
The ex has moved on and is married, He is the one still.telling stories and making babe here hate the ex as a sign of loyalty to him

chaircover:


Did she not know that her hubby had a kid before?
Its never okay when other kids do it, but when our own kids do it we dont take it as bad
Ive been telling my son to clean the bathroom since Tuesday, he says Yes mum and twists me. . . . . I am still waiting.
I have a very mellow aunty when it comes to teenagers and she told me that all the things her househelps used to do that annoyed her back then, her kids did all the same things when they got to that age and so she doesnt get angry when teenagers do what they do.

It takes a special person and maturity and the fear of God to be a good stepmother
I dont think that the poster can cope. It will mean a total mind reset.
She doesnt understand the gravity of having a stepchild entails
The man may even have a softer spot for his daughter than the posters own kids due to guilt on his part.
Its a life time venture
She may even find herself sitting at the edge of the high table when baby momma and her hubby sit together wearing and co at the daughters wedding.
When all the hurt and bitterness passes, the ex and hubby may become friends just for the kids sake . . they have a lifetime to make up
I dont think that the poster will be able to deal with this.
Somehow I dont see this set up working
She is not mentally ready for this
Better she leaves and finds a man that she can relate with on her own level.

There is a guy at work with 2 baby momma
He is seeing another work collegue
The young girl is happy now, but when she discovers that half his wages go on child support, and so she cant go to Dubai on holiday every year, or she cant have him to herself evety weekend, she may start blowing hot and cold.

I agree based on all the things she has replied I don't think she can and you know what in a way I think its actually a good thing that she is voicing out this niggling thoughts in her mind.

I stopped talking so much about this issue cos in law things naa and it was beginning to be like' it seems you too are taking her side'.She is also older than I am so it was beginning to be like 'kini omo kekere e mo' meaning 'what does your young naive self know'.

I am very good with teenagers and for some reason they always seem to open up to me (maybe because I am a funky aunty ) just joking but I guess its easier to deal with other people's teenagers than yours.I have actually done a few courses on dealing with young people and head the childrens and youth ministry in church so I guess that helps and I tend to listen to them and tell them 'why' mum and dad seem to always say no to everything.So I used this same tactic with her, went shopping with her , asked her opinion on my make up and hair just ways to draw her out of her shell (she disappears to her room whenever her stepmum is home).And to her she can never do anything right and her stepmum criticises her ALL the time.

I told her once ,you know what my mum used to criticise me all the time as a teenager too.But it was from a place of love.So try not see it as criticism and try to help out at home.She says when she even tries aunty says she did not do it well.

I tried my to tell my inlaw to praise her sometimes when she tries.My issue is my inlaw might be right about some of those criticisms but she has taken the stance of 'you are kuku not my child so let me concentrate on my child'.
She feels her dad has spoilt her but I can feel the man's dilemma.

Its a tricky situation cos this girl mother is even dead (she actually died at childbirth ) and she and her dad were alone till he remarried when she was about 7 so that bond is very strong as he had to be both father and mother to her. You can't come in between that bond by being overly strict.My inlaw is naturally a strict person nd to be fair to her she is strict on her child too so in her head she is trying to 'help him train her and if they don't want it' she will concentrate on her own child.But unconsciously that competition (which might be a natural reaction that like most have said needs maturity and a conscious decision to supress) is now beginning to creep in . Instead of seeing it as the man wanting his child to face hus studies without having to work part time for maintenance she is now seeing it as the 'lazy child' wanting not to work which means her dad might not be able to afford extras they would otherwise have been able to afford.In her mind sef she thinks she is defending her husband as she feels he works too hard to support a spoilt entitled child. I wonder if that would be the case if it was 'their' child.
It's all just complicated sha.And even though I know sometimes she might be right sometimes the husband and girl too have a point.This is an issue that has almost broken the marriage if not for wisdom and God. (my mum sef has mediated once before).

In the UK esp I know a no of couples with children from prev relationships and it takes alot of maturity to ensure less drama.

Which is why I am relating all this to OP to see its not an easy ride.
If you can't stand the heat don't get in the kitchen in the first place.

damiso:


I agree based on all the things she has replied I don't think she can and you know what in a way I think its actually a good thing that she is voicing out this niggling thoughts in her mind.

I stopped talking so much about this issue cos in law things naa and it was beginning to be like' it seems you too are taking her side'.She is also older than I am so it was beginning to be like 'kini omo kekere e mo' meaning 'what does your young naive self know'.

I am very good with teenagers and for some reason they always seem to open up to me (maybe because I am a funky aunty ) just joking but I guess its easier to deal with other people's teenagers than yours.I have actually done a few courses on dealing with young people and head the childrens and youth ministry in church so I guess that helps and I tend to listen to them and tell them 'why' mum and dad seem to always say no to everything.So I used this same tactic with her, went shopping with her , asked her opinion on my make up and hair just ways to draw her out of her shell (she disappears to her room whenever her stepmum is home).And to her she can never do anything right and her stepmum criticises her ALL the time.

I told her once ,you know what my mum used to criticise me all the time as a teenager too.But it was from a place of love.So try not see it as criticism and try to help out at home.She says when she even tries aunty says she did not do it well.

I tried my to tell my inlaw to praise her sometimes when she tries.My issue is my inlaw might be right about some of those criticisms but she has taken the stance of 'you are kuku not my child so let me concentrate on my child'.
She feels her dad has spoilt her but I can feel the man's dilemma.

Its a tricky situation cos this girl mother is even dead (she actually died at childbirth ) and she and her dad were alone till he remarried when she was about 7 so that bond is very strong as he had to be both father and mother to her. You can't come in between that bond by being overly strict.My inlaw is naturally a strict person nd to be fair to her she is strict on her child too so in her head she is trying to 'help him train her and if they don't want it' she will concentrate on her own child.But unconsciously that competition (which might be a natural reaction that like most have said needs maturity and a conscious decision to supress) is now beginning to creep in . Instead of seeing it as the man wanting his child to face hus studies without having to work part time for maintenance she is now seeing it as the 'lazy child' wanting not to work which means her dad might not be able to afford extras they would otherwise have been able to afford.In her mind sef she thinks she is defending her husband as she feels he works too hard to support a spoilt entitled child. I wonder if that would be the case if it was 'their' child.
It's all just complicated sha.And even though I know sometimes she might be right sometimes the husband and girl too have a point.This is an issue that has almost broken the marriage if not for wisdom and God. (my mum sef has mediated once before).

In the UK esp I know a no of couples with children from prev relationships and it takes alot of maturity to ensure less drama.

Which is why I am relating all this to OP to see its not an easy ride.
If you can't stand the heat don't get in the kitchen in the first place.

Thank you for sharing this.

Kimoni:
Lostmermaid - Pls leave this guy and look for somebody else. You are still in ur mid-twenties right. From ur all posts on this thread and previous threads, you can't handle being a stepmom and you will never be able to. It has nothing to do with age else we won't have matured wicked stepmoms.

Right from the start regardless of age, it's either you love ur stepchild or you don't, Infact, I'll say wicked stepmoms get worse with age when the child starts to grow and blossom right under their eyes. And these thoughts of urs and continuos hatred of the mother is where such wickedness springs from.

You claim you love the man and he loves you back but guess what, sometimes love is not enough when you get married. I don't even believe ur man hates the ex cuz he is willing to allow her pic in his daughter's room. he just told u what happened btw them and you held on to every word, became his lawyer like someone said while acting as a jury to his ex. And forget all the public smiling to the child and ex, it doesn't mean a thing obviously.

You can't handle his stepchild, and you won't learn to, leave him and find someone else who will love you as much without any babymama.

"Handling" something doesn't always happen like in a second; for some maybe it does; some can lift a weight the moment they see it. But some need to try and build strength for it, until they are able to lift it.

I'm trying to build that strength.

"Way of thinking" isn't something constant in our minds; we can change our point of view, we can change our thoughts; if we want to.

And obviously, I want to, I'm trying to, that's why I'm here.

Instead of telling me "I can't handle" you could instead provide HOW one can handle, HOW you would handle, or someone else. That would be a more productive, and affective comment.

Otherwise, "you can't do this, you can't do that, move on, quit...." etc. Saying all these are the easiest thing. And they never help one grow.

moca:


[s]Iyaaaaaa!!!
No be today hausa men begin use spear!
I never ever make mistakes in this kind of thing
I can tell who is smitten by who here, pure hatred from who to whom,gal/gal rivalries bc of jealousy, guy/guy admiration and image booster eg all d guys r alive and extra charged when coogar is in d house(d men's thread says it all) and those flirting with each other.
I study my environment wella and here is no excpetion

But carry go, nothing do u
Once she declare say she don carry belle, u will mellow
I pray I will still be here by then[/s]

You think you know, but you don't - and any attempt by me to correct you could be scandalous to all involved...

Keep guessing moca!

aisha2:


The guy is actually the one feeding her all the hate. Worst still when she attempted to be nice to his ex he flared up and was mean to her.

The man is the one with the issues in all this
The ex has moved on and is married, He is the one still.telling stories and making babe here hate the ex as a sign of loyalty to him

Aisha, the lady has her issues also. I assume what the man told her was at the early stage of the relationship and really, what was she expecting to hear? That he still loves his ex? That he still can't do without her? That his relationship with the ex is the best thing that happened to him? Which man would say all that to his present girl? Any sensible girl will know how to discard whatever negative stories her man is tell her about an ex. I am not even bothered about that aspect of her life cuz experience teaches one how to deal with such stories over time but what you never learn over time is how to love a stepchild.

And to say that the root of her innermost feelings towards the stepchild is as a result of the negative stories the man is feeding her about the ex is so so false. Infact she would dislike the child more if the man was saying pleasant things about the ex. She just needs to get real with her true feelings.

Kimoni:


Aisha, the lady has her issues also. I assume what the man told her was at the early stage of the relationship and really, what was she expecting to hear? That he still loves his ex? That he still can't do without her? That his relationship with the ex is the best thing that happened to him? Which man would say all that to his present girl? Any sensible girl will know how to discard whatever negative stories her man is tell her about an ex. I am not even bothered about that aspect of her life cuz experience teaches one how to deal with such stories over time but what you never learn over time is how to love a stepchild.

And to say that the root of her innermost feelings towards the stepchild is as a result of the negative stories the man is feeding her about the ex is so so false. Infact she would dislike the child more if the man was saying pleasant things about the ex. She just needs to get real with her true feelings.

Read through page 7 when she said she tried to be friendly with the woman and the boyfriend was mean to her afterwards making it a we must both hate my ex campaign.

I initially thought it was her till I clearly asked the questions so I could know the source of her aggression that's when she opened up with the angle that the man keeps fuelling the hate with several stories and doesn't even allow her get a closer view of who she has been made to hate to get a different point of view

Kimoni:


Aisha, the lady has her issues also. I assume what the man told her was at the early stage of the relationship and really, what was she expecting to hear? That he still loves his ex? That he still can't do without her? That his relationship with the ex is the best thing that happened to him? Which man would say all that to his present girl? Any sensible girl will know how to discard whatever negative stories her man is tell her about an ex. I am not even bothered about that aspect of her life cuz experience teaches one how to deal with such stories over time but what you never learn over time is how to love a stepchild.

And to say that the root of her innermost feelings towards the stepchild is as a result of the negative stories the man is feeding her about the ex is so so false. Infact she would dislike the child more if the man was saying pleasant things about the ex. She just needs to get real with her true feelings.

You've said it all, who cares about the ex here, we are talking about the child biko.

damiso you are so right about that and children can even break up a home.

My ex husband had a little girl, I loved her very much but she made life difficult for me. She was like two when she came to us.
Very often my ex would be want to go out on week end, maybe even briefly and he would suddenly storm out of the house with the child and they wouldn´t come back all day. She was like 6.
I never understood why and when he came back I would ask him why he was angry, if I had done anything to offend him and he gave no reply.
Then one day my ex travelled and I was about going out, the little girl came to my room and pleaded I should take her along. I said it was not possible, she started begging, fell on her knees and clung t my legs. I should please take her she was scared to stay with the nanny. I was so angry I ran out of the room . I had already let out my first yell to scold the nanny.
Then I stopped shot, that was what the child had been doing with the dad all this time and he was so mad at me and would storm out.
This was a child that was brought from the village and left with me at age two. I treated her just like my child carried her on my back, slept with her on my bed, just like I did with my kid`s.
I bought her more cloths than my daughter because she was older, however once a woman came to visit with cloths for sale from the states and only one sized her and two the little girl. I asked the woman to come next time with more of the big girls size. The child told her dad that I bought only one for her and should return one so that the little sister has only one. My ex supported it. Asked for the dresses so he would take one away.
I asked him to please take a look at the cloths the children have before taking the dress away. When he opened the wardrobe, he could not say anything. The bigger girl had so much more because , being older I paid more emphasis on her. I must add that all the cloths were bought with my money.
Once she went and spat her meat in the bin( as she usually did ) when my ex passed her by eating and asked why she had no meat she told him I did not give her meat. I got the beating of my life that day. When I could finally show him the meat, he just smiled at the girl and asked her why she lied.
My ex went really far. He even locked up milk and cornflakes just for her. I had no right to scold her and had to do everything just the way she wanted it. I got even more scared of offending her than offending the dad.
Whenever I make her hair she would sit quietly, as soon as she saw the dad she would start screaming that I was pulling the hair purposly and the dad would get mad at me and hit out at me, yet he would not allow the hair to be plaited by anyone else.
The one that shocked me the most was the bed wetting. She always slept with me and in the night she would wet like three four times and she told the dad that I poured water on the bed and sayed she wet Never could believe this could come from a child. That day was horrible. God I hurt for days phsically and mentally. The worse part of it was that I had to find a way of not letting the bed get wet again so that I don`t get into trouble. Desperate situations call for desperate measures. We had a dried out ram skin and it was rather scary for her. I told her I would put it o the bed for her to lie on if she ever wet the bed again. That child never once wet the bed again! This got me wondering if she was doing it intentionally, but can a child do such a thing. I remember when the mother brought her at two, she said she was bringing the child to punish me. God knows I don`t believe in all this remote control stuff but this matter was really above me.
When the marriage was finally over I had to leave without her, She grew up with more than 4 different step mums.
Years later she apologized for everything she did, I was the only mother she really had, no one ever showed her such love. I told her she was just a child and was not in any way responsible. It was the inability of the parents to handle the situation.

Honestly it takes the maturity and will of the man and the woman for a patchwork family to work out.

freecocoa:
You've said it all, who cares about the ex here, we are talking about the child biko.

You should understand that the root of her ill feelings towards the child is the stories she has been fed about her mother. She believes that if the mother had not " deceived " her boyfriend into having a baby she would be the first to have his child

LostMermaid:


Still have a thing -you mean still keeping the anger of the things that happened in the past?


I don't know how to answer this question. From what I have observed he is a very good, sensitive, caring man.

It's hard to believe he did bad things. Maybe because of cannabis that he was using then. I don't know.

If you saw him you wouldn't believe he could have done bad things; cause he's a really nice and thoughtful guy, my family and friends love him.

These ladies talking to you don't know your man better than you do. They all are talking from their own experiences, not yours. Inasmuch as some of their advice ain't bad, don't project their own doubtful thoughts over a man they have never met to you who has seen him and interacted with him in person.