moca:
Efe,aisha has deactivated.

Why did she deactivate? What happened?

carefreewannabe:


Cocobaby, why don't you just finish school first?

It can be done at the same time but it must be very stressful. If I had to choose, I would do one thing at a time. It's just me, I like to focus on things and I hate stress, it's unhealthy.

You still have time, don't you?

To me, I will advice popping right away.
D earlier d better.

moca:

To me, I will advice popping right away.
D earlier d better.

Why is d earlier d better?

..

carefreewannabe:


Why is d earlier d better?

At times we plan on doing something and we find out it doesn't go d way we had planned it.
Have u been to the ttc thread?
Go there and read a page only.

All of them had plans but it didn't work out the way they wanted it.
So d earlier d better. If there is a problem,it should be discovered and tackled early.
I'm being realistic.

And remember,how many nigerian men will accept to adopt

moca:

At times we plan on doing something and we find out it doesn't go d way we had planned it.
Have u been to the ttc thread?
Go there and read a page only.

What thread?

All of them had plans but it didn't work out the way they wanted it.
So d earlier d better. If there is a problem,it should be discovered and tackled early.
I'm being realistic.

So?
The plan to have a child and go to school simultaneously might not work out as well. I don'T understand your argument.

And remember,how many nigerian men will accept to adopt

Coco, must be in her mid 20s, she has plenty of time left.
What has adoption got to do it with it now?

carefreewannabe:


What thread?




So?
The plan to have a child and go to school simultaneously might not work out as well. I don'T understand your argument.



Coco, must be in her mid 20s, she has plenty of time left.
What has adoption got to do it with it now?

I'm not arguing or debating with u.
I stated real facts of life and those who will understand it will,trust me.
Let's not over flog it.
Adults don't spill it all most times.

moca:

I'm not arguing or debating with u.
I stated real facts of life and those who will understand it will,trust me.
Let's not over flog it.
Adults don't spill it all most times.

Which facts?

cococandy:
Pls did anybody here go to school and work and have babies at the same time?

How did you do it?

I don't want to start what I can't finish

Cc efemenaxy
Moca
Babyosisi
Mutter

And all the mommas in the house

I think it depends on what you think you can handle at a time..Not everyone has the capacity to juggle it all and some do.I kinda agree with CFW a bit on this ..depending on what sort of qualifications you are looking to get I think you should start on it ASAP. Taking care of young children esp in the west where you might not have the luxury of live in domestic help can be so hectic then combining that with studies/work might be alot for you to handle.I am not as strong as say someone like Efe so I took two at a time (I just recently went back to work after studying).I honestly could not cope and I know I probably have done very badly on one front if I had decided to combine the three all at once.

That said some people are excellent multi taskers and so if you are you can go for it..You also need hubby to chip in ALOT with childcare and that can be a bit tricky if his work schedule is rigid or defined.If say he works 9 to 5 mon to friday you can probably look at evening classes starting like 4 so even if you take kids to the minders he can always pick them up early enough cos I personally am not a fan of children not having a defined sleep routine.

But I would advise you to start whatever qualifications you can before the kids start popping out..Its just easier.


It also depends on how many children you would want to have, if you want a small family (say 1 to 2kids) then you can defer having kids a bit but if you want to have more looking at having the kids early might be better.

I think my younger sister is older than you are (based on your posts ) and when people were trying to dissuade her not go for her masters because of marriage I was the first person to tell her to go for it.She already had professional qualifications and one of my aunties even said I was wicked as I had my first child at her age.God willing she is getting married this year and she is already more than halfway through.Its easier to concentrate when you are not putting the needs of others before yours and believe me being a mother does that to you..I won't even take a job without taking my children into consideration first.

cococandy:
Pls did anybody here go to school and work and have babies at the same time?

How did you do it?

I don't want to start what I can't finish

Cc efemenaxy
Moca
Babyosisi

Well, am I fit to respond to this question? Maybe no but I'll make an attempt nevertheless.

Wifey and I just got married last August. Through out last year, we made attempts to leave the shores of the country to continue our studies abroad but we weren't successful...so, we gave up.

Presently, we are M. Sc applicants at one of the federal universities in the country. I have already written my entrance exam, wifey is still preparing for hers.

I think the major skill one must have to run a family, school, and work is the ability to multitask. Yea! By God's grace, I have this skill and I believe my baby has it too.

There is so much I can do to relieve her to a reasonable extent. I can help with the chores, make the environment at home as conducive as possible (to enable effective studying), and most importantly, I can figure out a way of providing her (and the house) enough fund so that she doesn't have to work until she's done with the program. Even if she must work (which isn't the case though), I would still be there for her at all time, God willing.

What is the situation now at home? By the grace of God Almighty, we are expecting our babies (we have already received twins by faith) and wifey is studying SERIOUSLY for her entrance exam. At the moment, I do (90%) of the cooking, 100% of laundry, (90%) of every other chore. All she does is to eat, take her drugs (follic acid, etc), rest, and study. I observed that she gets tired easily (she's in her first trimester) so the strategy is that once she wakes up, eats, and bathes, she studies with that "fresh energy".

Has it been easy? No!...but it's possible..

I wish you success ma'am and every other lady in your shoes.

Lovely thread...

TONYE001:


Well, am I fit to respond to this question? Maybe no but I'll make an attempt nevertheless.

Wifey and I just got married last August. Through out last year, we made attempts to leave the shores of the country to continue our studies abroad but we weren't successful...so, we gave up.

Presently, we are M. Sc applicants at one of the federal universities in the country. I have already written my entrance exam, wifey is still preparing for hers.

I think the major skill one must have to run a family, school, and work is the ability to multitask. Yea! By God's grace, I have this skill and I believe my baby has it too.

There is so much I can do to relieve her to a reasonable extent. I can help with the chores, make the environment at home as conducive as possible (to enable effective studying), and most importantly, I can figure out a way of providing her (and the house) enough fund so that she doesn't have to work until she's done with the program. Even if she must work (which isn't the case though), I would still be there for her at all time, God willing.

What is the situation now at home? By the grace of God Almighty, we are expecting our babies (we have already received twins by faith) and wifey is studying SERIOUSLY for her entrance exam. At the moment, I do (90%) of the cooking, 100% of laundry, (90%) of every other chore. All she does is to eat, take her drugs (follic acid, etc), rest, and study. I observed that she gets tired easily (she's in her first trimester) so the strategy is that once she wakes up, eats, and bathes, she studies with that "fresh energy".

Has it been easy? No!...but it's possible..

I wish you success ma'am and every other lady in your shoes.

Woww. .. Lovely

Cococandy, I will say you do school and childbirth simultaneously if your husband can cater for the family and your studies single handedly while still contributing to doing housechores..All the best

Ok, so this kinda goes in hand with Cococandy's question (great question btw), and the exchange between CFW and Moca:

How should one plan it out ?? Is doing it all really advisable?

cococandy:
Pls did anybody here go to school and work and have babies at the same time?

How did you do it?

I don't want to start what I can't finish

Cc efemenaxy
Moca
Babyosisi
Mutter

And all the mommas in the house

My dear...it's quite tasking,you know...

I got married last May,though I planned I wasn't going to get pregnant immediately..but man proposes and God disposes... I got pregnant same May..see how I was crying,but I made up my mind to go through it strong.. I wrote my exams @ 16weeks and the latest one @ 36/37weeks..

My husband helped me a lot(was running my programme in another state)..every weekend,he was in care of laundry,housekeeping,even followed me to the market,the only thing he couldn't do was cook,but he still helped in the kitchen..he helped with my assignments and project work too..

Your partner must be willing to help,mine did despite his busy schedule (he's a doctor)

It got to a stage that the only thing that kept me going was God and encouragement from my partner... I made it through..
All am saying is if others are doing it,you can do it better..

Like Babyosisi said,it's best you have the kids now that you are young and busy..IMO though

wishing you the very best

EnlightenedSoul:
Ok, so this kinda goes in hand with Cococandy's question (great question btw), and the exchange between CFW and Moca:

How did/should one plan??

First and foremost this is not just a decision you must make but must be planned together with your partner.In everything you decide to do,you guys need to work together as a team.

You need to know what works for you; how far can you go? How much can you cope with?

Having a child in the west is no joke,one needs to be conscious of the fact that sacrifices needs to be made.

I always suggest to younger women to go with what favors their strengths. A baby alone is so much work and if you want to combine it with work and school it is going to be challenging.

But for me,school and baby is less complicated because sometimes you don't need to attend lectures everyday as long as you have all your materials and communicate with your tutors but work is much more stressful,you need to be at work everyday.

cc cococandy

Here it is:


I'm not married and I'm not in a relationship sefffff....still very much single....

I'm sort of planning a career and School (Masters) that will take a lot of time, I conveyed my plans to my Sugar-mama and she said I should not plan to deep till I'm married...She said marriage might change my plans seffff...

On the other hand, she said I can go ahead if I choose to get married after my Masters...

Anyway, I wish to get married next year and pop my first bunny same year, Ermmmmmmmm....I'm still very much single anyway....

So, I need to know if I should put my plans on hold first till I get married or kick it off...

I hope someone understands my message shaaaaaa....

Is it right for a single lady to buy a land and build a house?

My sugar-mom is against it because she thinks it will limit my Pool of potential husbands to a specific location because I'll not want to relocate...

keppyy:
Is it right for a single lady to buy a land and build a house?

My sugar-mom is against it because she thinks it will limit my Pool of potential husbands to a specific location because I'll not want to relocate...

You can buy a land and build a house for rent.

keppyy:
Is it right for a single lady to buy a land and build a house?

My sugar-mom is against it because she thinks it will limit my Pool of potential husbands to a specific location because I'll not want to relocate...

Yes. I even advice it if you have the money.

keppyy:
Here it is:


I'm not married and I'm not in a relationship sefffff....still very much single....

I'm sort of planning a career and School (Masters) that will take a lot of time, I conveyed my plans to my Sugar-mama and she said I should not plan to deep till I'm married...She said marriage might change my plans seffff...

On the other hand, she said I can go ahead if I choose to get married after my Masters...

Anyway, I wish to get married next year and pop my first bunny same year, Ermmmmmmmm....I'm still very much single anyway....

So, I need to know if I should put my plans on hold first till I get married or kick it off...

I hope someone understands my message shaaaaaa....

You honestly cannot say when you get married So why do you want to put your life on hold

Besides implementing your plans now would help you weed out incompatible proposals

A guy that would approach you would already have a picture OF What you want with life, see If it fits him life before approaching you.

Not saying some men don't pretend but it will be curtailed.

Be wary of your sugar mama

bukatyne:


You honestly cannot say when you get married So why do you want to put your life on hold

Besides implementing your plans now would help you weed out incompatible proposals

A guy that would approach you would already have a picture OF What you want with life, see If it fits him life before approaching you.

Not saying some men don't pretend but it will be curtailed.

Be wary of your sugar mama

Thanks...

But how can I convey this message accordingly to my Sugar-mama and Sugar-Daddy, so I'll still get their sponsorship?

They seem to believe my aspirations are too much for a wife and mother to be.

keppyy:


Thanks...

But how can I convey this message accordingly to my Sugar-mama and Sugar-Daddy, so I'll still get their sponsorship?

They seem to believe my aspirations are too much for a wife and mother to be.

Hmmmm

Why don't you start your masters now?

What career path are you looking at?

Married peeps in similar career path might be able to help

bukatyne:


Hmmmm

Why don't you start your masters now?

What career path are you looking at?

Married peeps in similar career path might be able to help

I'm still serving...

Career Path---Business and Missions

T3Amo:
My boyfriend and I started dating in 2010. I actually met him in Nigeria while I was on vacation there. I will be honest and say that initially he was not really my type(looks) but I decided to give it a try because he had a lot of things that I look for in a man and I did not want to be too superficial. Anyways it's a very long story but we have been in a long distance relationship for almost 5 years ( we see each other like twice a year). This guy really loves me and is a good guy but sometimes I feel 'tired of him' or perhaps I am not really in love with him. I feel bad because I wish I did not feel this way but I feel we have kinda grown apart. Am thinking that it's cos we have not really had a normal relationship, that perhaps maybe when we both in same country that things will be better. He has met most of my family and they love him and vice versa except my dad. Although my dad has never met him. He was not really happy about it. My dad says he wants to find out more about him and his family background. He has a job but it's not what he wants and he is not rich, I on the other hand come from a 'well off' family but money is not and has never been an issue. We are both tired of the long distance relationship so he said that I either relocate to Nigeria or he relocates to Us but since he knows that I will not be as comfy in Naija then he is willing to come this side but that is another headache cos of the process involved and while he is here it means that he may be out of work for a long time. He is very good to me and treats me well. There was a time I suspected infidelity but could not prove it. All his friends, family and colleagues know of me. Am actually in contact with his family and his friends. Another issue is we are not sexually compatible and he is also a bad kisser. I don't enjoy kissing him. I have really been trying because he is a good person and men like him and are rare these days. But since we started dating till now I have been battling if he is actually the one for me.

My dear the earlier you end this relationship the better for you.you think he loves you then u decide to manage.what if the tables were turned, will he love u still.always follow that little instinct.

Abeg babyosisi,post the nkwobi picture o.

My own is to chop with eye

veave:
Errm.

I do not like house work and do not volunteer by any chance to do it.
How do you handle a spoilt child/mamas boy.
A loud and proud person
Always stresses on how you must maintain a particular shape in other to keep him interested.
Overweight but not bothered...
Has loud and proud relatives...
Doesn't regard any other persons opinion except that of his family members.
A gossip and has bad hygiene...
Deliberately stingy even when you teach him by giving first...


I do not have a date yet. But if a man has the features above, i cant deal. I run fast...
Please help me on how to go about these. Thanks...

It is hard to comment on a situation that doesn't exist yet
Hopefully you wouldn't find a man that exhibits those

keppyy:



I'm still serving...

Career Path---Business and Missions

Ok

Business and missions? (as in Christian missionary)?

Shiningmama:
How do I handle this.
My husband is always chatting with his female friends.some are single mothers while some he one time or the other. I've complained but hw can't just change. Most times, when I move closer to him while he is chatting. He will close the page and prevent to be reading his mails. There was one I noticed he usually chat with often from morning till late in the night.
I asked him and he confessed that he dated her when I just gave birth one time, that they just dated for a year.
Up till now they still chat everyday till late in the night. Though the lady has a daughter now for a married man in US. The other single mother even came for my daughter's naming ceremony and he introduced her to his Mum as his former classmate in school though they met on facebook and attended different schools.
Pls I need your suggestions pls. Divorce is out of it pls because he won't allow me to go with my childrenand I can't leave them behind either. Also, sex is out of the marriage because since I had my last baby and I am HIV free, I've stopped having sex with him so that I won't get infected. I am ok with that because I even hate men now. But still, I am not happy.

Wow
This is sad
Looks to me like the love and passion is gone from the marriage and you are now just two people living in a house
That must not be fun
It is normal to have disagreements and days where the atmosphere is not loving but checking out emotionally from the marriage is an extreme no marriage should get to.
Before I answer specifically please tell me
How long have you been married?
Are you working?
At what point in the marriage did this begin or has he always been a womanizer even while you were dating?

.

TONYE001:


Well, am I fit to respond to this question? Maybe no but I'll make an attempt nevertheless.

Wifey and I just got married last August. Through out last year, we made attempts to leave the shores of the country to continue our studies abroad but we weren't successful...so, we gave up.

Presently, we are M. Sc applicants at one of the federal universities in the country. I have already written my entrance exam, wifey is still preparing for hers.

I think the major skill one must have to run a family, school, and work is the ability to multitask. Yea! By God's grace, I have this skill and I believe my baby has it too.

There is so much I can do to relieve her to a reasonable extent. I can help with the chores, make the environment at home as conducive as possible (to enable effective studying), and most importantly, I can figure out a way of providing her (and the house) enough fund so that she doesn't have to work until she's done with the program. Even if she must work (which isn't the case though), I would still be there for her at all time, God willing.

What is the situation now at home? By the grace of God Almighty, we are expecting our babies (we have already received twins by faith) and wifey is studying SERIOUSLY for her entrance exam. At the moment, I do (90%) of the cooking, 100% of laundry, (90%) of every other chore. All she does is to eat, take her drugs (follic acid, etc), rest, and study. I observed that she gets tired easily (she's in her first trimester) so the strategy is that once she wakes up, eats, and bathes, she studies with that "fresh energy".

Has it been easy? No!...but it's possible..

I wish you success ma'am and every other lady in your shoes.

I wish every young man could read this

Yes, christain missions

bukatyne:


Ok

Business and missions? (as in Christian missionary)?

keppyy:
Here it is:


I'm not married and I'm not in a relationship sefffff....still very much single....

I'm sort of planning a career and School (Masters) that will take a lot of time, I conveyed my plans to my Sugar-mama and she said I should not plan to deep till I'm married...She said marriage might change my plans seffff...

On the other hand, she said I can go ahead if I choose to get married after my Masters...

Anyway, I wish to get married next year and pop my first bunny same year, Ermmmmmmmm....I'm still very much single anyway....

So, I need to know if I should put my plans on hold first till I get married or kick it off...
I hope someone understands my message shaaaaaa....

Getting yourself set education wise is part of preparation for marriage in a way.you want to go in prepared to help provide for the family .
Why should anyone advise you to put your plans on hold till you get married and there's not even an imminent marriage plan.
What if you don't get married in one two or three years?
Then what?
Please go ahead with your plans, if marriage happens it happens