It's the lunacy of the English language.

A retired teacher of English once wrote: 'English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplants, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore it's paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing; grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese?.Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? . If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane .You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.


http://www.edificationinfo.com/2015/05/the-lunacy-of-english-language.html

nice piece

This is awesome.

Reminds of d phrase 'its high time' which must be followed by a past tense verb....E.g Its high time I slept...

"Let’s face it: English is a crazy language. There is no
egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England or french
fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers
write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and
hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth,
why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices?
Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a
vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian
eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on
driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How
can the weather be hot as hell one day an cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a
form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by
going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I
end it?
Now I know why I flunked my English. It’s not my fault;
the silly language doesn’t quite know whether it’s
coming or going." -Richard Lederer.

Good job

Heavy problem

How English becomes German
.
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.
.
Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas

Succinct and deep. The oral English aspect worries me the most. Just yesterday, I discovered that 'Satchet' is pronounced 'SaKit'. All is well.

MODIFIED: The electronic dictionary checked was wrong. It is not pronounced 'sakit'. Thanks

really really crazy,datz y people who take much interest in dah language often end up perceived as mad fellaz. E.g Hon.Patrick

Reasons why the English language is so hard to
learn;
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce, produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more
refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could be lead if he would wear the lead.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the
desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought
it was time to present the present.

I understand u very well because I studied English in the university, all languages have their own dynamism that's what u should try to understand.

Nice one

Very enjoyable

Na broken English sure pass abeg

hhmmm

Op yer head they dre.. English too rubbish, but its best for chyking shaa.. Gurls love confusion and whats best if not a confused lingua??

Just like saying Naira in the land.

This government sef

Crazy but can't run me mad.

[size=24pt]Read why Africans shouldn't regard the film on the biblical Prophet Moses 'Exodus: Gods & Kings' more than it's entertainment value[/size] here [size=24pt]on Nairaland.[/size]

Thought provoking unanswered questions

Yet proof of intelligence is mastering systemic lunacy

So sweet. Nice piece

ghostofsparta:
ddddd

dont ,do,dat,dump,decks

sirsharks:
[size=15pt]Damn trickish[/size]

Tricky bro... that is part of the lunacy

I'm so in love with the English Language. I don't care if you tag the language 'lunatic'..Always scored A1/B2 in it. so addicted to the language that I read the dictionary everyday routinely and novels.


One thing I love mostly about it is the vastness, limitlessness and infiniteness. So many words, plus its wild fun trying to bend those words and try manipulating them like a cruciverbalist would.. say like creating puns, entendres etcetera.

English is such a blessing to the world..I wish it was my first language though.

I think the closest to English in depth is Roman...or maybe Greek..

Just like give her her book. Why can't we say give him him book

maggilove:
I understand u very well because I studied English in the university, all languages have their own dynamism that's what u should try to understand.

What university did you study English?