Stats: 3,186,776 members, 7,930,655 topics. Date: Sunday, 25 August 2024 at 01:53 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I'm Finally Letting Go! (7687 Views)
1 Reason Your Woman May Stop Letting You Touch Her In Bed / Letting Go Of Past Relationships / Can I Send Him Away Without Letting My Son Knowing The Secret? (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) (4) (Reply) (Go Down)
I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 12:30pm On May 14, 2015 |
Hey guys, update on what's been happening. I've got a steady job now. Pays about 60k plus accommodation. I'm starting on Monday by God's special grace. At least it's a start. Now, since I put up the last thread concerning what's been happening with me and my girl (check my profile), I've been trying to make amends. Been trying really really hard. Most times she wouldn't pick my calls, sometimes she would pick and allow my credit to burn out, other times she would pick up and scream at me to leave her alone to move on with her life. No one from her family picks my calls now, they are in ignore mode. Eventually, I had to make out time to buy a few baby clothes and some jewelry for her and went to meet her at her house earlier today. She was surprised to see me but still was reiterating everything that happened for which I'd apologised a million times over before. I just feel that a man has to be a man, not under anybody. She was bathing the baby, and when she finished she wouldn't let me hold him, not even once. There is a man staying with her in the house - her mother's boyfriend's elder brother (it's that complicated). He was most emphatic on refusing to let me hold my baby. He seemed to have grown so attached even. I sat there looking so confused not knowing what else to say or do. Sure I messed up, but is there any sin that is too great to deny a father his son? Or the chance to start a real family? Or another chance with his mom? In the last thread I mentioned that my girl's mother was a single mom and couldn't seem to hold a man down as they always ran off eventually and never returned, and a lot of people almost ate my head off, as if the attributes of the mom would hold no bearing or impact on the daughter. I mentioned something about breaking a generational cycle but I can see that I have already failed. She has determined to raise the child without me, and another cycle is now in effect. I know the effect not having her dad (he never cared a bit for them) around had on her in our earlier years. Eventually she asked me to leave as she had some business to attend to. As I hung around forlornly, wondering whether to leave or not, I met a woman who recognised me and asked where I had been all this while. She told me that the man (her mom's boyfriend's elder brother) and my girl had been living together like a couple since I'd left and anytime she asked about me they would say I traveled or I went to school. Soon the story changed to them telling her that the man staying with her was her husband and I was his younger brother. Eventually the situation changed to them avoiding her altogether, and she soon got the message and learned to mind her business too. The man should be 47 years but has a youthful look and could somewhat pass for my elder brother since we are both fair skinned. The way he held my baby like it was his, I can only estimate that it's just a matter of time before they start sleeping with each other. I may be wrong but at this point I don't really care anymore. I am only saying things as they happened. I asked her if she really wanted the baby to grow up without the father and she told me that he (the baby) is not complaining. She said a lot of other stuffs, but I will take it sha. Questions: Was I wrong to want to stand on my own two feet as a man? Was I wrong for accepting the responsibility for the pregnancy in the first place? (The baby is mine please, there's no question about that) Was what I did so bad to be undeserving of forgiveness and reconciliation? Come to think about it, why was there so much pressure for me to take the job in the first place? (I already had my vision and career path mapped out and I'm currently on that path by God's grace) My salary while working for the mom was 25k, and she rubbed it in my face at every turn that she doesn't pay anybody else in the company such a huge amount of money and made it seem like she was doing me a huge favor, acting like I had never held 25k in my life. Please note that I do not in any way seem wretched, desperate or poverty stricken. So even if I wanted to continue to tough it out and work with her, there was no motivation. The money I make on the streets and while hustling far exceeds that. In time I never even had time to work for myself, only the mom - for 25k. And I had my pride and self dignity to protect. While leaving to sort my life out in February, I never collected that month's salary to show the mom that that wasn't my problem. My girl was 8 months old at the time. No one acknowledges the fact that I stuck by her for so long through all the degradation and humiliation while she lapped up all her family's love and support. I was in a strange territory and she couldn't see the sacrifices I was making for her. She was the one that eventually succeeded in making me take the job. I repeat - N25,000... Not N250,000. I'm willing to answer any questions you may have for me. If you want to insult me and judge me that's fine as well. I just want to know what the public opinion is. Remember there is a child's life at stake here. Please do NOT move this to frontpage. Thank you all. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Messilistic: 12:34pm On May 14, 2015 |
you hv done nothing wrong by taking ur stand in this issue. its obvious she has bn influenced by her mom if what u hv narrated is the truth. she will b back to her senses sooner or later. However, it may take time. Do the best u can to reach ur child. Focus on ur future, become d best u can be. When you have enoufh money, hire a lawer and file for custody. Modified! 1 Like |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by breadplanets(f): 12:38pm On May 14, 2015 |
Op just continue to reach out to the for the sake of your child. Even if the mother does not want you again no problem but for the sake of that child dont ignore them. There is no need blaming anybody now. What has happened has happened. So continue doing the little you can to help towards that childs care. God's Grace 1 Like |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by redgem(f): 12:38pm On May 14, 2015 |
Messilistic:Lol |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 12:46pm On May 14, 2015 |
On my way home I sent her a series of texts which I have copied and pasted below: Revenge is a dish best served cold. I understand the need to pay someone back in his own coin and hurt someone who has offended u. My apology still stands. If u want to ignore everything that really happened that's fine. I will take all the blame. It's all my fault. Still, there is no sin that is too great to be unforgiven, there is nothing that justifies denying a father the right to see or hold his son, or give him a real family. It is clear to me that ur family has turned ur heart fully against me, and that is no problem. Family first, I only wished that we would start one of our own just like we always dreamt. All I know is that I've tried and I really wanted us to work. I want to promise you that this is the last time you will ever hear from me, I swear on my grandmother's grave. You can tell my son that his father is dead, or he abandoned him, or he never really cared, because the way I see it you are already heading in that direction. Or u can tell him that someone else is his real father. Do whatever u want sweetie, let that rest on ur conscience if u have any left. Wish u all the best! 1 Like |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by sunnydayasaba(m): 12:55pm On May 14, 2015 |
Now you hv to show how much of a man are u, get someone to act as your eyes like the lady neighbor u mentioned so she can monitor how your child is been taking care of, custody battle is a most in dis case, cus is your daughter life and upbringing that matters. So you have to start acting fast, even you can get your family and relatives involve pls do, now that ur starting a new job, God willing u will hv enough to gather urself together and take responsibility fully of ur daughter. Don't allow another man take ur place in d life of ur daughter no matter how hard it might be...Just be ready for a custody battle with them over ur daughter. Op, its even a Son...Man up and stop playing Mr Nice guy abeg 1 Like |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Timbuktuo: 12:56pm On May 14, 2015 |
Steeze, congratulations. Touch your head three times and thank whatever force is protecting you. Don't know if I told you this on your other thread but, there's no happiness to be gained from that liaison. None, whatsoever. You did good by removing yourself from that situation and now that you've fallen into some luck now that you have an even better paying job than the carrot your MIL detained you with. Firstly, I perfectly and totally understand that you want to be 'responsible'. My advice, not to this girl and her mother, you'll bite your fingers for eternity as they'll victimise and exploit your good intentions. You have no responsibility towards your baby mama and you should stop buying anything for her. She's no longer your problem, your responsibility is to your child and to your child alone. Wash any feelings of love you think you harbour for your baby mama, it will only be used against you. Get another puscy to fvck for fvck's sake. The potential for you getting laid is limitless ffs. Screw some other broad to get this one out of your system. Now to your child, keeping him from you is illegal and could land them in jail ![]() ![]() In the meantime Ushe, face your work and personal development. Your greatest victory in this battle is proving that you can be a worthy and able father and a much improved individual. Wish you good luck, brother. Be strong. 15 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by udz: 1:04pm On May 14, 2015 |
keep ur head down and focus on ur work. if u get horn.y get a girl. The right will come to charge for ur son. U are still my man. 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 1:09pm On May 14, 2015 |
Timbuktuo: Thanks bro. I don't even want to worry about my son for now. Just want to focus on myself as an individual. In time he will come to know the truth. If not, too bad. But right now I do not even want to be around any of them at all or anymore sef. Enough is enough. The girl is slowly turning into her mother without even recognizing it. I also do not feel guilty anymore and that's a good thing. I actually feel exonerated. And the love matter is not a problem for me, just that I intend to give women in general a wide berth from now on. Thanks once again. 5 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Nobody: 1:24pm On May 14, 2015 |
Some things you can't come back from but i seriously hope she reconsiders. The way i see it abandoning your 8 months pregnant woman who was begging you to stay while her mother was slapping her is a major crime its hard to take back that kind of man because its when it gets really hot you know the kind of person you are dealing with. It got really hot and you abandoned her and your child to save yourself. I don't think you can just go charging to get back your child at any point in time what if she had abandoned the child in one uncompleted building and ran away? what if she had aborted the child out of anger so many what ifs. She stayed strong put to bed and is taking care of the child this is being responsible. If she wants nothing more to do with you you have to move on but before you do give it some time let the dust settle. What you did no be small thing. 10 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 1:34pm On May 14, 2015 |
udz: Women are not really my concern anymore. Dem don show me shege...lol I will wait for the right time, if it ever comes. I also want to thank you udz for being a source of inspiration and support through all this. You sef na my man. I also want to say at this point that it is not a crime to be broke. Being broke is a temporary situation, being poor is more permanent and has to do with the deficiencies in your thought processes, your state of mind, and the limitations you place on yourself. We all have to start from somewhere, it's where you end up that eventually matters. I'm saying this because sometimes people (especially females) will open their mouth anyhow and say that a guy is broke and squeeze their face like it is actually a disease. Not everybody is born rich, some have to make the difficult climb to the top. It takes a discerning woman to see the potential in a guy and want to latch on to him. This is why I said in the other thread that I suspect that she may have intentionally gotten pregnant to tie me down for fear of losing me. And then the pressure to work for her mom despite my other little arrangements. I just can't help but feel that there was a deliberate plan in place to hold me right where she wanted. But the more I resisted, the more aggressive and nasty the mother became. Shouldn't she have been proud that I would rather not have anything from her and stand on my own two feet? I also did want to marry her daughter, and on numerous occasions I told her what my plans were, told her to just trust me and follow my lead, but she liked her mom's ideas better. I just wanted things to be done the right way. If they had their way I would have been getting married this year, had my wedding sponsored by her family and earning N25000 while answering yes ma yes ma, for the rest of my marital life. If it seems like I'm ranting biko forgive me I just need to vent. And if you want to insult me and poke holes in my comments you are also free. I just need anyone out there to learn from my experience. 6 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Timbuktuo: 1:35pm On May 14, 2015 |
steeze: You're welcome. However, I'd ask you to reconsider deserting your son without looking back, though. Think about it deeply. I think he deserves to be loved and guided by his father. From the way you describe the guy living with your baby mama now, he doesn't sound like the sort of person you'd like to influence your child's mind. Well, that's a start. No need to give them a wide berth. Just treat them accordingly. Gentle as a dove, wise as a serpent ![]() 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by subzidi: 1:39pm On May 14, 2015 |
steeze:Posterity will judge you fairly! But please keep sending upkeep for your baby if possible monetise it and pay into your baby mamas account. On the issue of marriage I do not think marrying cos a child is involved is a good reason moreson when the individual concerned has some major question marks! This is one problem my elder bro is dealing with as in his own case he wasn't force but got a girl preggy, married out of pity now realises he doesn't love her after 2kids! I've begged,cajoled, pleaded with him to no avail as he said he overlooked certain major family values the wife lack and has refused to learn...d matter tire me... I wish you the best and may you excel in life even beyond your own imagination. Keep those phone/email convos you've had with your baby mama as I believe they will come handy one day! Ciao |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by 2goodbobo(m): 1:45pm On May 14, 2015 |
FOUR ADVICE TOP FOLLOW! 1. Don't waste your time trying to get back to a woman that is living with another Man. God just delivered you from a terrible woman. Imagine what you would have been going through had you married her. 2. Make sure you contribute your own quota towards the upbringing of the baby because when this matter eventually gets to court, The court will want to know if you have been performing your duty as a Father of the child. Don't neglect the baby in anyway and also keep records(bank tellers) etc of any financial assistance you render to the child for future sake because it will be handy to you in court eventually. 3. Concentrate on your work and build your career for now. 4. Any heart break is a potential step to your real wife God has ordained for you. So try and let her go because any woman that can not stand up for her man and defend him, aint worthy to be his wife. 3 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 1:47pm On May 14, 2015 |
Timbuktuo: I actually think the guy may have fallen in love with her, or maybe it's my mind playing tricks on me. In any case, that some-thing will still happen between them from the looks of things. |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Timbuktuo: 1:53pm On May 14, 2015 |
steeze: That shouldn't be an issue for you to deal with. You brought a child to this world, be a father to that child. He might come look for you in the future or not, if you abandon him. If he does, you'll want to have a clear conscience that you did all within your power to be there for him despite the obstacles to that fact. |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 1:53pm On May 14, 2015 |
2goodbobo: Thank you so much bro. I've learned my lessons. 1 Like |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 1:58pm On May 14, 2015 |
Timbuktuo: Yes, as soon as I improve on my financial standing I will do what I can. But the groveling and begging has ended. Don't be surprised if they return any money I send just to prove a point. What happens then? |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 2:03pm On May 14, 2015 |
andromida: And what I did was so terrible that it cannot be forgiven? At least I came back inspite of everything. What about all I suffered in the hands of the mother just because I was trying to do the right thing, to which she was a witness? I've come to realise that men and women think differently. So while a man might express horror and disbelief that I actually stayed and endured all that, a woman would insist that I should have stayed and tried harder. In the other thread there were some comments tearing me up and insisting I go back to that job. That I am wasting a golden opportunity. Tell me honestly, would you have advised your brother to do the same? 1 Like |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by 2goodbobo(m): 2:08pm On May 14, 2015 |
steeze: you are most welcome brother. Next time don't send any such unprintable text message to her. The best you can do when you are angry is to ignore her. Make sure you don't neglect your baby or give up your baby. Wish you luck. 1 Like |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Timbuktuo: 2:14pm On May 14, 2015 |
steeze: If you pay through Child Welfare, you pay to them and she gets it from them. You don't give her anything directly, and whatsoever you so is properly documented for future reference. Should you want to claim custody of your child, you can simply do so at the approved age about 7 or 8 years old. You don't ever have to know where they live sef. If you want the child during school holidays, just make the request and he's yours till school resumes. |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 2:27pm On May 14, 2015 |
Timbuktuo:This is some invaluable advice. Thanks. I will bookmark this page for future reference. I wasn't aware I could pay through that medium. |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by bellong: 2:28pm On May 14, 2015 |
steeze: This will be a terrible move bro.... You should worry about the poor boy not minding whatever circumstances you are. You have a fairly paid job for now and should be able to cater for the boy. Timbuktuo has given you the right thing to do for the boy in this case. Please with all your strength pursue doing it and be religious about it. You will commit an unforgivable iniquity abandoning that little boy. As for the girl, you know what is good for you. DO NOT AND NEVER ABANDON THE BOY, EVEN NOW. IF YOU DO POSTERITY WOULDN'T FORGET. 3 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by ayolight(f): 2:34pm On May 14, 2015 |
Bro. I ve to read tru d former post ti undstnd ur pains. Bro yr decision is rit. but make sure u contribute seriously to d care if d baby. keep a tab on dem Evn if Dey chnge environment. fget abt d moda but not abt d child. do tins dat ll make her crazy. like paying ur child a visit wit wonderful gifts (God ll provide for u), make it clear during yr visits tru ur actions dat u careless abt d mother but ur child. dnt allow her to slip frm ur crow. the future has a beta destiny for u. a friend was once stuck BTW her hubby nd mother she wisely choose her hubby which helps to define d mother boundry. so bros pls dnt fget ur child I beg u in d name of God. u can Evn visit with a lady friend who can act well and tell her to act as a caring girlfriend toward d child. a girl friend who can really get on d nerve of a bitter person. Evn if she dnt allow her to touch her let her show her care nd love wit action nd pricking words. I wish u luck |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by udz: 2:39pm On May 14, 2015 |
steeze: Thanks Steeze anytime. Sometimes we need this exerience to live beta afterwards. U were not where they left U, U upgraded. thats a Plus. . . |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by StPete: 2:47pm On May 14, 2015 |
OP you need a smack on your head. For crying out loud, you’re just giving her every reason to push you away and that’s why she’s acting the way she is. Man-up, don’t be a girl! If she doesn’t want you in her life or the child’s, there is practically nothing you can do. Move on, get another girl, start your own family. When your baby grows up, he/she’d come out to look for his/her father, then and there you can explain situation of things to her. The more you push and clamour for the child, the more she takes the child away. 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 2:48pm On May 14, 2015 |
Timbuktuo: Timbuktuo God will really bless you for this. Starting from the end of this month I will follow this approach. I bet they will all be very surprised. Minimum of 5k na small tin na. I've already Googled some Child Welfare services in Lagos. It's looking good. God bless us all! |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 2:53pm On May 14, 2015 |
StPete: Believe me I know this, but I just need to at least try something first. I can't just fold my arms and act indifferent and give them all the confidence in the world to tell my son that I never gave a rat's a.as about him. The begging has ended. The calling has stopped. Being tough and manning up is easy, it's doing the right thing that is very difficult. Thanks. |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by charijee(f): 2:57pm On May 14, 2015 |
redgem:Hey barbie.....been a while I saw you....how's you? |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 2:59pm On May 14, 2015 |
ayolight: Thanks bro, really appreciate. |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Nobody: 3:18pm On May 14, 2015 |
steeze: Yes you came back but the damage had been done. It does not have to be my brother even me i will reject that kind of job so i think you did the right thing by rejecting the job.The problem is you left your pregnant GF to deal with whatever shows up however she deems fit and she did her best, is doing the best she can to the best of her knowledge how can you not see that? and yes what you did was terrible. You didn't have to reject her because you rejected the job they were two separate issues. Do you know how she must have felt to suddenly realize the love of her life had abandoned her and she was going to be a single mom with her mother probably telling her all kinds of things. Forget her mother being there she must have felt alone i understand you could not see past your own pain and it seemed you were fighting for your life but at the end you did what you did and now another man is fathering your child this is the consequence of your own action just own it no need to drag her mother's reputation in mud just to justify your actions. Sincerely i think you need to move on the child is better off with the mom for now you can check in and do what you can time and your actions may soften her feelings towards you and if she does not soften towards you mistakes made lessons learnt. 5 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by veave(f): 3:43pm On May 14, 2015 |
steeze: Women are soft and hard at the same time. Why did you spoil what you wrote first with the. Next two texts... No need to swear and start saying you are dead except you really want to die. Women are very soft. Did you expect a drastic change of mind sharp sharp like that? Today's visit was just a seed sown. By the time you left she had already started thinking. Then you went ahead to spoil everything. Its seems like you are not a patient person oh. Let me give you a secret,it takes the grace of God alone to make a woman stop loving the father of her children. Almost nothing can reduce it talk more of taking it away. I don't know how to advice you again fa You said a man like you is living with her and instead of you to ESTABLISH your PRESCENSE you ran away and went to send text messages? He even had the audacity to carry your baby and he didn't let you touch him. You no give am black eye you come here to open thread. I see you are not jealous like your God. 8 Likes |
Would You Marry Someone Out Of Sympathy? / Are Women Being Conned Into Marriage Nowadays??? / What Are The Top Questions To Ask Before Marrying A Nigerian Guy/gal?
Viewing this topic: 1 guest(s)
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 129 |