If you cannot love this man as well as his child, then get out of his life, before you use wickedness to destroy father and child relationship.
If I were to start a pet project, it is to catch women like you (after catching evil men of course) that don't have it in their hearts to love the other woman's kid but marry a man out of desperation creating a cycle of dysfunction.

alutacontinua:


What exactly was that sentence for?
that whole post could have still existed without the first part.
But no, every thread has to denigrate into crackhaus vs cococandy
you know what your friends on romance section do? They create a thread for themselves! You can try that too, something like 'crackhacandy's lounge' that way, nobody'll disturb you



and if you think I'll use all those vulgar words back on you, you're on a really long ride!

Are you a lesbian or something? Cos I really don't understand what anything I post to her has to do with you...

Fvck off for God sake!

LostMermaid:

He proposed to me. We want to get married. He WANTS TO have a child(even two) with me. So we are PLANNING it. I'm not pregnant. I didn't trick him with anything.
I called his ex a slut because she CHEATED (and also tricked) AND didn't want to show his kid to him. I didn't doany of these. Don't judge so quick.

Madam you are shouting dont judge while you are judging the girls mother calling her all sorts of name.

Please its not your duty or place to hate or label his ex no matter what he told you about her, he dated her, you didn't date her. Except she cheated on you you have no right to call her those names. Leave them to sort their issues don't get involved to the extent of hating and calling her names.
Start from their, rid yourself of the ill feelings you have towards the mom that the starting point

crackhaus:

Are you a lesbian or something? Cos I really don't understand what anything I post to her has to do with you...

Fvck for God sake!

It takes up space.
you post, she posts! And then the next 5 pages are about you both picking on yourselves, saying things that has nothing to do with thread, heck, you even go as far as bringing your offline lives into it!
It's stressful when I have to scroll through a whole page and only 2 posts are about the topic!
and yes, I could even be a lesbian-none of your damn business

LostMermaid:
1. I have this view... Maybe I should get it out of my head but I can't help it: I think; since he loves me so much and wants to spend rest of his life with me, since I'm the woman he's in love with; then if he makes a child with me, he should love that child more. More than the one he made with a slutty ex by accident, who is still behaving in an evil way. (additional info: she tricked him and got pregnant on purpose, and after 1.5-2 years cheated)

What do you think about this? Do you think men love their children more if those children are made with a woman they're in love with? Do you think I'm right in wishing for such a thing?

You cannot predict who a man will love more by this postulation. Its not about loving more. Its his child and they have a natural bond and he will love this child regardless of how 'slutty' her mother is. Do not project the mother's 'hateful' characteristics on the child.

Because I have always thought having a child with the one you love is one of the most beautiful and special things in life. And those children are fruits of love, and they are lovelier and more loving people themselves....

This is true.

I like that little child, but sometimes I find myself resentful that he loves the child of such a slut so much. And then I think; if he's gonna love my child at the same level; then what's special about it...What's special about having a child with the one you love and all?

*****

2. I also think, his child with his ex ( 4 now) might influence the children I will have with him in a bad way, if she came living with us. Sometimes I think it might be nice... but sometimes I think she will be an outsider, kind of like a secret agent; not exactly from the family; representing a slutty mother, and maybe sometimes reminding her, or defending her. Kind of like a dark cloud above the happiness of the family. Keeping us from behaving comfortably, or keeping us from just being the family; like for example preventing me from telling my children how I met the love of my life, their father, my future husband, because she might get jealous or something. Lots of things like that.... What do you think about this?

The fire condition of living happily ever after with a single parent is for you to accept their child. If you know in your heart of hearts that you cant do it, move on. If you go ahead and marry him and your little doubts and disdain for this child grows then you are going to be the one to lose because the more you try to push the child away the more you are going to push him away from you. Marriage is for life. Don't enter with doubts.

My man said she might put her mother's picture in her own room when she comes living with us, or even a picture of the mother and my man and the child together (as a family!!?!!!) and he said as much as he wouldn't like this, he should be and also I should be ok with this...

He isn't doing this for himself. He is doing it for the child. She is four and already knows who her mother is. The picture might be of comfort to her. Don't see it as invasion of your home/space.

3. Sometimes it's also bothering me that she has a part of him... That way she made herself "forever" remaining in his life, that way or the other. In a way, she still has power over him. As if, he, in a way, partially belongs to her. Despite him saying he hates her badly and everything and they don't even have a proper friendly conversation. He is the father of her child. And he's crazy about her (his) child! There's no stronger bond than that!

This is also true. Nothing you can do about it.

Then, I love him so much and he's exactly what I'm looking for.... And we have a beautiful, lovely, romantic relationship and we get on well, have similar views in life and similar mindset, talk about anything and everything for hours, value each other deeply....

And then I find myself upset and. And I need advice on these bothering issues!

Can I silence these thoughts?

SHOULD I RISK?

SHOULD I LEAVE?

Not everyone is built to be accommodating. If you know you cannot emotionally handle his extended family/baby mama and baby, then I suggest...no matter how painful it might sound...I suggest that you leave him. Love easily turns sour in this world and marriage is a tough enough institution without bringing these outside factors into play. If you know you cannot accommodate the man and child now then nothing will change in 1yr, 5yrs or 10yrs from now.


You will definitely find the right match for you as you continue your soul searching. But don't bring ruin to three lives(yours included) because you couldn't see past the immediate future. At the end of the day the choice still lies with you.

alutacontinua:

It takes up space.
you post, she posts! And then the next 5 pages are about you both picking on yourselves, saying things that has nothing to do with thread, heck, you even go as far as bringing your offline lives into it!
It's stressful when I have to scroll through a whole page and only 2 posts are about the topic!
and yes, I could even be a lesbian-none of your damn business

Are you NL space auditor now?

Abeg leave them alone. They bicker and make back up. You're the one making a big deal out of it coz I don't see one.

It all fun and makes a good read.

is the op still here hating on the 4 year old?

better make sure your boyfriend is not making another baby with that or another baby mama while you are busy raining vituperations on his little daughter.

a man spends 90% of his time with you, badmouthing his ex, and you are happy, not knowing what that means is his mind remains on the ex while he is with you.

lolababe331e:


I have already told you that even here on nairaland we've had cases where the man insisted that the woman must send away the child so it's not assumptions.There was a case where he didn't even tell the woman that in the beginning because he knew she would not agree so he waited till they were married then turned around and said she must send the child to the grandparents who are in the village that is mal treatment, how can you send away a child from his mother to go live the village with aged grandparents simply because it makes you jealous when you see the child so yes so men do pretend to be accepting of the child and then after marriage they let their real feelings be known. I also know of men who insist that the step kids attend public schools while their kids go to private because they don't want to waste money raising another man's child that is the same as wicked step mom saying when should she spend her time and energy caring for another woman's child or saying if there's only small rice left in the house her own children should have it while the step child drinks garri since after all she works for her children.

Madam, don't use Nairaland topics to defend your stance - more than half the threads that are created here to seek advice don't tell the full story.

If you have encountered or heard about it in real life, then I can understand your point - and if you also say you have, then how many of those have you encountered compared to cases of women and step-children... which incidentally was my question in the first place.

pickabeau1:


And so....

How does that link to women hating other kids by their hubby

Exactly How you linked it

Ewuro4:


Are you NL space auditor now?

Abeg leave them alone. They bicker and make back up. You're the one making a big deal out of it coz I don't see one.

It all fun and makes a good read.

He overdoes it, biko!
Some bickerings make for a good read, until it degenerates into something else!
And clearly, he was gonna start another one today!
it's against rules 1 and 2
and I have a duty as stated by rule 13

alutacontinua:


He overdoes it, biko!
Some bickerings make for a good read, until it degenerates into something else!
And clearly, he was gonna start another one today!
it's against rules 1 and 2
and I have a duty as stated by rule 13

You've got issues mehn...

Did I steal your barbie doll?

Lmao . Lostmermaid calling an ex a slut.

Tomorrow, your fiance will call you worst when he breaks off with you.

I feel sorry for the child here, I hope her mum takes care of her .

pickabeau1:



You've started again with your absurd theories

Do you see men pretending to like a step child to marry the woman

If they do..what's the ratio to women who have smiling faces but hate the kid

Continue ranting about hypocrisy

When u come to the real world..u can contribute

I'm not talking about people pretending to like step kids to get married.

I'm talking about you making a case of women who don't get along with their step kids as if it is an evil thing even when we know many men can't accept step kids let alone try to get along with them for the mother's sake.

You didn't even waste time before you started your Nigerian women bashing thing.

It's very obvious he's smitten by her @aluta.
I've been watching them from d sideline.

Not only him,some of them guys who were once her online friends became critics as soon as she posted some pictures

To study d body language of an average male online/offline is very simple.
And then again,it seems like coco likes d attention hence she would hv put an end to it.

So chill and let them be
Or,r u jealous?

Op you are wicked and evil. And don't be surprised your type might end not having a child at all.

Any day you try anything diabolical around that child you will die.

cococandy:
you don't have any right to call her a slut. You weren't in the relationship with them.

Whatever you know is what your man told you and he will never make himself out to be the bad guy.

Just correct yourself.

What's the difference between she and the lady.

Both of them dey chop pen1s even when not married and she calls her a slut.

Wonders shall never end

Chillisauce:


What's the difference between she and the lady.

Both of them dey chop pen1s even when not married and she calls her a slut.

Wonders shall never end

i really dislike it when we women judge others ever so harshly.

Anything to appear like the better woman I guess

cococandy:

I'm not talking about people pretending to like step kids to get married.

I'm talking about you making a case of women who don't get along with their step kids as if it is an evil thing even when we know many men can't accept step kids let alone try to get along with them for the mother's sake.

You didn't even waste time before you started your Nigerian women bashing thing.

Once again...be real

Let me explain it to you maybe it will stick this time


A man will not over think how a step kid will mean his wife will not love his own kids

If a man does not want baby daddy drama..he moves on

He will not pretend to like d kid to get the ring


Those who do this are a minority



Its more common with you females


Do you understand now

softysparky:
Op you are wicked and evil. And don't be surprised your type might end not having a child at all.

Any day you try anything diabolical around that child you will die.

Yes got it.


Then A man won't even want to be in that situation in the first place because they can't deal with it.

That's why a single woman without a kid will be their first choice except they can't avoid it

So coming her to judge women who don't get along with their step kids easily and making it a Nigerian women's thing is hypocrisy on your part.

Get it?

pickabeau1:


Once again...be real

Let me explain it to you maybe it will stick this time


A man will not over think how a step kid will mean his wife will not love his own kids

If a man does not want baby daddy drama..he moves on

He will not pretend to like d kid to get the ring


Those who do this are a minority



Its more common with you females


Do you understand now

cococandy:
i really dislike it when we women judge others ever so harshly.

Anything to appear like the better woman I guess

Don't mind them, I know their type. Claiming to be righteous yet na dem commit sin pass .

Lostmermaid

It is very wrong to call his ex a slut.

Some women can deal with men with baggage while some can't. You are not a bad person if you can't deal with a man with baggage but you will be a bad person if you marry him fully aware that he is a man with baggage and then treat his daughter badly. Please think carefully about this. I have heard of women who married men with baggage and seem happy today but I have also seen many who are unhappy and even more women who thought they could cope but later realised it was not exactly what they thought. You have to either walk away or fully accept her as your child if you go on to marry her dad.

pickabeau1:


Once again...be real

Let me explain it to you maybe it will stick this time


A man will not over think how a step kid will mean his wife will not love his own kids

If a man does not want baby daddy drama..he moves on

He will not pretend to like d kid to get the ring


Those who do this are a minority



Its more common with you females


Do you understand now

You are very wrong.

There have been cases of stepfathers who (sexually) abused their stepchildren so leave gender out of it.

Western fairy tales often deal with wicked stepmothers, it is a reoccurring theme in some of them so leave nationality out of it.

Kids often suffer because some people, such as the OP, are immature and insecure and because others are wicked. It has nothing to do with gender or nationality.

carefreewannabe:


You are very wrong.

There have been cases of stepfathers who (sexually) abused their stepchildren so leave gender out of it.

Western fairy tales often deal with wicked stepmothers, it is a reoccurring theme in some of them so leave nationality out of it.

Kids often suffer because some people, such as the OP, are immature and insecure and because others are wicked. It has nothing to do with gender or nationality.

I never mentioned nationality

So how many cases based on ratio do u see evil stepdads to evil step moms

Go figure

pickabeau1:


I never mentioned nationality

So how many cases based on ratio do u see evil stepdads to evil step moms

Go figure

Why should I go and figure it out when you seem to be the expert who knows the numbers?

cococandy:
I don't care if you leave or stay. I just hate it that you can open your mouth and call your fellow woman a slut.
For what na?
She got pregnant out of wedlock same as you and you're better than her because?

Reminds me of one stupid Facebook girl that's always disturbing us with videos of how to be a lady, always using dirty names like bytch,hoe and slutts on other women but she is a single mother too with a child born out of wedlock

Where do some you ladies get off to feeling that you're better than other?
It annoys me seriously.

As for you, leaving or staying is your prerogative. I don't like baggage either so I get where you're coming from.I've rejected a marriage proposal too because the man had twins from another girl.
Me don't like long complicated stories.

Where did you make up i'm pregnant from? I'm not pregnant or anything. He wants to marry me. And he wants to have a child (or two) with me. So it's a PLAN. Nothing to do with what his ex did; nothing to do with saying she's on birth control to a man(who wants to split up!!), and then tricking him into pregnancy and then claiming not understanding that pregnancy until 4th month.

Secondly, to me, cheating on a man doesn't make a woman very moral. And as far as I know this is the same all over the world. This woman cheated on my future husband, and she is still together with that man. She was sending that man love messages when she was living together with my future husband and their child. This is why she is slutty.

I never cheated on anyone. And never tricked anyone!

I hope you haven't either!

So you won't go ahead and act like the lawyer of a 'slut' who cheated on the father of her child, and then tried to keep that child away from him, causing him so much pain.

cococandy:

I have witnessed something like this and believe me, the poor innocent child is always at the receiving end.
The stepmother treated her like a leper in her own father's house and refused her going back to stay with her mother because she wouldn't want the husband to use her as an excuse to see his ex.
The girl later died shaaa.

carefreewannabe:


Why should I go and figure it out when you seem to be the expert who knows the numbers?

Ok

pickabeau1:


Ok

Show us the statistics and when doing so, please consider the proportions of women accepting children from other women as compared to men accepting children from other men. I am waiting.

LostMermaid:


Where did you make up i'm pregnant from? I'm not pregnant or anything. He wants to marry me. And he wants to have a child (or two) with me. So it's a PLAN. Nothing to do with what his ex did; nothing to do with saying she's on birth control to a man(who wants to split up!!), and then tricking him into pregnancy and then claiming not understanding that pregnancy until 4th month.

Secondly, to me, cheating on a man doesn't make a woman very moral. And as far as I know this is the same all over the world. This woman cheated on my future husband, and she is still together with that man. She was sending that man love messages when she was living together with my future husband and their child. This is why she is slutty.

I never cheated on anyone. And never tricked anyone!

I hope you haven't either!

So you won't go ahead and act like the lawyer of a 'slut' who cheated on the father of her child, and then tried to keep that child away from him, causing him so much pain.

Wow, what a world. Did a woman just write all these things about another woman?

babygirlfl:
Lostmermaid

It is very wrong to call his ex a slut.

Some women can deal with men with baggage while some can't. You are not a bad person if you can't deal with a man with baggage but you will be a bad person if you marry him fully aware that he is a man with baggage and then treat his daughter badly. Please think carefully about this. I have heard of women who married men with baggage and seem happy today but I have also seen many who are happy and even more women who thought they could cope but later realised it was not exactly what they thought. You have to either walk away or fully accept her as your child if you go on to marry her dad.

She cheated on him when they were living together. Then, started living with that other man she cheated on with, and, started keeping the kid away from my future husband, now that she's found 'a better dad for the child'. That's what makes me call her a slut. Because I think people who cheat on their partners, and then who torture them by not showing their kid, shouldn't deserve much respect, should they?

freecocoa:
This is not about anyone being self righteous or a hypocrite, it's just very obvious from her writing, that the OP hates the kid's mum and it can be deduced that she doesn't want the child to have a part of the dad like she said, just how is this normal?

Obviously the definition of normalcy depends on the writer.You cannot care for let alone love a child you describe in the terms she has.if this child died,she may actually rejoice that her competition is out, from the tone of her post.