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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I'm Finally Letting Go! (7691 Views)
1 Reason Your Woman May Stop Letting You Touch Her In Bed / Letting Go Of Past Relationships / Can I Send Him Away Without Letting My Son Knowing The Secret? (2) (3) (4)
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Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by subzidi: 4:14pm On May 14, 2015 |
steeze:I also remember you said you stayed with her throughout the 8months till when her mom started becoming unbearable right? |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Nobody: 4:49pm On May 14, 2015 |
[quote author=steeze post=33732522][/quote] You did not learn the root of your problem from your last thread instead you went to the top. Like the last time your problem which is impatience and anger will cost you again. Yes men and women are different as you noticed that's why what you saw may not be it, what veave told you prolly was what your son's mum meant. You could have seek the meaning of her actions from a responsible female before you rushed to send that killer text. While men expect forgiveness immediately after sorry, women want more than just sorry. What she did to you happened just once apart from the calls rejection. You really have a long way to go if all you expected was for her to just embrace you because you are the father of her son after the pains of your exit. You were hurt, but she hurts more because you stopped hurting that day you walked out on them but she never did till now. Her actions were expressions of her hurt, she even went further to explain how you hurt her but your impatience wouldnt let you see reason or give you time to cool and see reason. The woman you saw told you her version of the story and it may not have much bearing. The man you saw and are reading meaning may have played a father, grandfather for her son and reliable friend in her hurting times. He may not want your good but it is not enough to conclude yet that your son's mum will stoop to his level if he really want sexual relations with her. Btw, two of you are too immature for each others progress let alone that of your son. I advice you send a text now to retract your statement, state that anger caused it, you didnt mean it and apologise. Maybe you will do with an interpreter of the meaning of your killer text to her to grasp what i'm saying. I'm not saying you should worship her, but after the text give her time, call occasionally to ask about your son's and her welbeing, visit too. Those pushing you to fight for child custody will not be there to fight when it really comes, you say that they are wealthy, perhaps for a while you forgot you are in Nigeria. It will only take one frustrating move from them before your impatience kill your moral. If you behave well, she may not even deprive you from your son. Gush, do you really know she could be reconsidering before your text. 5 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by cococandy(f): 5:09pm On May 14, 2015 |
You've done your part abeg. So for now don't worry about being an item with her. Just worry about your child. don't let that man steal your child. Still reach out and insist on being the dad. Nna your child is your child and since you didn't abandon the child to grow up without you, you have a right to him. A right to be a part of his life if that's what you want. Don't let anyone intimidate you. I see that's what that guy is there to do. 1 Like |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Ewuro4: 5:38pm On May 14, 2015 |
Timbuktou and Bellong have given you an invaluable advice and information. Please heed and move on with your life. Face your work 1 Like |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by spongeisback: 5:44pm On May 14, 2015 |
OP you're too proud. Put yourself in her shoes...you left her while she was EIGHT months pregnant, she begged you,you used your own mouth without thinking about her condition to tell her not to call you again. She's just doing what you asked her to. Btw your son may grow up and he wouldn't want to have a relationship with you if he finds out what happened, you better keep on begging because she deserves it. 5 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Nobody: 6:28pm On May 14, 2015 |
congrats on ur job. i know i was tough on u in d other thread but u hv tried by visiting her tho it wasn't pleasant . dat doesn't mean u hv done enuff n shud give up trying to see ur son bc dey won't let u ! dis is ur child we're talking abt here not a piece of furniture u can easily disregard it replace . none of dem hv d right to prevent u from seeing him n if u really want to be a part of his life u won't be so quick to give up now ! as far as I'm concerned u hv't tried yet n hv't exhausted all ur options . someone else gave u some gud advice on other steps u can take. also now wud b the time for u to start recording conversations , like u cud've recorded how d man wad refusing n ur ex refused u from holding ur own son , get a lawyer , get ur family involved . u'r too quick to want to move on , kinda reminds me dat ur heart wasn't in it from d start ( ur other thread ) n still isn't . d guy can't intimidate u if u don't allow him . who d fk is he ? he has no business in wat's going on . dis isn't his child but urs. 1 Like |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 9:11pm On May 14, 2015 |
veave: Establish wetin? In enemy territory? Na that wan go con dey reign, say I don finally crase finish. And I came for peace not war. If they do not want me to hold him that's fine. That one no fit kill me. And fear of police na another tin, after all na only me waka come...lol My expectations was that we would meet each other halfway or at least make some concessions here and there and work out an agreement on what the way forward will be for us. How long is she supposed to be mad at me? I am not Ramsey Noauh. You are either in or you're out, and she repeatedly made it clear that she is out. Repeatedly o! The more I beg the more I prolong matter. Na to park well for one side dey observe. Besides that man gym well well lol In the end what will be will be. I'm glad I made the effort today. Thanks for caring. |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 9:26pm On May 14, 2015 |
spongeisback: You are right, I'm proud. And I should have been proud from the beginning. When you don't price yourself properly people will do the pricing for you. When I was doing the-boy-is-good I know what I faced. She deserves to be appeased and I did that repeatedly. She say she no do, I hurt her so bad and she's never getting back together with me. Anymore begging from me and I'm just setting myself up to be exploited by them once again. I had to do what I had to do in order to be a better man for both of us. I had to be proud of the man that I was first if my ex ever wanted to enjoy me at my best (of course how are you going to explain that to her). That was better than agreeing to be railroaded into a marriage in which I would ultimately have no say at all. It really is a very strange experience for me overall. 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 9:29pm On May 14, 2015 |
cococandy: Omor this guy was so possessive and aggressive. Lol Abeg I no fit fight o jare... no time again. I tried. |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 9:46pm On May 14, 2015 |
aflyingbird: I'm glad you were tough. Some of it hurt but that's what the truth does. My heart was in it from the start o, or else na D&C tins straight up (just being honest). Just that with all that happened anyone's heart sef fit pack up. We were never on the same page. My family's stand has remained the same. Leave the girl and face your life. When the child grows older he will look for you. If not, tough luck. If they knew that I went over there today they might have a panic attack. In any case, her mom called me this evening, after ignoring me all this while. Gave me about 4 missed calls. I did not pick the call. My business was supposed to be with her daughter and she has already made her position clear. The fact that I can't seem to get anywhere with her without her mother's interference/involvement even after everything that had happened makes me feel like it's pointless. I hope you realise that the more I clamour for my son, the more they will be invested in withholding him from me? Na to just assume a siddon look disposition for now... 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Timbuktuo: 10:40pm On May 14, 2015 |
steeze: Sure you can. Please do, this will a move in the right direction. After the payment I think they give you a receipt sef. You can control the direction of that boy's life to a large extent. What school he goes to, etc. The only advantage she has over you now is that he's too young to live without his mother, not like you can breastfeed or dedicate huge chunks of your time to diaper changes and such. Every kobo you give the boy should be through Welfare Services. This will put a limit to the kind of stories they can cook up to paint you as the bad guy and discredit your persona. At least, they can't say you abandoned him and never cared for him. And in seven years you can go claim your tin. Cikenan. Again, good luck. |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Nobody: 12:08am On May 15, 2015 |
steeze: am from a single home raised by a single parent.about that generational cycle of ur gf family raising children single Handley I can associate with that.in my family broken homes are rampant.most if my cousins are from broken homes.try getting custody of ur pikin else them go brainwash that child.if u can't get custody try contributing one way or d other to d child.and as for ur gf,don't marry her.she z not ur type.dont bring her into that perfect world u are trying to create.shebi na her mama way she wan follow.her mama go die leave am.guy I tell u don't marry her.try n contribute to ya child life.if he is truly ya child he will even leave that ya gf later n come meet u cus him go day feel ur paro.remain blessed 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Nobody: 3:33am On May 15, 2015 |
steeze: First of all I give it up to you and your writing skills Many nairaland men write so poorly and it's torture reading a two liner from most young men here let alone a long tale like yours.it's a breath of fresh air reading you. Now to the issue,you shouldn't have taken this trip alone You should have gone with a family member of yours and informed them you were coming before you did. I believe you have a right to see and bond with your son so let your family approach her family to come to that agreement That is the way forward Whether she wants to be with you is another story but you shouldn't be denied access to your son Don't give up on trying to make that happen 4 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by pickabeau1: 3:49am On May 15, 2015 |
With the current information and disclosure of the lady who seems has decided move on wittout u... I wish u d best Can you clarify what u mean by the other man wanting to be a father to your child Is he impotent Steeze |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Nobody: 4:12am On May 15, 2015 |
steeze: Stop being childish please 3 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by sisisioge: 5:30am On May 15, 2015 |
Wowzer! Life is just too short for all these complications allowed. Good decision...move on. However, keep a place opened in your heart for your son. The little guy will sort you eventually. Trust me, he would. So go make a good life for yourself, have a proper family and never forgets he exists. Good luck bro, may God help you chose right. |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Lumpyy(f): 6:24am On May 15, 2015 |
steeze:Please dont bother with comments like this,if u were a woman,theyd av sent u money to run away from such degradation and limitation. |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by redgem(f): 6:49am On May 15, 2015 |
charijee: I'm good dear, how are you? |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by steeze(m): 7:27am On May 15, 2015 |
sisisioge: Thanks sis. Doing that already. |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Nnemuka(f): 7:32am On May 15, 2015 |
.... |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by charijee(f): 7:38am On May 15, 2015 |
redgem:I'm very well girlie |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Yesinde(f): 7:43am On May 15, 2015 |
ayolight:mbanu o, d going with a girlfriend stuff is nt advisable in my opinion o. Make dem no go break d babe head o 1 Like |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by veave(f): 8:55am On May 15, 2015 |
Make sure you go with your friends next time if you dey fear. Don't ask to carry the baby, just lift him from were ever or who ever hands he's in. Play with him very well. Then pass him to anyone around. Look round for anything you can do for her, even if its his cloths, trust me there will always be soaked clothes at the corner. By the time you do this twice, she will be looking forward to your visits because she knows you will help. Do not go empty handed. If I hear say you run. You no get akpobi friends ne? 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by dinachi(m): 9:50am On May 15, 2015 |
@ Steeze.My guy, you are finally getting the message. Your baby mama and her witch of a mother are on a mission to make your life miserable. Don't let them! Any woman asking you to stick it out with all the trash you have been put through is just a total replica of your baby mamas mother. For emphasis do not for your life pay any attention to any iota of advice from babyosisi. She has wrecked so many homes of gullible people who were stupid enough to pay any attention to her evil advice. The more I read about the life of your baby mamas mother, the more I see the true babyosisi. There is absolutely no difference between the two. Taking any advice from babyosisi is like taking advice from your baby mamas mother. The social welfare angle is a smart move I think you should make. Please hold your head high anywhere you go. Do not let anyone judge you. Your family is right too. I have seen it so many times. The child will always look for their father and will eventually hate their mother for keeping him from you. In the end you emerge the winner. Keep ignoring them but try and be sending money via the social welfare route to your child. I bet you after sometime, she too go tire and start begging. Happy, you got a job now. 4 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by freecocoa(f): 10:18am On May 15, 2015 |
But na wa o. This your babymama is hearted sha, yea, you messed up big time by leaving when you did, then you asked her not to call again, that's a major foul, agreed, but at what point will you be considered human? Does she not realize that, just like herself, you can also hurt and make irrational decisions? I think that we all deserve to be cut some slack at some point, therefore, I believe the punishment is just about enough and is becoming unnecessarily too much, haba! ![]() OP please take Timbok's advise and see how the welfare people can help you, please please please, don't abandon your child, never stop trying to be in his life and keep records and proof any way you can, just incase she decides to deny like I suspect she would. I don't like people who act as if they are above sin, she can decide not to be with you anymore, no one blames her for that but she has no right to keep your child from you, a man stayed with you for 8 months, taking bull from your mum and in a moment of weakness he caved, and after a while came back to his senses, been begging for forgiveness for ages and you can't find a tiny place in your heart to let him hold his child for a minute? Abeg that girl has issues jare, I wish you luck in your quest jor OP. 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by freecocoa(f): 10:20am On May 15, 2015 |
veave:Funny lady. ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Nobody: 10:47am On May 15, 2015 |
Ah! Op, another man denied you access to your own baby and you stood there looking... Please, go and learn Taekwando, boxing, wrestling, anything.. Go and eat Akpu, Okpa, Eba, go and lift weights and grow big muscles abeg. Hian! Next time you go visit, take me along, I am a ![]() ![]() You should hold your baby, even if it's just once, despite all Your mistakes, you are human after all. Even if your baby mama won't forgive you, just don't abandon your baby please. Btw, I read through your previous thread and this one, after all has been said and done, it's still important to note that in our humanity, lies our frailty. You are human, you are young, you were proud and heady, you don't also know that condoms is very cheap ![]() If you need to swallow your pride and make peace with all parties, please do, for the sake of your child. It is not an absolute need that you get back together with your babymama, esp as she doesn't seem to want you back; but whatever you do, remember your son and do NOT abandon him. As for those judging the OP and calling him names, it is easy to judge people on a faceless forum as long our own dirty linen is well hidden and stinky, where we have them hidden. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by veave(f): 11:53am On May 15, 2015 |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by redgem(f): 12:06pm On May 15, 2015 |
charijee:Good to know |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Nobody: 4:33pm On May 15, 2015 |
@steeze congrats on your new job. I am happy for you As regards the current situation You are trying your best under the circumstances and your gf is overdoing things. She is angry, which is understandble but she needs to understand that its not just about her anymore. My advise to you is to give her time to reflect and think about the whole thing. Take a step back from the whole issue for a bit. Dont send her Text messages that will cause further beef and if phonecalls are always ending in screaming, then dont call for a while. if you have her account number put some money in her account every month towards looking after the baby or find another way of getting the money accross to her. Give her space and give her time; You are laying the foundation for delveloping a civil relationship with her in the future for your sons sake. It will not always be hot like this. Things will eventually calm down and even if you never get back together again, at least you can still both have a civil relationship. A civil relationship is in everyones best interest cos the thing is that you are all linked together for life. Please dont follow the advise of walking away with the hope that the kid comes looking for you in years to come. The child will be the only one to suffer if that happens. He may also never look for you. You are not dead. You are alive and well, so your son should enjoy you as a father and you should enjoy your son too. 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Onegai(f): 5:18pm On May 15, 2015 |
OP, you are young and that girl is young. The level of immaturity from both of you is pretty high (those your texts almost made me smile. Almost). I'm going to say this to you. I have 3 friends, and some cousins whose dads left as children. None of them bothered to look for them. I have several people I know, the only reason they looked for their father was financial. So far, it is only in movies children dream off reconciling with their absentee parent and that dream remains till adulthood. They wonder, but they get older and realise they would not have left in their parents' shoes. We will not be there to help you when the day the boy doesn't show up comes. Are you willing to take that chance? Don't go there alone next time. if I were advising your girl, I would mention my concern that so far, it seems your entire family don't want the baby so they cannot be bothered to show up with you. That has always been glaring since the whole thing started so you can't blame her that she may have been fed that thought by someone and is listening to bad advise from her mum. That child has 2 sets of grandparents and one set has to step up if the other set isn't. I don't know who will dare stop a grandmother from caring for a baby. I will add that when my bf pulled kinda the same stunt you pulled and walked away mid-pregnancy, he sent a humble apologising message which I did not reply. Then his mother called me. Today we are married. So learn what you will from that. As for the man acting possessive or not, that is not your immediate concern. Your immediate concern is your son. And btw picture yourself (all cocky and pluck-ful of childish bravado, swaggering in half-scared after running out on a pregnant gf) in the eyes of a much older experienced man. That's why that fellow bullied you. Lack of Self-assurance is very easy to spot. A self-assured guy would have entered that compound calmly, with some humbleness and strength and that man will have felt like a fool and left a situation which is none of his business. I'm being honest and tough with you. You have growing up to do and it is more dire because now there's a child involved. So please sit down and think. And make some decisions based on that. If you still wish to go to court no problem. But this situation can be solved easier than that. I will repeat, none of those kids whose fathers left ever bothered to look for their dad. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I'm Finally Letting Go! by Ewuro4: 5:33pm On May 15, 2015 |
Abeg don't tear the baby into two oh Na God I take beg una... Carry una quanta for one side jare ![]() |
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