Savvyij:
i dont think is best 4 u 2 say ur marriage is crashing. Anyway all u ave to do is sit her down n talk to u, tell her about d way u feel, expecially d words she uses on u. I wish u d best.

Savvyyji thanks, i have been doing that no luck, ill try again

Wit d power of understanding, u will over come

SaMajeste:
Didn't you notice her attitude when you were dating? I don't want to believe she just started exhibiting such all of a sudden.
As you said, maybe she's taking advantage of your regard for women knowing you would tolerate such rubbish. As much as I love your respect for women, I feel you should be a bit tougher because sadly, not all women should be treated with kid gloves. Some don't understand gentility, they see it as a sign of weakness.
Pray for her too.
It is well with you!

i appreciate ur comment but i need you to help me explain "TOUGHER", but if i get it right maybe u mean, use same word for her?, stop helping her as i used to do?, stop caring that much?, reduce the attention?, last time i checked a marriage is a beautiful thing and i wish it was a woman who would readily appreciate my kind of man, i dont like too much talks but this one......am tired.......like i said up there, she was a temperamental person and would talk at every little thing, she inherited that from her mum. but i dont need that kind of attribute in this marriage and i keep telling her how much it kills my spirit.

multicast:
I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

"i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do". This is d cause of ur problem, I'm sure she makes d decision as well.

Ur love for her is too much & she is taking advantage of it. Reducing ur love for her is d first step, when u cosset a woman, u only end up spoiling her.

Is she ur first love? if no, am afraid u're a weak man, because from what I can deduce from ur post, u're obviously not incharge.

[/quote]
m not married but my girl friend used to behave in like manners as the one you're worried about. I think i can let you a leaf into how we overcome it.
1. Your wife may be suffering from emotional insecurity. A feeling that she's not loved. This' often an aftermath of previously broken relationship in which the ENORMOUS TRUST THE GIRL HAD COMMITTED IN THE RELATIONSHIP WAS BETRAYED. The antidote are:
a. REASSURANCE... You'll have to sit her down and explain the situation to her. No use of telling us here if you'd not discussed it with her. Tell her how much you're always pained when she doesn't aknowledge your love...
b. LET HER SHARE IN THE LEADERSHIP OF THE RELATIONSHIP! This may sound weird but really... Girls in this century are not really housewives... They want to be a part of decision making. Show her respect... Discuss your movements, your strenght, weaknesses, seek for her opinions. MAKE HER FEEL INDISPENSABLE. It will interest you that after speaking to my girl friend, she was like 'Samuel, i never thought i deserve you'. That's the problem...she wants to feel important in the relationship
c. TRUST... You must make her trust you- a man she can tell her fears.
I'm just saying what i did in my own relationship... Everything still bothers on communication...

Young03:


all u will do is dt,any day she is rantin,just remain silent and feel less concern,,if u do dt 4 like 3tym she will be feelin ashamed each tym she taks to u in dt manner

you have a point Young03......this is what happens, when she does that and i feel less concerned and kept quiet, she transformed into Malice mode and since i was indifferent all in the name of peace, the moment i bring up a normal conversation to boycott the issue on ground, ill be facing a stretch of malice without a choice but to apologize u get the story

klark3:

"i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do". This is d cause of ur problem, I'm sure she makes d decision as well.

Ur love for her is too much & she is taking advantage of it. Reducing ur love for her is d first step, when u cosset a woman, u only end up spoiling her.

Is she ur first love? if no, am afraid u're a weak man, because from what I can deduce from ur post, u're obviously not incharge.

i appreciate your comments Klark, but i wount sound defensive but to pick whats right from ur comment, i believe i was being too much in love with her which is what i know as the right thing to do. why marry her if i cant love her fully, its different from that she has anger issues.....thanks again brother

The hunter must become the hunted method.

Samakinr:

m not married but my girl friend used to behave in like manners as the one you're worried about. I think i can let you a leaf into how we overcome it.
1. Your wife may be suffering from emotional insecurity. A feeling that she's not loved. This' often an aftermath of previously broken relationship in which the ENORMOUS TRUST THE GIRL HAD COMMITTED IN THE RELATIONSHIP WAS BETRAYED. The antidote are:
a. REASSURANCE... You'll have to sit her down and explain the situation to her. No use of telling us here if you'd not discussed it with her. Tell her how much you're always pained when she doesn't aknowledge your love...
b. LET HER SHARE IN THE LEADERSHIP OF THE RELATIONSHIP! This may sound weird but really... Girls in this century are not really housewives... They want to be a part of decision making. Show her respect... Discuss your movements, your strenght, weaknesses, seek for her opinions. MAKE HER FEEL INDISPENSABLE. It will interest you that after speaking to my girl friend, she was like 'Samuel, i never thought i deserve you'. That's the problem...she wants to feel important in the relationship
c. TRUST... You must make her trust you- a man she can tell her fears.
I'm just saying what i did in my own relationship... Everything still bothers on communication...

sam thanks a lot, points well made, this is why i came to NL, people with real experience and who are you to say u r wise when u havent seen the real experience, you have some points there but i am doing my best, one thing i did not add to my story is that she isnt based in the country, though she comes home and i dont want people here thinking its the distance, its obviously not. when we were together for over 3 months, she exhibit the same attributes. on point sam

multicast:
yes she has a job she is doing along with her schooling, u get but y did u ask, i would like to know more

she works and goes to school but still has time for all of this? She is a very energetic woman. I thought you received unpleasant bbm chats

multicast:
you have a point Young03......this is what happens, when she does that and i feel less concerned and kept quiet, she transformed into Malice mode and since i was indifferent all in the name of peace, the moment i bring up a normal conversation to boycott the issue on ground, ill be facing a stretch of malice without a choice but to apologize u get the story

u call d two parties invold in a meetin(ur parents nd hers ) tell dem wats happenin,if afta all and it still continues..den u can send her on exile

u said "I didnt marry a stranger to start with" can u explain wt u mearnt by that. I will tell u what I hv in mind bt will b glad if u can expanciate more on that statement.

Moana:
Tell us more about your bbm chats

keep quiet,he is talking to married people,not to those that are without a garage

Young03:

u call d two parties invold in a meetin(ur parents nd hers ) tell dem wats happenin,if afta all and it still continues..den u can send her on exile

haba nooo, it must be faced squarely together as husband and wife. Thanks anyway

Toktee:
keep quiet,he is talking to married people,not to those that are without a garage

you probably dont even have a gf, pack well

multicast:
i appreciate your comments Klark, but i wount sound defensive but to pick whats right from ur comment, i believe i was being too much in love with her which is what i know as the right thing to do. why marry her if i cant love her fully, its different from that she has anger issues.....thanks again brother

Haven't u heard of d saying "too much of everything is bad", what makes u think love is an exception?

I'm telling u dis because i have been there before. Loving a woman shouldn't be too much, it should be moderate, u love & care for her too much, which is very bad. Women are wired like children, when u pamper dem, u spoil dem.

Let me ask u this question, & pls be honest; does she get sullen whenever she doesn't have her way?

Mobi47:
u said "I didnt marry a stranger to start with" can u explain wt u mearnt by that. I will tell u what I hv in mind bt will b glad if u can expanciate more on that statement. e.g is she a child hood frnd?

we dated for 2 years, from mid 2000, then we parted for some reason and we kept in touch again and married after 3 years so all together we have been together like 5 years 2 years straight and 2 years 8month thorough daily conversation and few months togetherness before we decided to settle down. so by not marrying a stranger i meant that its not a case whereby you dont really know ur woman, i knew her to be a temperamental person but very minimal which you would agree to be a part of every woman, but now that u r married, malice is a useless thing in marriage and u must learn to discard whatever u find soothing while courting but is detrimental to the marriage

multicast:
she was a little bit of a stubborn and volatile person but its worse now.

my wife tried things like that,she will deny me sex,talk to me as if we are room mate,complained about everythng.
One day i told her that,the respect and sex that she is denying me here,i can get it out there double and nothing happen,since then,she traced her steps.

Moana:
you probably dont even have a gf, pack well

dey there the waste ur time,"time time no one but man time time"
happily married to a sweet essan girl,try do same.

klark3:

Haven't u heard of d saying "too much of everything is bad", what makes u think love is an exception?

I'm telling u dis because i have been there before. Loving a woman shouldn't be too much, it should be moderate, u love & care for her too much, which is very bad. Women are wired like children, when u pamper dem, u spoil dem.

Let me ask u this question, & pls be honest; does she get sullen whenever she doesn't have her way?

Klark, because tis matter means everything to me, i have to be honest so that the comments can be made out of true concern for my case. she is a very sweet woman, she deserve the love am giving her, she doesnt get sullen when she doesnt have her way and i must say she never ask for too much cuz we have years together so she knows me well, the issue is how daytime turn to darkness at will, it almost fictional but it happens. she is a good woman but this is the problem she has

coogar:
•forming
•storming
•norming
•performing

you are at the storming stage in your marriage. endure it, persevere it and you would soon get past this phase. at least, she's decent enough to apologise whenever she says things that are bang out of order.

there's light at the end of the tunnel.

#Goosebumps coogar take this


Patience, Patience, Patience BRO , PLEASE NA GOD I TAKE BEG YOU. YOURE NOT ALONE.

multicast:
we dated for 2 years, from mid 2000, then we parted for some reason and we kept in touch again and married after 3 years so all together we have been together like 5 years 2 years straight and 2 years 8month thorough daily conversation and few months togetherness before we decided to settle down. so by not marrying a stranger i meant that its not a case whereby you dont really know ur woman, i knew her to be a temperamental person but very minimal which you would agree to be a part of every woman, but now that u r married, malice is a useless thing in marriage and u must learn to discard whatever u find soothing while courting but is detrimental to the marriage

I dont like divorce at all so I wouldnt say much. I tnk the level of trust she has for u hv depleted a bit. Bro try to win her trust. B open when dealing wt her nd tell her to always feel free to let u know abt any behaviour of urs dat often make her angry. Both of u shld b opnd to each other. You still have a long way to go na. The truth is that she is nt feeling u again and u need to win her back. Enhenn, what lead to ur separation earlier? Was there any problem then? If there is, I tnk dis also hv a root to the cause of ur preseent troubles. Both of u shld b plain nad let trust lead.

multicast:
sam thanks a lot, points well made, this is why i came to NL, people with real experience and who are you to say u r wise when u havent seen the real experience, you have some points there but i am doing my best, one thing i did not add to my story is that she isnt based in the country, though she comes home and i dont want people here thinking its the distance, its obviously not. when we were together for over 3 months, she exhibit the same attributes. on point sam

well, actually, i see it as a 'defence mechanism'. Sure you know bout defence mechanism (it's a common psychology topic) or better look it up online. Pls you can check up now if you don't mind and tell us what you can infer

Can you pls elaborate on the part about her being out of the country? You mean her schooling/work is outside of the country and she has been home with you since you got married (hence the 3 months?)

I think you should act totally indifferent. Basically, ignore her when she gets like that but don't be cussing her in ur mind. Instead think on her positives and attribute her behavior to something (insecurity, she's missing you, is seeking attention etc) as opposed to her character (think object vs subject).

If you a christian or are religious, pray about it. By God's grace she'll change, then it'll become a laughing matter in the future. =)

Mobi47:

I dont like divorce at all so I wouldnt say much. I tnk the level of trust she has for u hv depleted a bit. Bro try to win her trust. B open when dealing wt her nd tell her to always feel free to let u know abt any behaviour of urs dat often make her angry. Both of u shld b opnd to each other. You still have a long way to go na. The truth is that she is nt feeling u again and u need to win her back. Enhenn, what lead to ur separation earlier? Was there any problem then? If there is, I tnk dis also hv a root to the cause of ur preseent troubles. Both of u shld b plain nad let trust lead.

Thanks a lot Mobi47, i feel quite good with the level of experience u guys are sharing here, all relationships have their differences, maybe the distance is a bit of a case since we have no direct opportunity to talk over the issue and have a make up sex and get a stronger bond but u make do with what u have, we are not the first couple who is constraint by distance and it should not be an excuse to not be able to resolve an issue amicably. i appreciate ur comments a lot bro, you guys have been terrific.

Toktee:
dey there the waste ur time,"time time no one but man time time"
happily married to a sweet essan girl,try do same.

if you are married to someone sweet why are you so bitter?

spyg1:
It could be that she is pregnant, pregnancy makes a wife to behave like that sometimes.

pregnancy should not be the reason for one to act this way. At least it shouldn't be always that she'll feel bitchy.

If your IQ is high or moderate and you marry a woman with relatively low IQ it could be a contributory factor... She would always be arguing and feeling insecure always trying to drive home her views thereby frustrating you in the marriage.

If you'd married an immature woman that again will give you high blood pressure before you know it. Your mental capacity will always be at variance with her disposition.

Brother, don't allow that woman send you below. Be a man, be firm and be in control. Otherwise this marriage will come crashing sooner than you thought.

OP, I have to confess, I have experienced what you've just narrated, maybe even worse, some wives are just naturally stubborn and disrespectful, which might be attributed to their upbringing, bad friends and what have you. You see your marriage is still young, so don't despair, but the sooner you make her realise that you are the man of the house, the better for you. If you do not handle it well, it might lead to another thing, too much thinking, fear of coming home, hate and depression as the case is now. Oga you need to man up, if you want to save your marriage, be aggressive, am not saying you should beat her, if she doesn't talk to you, don't talk to her, if she doesn't serve you food, go to the kitchen and prepare food for yourself, Infact learn to ignore her, enough of the sorry sorry, it makes you look weak in front of her, abi is not you that married her

As you make your bed so you lie my brother. Anybody that tells you that, you can make a stubborn lady less stubborn by showing her more love, is not telling you the truth. Your union is still budding, you deserve a life time of happiness so does your wife, this, you need to make her understand.

MARKone:
OP, I have to confess, I have experienced what you've just narrated, maybe even worse, some wives are just naturally stubborn and disrespectful, which might be attributed to their upbringing, bad friends and what have you. You see your marriage is still young, so don't despair, but the sooner you make her realise that you are the man of the house, the better for you. If you do not handle it well, it might lead to another thing, too much thinking, fear of coming home, hate and depression as the case is now. Oga you need to man up, if you want to save your marriage, be aggressive, am not saying you should beat her, if she doesn't talk to you, don't talk to her, if she doesn't serve you food, go to the kitchen and prepare food for yourself, Infact learn to ignore her, enough of the sorry sorry, it makes you look weak in front of her, abi is not you that married her

As you make your bed so you lie my brother. Anybody that tells you that, you can make a stubborn lady less stubborn by showing her more love, is not telling you the truth. Your union is still budding, you deserve a life time of happiness so does your wife, this, you need to make her understand.

You are indeed experienced. You took these words right outta my thought just that I am too lazy to write. Thumbs up

Hmmmm.......my brother ur marriage was in feb mine was n march.....I no hw u feel bt uv got to persevere.......talk to her bout her attitude....bin married for 3weeks and sumdays has taught me a lot......husbands re to be respected,cherished and loved.well,I dnt allow the sn go down wifout us settling our issues...........pls make her see dt u re the man,u re the head......one tyn dt makes a lady sober is wen her cooking is rejected.if u rili love her tell her u aint gonna eat until u guys sort out ur issues(if she loves u,she wud listen).....lyk dis mornin my husband tried pissing me off and I told him u aint goin to make me angry today den I peckd him.he looked@me strangely,lafd and dt was the end.b determined to make it work bro.pls be vry prayeful.God bless ur home