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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? (67108 Views)
My Wife Spat On My Face This Morning, What Should I Do? / Wife Asks Our Son To Beat Me Up Anytime We Quarrel —pastor Tells Court / Re; My Wife Fought With My Mum Following A Quarrel. My Own Opinion. (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by chival(f): 2:37pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
Nothing should make a daughter in law go as far as engaging her mother in law or any elderly person for that matter, in fisticuffs. Should my mother in law slap me, the best I can do is walk away temporarily and call my hubby to intervene. While the mother in law was wrong as well, I lay the blame entirely at the DIL's feet. Sometimes, its best to stoop to conquer. Married women need to be wise and have great people management skills. 4 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Nobody: 2:38pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
babyosisi: The bolded is very true. Only God knows what the wife has gone through in the hands of this woman. For the wife to be jovial towards her shows she wanted peace. But alas, that was not what her MIL wanted. She even came with a gang. LOL. Well planned i must say. 6 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by TreQuartista: 2:39pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
How can one person have to contend with these two in their live? ![]() ![]() Sucks to be you! |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by julietchic(f): 2:41pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
christabeli: if she is dat good she would have stays in her husband house, she can visit us anytime she want. I love her so much ( dat is y I respect her)beside she has every rite to visit in her fathers house. |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by onoja12: 2:42pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Nweike1: 2:45pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
Send ur wife packing! Immediately. Don't ever quarrel with or mum becos of ur wife. She is not worth it. Ur wife can come back after she has begged ur mum and other family members 1 Like |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by NmaGOD44(f): 2:46pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
Sophyrocks:I'm sure she must have come with the sole motive of throwing that woman outa her home.... she has already planned it with her gang.....good for her 4 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Nobody: 2:48pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
I was told by the two onlookers (mother's sister and a friend) that my wife prevented my mother from taking some photos of the child dedication we did a few weeks back from the photo album I quoted this because people are fond of twisting things and accounts written to suit their non points The woman didn't ask for pictures so there was no place for any kind responses to a kind request and certainly no reason for any slaps. She was prevented from taking pictures off an album and then slapped the owner of the pictures Not a picture o Some Pictures Plural That is what the son said 3 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Joy1706(f): 2:49pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
Do these men realise their wives also have parents? Maybe we should start involving our parents in our marriages and see how ya'll like it. Then you can see how it feels like to be harassed and criticised in your own homes. Abi you guys think we don't love our parents as much? 4 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Notyourb1tch(f): 2:50pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
Nweike1:So would you have given your father the same advice if his mother slapped your mother and she told him to send her packing. Its really appalling the way some men think. He must send the mother of his kids packing after being slapped. I really dunno anymore. Fyi not all wives will come back. I certainly would not come back begging after being chased out of my own home for something I did not start. It shows the man has no iota of respect for me and he does not love me. A man who loves his wife would not do this. 5 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Nobody: 2:54pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
No matter what the reason might. It shows lack of respect and poor upbringing on your wife's end. If I may ask, has your wife ever raised her hand against her own mother in any circumstances? If so, it's your fault for bringing such a lady to your family. A respsonsible lady with good manners would have left the scene and come to you after your mom slapped her. To make such a scene with an old lady show your wife lacks modesty, virtues and good upbringing. My advice is for her to apologize to your mother, your family member. If possible, she should bring her family members to help apologize to your mother. It's during that period will your mother accept her apology, and if possible feel remorse about slapping your wife. Nevertheless, your wife has no right to engage your mother in such manner, let alone exchanging fist with her. Just imagine how you'll feel if you heard your sister is exchanging fist with your mother. |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Askseek(f): 2:56pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
@OP, I have been married for 15 years and will relate my xperience with my MIL and how my husband handled it. My relationship with my MIL was ok, I was independent and that did not agree well with my MIL mindset. Fast forward to the real story. My inlaws marriage was over and they were in the middle of a separation for whatever reason one night she left the apartment and asked my husband if she could stay with us for 1 week. He called me and asked me that his mother needed to stay with us for a wk. we lived in a 2 bedroom and had 3 kids. With no hesitation I said yes, it was late and as far as I was concerned my husbands mother needed help who am I to say no. So set the mattress and made space she came and 1 week turned into a month. I realized there was no end to her stay and started to talk to my husband about finding a 3 bedroom apt. He refused, adamant that if we did that she wouldn't leave and he did not want to make her too comfortable. He wanted her to go. I continued to plead and cajole coz I knew if it was my mum I would want her to have her own space and privacy instead of sharing with kids. Eventually after about 4 months he agreed and when d lease ended we moved into a 3 bedroom and furnished a room for her. Let me add here that this move was a significant increase and I took a second job so we could afford it. There were many pettiness which I swallowed and never mentioned a word to my husband. Stuff like telling my kids I did not know how to cook otherwise I wouldn't be feeding them the kind of food they ate. She made her own meals, woke up at 4 am (no exaggeration) to sweep and clean, tell my oldest daughter I sleep too long (after working 16 hrs). No problem it's all good it's my MIL now so I said nothing. Still working on her behalf begging her son to give her house key coz he refused to didnt what her to be too comfortable (his words). One evening we got home late and she was waiting outside, the first thing she said was "what ur wife is doing by not giving me the house key is not good" I was livid but could not blame her, the eye I gave my husband and walked out on them. I don't know what he told her but he begged me for a long time but still refused to give her key. MIL had a relative visit her for 2 wks from England. I and my husband didn't get the curtesy of being told we would have a visitor. I came home and was introduced to this person. Ok no problem. The end came one evening, my husband asked me to come with him to the auto store so I could sit in the car while he went in the store to buy a new battery. Asked MIL if she didn't mind watching the kids especially baby who was just about 7 months. She said ok, baby started crying as usual and we left. Went down and the car refused to start. He tried to get it to start and it wouldn't. All dis time the baby was crying when it was about 20 mins and he still couldn't get the car to start I suggested taking a taxi while I go back up to calm he child down. Our last born unfortunately has a disease and stress an trigger a crisis so I figured the car is not starting let me go up and carry d child and that is where I went wrong. Got back up said to MIL d car did not start let me carry isoken. She did not answer me, I stretched out my hand to carry baby she pushed me(not play push, a real firm push). I said ha, mummy let me calm dis child down she has been crying since she said its her child am I saying she can't carry her child? I said no ma but she has been crying stretched out my hand and attempted to take my daughter and she hit me and pushed me away. At this point I said "see dis woman oh!behave urself now" I called out to my husband while still trying to pick up d child that was still crying. He came up and I told him d issue. He puts me to the side and goes to his mother asked her to give hike the child so he can carry she refuses and gets up going off on me with all sorts of curses. In my head I am thinking this is d person I work 2 jobs to make comfortable for. Her son is by her side trying to cLm her down and get the child next thing she bends down and pulls my legs I hit my head on the hard wood floor and she was on top of me with my child in one hand and hitting me with the other. My other 2 kids by this time came out of their room so my husband is trying to shield them, yanks the baby from her before pulling her off me. I told my husband "I love you and that is the only reason I did not hit your mother back cow I will kill her but she is gone from my house today, now not tomorrow or the marriage is over. Me or your mother chose" he reminded me she had nowhere to go and I said she should have thought about that before. Then she started to cry and beg me It was d devil. She had no where to go. I told her to go the shelter, but she will not stay in my house and her son can go with her or I leave them in the house and go. I left to my room. He told her to pack her stuff, she crossed the line and she spent a wk in d shelter before finding a place to stay. She then got upset insisting I apologize to her bringing up the I am your mother, and then my husband started to tell her in the presence of the people she brought all d things she did to undermine me in my home and how she attacked me. He made it clear she owed me an apology and if I did not want her in d house he would stand by me. My stand since then with my MIL is to be cordial that's it. I owe her nothing. If I am having an event in my house she can come but no visit or sleep over. I didn't tell my parents and so when my mum was visiting she showed up to d house under the pretext of Visiting and planned to spend the night. When my husband told me I said ok and dropped d phone but d man knows me well knew I was not coming home he showed up at my job to pick me up. I was angry. We got home and he called his mom and my mom told my mom the whole story so she could understand the tension she was sensing on my part and made it clear to his mom to stop being manipulative and to leave first thing in the morning. I have always loved this man and my love and respect for him grew exponentially after that incident. He cares for his mother but does not allow that to affect his role as my husband. And that incident defined and put boundaries on my relTionship with MIL. On a side note the other 2 sons for whom she hand picked wives have both divorced, their wives could not deal with MIL interference and husbands who always deferred to her. I won't tell you what to do but will encourage you to be wise. 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Nobody: 2:57pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
NmaGOD44: Exactly. The sole motive of every MIL who never liked her DIL. She now got more than what she bargained for. Buhahahahahaa. Picture this; Who makes the move to make a DIL's life miserable? who manipulates a man to marry another wife as a result of delayed childbirth? WOMEN. I think women should start having lives outside their children once they get married. 2 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by iiichidodo: 2:58pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
donedy:Gbam!... 2 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Nobody: 2:58pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
donedy: If her marrying the man was a life saver and rescue from kwashiorkor for her family then I see this happening ,a beggar has no choice Most fathers who can hold their own on hearing the treatment their daughter got from the MIL Will look him and his mother in the face and tell them to go to blazes and actually warn the woman never to lay a hand on his daughter or answer to him. Infact they won't even have the temerity to make such a demand 6 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by freecocoa(f): 2:58pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
babyosisi:You could have written whatever you wanted to without having to make snide remarks. 1 Like |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by BABE3: 2:59pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
Sophyrocks: madam abeg slow your roll. You've gone from calling the MIL fòòlish to insane to all sorts. That's someone's mum (even though she erred), and OP is present on this thread. You're not the one that got slapped and you're this angry and fiesty? You can give the OP advice without calling his mother names. 3 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Notyourb1tch(f): 3:02pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
donedy:Has her own mother slapped her daughter because she refused her demands. So why will she treat her mom badly if her mom treats her well. How can she consider his mom as her mom when she treats her like poo. We are human beings. If someone treats you badly will you go and kiss them? Off course not. Make realistic comparisons please 5 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by BABE3: 3:06pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
OP, this is a case of two grown adults deciding to fight. It's not a case of victim vs aggressor. Your wife's response to the slap isn't self defense. It was her decision to pick a fight. MIL wasn't pointing a gun at her, neither was she holding a knife to her neck. She could have walked away. They'll both be charged for assault and battery if they had gotten arrested. Keep your mum away from your wife. I don't think they'll ever fully recover from this, so just keep them apart since your wife has already apologized. Time will heal. |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Nobody: 3:07pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
Notyourb1tch: Don't you hate it when they keep saying will you do so and so if it was your mother Well my mother will not come and and attempt to take pictures off an album She will make a request and I will offer to get her some prints She certainly will not attack me for saying no Why do they expect anyone to treat someone like their mom when the person is not acting like their mother 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Nobody: 3:08pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
onoja12: You dnt want to accept my answer so there is really nothing i can do. 3 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by iiichidodo: 3:10pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
Nweike1:Gbam! Op, no co-incidence that the men here want you to act your gender but the side talk women here would prefer you surrender your manhood to your wife because they are wives or wives to be who demselves detest their mother in laws therefore they all can really relate,if not glad, with your wife drawing deep gashes and blood from your mother..are these whom you seek advice as to how to run your home as a 1 Like |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Nobody: 3:10pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
By the way I know a woman here that threw her own mother out of her house She was worse than a mother in law She had a fist fight with her mom and police was called in Her mother is a known street fighter and attacked everyone that disagreed with her physically Imagine your own mother coming for omugwo and beating you up in your matrimonial home She fought back, kicked the woman out and friends took her in Imagine what the woman will do at her son's house 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Nobody: 3:10pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
babyosisi: Abi. do they expect all mothers to reason alike? do they expect all families to handle issues like barbarians? Forget their useless comparisons. Its not everyone that has a mother that engages in street fights. Its too degrading. 3 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by freecocoa(f): 3:15pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
BABE3:Lol, a case of two fighting indeed. ![]() I actually think DIL has been waiting to give it to mama, I don't see how someone who is being oppressed will refuse mama taking the pics, let alone slap back. MIL is obviously the type that likes to get what she wants and DIL is also the 'sendless' type so.... |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Notyourb1tch(f): 3:16pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
babyosisi:Exactly. But I can't help but feel sorry for the women who end up marrying such men. Wrong is wrong and the more he entertains his mothers bad behaviour the more she will grow wings and feel more entitled to do as she pleases. Smdh 2 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Nobody: 3:18pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
Sophyrocks: Nne the thing tire me o. I haven't seen someone that loves his mum more than my hubby_ but I just showed him this thread and he succinctly said that the MIL carry the problem for body come. There are some things my MIL would suggest, as a not too traditional person - I won't even allow her land. She would calmly explain to me in an educated way...lol. If I still object, she would just be calm, while waiting for her SON. Never for once did she try to raise her voice, let alone hit me. Why? She respects her son, by virtue of marriage, I tap into that respect. 4 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by onoja12: 3:19pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by iiichidodo: 3:21pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
iiichidodo: |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by mirob(f): 3:25pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
aflyingbird: And u want to prove to your mother in law that u are not a didirin by fighting her abi? Girl you are more didirin than you can ever imagine, you are trying too hard to prove that u are no push over by fighting her, there are many ways to prove that than to raise ur hand on ur mother inlaw , I wonder the kind of children they breed now. Girl take my advice, do not I repeat do not fight ur mother inlaw, it is not right in anyway, you can prove that u are strong to ur sisters inlaw or friends or even ur siblings but please don't try it with ur mother or mother inlaw, show some respect, u are not competing who is the strongest with them, simply walk away, that will give u more respect than fighting back. 4 Likes |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Nobody: 3:25pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
Kachisbarbie: That is how it should be na. A MIL and DIL dialogue in the most simplest and the less chaotic manner possible. No hard feelings. See this MIL-DIL thingy is a two way thing. When both MIL and DIL respect themselves and show regard, rifts will be almost extinct. both of them ought to show respect for the marriage. All these issues are because MILs are not advised to do their part in ensuring peace and boundaries are not set. DILs are hammered with advice upon advice. I tire o. All these issues make marriage soooooooo stressful. 1 Like |
Re: Pls Help!! My Wife Fought With My Mother Following A Quarrel. What Should I Do? by Nobody: 3:29pm On Mar 28, 2015 |
Sophyrocks:I've been liking ur comments. Hehehehe My momma or poppa can't behave like that at all I can tolerate insults but 'SLAP' me, no fhukin way, I'll send dat person flying out d window If u belittle ur self b4 a child, u'd get insult in return Between 2 women,If everybody wan claim pikin, then d wify is correct. because na d mama first claim son then d wify claimed her kids too. Claim d one u push outta ur arss The OP is d cause of all these, he should sort a solution within him. U don't leave a dog n cat alone in a room. @OP, if u choose 2 kick ur wife out, remember 2 send d kids with her too. U pick ur mum, ur kids pick their mom too. U r too weak a man dat don't know how 2 set boundaries 1 Like |
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