I am a Yoruba man and I got married to an Ebira lady from Kogi state about six years ago. The marriage has been blessed with 2 sons. We lived happily together in the same city while my mother Inlaw lives in another part of the same city, as such we used to visit her together occasionally.

Sometimes last year, my wife told me she want to go and visit her mother Inlaw and I permitted her to go. Accidentally, I had a an unusual call from my office and I decided to branch and join my wife there since my office is just a stone throw from my Inlaw's place. I didn't inform my wife. As I got there, I requested for her phone to enable me make an important call since I've run out of power on mine. She was reluctant to release the phone and I could easily deduced that all is not well. That makes me go further and I to check her chat history. I was amazed and find it difficult that my wife of six years is having an affair with a much younger guy she's older than for at least five years. She started begging me that she can explain, explain what?. I was totally disappointed and confused, I left the place immediately and told her not to even bother coming to my own house again. The funniest thing was that I know this particular guy to be our Neighbour and he used to come to our house and I do give him money at times because he's a student. While all this was going on, the mother Inlaw was not around.

I decided to call her on phone and tell her what happened because the father inlaw was out of the country as at the time of the incidence. The woman pleaded that I should come back and I obliged, the first thing she did that really surprised me was that she started talking to her daughter in their local language known fully well that I don't understand a bit of it and both of them can speak both Yoruba and English fluently. What could she be telling her daughter after I showed her the chat history because I didn't release the phone since that's d only evidence I have against her. I was really angry and rose, I frankly told her that when she's ready to talk to me I will come back, she realized her mistake and refuse to allow me to go. I later left her there and decided to tell the father on phone. He pleaded that I should please allow her back into my house with d kids and I allowed them back only because of the innocent kids and the fact that I respected the man so much. Since then, we 'be never be in good terms again; I mean myself and the mother because she's not happy with the involvement of the father. I decided not to go to their house again except if the father is around.

About 2 months after, the father was around and he tried to settle the whole issue and I decided to let go. To worsen the situation, there was a particular day I went to their house on my way back from office, I was with my mother Inlaw and I asked about one of her relatives who was sick, the answer she gave me was that she didn't know his whereabout which I know she's lying and still keeping the malice. Since then I stopped going there and I have made up my mind not to ever visit her again. Kindly advise, I'm I wrong here?

Just act according to the will of God.. Shikina..

You are not wrong, the woman is being biased towards her daughter, which is very wrong

I don't understand why you are angry, your MIL dos not want you to know about her relatives so what? If you have forgiven your wife and you are at peace with your decision face your immediate family and forget about the MIL anytime your paths cross you simply be polite and kind to her you don't have to be buddies with your MIL.

The mother in law season!!!!!!!

andromida:
I don't understand why you are angry, your MIL dos not want you to know about her relatives so what? If you have forgiven your wife and you are at peace with your decision face your immediate family and forget about the MIL anytime your paths cross you simply be polite and kind to her you don't have to be buddies with your MIL.

Thanks for your response, I've decided to stay away until this particular relative of hers got sick and I felt it won't be nice to pretend that I don't know about it, I inquired the whereabout so as to go and visit him in the hospital. Besides, the MIL keep on telling my wife that I'm being rude to her and that would I have treated my own mother the same way.

Bro, I covet your grace.... If you could forgive an adulterous wife, I want to believe the mother-in-law issue should be a walk in the park.

Don't let her actions and in-actions bother you. We understand differently. She is only acting in her understanding.

Guy you are acting as a kid. Since you have chosen to let the matter between you and your wife go, your attitude towards your mother inlaw is unnecessary, if she's acting as a normal woman will act, you should display more courtesy pursuing peaceful relationship between you, you have to come to term with the facts that your inlaws are part of your extended family so there shouldn't be need to be prolonging and promoting animosity. That woman deserves every respect you can afford regardless what she has done, you don't make things right by doing wrong.

u didn't give ur wife d chance to explain , she said she could explain but u shunned her. u saw her phone n immediately jumped to d conclusion dat she was having an affair, u left her mother's house n told her not to come back into urs .

ur MIL didn't do anything wrong . pple's native language is always going to be their default language , esp when with family members , meaning dat is wat came natural to her . u cud hv nicely asked her to speak english , i'm sure she wud've done dat but again u got up angrily .

ur problem is dat u jump to conclusions too soon without giving pple d chance to explain their side of d story . d same thing u did to ur wife is what u did to ur MIL. u need to learn to be more patient n hear what pple hv to say

You are not being rude @all. That mother inlaw sef na wa, to think that she treated her daughter cheating with such levity shows the kind of mother she is. Minimise ur visit to her, talk to her only when necessary to avoid friction.
I must commend u for forgiving ur wife, most Men I know won't oh my hubby inclusive.

de2oye:


Thanks for your response, I've decided to stay away until this particular relative of hers got sick and I felt it won't be nice to pretend that I don't know about it, I inquired the where about so as to go and visit him in the hospital. Besides, the MIL keep on telling my wife that I'm being rude to her and that would I have treated my own mother the same way.

If this is the issue why are you talking about your wife's infidelity because it has nothing to do with the sick relative. That happened sometimes back this is happening now i am just trying to understand what you are really trying to say. I get the feeling you are still angry with your MIL the way she handled your wife's infidelity. So that issue may be coloring other issues you normally wouldn't take to heart.Next time your wife brings up the sick relative issue you can tell your wife you don't feel comfortable the way her mom spoke to you and that is why you have decided to keep your distance. No one enjoys being disrespected.

andromida:


If this is the issue why are you talking about your wife's infidelity because it has nothing to do with the sick relative. That happened sometimes back this is happening now i am just trying to understand what you are really trying to say. I get the feeling you are still angry with your MIL the way she handled your wife's infidelity. So that issue may be coloring other issues you normally wouldn't take to heart.Next time your wife brings up the sick relative issue you can tell your wife you don't feel comfortable the way her mom spoke to you and that is why you have decided to keep your distance. No one enjoys being disrespected.

It has a lot to do with it because she started behaving strangely since the occurence of that incidence. She's not happy with the involvement of the father Inlaw. She kept on bringing the issue everyday, that she want us to go and vist her mum and I always let her know that she's free to go but I won't because I can't be going to somewhere when I will not be welcomed.

de2oye:


It has a lot to do with it because she started behaving strangely since the occurence of that incidence. She's not happy with the involvement of the father Inlaw. She kept on bringing the issue everyday, that she want us to go and vist her mum and I always let her know that she's free to go but I won't because I can't be going to somewhere when I will not be welcomed.

Who has been behaving strangely MIL or wife?Why does she want you guys to visit her mom? Does she know you are angry with her mom?

I thought the consensus here was that Nigerian men dont forgive cheating wives

raumdeuter:
I thought the consensus here was that Nigerian men dont forgive cheating wives

i agree

he must be one in a million

after forgiving their cheating daughter, his MIL still has the audacity to be giving him attitude. SMH !

Hmmmn...


Why would your wife cheat?
Kai!

VintageCocktail:
The mother in law season!!!!!!!

Lol, it's always MIL season...

I don't see how you've disrespected her.
Pls just ignore her if she insists on giving you attitude.
How will she complain you're being rude to her if she keeps on giving you the cold shoulder
No be when person show face in your direction you go smile give am?

Anyway But don't let it degenerate into something else. Talk to her when you see her and greet her normal. Don't stay away forever.
So if you visit again and she's still forming hard face for you, ignore her totally.
Abi she expects you to apologize to her when her daughter cheated on you

Maybe she didn't like the way you handled it, but she should understand you were hurting then.

andromida:


Who has been behaving strangely MIL or wife?Why does she want you guys to visit her mom? Does she know you are angry with her mom?

MIL of course and my wife is aware that I'm not happy with her mom.

aflyingbird:
u didn't give ur wife d chance to explain , she said she could explain but u shunned her. u saw her phone n immediately jumped to d conclusion dat she was having an affair, u left her mother's house n told her not to come back into urs .

ur MIL didn't do anything wrong . pple's native language is always going to be their default language , esp when with family members , meaning dat is wat came natural to her . u cud hv nicely asked her to speak english , i'm sure she wud've done dat but again u got up angrily .

ur problem is dat u jump to conclusions too soon without giving pple d chance to explain their side of d story . d same thing u did to ur wife is what u did to ur MIL. u need to learn to be more patient n hear what pple hv to say

I can agree that he jumped into conclusions as to why MIL spoke her dialect but what was left to explain after he'd read the chat and his wife pleading?

OP I don't see what mama did wrong on the dialect speaking aspect, she was probably angry and spoke the language that came to mind which is very understandable.

I know some mothers would have preferred to handle it themselves, so as not to trigger issues with the man of the house(FIL)especially if the man is strict, guess she's kinda angry you told him.

So far, I don't see any rudeness from your end, you should ask her why she's being cold to you and take it up from there.

I think you are channeling your energy in the wrong direction. You should be more concerned about your wife's infidelity and whether or not the kids you call yours are truly yours, rather you are here whining about what your MIL thinks of you.

Does your MIL really understand the gravity of the offence her daughter committed? Is she aware her daughter was/is a sugar mummy? I doubt she is, cos if she were, the last thing on her mind will be how rude you are.

Again i say, channel your energy in the right direction. Thank you.

op said chat history / "call " history. so , after he read it he should automatically assume she's cheating ? not that this isn't bad enough ,

she started begging me that she can explain"

she was pleading / begging that she can explain but he didn't let her say anything . i don't know what she wanted to say , op doesn't either , which is another problem itself , aside from him jumping to conclusions

freecocoa:
I can agree that he jumped into conclusions as to why MIL spoke her dialect but what was left to explain after he'd read the chat and his wife pleading?

aflyingbird:
op said chat history / "call " history. so , after he read it he should automatically assume she's cheating ? not that this isn't bad enough ,

she started begging me that she can explain"

she was pleading / begging that she can explain but he didn't let her say anything . i don't know what she wanted to say , op doesn't either , which is another problem itself , aside from him jumping to conclusions

How will he be assuming if the content of the chat has confirmed she's cheating?

you're citing things not stated in the op . op never said anything about content. he saw her chat history , which , as far as i'm concerned , doesn't confirm she was "cheating " on him. all he saw was the chat history/call history/logs . the content is unknown . he said "chat history" which's synonymous to call history or call logs . the only way we would be talking about content is if he saw texts but he saw call history . don't start putting words into his mouth . op also knew the young man ( both of then knew him ) so he noticed his number on her chat history , which is why he concluded she was cheating and wouldn't listen to what she had to say . stick to the facts, abeg .

freecocoa:
How will he be assuming if the content of the chat has confirmed she's cheating?

aflyingbird:
you're citing things not stated in the op . op never said anything about content. he saw her chat history , which , as far as i'm concerned , doesn't confirm she was "cheating " on him. all he saw was the chat history/call history/logs . the content is unknown . he said "chat history" which's synonymous to call history or call logs . the only way we would be talking about content is if he saw texts but he saw call history . don't start putting words into his mouth . op also knew the young man so he noticed his number on her chat history. stick to the facts, abeg .

Na wa o, you can't possibly be this.......

How do you check a person's chat history without looking at the contents of the chat?

taking to pple in nl is like talking to a damn wall . i actually sent a chat history ( for one particular afternoon last week ) to a friend yesterday and she sent me hers ! these are just call history of the calls we both made that afternoon . chat history / call history is simply that , chat history. it states the day & time calls were made . chat history is on the opposite end of the spectrum from texts bc with the former there is no content. chat/call history does not equal texts. you're saying the contents of the chat confirmed she was cheating, what content ?? pple just like making things up ! op didn't say texts , he said chat history . he himself didn't mention anything about content bc he had none to work with , all he saw was that calls were made to this guy and vice versa , no content !

freecocoa:
Na wa o, you can't possibly be this.......

How do you check a person's chat history without looking at the contents of the chat?

aflyingbird:
taking to pple in nl is like talking to a damn wall . i actually sent a chat history ( for one particular afternoon last week ) to a friend yesterday and she sent me hers ! these are just call history of the calls we both made that afternoon . chat history / call history is simply that , chat history. it states the day & time calls were made . chat history is on the opposite end of the spectrum from texts bc with the former there is no content. chat/call history does not equal texts. you're saying the contents of the chat confirmed she was cheating, what content ?? pple just like making things up ! op didn't say texts , he said chat history . he himself didn't mention anything about content bc he had none to work with , all he saw was that calls were made to this guy and vice versa , no content !

Omo na wa o, it's all good abeg. I'd like to think if he was referring to her call log or call history, the correct term would be call chart not chat history, but then again, what do I know?

OP ..you re a man, just let go.
She is craving for attention and angry at the fact that you went to see her husband.....'as if I cant solve this little misunderstanding'....she would ask herself....she is begging for relevance...
Since you ve forgiven your wife, her child, you should extend that olive branch to her..... don't bother yourself if she decides not to accept, you ve done your part, that is all that matters. Call her, visit her, buy her gifts, allow her grand children to see her. You know she doesn't have much time on earth JUST LET IT GO AND LET HER BE!

Who else is left to be told your wife is chatting or cheating with someone...her friends/your friends?
You should have left the father out of it and let his wife do the telling. While you focus on the real actors in the drama. If chatting is the only thing they are doing, maybe some emotional connection is missing in your relationship...if the chat revealed they made love, then the decision is yours.
She is a grown up lady and your wife so why the reporting to her parents ??

de2oye:


MIL of course and my wife is aware that I'm not happy with her mom.

MIL is angry because you reported your wife to your FIL, and you are angry with MIL because you didn't like the way she handled the matter.

If you can make peace with your MIL just do it but if its too hard for you right now give it time down the road you may be able to let go of the grievances you have against her. Peace is always better.

de2oye:
I am a Yoruba man and I got married to an Ebira lady from Kogi state about six years ago. The marriage has been blessed with 2 sons. We lived happily together in the same city while my mother Inlaw lives in another part of the same city, as such we used to visit her together occasionally.
Sometimes last year, my wife told me she want to go and visit her mother Inlaw and I permitted her to go. Accidentally, I had a an unusual call from my office and I decided to branch and join my wife there since my office is just a stone throw from my Inlaw's place. I didn't inform my wife. As I got there, I requested for her phone to enable me make an important call since I've run out of power on mine. She was reluctant to release the phone and I could easily deduced that all is not well. That makes me go further and I to check her chat history. I was amazed and find it difficult that my wife of six years is having an affair with a much younger guy she's older than for at least five years. She started begging me that she can explain, explain what?. I was totally disappointed and confused, I left the place immediately and told her not to even bother coming to my own house again. The funniest thing was that I know this particular guy to be our Neighbour and he used to come to our house and I do give him money at times because he's a student. While all this was going on, the mother Inlaw was not around.
I decided to call her on phone and tell her what happened because the father inlaw was out of the country as at the time of the incidence. The woman pleaded that I should come back and I obliged, the first thing she did that really surprised me was that she started talking to her daughter in their local language known fully well that I don't understand a bit of it and both of them can speak both Yoruba and English fluently. What could she be telling her daughter after I showed her the chat history because I didn't release the phone since that's d only evidence I have against her. I was really angry and rose, I frankly told her that when she's ready to talk to me I will come back, she realized her mistake and refuse to allow me to go. I later left her there and decided to tell the father on phone. He pleaded that I should please allow her back into my house with d kids and I allowed them back only because of the innocent kids and the fact that I respected the man so much. Since then, we 'be never be in good terms again; I mean myself and the mother because she's not happy with the involvement of the father. I decided not to go to their house again except if the father is around.
About 2 months after, the father was around and he tried to settle the whole issue and I decided to let go. To worsen the situation, there was a particular day I went to their house on my way back from office, I was with my mother Inlaw and I asked about one of her relatives who was sick, the answer she gave me was that she didn't know his whereabout which I know she's lying and still keeping the malice. Since then I stopped going there and I have made up my mind not to ever visit her again. Kindly advise, I'm I wrong here?

Is she sleeping with the boy or you just saw chats