mutter:
Should we crucify her for saying what others feel inside

BTW what is wrong with the child calling her mum?
Is it not a sign of acceptance and respect.
If she calls her aunt and the children that are to come call her mum, she will be separated.
It is to the advantage of the child to call her mum

Yes I also did not like you calling the other woman a slut and you need to change that fast, but I think you would make a better step mom than most of us out there,

carefreewannabe:


If you are ok with your kids calling other women mum, then so be it.

I have only one mother, don't know about you.

mutter:


Why not I call almost every woman old enough to be my mother Mama

carefreewannabe:


I hope they don't mind.

mutter:


Why should they mind.

Besides when she calls her mum it helps the bond between them.
The child is not excnahnging her mum, she is gaining a new mum.

carefreewannabe:
I read the first two paragraphs and stopped because it is enough for me to know that you should not get married to this man, in fact, you should not get married at all. You are jealous of a child and it shows how immature you are. You have no business getting married.

A father's love does not depend on the love for his mother. If it did, all divorced men would stop loving their kids or love them less.

You remind me of the kind of women who abuse kids. Extremely irritating thread.

estheremma:
If u treat dat child wit luv, he/she will so bond wit u,he is only 4,just take him as ur own n'if he dosent visit his mum often,u become his mama,if u decide to marry him,if u Luv d'child unconditionaly he ur guy wil luv u too

carefreewannabe:


Please, stop. I am tired of the threads with photos of kids who were abused by their stepmothers. This is exactly the type of woman.
Immature, insecure and ...

mutter:

Children are a gift from God and God`s gifts are holy to him.

You have not even been blessed with your own child yet and are trying to run down the gift God has already given to the man.

show this child love and you will receive love and blessings.
The child will love you and nothing compares to the unconditional love of a child.

Also the man will love you more. If you treat the child bad the man will loose his love for you and show the child more affection. He may even bring back the mother since you cannot be a mother to the child.

Ask yourself, why should your child deserve to have it`s mother in the home and this child not?

Anyway good you are being honest about it so you can get advice.

Phema:


For the very first time, I TOTALLY agree with you!

To be honest, I will have worse feelings/thoughts if I was in her shoes. Reason I wouldn't even dream of dating baby daddies, talk more marrying them. Call me selfish, territorial, immature, wicked, jealous, but that is the way I feel. I just cannot deal with such drama. My respect to ladies who can.

OP, if you feel strongly about this, then maybe its time to take a step backwards and re-evaluate the whole thingy. Are you ready to live this way for the rest of your life? Are you ready to treat that little innocent girl like yours? Are you ready to have the baby mama meddle in your family affairs (sometimes) using her daughter as an excuse? Weigh your options and be very sincere to yourself. This is your life. Some people can manage the situation properly, others can't.

No matter how popular the "baby mama syndrome" has become, it still is a difficult situation to be in. Ask women in it and if they are being sincere, most of them will tell you it isn't as easy as it looks on the outside.

Marriage in itself, without all this drama, isn't a walk in the park. Then add all these and well. . . The Lord is your muscle.

Goodluck with whatever you decide.

andromida:
I can't see anything wrong with your jealousy if you explore it you will not wallow in it. wallowing in it is deadly if i were in your shoes i'd probably have one or two thoughts along these lines you are just being very honest with yourself that i believe is a good thing because while being truly honest with yourself you'll come to the best decision for yourself which maybe to be with this man forever or to step.

I can see your jealousy clouding your i like to think beautiful self so before you marry this man who has a right to love his child and treat her mother with respect even if you think is slutty you need to put the jealous monster within you to permanent sleep if possible.

Stop judging her as slutty and slutty is not bad anyway i imagine you've been slutty many times with your man only you didn't get pregnant yet in future you will be slutty many many times with him so stop judging the woman and believing your man was tricked accept the past that comes with your man don't let that green eyed monster ruin a good thing on the other hand its situations like this that show us who we really are and if you can't do this it does not make you less than any body it just means you are not cut out to share in this kind of way. Be true to yourself, do right by you and so right by the man and his kid never estimate your capacity to love be sure of it to avoid future heart palpitations. Remember Sarah the wife of Abraham the father of faith? she couldn't stand Ishmael so be kind to yourself.

carefreewannabe:


Yes, I did and I was harsh on me for having such thoughts, this is how I control them. Let reason and compassion be your guides.

You are immature, I am not sure you are ready for marriage.

carefreewannabe:


So you wouldn't mind if your kids called your ex husband's new girlfriend mum?

And you wouldn't mind if your kids called a woman who thinks that you are a slut mum?

mutter:


Why should they mind.

Besides when she calls her mum it helps the bond between them.
The child is not excnahnging her mum, she is gaining a new mum.

kaboninc:
This was your first comment on this thread:


This was the next comment after yours:



Yet this was your reply to it:



Now this is another comment on the First Page.



Another one:



And another one:


Can you spot the difference? A neutral mind should do! That's the reason she'll NEVER listen to you! Mind you, they were all BLUNT including you!

Apologies to those mentioned/quoted.

Another look at another of your reply to her:

mutter:


No I wouldn`t mind but if she thinks I am a slut and is feasting on my left overs what does that make her?

carefreewannabe:


Tell me.

mutter:

The trash can of a slut.

carefreewannabe:

Her thoughts are not just thoughts, they are an obsession and she is not able to cope with the situation.

kaboninc:


Now to be blunt with you,
You are amongst those who I've been talking about. Here's another of your comment:


Here you've actually JUDGED her. Please read your own statements.

I actually brought your posts to tell you that you are amongst those who have already passed judgement before listening to the case. Its not about diplomacy but an attitude and you have it.

According to the OP she did call the mum a 'slut'. She was sternly rebuked and she LEARNT from it. Like I said, probably you didn't read it, I told her to desist from being fed the 'hate campaign' from her man and see herself as neutral. That was my advice to her.

Am sure you didn't read my post before rushing to reply. This will be all I'll have to say on this topic to you.

carefreewannabe:


I don't mind being among the "judgmental people" you are judging.

And her initial post, which I still find very disturbing, was enough for me to form an opinion, all subsequent posts just confirmed what I was thinking right from the beginning.

The only difference is that you needed longer to say the same thing I was saying all the time.

kaboninc:


Looooool. Carefree.

Please change your moniker joor. You need to. Like seriously!

Ok I haf ear you. I don judge you. But I had evidences.

Ejoor mo fe sunnnn

Good night.

LostMermaid:
1. I have this view... Maybe I should get it out of my head but I can't help it: I think; since he loves me so much and wants to spend rest of his life with me, since I'm the woman he's in love with; then if he makes a child with me, he should love that child more. More than the one he made with a slutty ex by accident, who is still behaving in an evil way. (additional info: she tricked him and got pregnant on purpose, and after 1.5-2 years cheated on him)

What do you think about this? Do you think men love their children more if those children are made with a woman they're in love with? Do you think I'm right in wishing for such a thing?

Because I have always thought having a child with the one you love is one of the most beautiful and special things in life. And those children are fruits of love, and they are lovelier and more loving people themselves....

kaboninc:


Now to be blunt with you,
You are amongst those who I've been talking about. Here's another of your comment:


Here you've actually JUDGED her. Please read your own statements.

I actually brought your posts to tell you that you are amongst those who have already passed judgement before listening to the case. Its not about diplomacy but an attitude and you have it.

According to the OP she did call the mum a 'slut'. She was sternly rebuked and she LEARNT from it Like I said, probably you didn't read it, I told her to desist from being fed the 'hate campaign' from her man and see herself as neutral. That was my advice to her.

Am sure you didn't read my post before rushing to reply. This will be all I'll have to say on this topic to you.

She could be right indeed to call the ex a slut supposing there is evidence to prove. Sentiments aside

cococandy:


No she didn't.

Your words:

Surprising that you think it is ok for her to call the other lady a slut if she has proof And it is not right for the other posters to call her out on her judgmental attitude even though they have evidence that she's judgmental.

Where did you even come out from sef

If you agree that the treatment of the child
shouldn't matter whether the mom is bad or not, then what exactly is the purpose of this thread and why have you spent all this time and energy obsessing about how bad she is?

LostMermaid:


I noticed I was influenced by the things I heard about that and I noticed these let the thoughts that I initially shared, start to grow and cross my mind at times.

Purpose of this thread was see other views and see if I could change those negative thoughts in me, that I knew were not good at all and could in the future reflect on my behaviors (god forbid)

So with the help of positive comments from nice people (and not the judging ones) I don't think like that anymore, like how I wrote on the main post and I changed my point of view.


That was my aim.

LostMermaid:


Not everyone is judging I've read plenty of comments that are written with understanding and a positive, productive attitude. AND;

THANKS TO THEM;

I changed my view on the baby mama.

Also added a note on this on the main post, saying it was wrong to view her bad, based on what he told me, as it's past time; and noone can tell 100% what really happened.

I think you didn't read many things; and you based your comment on a few things you came across on the main post making quickly a judgement.

kaboninc:


This was a question someone asked her:



This was her response:



If you have eyes, you would indeed read properly. If you do not have a pre-determined conclusion influenced by similar comments and line of thoughts, then you'd know where she's coming from.

This is another response she gave on a similar question from people like you:



And there are many more.

I don't think I'll continue dragging this issue with you. I've made myself clear enough.

andromida:
@ moca I think if she wants to marry her Bobo she has to be able to trust whatever he tells her and give him a listening ear. Second guessing everything he tells her will rob her of peace and happiness probably make the marriage a difficult one.

I think she needs to be sure she can trust this man she wants to marry and build on trusting him not try to control and decide for him how and who he should love the most.

She can also tell him her fears and see how they can deal with it together, I am not saying she should lay bare the extreme thoughts but the basics.

Chillisauce:

She is NOT her mother. She can only be a step mom if she was married to this guy.
Even as step mom, my kid WILL not call her mum.

She will call her by her name which is lostmermaid .
Hi lostmermaid, please can I have some noodles?

That's respect for me.
She won't even put aunty. That's why people have names. All these sister this, mummy this, aunty this...and you still have many atrocities.

If them like make dem call una grandma, na una sabi.

When I bin dey go church sef, I dare not call any woman mummy. That's a strong word for me which only my mum takes. Dead or alive.

Cest fini

Chillisauce:


Go and sleep. Who made you Mr judge in a public forum?

moca:

Babe,u know why I was able to relate to her?
I know who this kind of thing happened to and she ended up turning d man's first son to mumu.
She so much believed d man, and all these @op hv in mind r what she was exhibiting.
We will not be there with her,so d only help we can render is by advising her as we will our own sis.

Check out bokoharam guys. It's what was feed to them and their past life(life of hardship)thats making them kill without mercy.
If u happen to be one of their rehabilitators, u don't chide them,rather use psychology of d mind to get them to become good citizens.

Her thought process is bad,we agree but we simply can't let her go back with such.
That is why she is seeking for help.

In counseling, make d person talk and talk until they r empty.
She has talked and talked,lets embrace her like a sis and help her.
It can be anybody my sis.
I am happy she voiced out. Many dont.
I am a woman and I know what we r capable of doing.
Don't throw away d baby with d water.

moca:

Babe,u know why I was able to relate to her?
I know who this kind of thing happened to and she ended up turning d man's first son to mumu.
She so much believed d man, and all these @op hv in mind r what she was exhibiting.
We will not be there with her,so d only help we can render is by advising her as we will our own sis.

Check out bokoharam guys. It's what was feed to them and their past life(life of hardship)thats making them kill without mercy.
If u happen to be one of their rehabilitators, u don't chide them,rather use psychology of d mind to get them to become good citizens.

Her thought process is bad,we agree but we simply can't let her go back with such.
That is why she is seeking for help.

In counseling, make d person talk and talk until they r empty.
She has talked and talked,lets embrace her like a sis and help her.
It can be anybody my sis.
I am happy she voiced out. Many dont.
I am a woman and I know what we r capable of doing.
Don't throw away d baby with d water.

LostMermaid:


I already answered that question in one of the previous posts.

So I see no harm in repeating. I said, I'm not the same person as my mum; so that child isn't either. If I find out it's true all those things about the ex, it's ok. You might adopt a child and their mum could be anything.

The innocent child you try to portray as the victim keeps calling me mummy whenever she sees me. I stated many times that my behavior towards her has always been positive and loving.

That's why when these thoughts crossed my mind, it scared me, and I thought I should fix it.

Why do you act like you never never ever had some temporary thoughts which you then knew, are not good, and told yourself to change them?

[b]Are you claiming that since 20 something, 30 something or maybe 40 something years each and every thought that has ever crossed your mind made you proud and feel like a saint?