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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives (273885 Views)
Before you Interfere In Any Marital Scuffle. / Man Seeks Divorce Because Wife Ran Mad After Extra-marital Affair / I Always See My Wife Having Extra Marital Affairs In My Dreams: Husband (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 1:13pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
nannymcphee: Just like I told the other person,in the spirit of this thread ,I would hate for us to digress into dangerous areas and pass them off as OK because they worked for someone So I will address your post I have shared here that I made love to my dear hubby on the first date after I had been celibate for more than a year, that is not right but it was my story and I don't tell anyone to do that.Rewind the clock,I shouldn't have. It perhaps dispels the myth that sleeping with a man on first date makes him not marry you,beyond that it is not a good example So in the same vein,let no girl out there accept violence as OK or wait ten years for it to stop just because your mom did. Or endure for a cheating husband to sleep around and come home That's why we say get an education and a job and be independent Love yourself and set limits you will not allow anyone cross Like cococandy said,you may not be able to tell that story So let's not use aberrations and outright wrongs as good examples of anything even if the victims and perpetrators are our own parents. 10 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 1:17pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
I absolutely agree with you. There is the rule and then there is the exception to the rule. This thread was set up to honor the rules and to guide young couples into a HEALTHY relationships. babyosisi: 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 1:20pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Dimples192: Thanks And I want to make certain the young girls don't get mixed messages That's why I won't let these odd examples slide 9 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 1:21pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
nannymcphee: Sorry, but what sort of distorted reasoning is this? You provide plenty of excuses for a man's bad behaviour, and apportion much of the blame to the women in your illustrations. A woman who behaves maliciously should never be excused, but the way you even describe your own mothers retaliation as the cause of the fight; no no honey, that's so unfair. babygirlfl: Spot on! 11 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 1:32pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Onegai: Good for you,let me digress now from you and face the issues My main point was on the pot issue and the other question about washing machines In both cases the two men are controlling and acted wrong,that much is glaring They are both controlling men bordering on abusive And no woman should be subjected to act like a juvenile in order to buy what she needs with her own money in her own house Men with these tendencies ought to be re-directed with wisdom from day one 12 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 1:40pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
babygirlfl: You have summarized it for us all Thanks I actually wrote the same thing and deleted it earlier lol 5 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by nannymcphee(f): 1:44pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
babyosisi: Lol, ok ma, I dey your back |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 1:46pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
babygirlfl: Thank you A whole bunch of mixed messages is being passed off here and it is becoming painful to read I believe in massaging a man's ego but there is a fine line between that and constantly pacifying an impossible man and condoning abuse If a man is constantly waiting for his ego to be massaged ,there is a big problem 6 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 1:51pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
babygirlfl: I can't put my head around this wear red bra, dance naked before your man gets something that's needed in the home. Worst off, you have the money yet you have to go through this rigorous exercise to get things done. Na wah. I dey read somethings . 8 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 1:52pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
babyosisi: Abeg Wetin be this ego wey una dey massage ![]() |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 1:56pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Nannymcphee talked about a man who does all the shopping in the home and doesn't let his wife go to the market and it is supposedly a style that works for them I am happy she mentioned that Please find time to sit and talk with that woman after gaining her trust,you will be shocked that she would want to trade places with you in a heartbeat. The symptoms of abuse are plenty Sometimes they may appear to be out of love but look deeper,it isn't,I have known people in that sorry situation. Some men like to control the spending of every penny in the house and to them the woman is not smart enough to handle money and bargain,she may go overboard.he even controls her own paycheck. So what does he do? He strips her of total control of the funds and decides what the money is spent on and when That is not a good position to be in Some of them are fearful their wives may meet another man when they venture out So he will rather go to work and also do all the shopping to limit her engagement with the outside world lest she strays Abuse comes in several shades He may never lay a finger on her But that is his way of making her totally dependent on him and keeping her in check 14 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 1:56pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Chillisauce: Nna mehn,the ego here is not ego igwe o ( dollars and pounds) ![]() ![]() Na blokoss me I wan massage now Can't wait for this stud to come home mehn 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 2:00pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
babyosisi: Hahaha. Wahala dey for blokus matter o. Na so we go dey massage dey go 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 2:05pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Chillisauce: Right now I want to go buy some new boots for the cold weather because I am traveling to a cooler area in a few So if I mentioned it and my husband said said no don't buy it yet,I am expected to do what exactly Cry and buy red panties and do my nails and chip them or get frost bitten sef and cry about it so that he allows me use my own hard earned money to buy shoes for my own feet? Thank God I didn't marry a man that petty 11 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by freecocoa(f): 2:05pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
So much to read. Make I just bookmark. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 2:17pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
I spent long hours talking into the night with my mom just before marriage Mom gave me many words of wisdom from her own marriage and I wish to share Listen to this story She said ada,when I married your dad,I did my laundry and his and as you children came along,I washed all your clothes too At a time it became unbearable for me ,I only allowed the maids do other housework,I wanted to make sure the clothes were washed well. One day,I washed your dad's clothes and unbeknown to me there was an item that had running colors and it stained some of your dad's clothes while it soaked.your dad was very very upset about that and couldn't be pacified,he screamed and hollered,regardless of the fact that this wasn't intentional and there were other stained clothes besides his. From that day forwards due to that reaction,I dropped his clothes and he started washing them himself.He kicked against it a while but ended up getting used to it. I grew up seeing my dad wash his clothes on Saturdays and that was the day I heard the genesis of it. My parents are still married till this day and happily I would say. So my daughter, mom continued,anything that you know may cause fracas down the line ,don't start it from the very beginning. Yes mommy,I responded. That was a wise advice which I want to tell any young woman What she did was set a standard to prevent future re-occurrence of an issue and that problem ceased I applied that advise in my own marriage too Don't take on roles that will become burdensome later on and when you stop performing them,katakata will burst If you don't enjoy to iron clothes,leave him to iron his own clothes as he did before he married you and even give him yours to iron ![]() Don't be doing super woman and gather his clothes to iron and lay them out every morning and polish his shoes and complain 6 years down the line that he doesn't help out around the house when you enabled him. But if you can do it all,by all means ignore me 10 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 2:55pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
babyosisi:. True, my bosom friend is married now for close to 20years, what you described in the bold was exactly what happened to him, the first date he had with his girl-friend now his wife, they had intimacy and it didn't stop them from getting married, they have been happily married through thick and thin now for about 20years with kids...... ![]() @babymama, l like your counseling skills, you are indeed a woman with many parts.....keep it up... ![]() 4 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 2:57pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
shinejackie: Hahaha Whenever I say to him that I wish it didn't happen He says he thanks God for that heavy rain that prevented me from leaving lol 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 2:58pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
shinejackie: Thanks It looks like this is my true calling I was in a seminar about starting a small business and the man asked,what are you passionate about and this is the only thing I could think of I would wish that young unmarried girls don't make my mistakes or the mistakes of our parents 3 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 3:02pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
babyosisi:. Hahaha... ![]() |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 3:05pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
babyosisi:. Yes, l think you should do more of counseling in addition to your medical line.. ![]() @the bold, true... 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 3:27pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
babyosisi: It's funny you say this is your passion because even in the western world girls are confused about issues concerning the heart/love ect. You would be an asset to black communities where young ladies don't understand their rights. You could be a support worker or volunteer at women's refuge. 3 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by 5minsmadness: 3:32pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
I laugh in Greek. Real life is going to teach some people some hard lessons. 5 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Onegai(f): 3:35pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
A washing machine isn't a personal item. In Nigeria, a lot of estates don't make allowance for your machine (your landlord will tell you not to break his wall, water supply in that area may be inadequate) and some wives may not be privy to that info. Cooking pots was my mum's metaphor: she had lost her hubby to a 2nd wife, numerous women and her man was tired of all that crazy and didn't know where home was. She could have screamed at him (she has a hot temper) she didn't need him for anything after all he had put her through. Instead she made him want to take care of her, want to pamper her, focused his attention back on her when she realised he was tired of running mad, made him feel good. She made him feel like a king, over buying cooking pots. She jejely waited till he got tired, appealed to his ego and that was all. And he came back. He spent the rest of his life trying to please her and win her and make up for lost years. That woman will not condone an abusive husband, expects her sons to cook and never nagged me for marrying much later than my peers. She made me reject expensive gifts i got (as a young girl) from guys because she said it would make me focus on their generosity, not their true worth. She has never lacked financially, she made her own money. She knew that each situation was different, and that a woman doesn't have to use strong head to declare her independence and assert herself. My MIL is another woman like her. It's never about how well you can argue, it's about the easy way and the smart way. I wonder where Mutter is. I don't see eye to eye on some matters with her, but she's a helluva smart lady. 7 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 3:42pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Chillisauce: My dear. After scheming on how to get the kids to eat their veggies, I will still be scheming on how to get a grown arse adult to do what needs to be done? Who has that type of energy? 14 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 3:46pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Honey this worked for your mother. She was the exception to the rule she wasn't the rule. I mean this advice may not work for a young lady in this time and age. We respect that it worked for your mother but I wouldn't advice my young nieces or nephews to accept or behave in this manner. This isn't about being smart. Today women want men they don't need me and visa versa therefore there is no need for martyr. This is not what this thread is about. It focuses on people's rights and advocates a HEALTHY relationship. Onegai: 13 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 4:51pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Onegai: That highlighted part makes the situation she was in clearer Thanks for sharing Unfortunately I have a whole different thing to say about polygamy situations and the competition to be the favorite wife and the apple of the man's eye. That is on a whole 'nother level that I would rather not get into on this thread Hers was a different type of marriage that I don't advocate or subscribe to and I now appreciate why she had to do what she did. I wouldn't teach it or condone it and certainly wouldn't stay in it. 2 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 4:56pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Dimples192: Thanks so much for putting it succinctly If she had made that revelation in her first post,there would have been no need for me and others to "rack brain" trying to figure out how this could be termed normal. This thread is not about how to survive within an abusive marriage or polygamy. I don't like either situations 5 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 5:01pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
ileobatojo: Lol @ the highlighted Nne na wa o God help us all |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by urchbarbie(f): 5:13pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Nne m. Jiri ya nwayo maka babes na-alubeghi di biko. U make our akpiri strecth without just cause o. I nugo? babyosisi: 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by cococandy(f): 5:28pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Not wanting to go personal but to answer your question. If he's having an affair, As in not even a one time one night stand that he succumbed to but a serious affair with another lady or ladies yes I will seperate from him thank you. I'm not a hard hearted person that doesn't believe in forgiveness so I can't tell you it is wrong to forgive a person who strays once but is willing to make amends and most importantly recognize that they have hurt,disrespected and mocked your Union. But when that person sees it as a norm or something he or she does because he can get away with it regardless of how the partner feels about it, then pls walk away. That's the recipe for a miserable life. Your self esteem will drop to minus zero if you keep taking it. As for slap. My dear if he yells at me I'll burst into tears. so don't even go to the extent of slapping because I'll sleep in a homeless shelter that night or wherever I can find until the divorce is through. nannymcphee: 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by nannymcphee(f): 6:48pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
babyosisi: Pls ma, you have a mail 1 Like |
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