Askseek:
@OP, I have been married for 15 years and will relate my xperience with my MIL and how my husband handled it. My relationship with my MIL was ok, I was independent and that did not agree well with my MIL mindset. Fast forward to the real story.
My inlaws marriage was over and they were in the middle of a separation for whatever reason one night she left the apartment and asked my husband if she could stay with us for 1 week. He called me and asked me that his mother needed to stay with us for a wk. we lived in a 2 bedroom and had 3 kids. With no hesitation I said yes, it was late and as far as I was concerned my husbands mother needed help who am I to say no. So set the mattress and made space she came and 1 week turned into a month. I realized there was no end to her stay and started to talk to my husband about finding a 3 bedroom apt. He refused, adamant that if we did that she wouldn't leave and he did not want to make her too comfortable. He wanted her to go. I continued to plead and cajole coz I knew if it was my mum I would want her to have her own space and privacy instead of sharing with kids. Eventually after about 4 months he agreed and when d lease ended we moved into a 3 bedroom and furnished a room for her. Let me add here that this move was a significant increase and I took a second job so we could afford it. There were many pettiness which I swallowed and never mentioned a word to my husband. Stuff like telling my kids I did not know how to cook otherwise I wouldn't be feeding them the kind of food they ate. She made her own meals, woke up at 4 am (no exaggeration) to sweep and clean, tell my oldest daughter I sleep too long (after working 16 hrs). No problem it's all good it's my MIL now so I said nothing. Still working on her behalf begging her son to give her house key coz he refused to didnt what her to be too comfortable (his words). One evening we got home late and she was waiting outside, the first thing she said was "what ur wife is doing by not giving me the house key is not good" I was livid but could not blame her, the eye I gave my husband and walked out on them. I don't know what he told her but he begged me for a long time but still refused to give her key. MIL had a relative visit her for 2 wks from England. I and my husband didn't get the curtesy of being told we would have a visitor. I came home and was introduced to this person. Ok no problem. The end came one evening, my husband asked me to come with him to the auto store so I could sit in the car while he went in the store to buy a new battery. Asked MIL if she didn't mind watching the kids especially baby who was just about 7 months. She said ok, baby started crying as usual and we left. Went down and the car refused to start. He tried to get it to start and it wouldn't. All dis time the baby was crying when it was about 20 mins and he still couldn't get the car to start I suggested taking a taxi while I go back up to calm he child down. Our last born unfortunately has a disease and stress an trigger a crisis so I figured the car is not starting let me go up and carry d child and that is where I went wrong. Got back up said to MIL d car did not start let me carry isoken. She did not answer me, I stretched out my hand to carry baby she pushed me(not play push, a real firm push). I said ha, mummy let me calm dis child down she has been crying since she said its her child am I saying she can't carry her child? I said no ma but she has been crying stretched out my hand and attempted to take my daughter and she hit me and pushed me away. At this point I said "see dis woman oh!behave urself now" I called out to my husband while still trying to pick up d child that was still crying. He came up and I told him d issue. He puts me to the side and goes to his mother asked her to give hike the child so he can carry she refuses and gets up going off on me with all sorts of curses. In my head I am thinking this is d person I work 2 jobs to make comfortable for. Her son is by her side trying to cLm her down and get the child next thing she bends down and pulls my legs I hit my head on the hard wood floor and she was on top of me with my child in one hand and hitting me with the other. My other 2 kids by this time came out of their room so my husband is trying to shield them, yanks the baby from her before pulling her off me. I told my husband "I love you and that is the only reason I did not hit your mother back cow I will kill her but she is gone from my house today, now not tomorrow or the marriage is over. Me or your mother chose" he reminded me she had nowhere to go and I said she should have thought about that before. Then she started to cry and beg me It was d devil. She had no where to go. I told her to go the shelter, but she will not stay in my house and her son can go with her or I leave them in the house and go. I left to my room. He told her to pack her stuff, she crossed the line and she spent a wk in d shelter before finding a place to stay. She then got upset insisting I apologize to her bringing up the I am your mother, and then my husband started to tell her in the presence of the people she brought all d things she did to undermine me in my home and how she attacked me. He made it clear she owed me an apology and if I did not want her in d house he would stand by me. My stand since then with my MIL is to be cordial that's it. I owe her nothing. If I am having an event in my house she can come but no visit or sleep over. I didn't tell my parents and so when my mum was visiting she showed up to d house under the pretext of Visiting and planned to spend the night. When my husband told me I said ok and dropped d phone but d man knows me well knew I was not coming home he showed up at my job to pick me up. I was angry. We got home and he called his mom and my mom told my mom the whole story so she could understand the tension she was sensing on my part and made it clear to his mom to stop being manipulative and to leave first thing in the morning. I have always loved this man and my love and respect for him grew exponentially after that incident. He cares for his mother but does not allow that to affect his role as my husband. And that incident defined and put boundaries on my relTionship with MIL. On a side note the other 2 sons for whom she hand picked wives have both divorced, their wives could not deal with MIL interference and husbands who always deferred to her. I won't tell you what to do but will encourage you to be wise.

pinkbee:

I've been liking ur comments. Hehehehe
My momma or poppa can't behave like that at all
I can tolerate insults but 'SLAP' me, no fhukin way, I'll send dat person flying out d window
If u belittle ur self b4 a child, u'd get insult in return
Between 2 women,If everybody wan claim pikin, then d wify is correct. because na d mama first claim son then d wify claimed her kids too. Claim d one u push outta ur arss
The OP is d cause of all these, he should sort a solution within him. U don't leave a dog n cat alone in a room.
@OP, if u choose 2 kick ur wife out, remember 2 send d kids with her too. U pick ur mum, ur kids pick their mom too.
U r too weak a man dat don't know how 2 set boundaries

pinkbee:

I've been liking ur comments. Hehehehe
My momma or poppa can't behave like that at all
I can tolerate insults but 'SLAP' me, no fhukin way, I'll send dat person flying out d window
If u belittle ur self b4 a child, u'd get insult in return
Between 2 women,If everybody wan claim pikin, then d wify is correct. because na d mama first claim son then d wify claimed her kids too. Claim d one u push outta ur arss
The OP is d cause of all these, he should sort a solution within him. U don't leave a dog n cat alone in a room.
@OP, if u choose 2 kick ur wife out, remember 2 send d kids with her too. U pick ur mum, ur kids pick their mom too.
U r too weak a man dat don't know how 2 set boundaries

greatgod2012:
Another MIL-DIL thread.



Why is your wife suspicious of your mother?
What has their relationship been like?
Why will your wife refuse your mother to take her grandchildren's picture?
Can she do the same with her own mother?
This is what we're saying, your wife couldn't tolerate your own mother, but i'm sure she will with her own mother.
Anyway, let your wife realise that what she did is wrong, except you're the one who instructed her to do what she did. Then take her to go and beg mama. Before then, beg your mother to forgive you for your own sake and the little kids' sake to please forgive your wife, tell her (your mum) to always ask you what she want instead from your wife and thereafter take your wife to go beg her with all sincerity from her.

My personal opinion, please.

Sophyrocks:


That is how it should be na. A MIL and DIL dialogue in the most simplest and the less chaotic manner possible. No hard feelings. See this MIL-DIL thingy is a two way thing. When both MIL and DIL respect themselves and show regard, rifts will be almost be extinct. both of them ought to show respect for the marriage. All these issues are because MILs are not advised to do their part in ensuring peace and boundaries are not set. DILs are hammered with advice upon advice. I tire o. All these issues make marriage soooooooo stressful.

freecocoa:
Lol, a case of two fighting indeed.

I actually think DIL has been waiting to give it to mama, I don't see how someone who is being oppressed will refuse mama taking the pics, let alone slap back.

MIL is obviously the type that likes to get what she wants and DIL is also the 'sendless' type so....

BABE3:


Abi o. Bruising your husband's mother coz she slapped you? Victim? I think not.

If she had walked away. Yes she's a victim. But they fought each other sotay she left bruises on mama's face? Nah.

We can even argue that mama is the victim here coz she has weaker bones.

mirob:


And u want to prove to your mother in law that u are not a didirin by fighting her abi? Girl you are more didirin than you can ever imagine, you are trying too hard to prove that u are no push over by fighting her, there are many ways to prove that than to raise ur hand on ur mother inlaw , I wonder the kind of children they breed now.
Girl take my advice, do not I repeat do not fight ur mother inlaw, it is not right in anyway, you can prove that u are strong to ur sisters inlaw or friends or even ur siblings but please don't try it with ur mother or mother inlaw, show some respect, u are not competing who is the strongest with them, simply walk away, that will give u more respect than fighting back.

Kachisbarbie:


hhahahaha
I told my hubby the MIL said the wife would go. He asked "Go where?"

Lmao.

What do you expect?
When they keep saying no woman ranks above my mum.

Mum that has built her own family _birth you and your siblings. Abegi...
Didn't that mum have her fair share of family issues? Why didn't she leave her husband and go back to her own mum.

Just as you said, MILs deserve their own orientation on code of conduct.
You don't walk into someone's matrimonial home and start hustling for pictures.

Women naturally are very protective of their kids. She should know better.

God bless my MIL. That woman is soooo sweet.

emmatok:


This is 2015 and divorce rate is on the high side.

The wife is behaving that way to separate t
he man from his mother.This woman will destroying the man, then ru away.Thats code of 2015 selfish wifey.

I won't sacrifice my happiness for any selfish woman.
Marriage is not a must.

Sorry to ask, are you married ?

babygirlfl:
To those saying the wife lacks home training for slapping back, What do you call someone who gives you a slap for refusing to give them what is rightfully yours?

perfectionist:


My wife would gladly do that but my mother has threatened fire and brimstone if I ever show up at her place with my wife.

Notyourb1tch:
a good wife is hard to find. There are many women and men out there but getting the wrong one can either contribute to your success or ruin you. Let him go and bring another woman who will be even worse and when your mother fights that one too, I guess you will divorce her. He also has kids with his wife and they may grow to hate the father. Just imagine a child saying my dad left my mom because my grandma slapped her and they fought. Does that make sense to you.


Honestly this is why I can never marry a mommas boy. They are weak and let their mothers control everything in their life nor can I get married to someone whose mom and I don't get along esp if he is the sissy type like you. I want peace in life. The op should have set them down a long time ago and laid out the cards from the start.

babyosisi:


This whole thing will eventually be resolved if the man of the house applies wisdom
And after that is done,everyone will know their boundaries and know never to overstep it starting with his mother
I promise you after this,she will conduct herself better next time she visits and peace will reign
The DIL doesn't hate her,just hates her attitude
Sometimes things like this need to happen so that the MIL appreciates the DIL is not a mumu and next time she will accord her the respect she deserves.

babyosisi:


The more I read you,the more i get a picture of your wife and the more I dislike your mother
The wife after her assault and battery agrees to go and apologize to your mom and your mom says never,instead the only thing to appease her is for you to send your wife away?
Are you sure this person actually gave birth to you
Where is your father in all this?
Or he ran four forty from her

EbolaParasite:


Maybe if someone young enough to be your daughter physically fights with you, youd just accept forgiveness as if nothing happened. Easier said than done

babyosisi:


The more I read you,the more i get a picture of your wife and the more I dislike your mother
The wife after her assault and battery agrees to go and apologize to your mom and your mom says never,instead the only thing to appease her is for you to send your wife away?
Are you sure this person actually gave birth to you
Where is your father in all this?
Or he ran four forty from her

babyosisi:


Fights her after she started the fight?
Let her stay there and keep breathing fire and brimstone then
Who is losing out on a son and grand kids?

EbolaParasite:

If your mother slaps you, will you fight back?

EbolaParasite:


If your mum slaps you, will you slap back? The DIL is disrespectful ENDOF. She lacks training. A good wife will walk away and when the husband gets bk, they can table the issues.

babyosisi:


The slaps and the responding lunches have already been given and received
This is now the post Mortem
I can assure you next time,the MIL will think twice before raising her hand

EbolaParasite:

The issue here is that she had the audacity to fight with the MIL. What if the MIL slumped and died. The DIL lacks respect. Period. The MIL may have issues but that doesnt absolve the DIL. She is not a good wife. A good wife will not fight/beat elders. This kind of woman can kill her husband. She is not a goid wife and CAN be replaced. On the other hand, even if the MIL is bad, she cant be replaced. You only support a GOOD WIFE. Any woman that PHYSICALLY FIGHTS with your mum is BAD.

shrekandfiona:

Op, I'll advise you to go with this.

@ all, we as individuals should practice the act of self control. If I am slapped by an elderly person or anyone at all, my best reaction will be to walk away. I don't encourage violence in any form even if you're first provoked/hit. When tempers have calmed then you can express your displeasure in being hit

babyosisi:


Then she would have gone to hell
Thank God she survived
I hope she remembers to ask ahold for forgiveness for her actions

EbolaParasite:


Are you inferring you would do same if your MIL slaps you? Ethnically and religiously, it is wrong. I repeat any woman that fights an elderly person, whether MIL or anyone else is irresponsible. Modern day feminist.

EbolaParasite:


Are you inferring you would do same if your MIL slaps you? Ethnically and religiously, it is wrong. I repeat any woman that fights an elderly person, whether MIL or anyone else is irresponsible. Modern day feminist.

babyosisi:


And it is ethnically and religiously right to beat up your son's wife?
What ethnicity and religion is that

perfectionist:
@ ZACHIE
Thanks for updating your previous post.
My wife called me while they were still quarrelling, before the fight started.
I hope to God this issue is resolved amicably. I've already started the mediation process but it's not easy 'cos my mother would have none of it. Her terms for reconciliation are rather steep, necessitating the departure of my wife from the home.

freecocoa:
Can we not make this about feminism please?

Why do you people have the idea that feminism can be/is responsible for an individual's opinion?