maclatunji:

1' If a woman considers her husband's decision-making as deficient, why would she marry him?

Khabuqi:


For his money.

cococandy:
Why do some men marry women they don't trust?
If the wife is not trustworthy enough to be reasonable and contribute sensibly to the home decision making and upkeep, why marry her?

If his judgment must always be the correct one,it means he doesn't believe he's marrying a trustworthy mature adult whose POV and opinion should always be on the table alongside his for consideration and the best option of the two chosen In the end.

If a man feels like his wife should always go along with whatever he says regardless of how it affects her or the home in general,then he doesn't need a wife.

He needs to be by himself since he is self sufficient and all-knowing.

Or is trust one sided?

greatgod2012:
No perfect human being on earth. I trusted his sense of judgement before i married him andhe also trusted mine, but that does not mean his own decision must always prevail in the house, we both have to make suggestion and look critically at the best decision and make use of it, that does not mean the person that made the unused decision is not wise or trusted enough, if one's decision do not prevail today, it might tomorrow. In marriage, no one should be seen as the almighty, whose decision must always be adhered to. That is the essence of marriage. No competition but complement and mutual understanding. In as much as it possible to make mistakes once in a while, it does not exclude man, even as the head of the home.

Ewuro4:


I guess that's a good reason too.

@OP... Life's not white and black. Even a trusted husband still make mistakes over and over again in marriage, so what should we do about that, call him a dumbo to his face, regret marrying him and give up,or the ultimate, kuku divorce him ??

More importantly, Marriage is a continuous learning experience ; we mature in it and our reasonings, decisions & judgement about different situation change as we grow in it. Marriage is full of surprises my friend.

Ewuro4:


I guess that's a good reason too.

@OP... Life's not white and black. Even a trusted husband still make mistakes over and over again in marriage, so what should we do about that, call him a dumbo to his face, regret marrying him and give up,or the ultimate, kuku divorce him ??

More importantly, Marriage is a continuous learning experience ; we mature in it and our reasonings, decisions & judgement about different situation change as we grow in it. Marriage is full of surprises my friend.

semioyin:
Of course not..
if I choose you as my husband it means I believe you can live up to the responsibility. If I can't trust you to be the head of the house and make smart decisions for our family it will be irresponsible of me to marry you and furthermore I will have accepted the situation. I can't make a big deal out of it later since I married you knowing I don't believe in your ability to be the head of the house.

maclatunji:


You should create your own thread for your questions.

Thank you.

cococandy:




Ok. Make only you post for the thread na.
Na you be OP
Na only you go still be 'contributors'

freecocoa:
I can't marry someone I can't trust.


Isn't it possible that those women trusted the men before marriage, only for them to show their true colors afterwards?.

Men are more desperate for marriage if you ask me and know how to pretend to be all a woman wants, only to change for the worse and because of the pressure on women to marry, most of these women don't really take their time to study their suitors before marrying him.

maclatunji:



So, your reaction might depend on the circumstances surrounding you as a couple rather than being a function of trust?

maclatunji:


I am more interested in situations where you are totally on the opposite side of your husband's point of view. Do you allow him to move forward based on his judgement without trying to undermine his authority in doing so? Does his moving forward still have to be negotiated?

maclatunji:
Hello, I find many married women unable to trust their husband's judgement. I mean his ability to take the right decisions as the leader of the home for them and by extension any kids they may have. This leads to such women being unable to defer to their husband by accepting his decision even if they would not choose that course of action if they were to have their way.

Several questions arise for me as a result :

1' If a woman considers her husband's decision-making as deficient, why would she marry him?

2. Would you aa a single lady marry a man whose judgement you don't trust? If you answered 'yes' why?

Ewuro4:


I transferred some funds into his account and he argued i didn't. I trust him and transferred another fund again right away. But something tells me I did, but because I was lazy and we have a no 'argument pact', I let it go.
Instead of beating the dead horse till we are both blue in the face, I moved on but he didn't. He scrolled through his online bank statements for that month like 50times, ho ho I just continued our convo like it never happened.
Do you believe the dude finally apologized for his oversight and returned my money last week?

I chose PEACE over Winning an Argument.

I think individual temperament has a Great impact in Marriage. How much we can take.

#Patience#

maclatunji:


I am more interested in situations where you are totally on the opposite side of your husband's point of view. Do you allow him to move forward based on his judgement without trying to undermine his authority in doing so? Does his moving forward still have to be negotiated? If so, to what extent?

greatgod2012:



Good morning Mac, i really understand what you're driving at and where you're coming from. All of us at one time or the other make mistake but in an instance where we are both at complete opposite of each others' decision, i let him have his way and we both face the consequences, provided the consequences/repercussions are what is bearable and thank God that for the past 10 years we've been together, he has never taken any decision that it's repecussion is so difficult to live with. For example a very recent ones that just happened..... I have noticed that anyday we have fan on throughout the night, our last baby who still sleeps in the same room with us(4+) usually have cold/cough. On this fateful day, he insisted that the fan should be put on the highest rate and i tried to remind him the repercussion of putting on the fan, he objected, i let him have his way, no arguement. The second day, the young boy started shivering and coughing. Ordinarily, i would have been the one to take him to hospital, i didn't say anything, he was the one who said, "haaa and you said so yesterday o, if i had known, i should have listened to you". I said the solution now is that you will have to take him to hospital by yourself, that is the price to pay for it, he laughed, i laughed, we laughed over it, he took him to hospital, bought some drugs and later proffered a permanent solution which is very okay with me.
This is marriage, no perfect human being my dear, but see, personally, i detest argument, i would rather let him have his way, then we both learn from it and move forward. And also, remember......we are all still canal.
May God help us all.

Ewuro4:
Thanks Mac, that's the reigning mentality, they take meekness for mumuness , I have experienced an embarrassing public argument btw a couple, I just shook my head in disgust ( these ones will still go home and make love oh) .... There're some traits to be adopted (if they arent already instilled in you-Home training) when you get married, If you really want happy marriage, power tussle is none of it.

We aren't stûpid, we just cherish Peace over unnecessary Rancour.

*****
I had a long argument with my growing daughter and she just won't take none of it. When I say A she'll reply me with triple B, I was very worried for her because you just can't live like this but thank Goodness for my husband's intervention.
She said, 'no mummy you just don't expect me to be mute when you're talking , I don't want to be a wallpaper'
I was short for words to say the least. Many lines came to mind('this girl can't marry a Nigerian man' was the first line)
My husband said 'baby nobody wants you to be a wallpaper, but it's just disrespectful to talk over your mom's, besides you can pause till she's finished talking then explain your version and she'll listen and reason with you, she's a very quite woman. We want you to be able to express your opinion but nicely and respectfully'

This new instilled behaviour extends to other people in her life, if you don't agree with someone's opinion & rules. Just counter it calmly with common sense. Nobody's gonna listen to your babble because you think you're right. Just shut the hell up and calm down (sorry )

I deal with irrational people everyday in my field of work, resorting to power tussle will only make matters worse and someone will definately get hurt in the end if cares not taken (DV). How much more from a cognitive human being behaving like a rabid dog everytime he/she is not happy with other's decision. Come on Take a chill pill.

Did I talk to much??

edwife:


Yea you did
But you right,I don't have time for arguments -especially when someone is not bent on listening.i always give up

Ewuro4:


LOL oh no I didnt Good morning ma'am.

Seriously to what extent? I just can't deal Mehn .

Ewuro4:
Thanks Mac, that's the reigning mentality, they take meekness for mumuness , I have experienced an embarrassing public argument btw a couple, I just shook my head in disgust ( these ones will still go home and make love oh) even if they're okay with that, what about about their children, what are they teaching them, whose kids will emulate their behaviour because it's the norm in their home .... There're some traits to be adopted (if they arent already instilled in you-Home training) when you get married, If you really want happy marriage, power tussle is none of it.

We aren't stûpid, we just cherish Peace over unnecessary Rancour.

*****
I had a long argument with my growing daughter and she just won't take none of it. When I say A she'll reply me with triple B, I was very worried for her because you just can't live like this but thank Goodness for my husband's intervention.
She said, 'no mummy you just don't expect me to be mute when you're talking , I don't want to be a wallpaper'
I was short for words to say the least. Many lines came to mind('this girl can't marry a Nigerian man' was the first line)
My husband said 'baby nobody wants you to be a wallpaper, but it's just disrespectful to talk over your mom's, besides you can pause till she's finished talking then explain your version and she'll listen and reason with you, she's a very quite woman. We want you to be able to express your opinion but nicely and respectfully'

This new instilled behaviour extends to other people in her life, if you don't agree with someone's opinion & rules. Just counter it calmly with common sense. Nobody's gonna listen to your babble because you think you're right. Just shut the hell up and calm down (sorry )

I deal with irrational people everyday in my field of work, resorting to power tussle will only make matters worse and someone will definately get hurt in the end if cares not taken (DV). How much more from a cognitive human being behaving like a rabid dog everytime he/she is not happy with other's decision. Come on Take a chill pill.

Did I talk to much??