Chillisauce:
Why is the child calling you mummy when her mother is still alive. What happened to your name ?

I was asking myself the same question.

carefreewannabe:


I was asking myself the same question.

Even if they were to be married, let the child call you by your name or aunty "this". They are not married yet and a four yr has start calling her mummy.

For Pete sake, her mum is still alive, have some respect.
That's me, I would be furious if my little Angel calls my ex boyfriend fiancee 'mummy'.

carefreewannabe:


I am not condemning you. I am just speaking my mind and my opinion is that you should not marry this man if [/b]a) you are jealous of his child and see this child as a rival and b) [b]if you hate the mother's child.

A situation in which kids from previous relationships are involved require mature minds who are able to leave emotions aside and act in the interest of the innocent kids.

You asked for opinions and I am convinced that you are not mature enough to handle the situation and I am really concerned about the child's well-being.

Solomons about
So she should only marry him if she loves his ex.
I dey hear all of una

Cheating is not the worst crime. The bible says if you think it its like you have done it. So if you have hateful thoughts you have already done the act. The sin of cheating and the sin of hate is one and the same. Your sin isn't better than hers.
You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister[b][c] will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’[d] is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.
You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[e] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart

...and anyone who throws a bomb in a Church (or Mosque), or schools will be in danger of what....?
Pls you half baked preachers should stop all these contradictory nonesnse to justify ur bias

San2ski:


Solomons about
So she should only marry him if she loves his ex.
I dey hear all of una

Not when she sees the innocent child as the daughter of a slut that denied her the opportunity to have the man's first child.

Not when she already sees the girl as a dark cloud that will bring unhappiness to the family.

Not when she believes the little girl will influence her YET TO BE BORN children in a negative way just because she thinks her mother is a slut.

zeezahbee:
You are a beasst , People here have told you the truth but you have been running up and down cussing everyone. You will end in hell if you are not careful. Oya vamoose and be gone to the dogs. Wicked future step mother. slowpoke

Hiaaaa!!!!!
Na you be Minister for hell?
Are you omonile who can allocate portions in hell?
Your type make me wonder if humans originate from grizzly bears

softysparky:

Not when she sees the innocent child as the daughter of a slut that denied her the opportunity to have the man's first child.

Not when she already sees the girl as a dark cloud that will bring unhappiness to the family.

Not when she believes the little girl will influence her YET TO BE BORN children in a negative way just because she thinks her mother is a slut.

I strongly believe this lady do not deserve all these hate you're heaping on her. So other ladies wouldn't be here talking about it. They'll just go on with their thing, showing the girl pepper. You or the rest of showwomen here would not have have the opportunity to showoff their pious indignation and classy anger.
Her coming on here shows that she has a very big dose of working conscience which you people fail to see. Have you noticed that Lady Macbeth never confided in anyone nor sought 'public opinion'.
She deserves much better than you folks are giving her.

softysparky:

Not when she sees the innocent child as the daughter of a slut that denied her the opportunity to have the man's first child.

Not when she already sees the girl as a dark cloud that will bring unhappiness to the family.

Not when she believes the little girl will influence her YET TO BE BORN children in a negative way just because she thinks her mother is a slut.

I strongly believe this lady do not deserve all these hate you're heaping on her. Some other ladies wouldn't be here talking about it. They'll just go on with their thing, showing the girl pepper. You or the rest of showwomen here would not have have the opportunity to showoff their pious indignation and classy anger.
Her coming on here shows that she has a very big dose of working conscience which you people fail to see. Have you noticed that Lady Macbeth never confided in anyone nor sought 'public opinion'.
She deserves much better than you folks are giving her.

San2ski:



Hiaaaa!!!!!
Na you be Minister for hell?
Are you omonile who can allocate portions in hell?
Your type make me wonder if humans originate from grizzly bears

you want attention? see me see trouble. did a dog just bite you? oya vamoose . slowpoke

San2ski:


I strongly believe this lady do not deserve all these hate you're heaping on her. Some other ladies wouldn't be here talking about it. They'll just go on with their thing, showing the girl pepper. You or the rest of showwomen here would not have have the opportunity to showoff their pious indignation and classy anger.
Her coming on here shows that she has a very big dose of working conscience which you people fail to see. Have you noticed that Lady Macbeth never confided in anyone nor sought 'public opinion'.
She deserves much better than you folks are giving her.

Nobody is heaping any hate on her. My comments were based on what she posted.
And she asked for our opinion whether she should risk it or walk away.
If she can't handle it then she better walk away while there is still time.
If seeing that child everyday will make her unhappy and uncomfortable in her marriage then she should look for a single guy that will be the father of her unborn child. Then there won't be any divided love or attention.

softysparky:

Not when she sees the innocent child as the daughter of a slut that denied her the opportunity to have the man's first child.

Not when she already sees the girl as a dark cloud that will bring unhappiness to the family.

Not when she believes the little girl will influence her YET TO BE BORN children in a negative way just because she thinks her mother is a slut.

At the bold part, that has been you people's nightmare. That's you people's problem. She never said she BELIEVES but that they are mere THOUGHTS and she is entitled to it just as YOU are. Can't you people reason before you throw your bile?

San2ski:


I strongly believe this lady do not deserve all these hate you're heaping on her. Some other ladies wouldn't be here talking about it. They'll just go on with their thing, showing the girl pepper. You or the rest of showwomen here would not have have the opportunity to showoff their pious indignation and classy anger.
Her coming on here shows that she has a very big dose of working conscience which you people fail to see. Have you noticed that Lady Macbeth never confided in anyone nor sought 'public opinion'.
She deserves much better than you folks are giving her.

Its just too bad they keep flogging this issue after repeated corrections that they are THOUGHTS.

kaboninc:




As for your question, YES I do live in Nigeria and a Nigerian. Please see my siggy, its for people like you.

Good morning!

thanks for answering the question, YOU have whatever type of morning you wish me.

I do not know you, so do not tell me good morning as if i know you from jack.

Shows you are stalking people's relatives, na your own wahala be that o, you no get relative ni?

as per the rest of your post, feel free to ask me that question again whenever i open a thread to attack children. Have a great day.

and do not ask me the same, again until you see me open said thread.

freecocoa:

P.S. A 4 years old calling you 'mummy' doesn't mean shyt, like you or her dad can't tell her to call you that, na today? but what do we "hypocrites" know after all?.

For God's sake, there is nothing wrong with that. Its a sign of ACCEPTANCE!

tpiah99:


thanks for answering the question, YOU have whatever type of morning you wish me.

I do not know you, so do not tell me good morning as if i know you from jack.

Shows you are stalking people's relatives, na your own wahala be that o, you no get relative ni?

as per the rest of your post, feel free to ask me that question again whenever i open a thread to attack children. Have a great day.

and do not ask me the same, again until you see me open said thread.

You are just terrible! Is it a crime I said 'good morning'? Well if it is, deal with it or better still call Bakassi!

See someone who's accusing the other of stalking another? This goes to show how resentful someone like you can be especially when your opinions are questioned or even rejected.

Get productive!

are you looking for who will do back and forth with you?

keep looking sweetie, just don't look my way.

your loneliness and bitterness have nothing to do with me, you have been misinformed and na you sabi.

Enjoy your day!

and your defender of evil handle!

kaboninc:


At the bold part, that has been you people's nightmare. That's you people's problem. She never said she BELIEVES but that they are mere THOUGHTS and she is entitled to it just as YOU are. Can't you people reason before you throw your bile?

They have shallow reasoning power.
I've been amazed how they haven't understood the op's intention throughout this thread despite her repeating herself over and over and over again.

None of them have ever had a single bad thought pop into their minds in their life.

None of them have ever looked at a child and thought ...mehn this child is damn ugly...in their life.

They are all oh-so-pious and self righteous.

The person that amazed me most is the op. She kept on trying to convince them of her true intent despite all the rudeness and vitriol fired at her. I salute her resoluteness.

I entered the bank vault today and saw stacks upon stacks of N1000 notes and a thought crossed my mind that it would he great if it all entered into my account. Does that make me a thief?
This thread has shown me the shallowness of this section I swear. People just interested in displaying how perfect and know-it-all they are.

kaboninc:


For God's sake, there is nothing wrong with that. Its a sign of ACCEPTANCE!

Hmmm

I don't agree with you tho. But that's another topic entirely.

5minsmadness:

They have shallow reasoning power.
I've been amazed how they haven't understood the op's intention throughout this thread despite her repeating herself over and over and over again.

None of them have ever had a single bad thought pop into their minds in their life.

None of them have ever looked at a child and thought ...mehn this child is damn ugly...in their life.

They are all oh-so-pious and self righteous.

The person that amazed me most is the op. She kept on trying to convince them of her true intent despite all the rudeness and vitriol fired at her. I salute her resoluteness.

I entered the bank vault today and saw stacks upon stacks of N1000 notes and a thought crossed my mind that it would he great if it all entered into my account. Does that make me a thief?
This thread has shown me the shallowness of this section I swear. People just interested in displaying how perfect and know-it-all they are.

So shallow that they think they are Jesus! Jezz some of them have shallow relationships and most are unmarried! Some just have one line of thinking pattern and any other thing is useless. Honestly, the OP is amazing and amazingly replying them with so much calmness that I feel she's naturally tolerant. No wonder the child calls her mummy and some peeps are jealous! If it were me or someone else, either I ignore or insult since some people learn by insults (ironic).

I've had very bad thoughts that I just trash out. Most of my acquaintances have never seen my devilish part and I so much pray I don't manifest it. I've had very wicked thoughts.

They are so ready to throw the first stone but their life is filled with shit! I used to think also that some good peeps are here, on this family section. Well, very few of them are worth the salt. Some just come online to type, waste data and show their true colour.

I don't blame them either. Some of us were raised with that attitude of killing before reasoning. Some of us were moulded with an attitude that encourages advising in a bile manner. Our environment encourages it. But thank God, some of us have found out the wicked consequences and henceforth decided to refuse these ways and advice in a loving and affectionate way. Reasoning first before talking!

Am sorry to anyone who feels my words are strong (or term it whatever you like). Some peeps need to be put in their place.

Ewuro4:


Hmmm

I don't agree with you tho. But that's another topic entirely.

Till then.

Chillisauce:


Even if they were to be married, let the child call you by your name or aunty "this". They are not married yet and a four yr has start calling her mummy.

For Pete sake, her mum is still alive, have some respect.
That's me, I would be furious if my little Angel calls my ex boyfriend fiancee 'mummy'.

Me too.

San2ski:


Solomons about
So she should only marry him if she loves his ex.
I dey hear all of una

Is this what you concluded from my posts?

5minsmadness:

They have shallow reasoning power.
I've been amazed how they haven't understood the op's intention throughout this thread despite her repeating herself over and over and over again.

None of them have ever had a single bad thought pop into their minds in their life.

None of them have ever looked at a child and thought ...mehn this child is damn ugly...in their life.

They are all oh-so-pious and self righteous.

The person that amazed me most is the op. She kept on trying to convince them of her true intent despite all the rudeness and vitriol fired at her. I salute her resoluteness.

I entered the bank vault today and saw stacks upon stacks of N1000 notes and a thought crossed my mind that it would he great if it all entered into my account. Does that make me a thief?
This thread has shown me the shallowness of this section I swear. People just interested in displaying how perfect and know-it-all they are. L

Ole

Ewuro4:


Ole

You seeeeeeee?

Mr kaboninc and San2ski, I think you're the ones having understanding problems of sort.

Only a FEW people have said she must love the child automatically and it would be nice if you guys quote those people directly and make your complaints or reservations known to them.

The rest honestly told her it won't be easy and she better know that now before committing herself permanently.

The reason why majority of posters seemed to be against her was her attitude and hatred towards the child's mother and not the child itself.
Going on and on about her sluttiness and horribleness all based on what the man told her.

Which even me who won't like to accept step kids(like I already stated before in case someone didn't read it) found appalling.

If you think those calling her out on such utterances are self righteous,what do you think of the holy madam herself who despite many posters trying to dissuade her from judging the other lady so bad kept nagging about how she was horrible and hurt her darling man as such doesn't deserve respect.

No one who doesn't want to be judged should mount the moral high horse.

5minsmadness:

You seeeeeeee?

'Natural' Impulse of a self righteous - overbloated Nigerian.

We are all guilty one way or the other.

zeezahbee:
you want attention? see me see trouble. did a dog just bite you? oya vamoose . slowpoke

Seem you just joining the new fad in foreign diction. Fast poke.
Change ur style
You're boring

kaboninc:


Its just too bad they keep flogging this issue after repeated corrections that they are THOUGHTS.

First of all, how comes you complain about people who shared their opinion and criticism here saying that they are judgmental but choose to overlook the judgements the OP herself has passed of a woman she barely knows, calling her names. If you have a problem with judgments, then you should not be selective when addressing them or be CONSISTENT and not judge ANYONE AT ALL.

Secondly, her thoughts are not just thoughts that we all sometimes have and that come and go and do not have any impact on us, our lives and relationships. She is kind of haunted by these thoughts. Have a look at her profile and the thread she has already created. These thoughts will VERY LIKELY turn into actions sooner or later. I hope, you will then be CONSISTENT and not judge her if these thoughts make other people suffer.

Thirdly, she is asking for advice. And some people have said that she should not marry this man with this ATTITUDE. If you have a better piece of advice, kindly share it and be part of the solution instead of judging those who "judge".

Fourthly, her attitude is a problem. She feels that the child and the woman are her rivals. Their existence hinders her from feeling special. They have stolen her "show". Are you aware of what her THOUGHTS, FEELINGS and ATTITUDE can lead to? Should we say, your thoughts are ok, we all have wicked thoughts sometimes, even if they don't haunt us. Go ahead and marry the man, who are we to pass a judgement?

NO! We all have a dark side and sometimes we cannot control our thoughts BUT the CRUX OF THE MATTER is how we handle our thoughts and what we do about them. Since she is not able to control her negative thoughts AND feelings and is constantly haunted by them, the best we can tell her is to stay away from a relationship that gives her so much headache and that can cause a lot of grief, not only to her but also to others, most importantly an INNOCENT child. She should do it for at least as long as she is haunted by these thoughts.

Last but not least, she is the one who asked for people's opinion so people told her what they think. And I think it is reasonable to say that she is not ready to get married to a man who has a child. Is it judgmental? Maybe, but it is better to raise concerns over an INNOCENT child than to later read stories about a child that suffered because of his stepmother or another divorce story.

carefreewannabe:

Firstly it's one thing to judge someone when there are evidences and another when you can't find any. The later amounts to hypocrisy. She could be right indeed to call the ex a 'slut' supposing there are evidences to prove - sentiments aside. She could be wrong too. But that's actually hers to prove.

Now these peeps on this thread, their MAJOR concern is not about her calling the ex a slut, but her expressing her thoughts and being honest with it, be it negative or positive. More so at no time did she ever say that that's her nature. The peeps here are trying to stamp it on her that she's WICKED. (Prove if am wrong)

Am 'judging' the peeps here for their one sided view, casting stones when they missed (YES) her fears. Her fears. Of course she came here to seek advices and other views different from hers. The problem is not even the advice given but the person behind the advice. Honestly, I won't run to some persons here for any kind of advice because they will only make my situation worse even if they offer the best solution. Also the manner in which advices are given also matters. That is another reason am not comfortable with some folks on this thread.

Yes our thoughts can turn into reality only when we encourage it. In her case, I already made it clear that she has a duty to either trash it or take it. But I'll suggest she do away with it and that should be the focus here. I also said that if she finds it impossible, she should leave the relationship.

Her attitude is not the problem rather her thoughts which is NORMAL. Truthfully she has been tolerant with the bile responses and even responded in a very civil way. Of course there will be a feeling of having a rival, this time the child and the mother. You also have such feelings even if you do not show it. Its there. Ladies and MIL or SIL. Because you ordinarily wouldn't accept a relationship where there's a child in-between doesn't mean another person can't and shouldn't. That's another problem with some folks here.

Lastly this paragraph of yours sums it all:

NO! We all have a dark side and sometimes we cannot control our thoughts BUT the CRUX OF THE MATTER is how we handle our thoughts and what we do about them.

I believe I've made my position clear enough. I've also given my advice.

cococandy:
Mr kaboninc and San2ski, I think you're the ones having understanding problems of sort.

Only a FEW people have said she must love the child automatically and it would be nice if you guys quote those people directly and make your complaints or reservations known to them.

The rest honestly told her it won't be easy and she better know that now before committing herself permanently.

The reason why majority of posters seemed to be against her was her attitude and hatred towards the child's mother and not the child itself.
Going on and on about her sluttiness and horribleness all based on what the man told her.

Which even me who won't like to accept step kids(like I already stated before in case someone didn't read it) found appalling.

If you think those calling her out on such utterances are self righteous,what do you think of the holy madam herself who despite many posters trying to dissuade her from judging the other lady so bad kept nagging about how she was horrible and hurt her darling man as such doesn't deserve respect.

No one who doesn't want to be judged should mount the moral high horse.

No it is you who's having problems understanding my point. My points again are:

1. Most advices given are one sided and short of what the situation demands. These advices are informed from a lack of understanding. She is already being judged that that's the way she is (as in very wicked based on her opening post) but am saying NO, they are her THOUGHTS and FEARS in the relationship for God's sake she's expressing them honestly.

2. The way the advices are give even makes it defeat its purpose which is for her to think about it thoroughly and if she feels is ok, she accepts it. But you don't do it in a way that is rude, destructive and negative. That has defeated the aim.

I do not want to hold brief for her but she did say that her understanding of the behaviour of the child's mother is as a result of what her man told her. If you had read my first post, I cautioned her that she should not join in the 'hate campaign' but remain neutral and civil as that will show how mature she is in handling issues like this.

I think am done flogging this issue and missing the essence of this thread. Lostmermaid, so much opinions here. You've explained enough and some of us have responded. Just sieve out the bile infested ones and consult other OFFLINE mature folks so you can get a better informed advice.

kaboninc:

Firstly it's one thing to judge someone when there are evidences and another when you can't find any. The later amounts to hypocrisy. She could be right indeed to call the ex a 'slut' supposing there are evidences to prove - sentiments aside. She could be wrong too. But that's actually hers to prove.

So now people have the right to judge others and call them names? They only need evidence and then it is ok to be judgmental? Interesting twist.

Now these peeps on this thread, their MAJOR concern is not about her calling the ex a slut, but her expressing her thoughts and being honest with it, be it negative or positive. More so at no time did she ever say that that's her nature. The peeps here are trying to stamp it on her that she's WICKED. (Prove if am wrong)

She has got wicked thoughts. I don't know if anyone said that her nature is wicked but her thoughts are.
She wants a father to love one child more than the other, if that is not wicked then I don't know what is.

I have evidence, it is in the initial post, it is perfectly ok for me and not judgmental to say that it is wicked for a woman to wish that a father loves one of his children less according to your logic.

Am 'judging' the peeps here for their one sided view, casting stones when they missed (YES) her fears. Her fears. Of course she came here to seek advices and other views different from hers. The problem is not even the advice given but the person behind the advice. Honestly, I won't run to some persons here for any kind of advice because they will only make my situation worse even if they offer the best solution. Also the manner in which advices are given also matters. That is another reason am not comfortable with some folks on this thread.

I don't know what issues you have with some folks here and it'S none of my business.
I, for my part, was shocked when I read her initial post. And even though I understand that it is the result of her immaturity and insecurity and probably NOT the result of her wicked nature, I still think that it's best for her and most importantly FOR THE CHILD that she does not marry this man, at least for now.

I agree with you that we should try to express our opinions in a civil way but sometimes it is necessary to be blunt.

Yes our thoughts can turn into reality only when we encourage it. In her case, I already made it clear that she has a duty to either trash it or take it. But I'll suggest she do away with it and that should be the focus here. I also said that if she finds it impossible, she should leave the relationship.
Her attitude is not the problem rather her thoughts which is NORMAL. Truthfully she has been tolerant with the bile responses and even responded in a very civil way. Of course there will be a feeling of having a rival, this time the child and the mother. You also have such feelings even if you do not show it. Its there. Ladies and MIL or SIL. Because you ordinarily wouldn't accept a relationship where there's a child in-between doesn't mean another person can't and shouldn't. That's another problem with some folks here.

Her thoughts are the result of her attitude, which is, the man has to act like I am the only girl in the world to compensate for my feelings of insecurity.

I have read many comments here and I haven't seen one, in which someone said that a woman MUST accept a child from a previous relationship. They said that she has to end the relationship if she can't accept the child without any bitter feelings. This is what you have said too.

Lastly this paragraph of yours sums it all:

If you agree with this paragraph, then you also agree, that the best way to deal with these thoughts, as she is not able to stop them, is to NOT take the relationship to the next level and to get married to a man, whose child gives her so much headache.

I believe I've made my position clear enough. I've also given my advice.

Yes and you agree with most people on this thread that it is better for her and the people involved to break up with this man IF she is not able to get rid of these thoughts.

Should we crucify her for saying what others feel inside

BTW what is wrong with the child calling her mum?
Is it not a sign of acceptance and respect.
If she calls her aunt and the children that are to come call her mum, she will be separated.
It is to the advantage of the child to call her mum

Yes I also did not like you calling the other woman a slut and you need to change that fast, but I think you would make a better step mom than most of us out there,