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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? (2903 Views)
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Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by maclatunji: 3:00pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
Hello, I find many married women unable to trust their husband's judgement. I mean his ability to take the right decisions as the leader of the home for them and by extension any kids they may have. This leads to such women being unable to defer to their husband by accepting his decision even if they would not choose that course of action if they were to have their way. Several questions arise for me as a result : 1' If a woman considers her husband's decision-making as deficient, why would she marry him? 2. Would you aa a single lady marry a man whose judgement you don't trust? If you answered 'yes' why? |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by Nobody: 3:11pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
maclatunji: For his money. |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by EngrRolly(m): 3:18pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
Some questions are not meant to b asked,it is so evident that most of our indigenous ladies marry not for either love or trust but for money The problems I av wit the few livin on nairaland is dt they know the truth buh pretends from it. They will rather marry a man whose bankaccount is swollen 'without trust' than a marry one who they trust buh ' is broke |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by EngrRolly(m): 3:18pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
Some questions are not meant to b asked,it is so evident that most of our indigenous ladies marry not for either love or trust but for money The problems I av wit the few livin on nairaland is dt they know the truth buh pretends from it. They will rather marry a man whose bankaccount is swollen 'without trust' than marry one who they trust buh ' is broke |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by Nobody: 5:44pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
Of course not.. if I choose you as my husband it means I believe you can live up to the responsibility. If I can't trust you to be the head of the house and make smart decisions for our family it will be irresponsible of me to marry you and furthermore I will have accepted the situation. I can't make a big deal out of it later since I married you knowing I don't believe in your ability to be the head of the house. 1 Like |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by cococandy(f): 6:34pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
Why do some men marry women they don't trust? If the wife is not trustworthy enough to be reasonable and contribute sensibly to the home decision making and upkeep, why marry her? If his judgment must always be the correct one,it means he doesn't believe he's marrying a trustworthy mature adult whose POV and opinion should always be on the table alongside his for consideration and the best option of the two chosen In the end. If a man feels like his wife should always go along with whatever he says regardless of how it affects her or the home in general,then he doesn't need a wife. He needs to be by himself since he is self sufficient and all-knowing. Or is trust one sided? 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by nairalandbuzz(m): 6:59pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
It is not reasonable to marry someone you can't trust but you see many Nigerian ladies saying they Dont trust their husband... I wonder what they are in it for... The money or the 6.5"? In my own opinion, trust in marriages shouldn't be based on decisions in whatever form... Decision making as we all know is a two way street that has many unforseen dependents in most cases... Therefore, couples should know that making decisions should not based on trust and allow all parties involved to take the whatever putcome... Bla bla bla |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by freecocoa(f): 7:38pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
I can't marry someone I can't trust. Isn't it possible that those women trusted the men before marriage, only for them to show their true colors afterwards?. Men are more desperate for marriage if you ask me and know how to pretend to be all a woman wants, only to change for the worse and because of the pressure on women to marry, most of these women don't really take their time to study their suitors before marrying him. 3 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by greatgod2012(f): 8:05pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
No perfect human being on earth. I trusted his sense of judgement before i married him andhe also trusted mine, but that does not mean his own decision must always prevail in the house, we both have to make suggestion and look critically at the best decision and make use of it, that does not mean the person that made the unused decision is not wise or trusted enough, if one's decision do not prevail today, it might tomorrow. In marriage, no one should be seen as the almighty, whose decision must always be adhered to. That is the essence of marriage. No competition but complement and mutual understanding. In as much as it possible to make mistakes once in a while, it does not exclude man, even as the head of the home. 4 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by Ewuro4: 9:03pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
Khabuqi: ![]() @OP... Life's not white and black. Even a trusted husband still make mistakes over and over again in marriage, so what should we do about that, call him a dumbo to his face, regret marrying him and give up,or the ultimate, kuku divorce him ?? ![]() More importantly, Marriage is a continuous learning experience ; we mature in it and our reasonings, decisions & judgement about different situation change as we grow in it. Marriage is full of surprises my friend. 1 Like |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by maclatunji: 11:29pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
cococandy: You should create your own thread for your questions. Thank you. 1 Like |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by maclatunji: 11:35pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
greatgod2012: I am more interested in situations where you are totally on the opposite side of your husband's point of view. Do you allow him to move forward based on his judgement without trying to undermine his authority in doing so? Does his moving forward still have to be negotiated? If so, to what extent? |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by maclatunji: 11:37pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
Ewuro4: |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by maclatunji: 11:38pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
Ewuro4: So, your reaction might depend on the circumstances surrounding you as a couple rather than being a function of trust? |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by maclatunji: 11:43pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
semioyin: Thank you for your response. |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by cococandy(f): 11:54pm On Mar 04, 2015 |
maclatunji: ![]() Ok. Make only you post for the thread na. Na you be OP Na only you go still be 'contributors' |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by maclatunji: 12:08am On Mar 05, 2015 |
cococandy: #Smiling, answering a question with a question is not nice. |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by Nobody: 12:31am On Mar 05, 2015 |
freecocoa: Women are more desperate for marriage. 1 Like |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by Ewuro4: 3:15am On Mar 05, 2015 |
maclatunji: Yes. It's circumstantial i.e Case by case. I wouldn't call ANYONE a 'function of trust' neither, once the integrity is established pre-Union (foundation) then no problemo, besides like I've stated, we all grow in marriage and develop new skills, knowledge and dynamics to solve problems and make decisions. That said, like someone funnily earlier stated that most women only marry for comfort and wouldnt care less to study the man they're getting in bed with but to only cry foul when problem arose. 'he's a control freak, blah blah' ![]() |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by Ewuro4: 3:37am On Mar 05, 2015 |
maclatunji: I transferred some funds into his account and he argued i didn't. I trust him and transferred another fund again right away. But something tells me I did, but because I was lazy and we have a no 'argument pact', I let it go. Instead of beating the dead horse till we are both blue in the face, I moved on but he didn't. He scrolled through his online bank statements for that month like 50times, ho ho I just continued our convo like it never happened. ![]() Do you believe the dude finally apologized for his oversight and returned my money last week? ![]() I chose PEACE over Winning an Argument. ![]() I think individual temperament has a Great impact in Marriage. How much we can take. #Patience# 4 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by Nobody: 5:27am On Mar 05, 2015 |
maclatunji: Will that decision and good judgement include bringing in his mistress as a second wife? 1 Like |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by maclatunji: 6:42am On Mar 05, 2015 |
Ewuro4: You are understanding the questions. I was interested in having a woman’s perspective on letting her husband prevail on an issue when she is absolutely convinced she is right and you hit the nail on the head with your answer. All-too-often, I see and read women entering disputes with their husbands on the basis of the conviction of being right on the issue and I do wonder: if those women have any trust in their husbands capacity to make decisions and motivation for making them. While I am not suggesting that a woman should constantly leave her husband to do whatever he likes, I do believe that there are many critical moments when a woman should tell herself: " Although I am certain I am right in this matter, I trust my husband means well for us and as such I will allow him move ahead with his decision and help him succeed at whatever it is he wants to do". The husband will in all likelihood admit being wrong if the mutual trust is there. I don't think too much emphasis can be placed on marrying your friend because it is that friendship that will carry you through difficult tines. You might wonder about finding a friend in the first place. I have learnt that beautiful friendships can be initiated within an hour, you just have to know what to look for that matches your kind of person. It gets better with time. Sometimes, there isn't only one correct answer to a problem or approach to an issue. 1 Like |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by quivah(f): 7:38am On Mar 05, 2015 |
NO |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by Nobody: 7:56am On Mar 05, 2015 |
Mac good question and I understand where you are going, however you have to understand the limtations of man. No one is perfect and no individual is perfect Only God doesnt have an off day . . .the rest of humanity do have off days and even the the most wise man will on the off day make a bad descsion and its in everyones best interest if the wife can step up and respectfully let her husband know/do something about it. Marriage is the coming together of 2 great but not so perfect people to produce a better and stronger team. There are some things that my hubby is much better than me at and there are some things that I do better than hubby It will therefore be silly of both of us to insist and say it must be my way when infact he does that particular thing better. Having said all that if there is respect and at least one party is prepared to be mature about things when things so go wrong like Ewuro4 detiailed in her post, then there wont be a power tussle and issues will be resolved without much blood on the wall 4 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by greatgod2012(f): 10:03am On Mar 05, 2015 |
maclatunji: Good morning Mac, i really understand what you're driving at and where you're coming from. All of us at one time or the other make mistake but in an instance where we are both at complete opposite of each others' decision, i let him have his way and we both face the consequences, provided the consequences/repercussions are what is bearable and thank God that for the past 10 years we've been together, he has never taken any decision that it's repecussion is so difficult to live with. For example a very recent ones that just happened..... I have noticed that anyday we have fan on throughout the night, our last baby who still sleeps in the same room with us(4+) usually have cold/cough. On this fateful day, he insisted that the fan should be put on the highest rate and i tried to remind him the repercussion of putting on the fan, he objected, i let him have his way, no arguement. The second day, the young boy started shivering and coughing. Ordinarily, i would have been the one to take him to hospital, i didn't say anything, he was the one who said, "haaa and you said so yesterday o, if i had known, i should have listened to you". I said the solution now is that you will have to take him to hospital by yourself, that is the price to pay for it, he laughed, i laughed, we laughed over it, he took him to hospital, bought some drugs and later proffered a permanent solution which is very okay with me. This is marriage, no perfect human being my dear, but see, personally, i detest argument, i would rather let him have his way, then we both learn from it and move forward. And also, remember......we are all still canal. May God help us all. 2 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by shitshappen(m): 10:45am On Mar 05, 2015 |
What's marriage without trust? If na joke stop am! |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by maclatunji: 3:07pm On Mar 05, 2015 |
greatgod2012: Good afternoon, you are a very patient lady, it reflects in your story and your posts too. Your example answers my question. I interact with sone ladies and their attitude is like; "I am smarter and better than any man", I just wonder how they want to sustain marriage with such mindset. |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by Ewuro4: 3:49pm On Mar 05, 2015 |
Thanks Mac, that's the reigning mentality, they take meekness for mumuness ![]() We aren't stûpid, we just cherish Peace over unnecessary Rancour. ***** I had a long argument with my growing daughter ![]() She said, 'no mummy you just don't expect me to be mute when you're talking , I don't want to be a wallpaper' ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() I was short for words to say the least. Many lines came to mind('this girl can't marry a Nigerian man' was the first line) My husband said 'baby nobody wants you to be a wallpaper, but it's just disrespectful to talk over your mom's, besides you can pause till she's finished talking then explain your version and she'll listen and reason with you, she's a very quite woman. We want you to be able to express your opinion but nicely and respectfully' This new instilled behaviour extends to other people in her life, if you don't agree with someone's opinion & rules. Just counter it calmly with common sense. Nobody's gonna listen to your babble because you think you're right. Just shut the hell up and calm down ![]() ![]() I deal with irrational people everyday in my field of work, resorting to power tussle will only make matters worse and someone will definately get hurt in the end if cares not taken (DV). How much more from a cognitive human being behaving like a rabid dog everytime he/she is not happy with other's decision. Come on ![]() Did I talk to much?? ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by edwife(f): 3:57pm On Mar 05, 2015 |
Ewuro4: Yea you did ![]() But you right,I don't have time for arguments -especially when someone is not bent on listening.i always give up ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by Ewuro4: 4:00pm On Mar 05, 2015 |
edwife: LOL oh no I didnt ![]() Seriously to what extent? I just can't deal Mehn . |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by edwife(f): 4:07pm On Mar 05, 2015 |
Ewuro4: Good afternoon over here ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Would You Marry A Man You Can't Trust? by maclatunji: 4:09pm On Mar 05, 2015 |
Ewuro4: It's like you have been waiting for this topic #Laughing.Women accuse us men of overbloated egos but some of the biggest egos I have had to deal with have been those of women. It's like women are becoming a worse version of what they accuse men of being. You interact with a humble lady and it's so refreshing, I always tell myself: "whatever you achieve is for yourself, other people don't have to give a hoot about it". 1 Like |
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