OmoAlata1:


Ori mi o!!! what did I just read? typical guy always shifting the blame on the woman(who is the victim). if the case was reverse, would you advice your fellow man to "forgive and forget"? would you question if he was playing his role as the husband for his wife to go and sleep with his younger brother to see if she could get pregnant? Women in Nigeria have sufferred. I ache for all the women in Nigeria if this is truly how men in Nigeria reason

please spare us....
stop playing the victim card. women in nigeria have suffered and yet the rate of paternity fraud concerning firstborns stand at 50%. who are nigerian women sleeping with in order to raise bastärds?

i don't understand why you are crying more than the bereaved. hubby is desperate, he needs a child. in his shoes, the OP would also do the same. plenty of nigerian women have also slept with in-laws, gatemen, houseboys, etc to get the elusive first born.

it's what it is.....

babyosisi:


I have had people here say I must married to a wimp
My husband is an administrator that overseas a staff of about 50 that answer directly to him and only about two are black,so he is no push over . I am talking very intelligent people with PhDs and all.
Certainly not a man That can be pushed around
He is firm and resolute when he needs to be,his job demands that
But he is not a tyrant
What I read from these men and women is a relationship almost like a slave and master relationship
If there is a conflict of opinion ,his opinion overrules it and I trust his judgment because he is not a foolish man
He is a very wise,very intelligent man and he doesn't have me on a leash
Has given me no cause to distrust him and I know without a doubt he will not disrespect me or his children or his God
He lets me be me and I like it
I couldn't function with a controlling man
I don't understand all this talks about my husband won't allow me do this and do that or go here
Adults that someone has to be told what to do and when to do it
A man is screwing around risking the life of a wife he supposedly loves by foolish choices and the first thing out of people's mouth is forgiveness and marriage at all costs
Is it until he shoots her down with a rifle that she will understand the man doesn't love her
I don't get it
Sorry,I don't

With those sets of words from you shows they've been chained

coogar:


please spare us....
stop playing the victim card. women in nigeria have suffered and yet the rate of paternity fraud concerning firstborns stand at 50%. who are nigerian women sleeping with in order to raise bastärds?

i don't understand why you are crying more than the bereaved. hubby is desperate, he needs a child. in his shoes, the OP would also the same. plenty of nigerian women have also slept with in-laws, gatemen, houseboys, etc to get the elusive first born.

it's what it is.....

Coogar, eiyah pele, which woman gives you another man's pregnancy to raise so i can console you?

cococandy:
You see you can't honestly be straight forward with that your nonsense line.
Because you know it looks so silly now having been scrutinized. If you really wanted to respect the lady, you won't even bring that line into this thread.


Wait,Show him my conversation with who? You?
Why?

So he will agree that you're right?. That It is a man's world and you're above women so it is ok for you to sleep around?

You must think he has time for nonsense.

Pls face front on the subject matter.

Show him conversation ko .

He's on NL. Whenever he logs on, he will see it for himself as always.

You scrutinise my comment with what, your one-sided replies? Funny you.

My dear, should you show or should your husband read our conversation, of course he may not acknowledge my stand (in your presence) but if he smiles, then know he has admitted it.

I wasn't the first to bring up that line. Someone did. I just re-emphasised it. That she has to be wise because it is indeed a man's world.

Let me help you.

Being a man's world doesn't mean men are perfect. Doesn't mean men are beyond reproach, or sin, or infallible or repair or death! It means compared to a woman, a man can ALWAYS get what he wants and have his way at any point in time.

So wise women (which am so sure you're far from) use this knowledge to their own advantage. And in fact, rule over men.

You just claim to know something when in fact, you know nothing. Instead you come here fighting for issues you should ordinary use as an advantage.

Funny.

OmoAlata1:


yes she can quite frankly. finding a husband is not hard. finding the right husband is what is hard. Most divorced women or widowed choose to remain single not cos they can't find a husband but cos they don't want to deal with the drama(cos most men ARE drama queens). Men are not as scarce for any women of any age as you like to promote. it is that type of fear and scare tactic that have so many suffering women in Nigeria

I have written a zillion times,I will not marry more than once,this is not "try your luck"
This is it for me
This is the only man I will be vulnerable with and give my heart to totally
It takes sweat to get to where we are today and God knows I don't have the energy to learn and adjust and adapt to a new man
Never
Only one time.
So I work at doing it constantly and so does he
God willing we are at a good place and I pray it stays that way

If you think you picked the right choice,God helping you and did all you can do,if the marriage fails,what else is there to do?
I will have nothing else to offer the next man
Why bother
Doesn't mean I will eat shait to stay married like nigerian wives are taught
I won't do that either
I am a pretty independent person

OmoAlata1:


Coogar, eiyah pele, which woman gives you another man's pregnancy to raise so i can console you?

any woman that tries such with me would be dead even before her pregnancy test becomes positive. cheating can be forgiven but paternity fraud? hell no!!!!

OmoAlata1:


yes she can quite frankly. finding a husband is not hard. finding the right husband is what is hard. Most divorced women or widowed choose to remain single not cos they can't find a husband but cos they don't want to deal with the drama(cos most men ARE drama queens). Men are not as scarce for any women of any age as you like to promote. it is that type of fear and scare tactic that have so many suffering women in Nigeria

Lol.
My dear, most divorced women or widows choose to remain single not because of any sillyy drama but conflict of interest.

Let me even ask you, what's the primary purpose for a man to marry sef?

babyosisi:


I have written a zillion times,I will not marry more than once
This is it for me
This is the only man I will be vulnerable with
It takes sweat to get to where we are today and God knows I don't have the energy to learn and adjust and adapt to a new man
Never
Only one time.
So I work at doing it constantly and so does he
God willing we are at a good place and I pray it stays that way

If you think you picked the right choice,God helping you and did all you can do,if the marriage fails,what else is there to do?
I will have nothing else to offer the next man
Why bother

I don't know why people have that mentality that if a divorced woman or widow has not remarried, it automatically means, no man is checking for her. Which is so not true at all

cococandy:
There was one who used to ask me out when I was still single. when I asked him about his wife, he said she has no right to question him. In a very condescending tone. I felt so sorry for her.
He said As long as he remains her husband, she's supposed to bear it all. According to him, God made it so. For the woman to be subservient unto the man no matter what.

This is an educated man o. MD in a government hospital with his own big private hospital too.

I was too disgusted to be angry.

For the woman mind, she get value as a human being but the man didn't think her worth respecting so much he could say such nonsense to a lady he just met against his wife who had been with him thru med school and all the rigors of building their lives and raising the family.

No wonder we have so many damaged guys everywhere. Nobody taught them responsibility and accepting a mistake when you make it.
Nobody taught them to be sorry for misbehavior.

Their orientation growing up is that women don't deserve to be treated as respectable human beings. Smh.
That's what leadership means to them.

I'm the head so I deserve to misbehave.

What am I saying? Is that not what being a leader means to the average Nigerian politician?.
The roots come from dysfunctional family systems where being the head means you're free to misbehave.

My sister, the matter tire me, I honestly can't wrap my head around such mentality, it's just too sad.

Dude even told me that, if I chose to divorce my husband for whatever reason, that I'd be the one stigmatised and shamed, that all I have to do, is to pray for my husband and love him, I just felt like kicking him in the balls.

kaboninc:


Lol.
My dear, most divorced women or widows choose to remain single not because of any sillyy drama but conflict of interest.

Let me even ask you, what's the primary purpose for a man to marry sef?

what does conflict of interest cause? Drama, so what is the difference?

reason of being married is subjective to each person. Cos everyone will give different answers as everyone reason is not the same

coogar:


any woman that tries such with me would be dead even before her pregnancy test becomes positive. cheating can be forgiven but paternity fraud? hell no!!!!

So you will forgive a cheating wife?

Ok I've heard you.

Let's rest the matter.

kaboninc:


You scrutinise my comment with what, your one-sided replies? Funny you.

My dear, should you show or should your husband read our conversation, of course he may not acknowledge my stand (in your presence) but if he smiles, then know he has admitted it.

I wasn't the first to bring up that line. Someone did. I just re-emphasised it. That she has to be wise because it is indeed a man's world.

Let me help you.

Being a man's world doesn't mean men are perfect. Doesn't mean men are beyond reproach, or sin, or infallible or repair or death! It means compared to a woman, a man can ALWAYS get what he wants and have his way at any point in time.

So wise women (which am so sure you're far from) use this knowledge to their own advantage. And in fact, rule over men.

You just claim to know something when in fact, you know nothing. Instead you come here fighting for issues you should ordinary use as an advantage.

Funny.

OmoAlata1:


I don't know why people have that mentality that if a divorced woman or widowed has not remarried, it automatically means, no man is checking for her. Which is so not true at all

Not true at all
She may have just chosen to concentrate and bring up her kids without drama especially if the first marriage was a tumultuous one
I am married and I have men propositioning me and I am not alone in that
If you carry yourself well and exude confidence,people will be attracted to you men and women.
Marriage is another kettle of fish
Many divorced naija women in america filed for divorce when they got tired of eating shait
So why would anyone jump into shait again?
Many just choose to have people grease them every now and then
Not saying that is a good option but marriage is not a consideration for many of them
Many of them are more successful than the men around sef and kicked off an efulefu husband pulling them back and someone expects them to get another efulefu to answer married woman

OmoAlata1:


So you will forgive a cheating wife?

it depends on the circumstance.....
she can be forgiven....

coogar:


it depends on the circumstance.....
she can be forgiven....

I am shocked. you are actually the first man in this thread that say they will forgive

OmoAlata1:


what does conflict of interest cause? Drama, so what is the difference.

reason of being married is subjective to each person. Bos everyone will give different answers as everyone reason is not the same

Maybe you should define what your drama means.

Let's even start with your home including your extended family or even with you.

How many males will want to marry?

Do you want to have children?

Then again, how do you view legacy even as a woman?

Actually that's my personal stand too.

But in another life, if I find myself in that position, I'd just like to do the remarrying thing to shut those people who think divorced or widowed women can't find love again up.

Some of them don't know many women prefer not remarry because of the way marriage places them in a lower position as human beings if they are to follow the traditions of some places in Nigeria.
While some would rather concentrate on their kids than raising more kids with a new man.


The reason is not because they can't find someone to partner up with again

babyosisi:


I have written a zillion times,I will not marry more than once,this is not "try your luck"
This is it for me
This is the only man I will be vulnerable with and give my heart to totally
It takes sweat to get to where we are today and God knows I don't have the energy to learn and adjust and adapt to a new man
Never
Only one time.
So I work at doing it constantly and so does he
God willing we are at a good place and I pray it stays that way

If you think you picked the right choice,God helping you and did all you can do,if the marriage fails,what else is there to do?
I will have nothing else to offer the next man
Why bother
Doesn't mean I will eat shait to stay married like nigerian wives are taught
I won't do that either
I am a pretty independent person

OmoAlata1:


I am shocked. you are actually the first man in this thread that say they will forgive

You should be shocked!

I can also forgive.

That was why I said it depends on what you want in life!

kaboninc:


Maybe you should define what your drama means.

Let's even start with your home including your extended family or even with you.

How many males will want to marry?

Do you want to have children?

Then again, how do you view legacy even as a woman?

Are you interviewing me for Punch or SaharaReports?

OmoAlata1:

I am shocked. you are actually the first man in this thread that say they will forgive

many would forgive too....
forgiving her doesn't mean the relationship would continue........

OmoAlata1:


So you will forgive a cheating wife?

A wife sleeping with younger brother serially under your roof and denying it o
This is not just a wife who cheated and got remorseful but one seeking to be made pregnant by several countless trials and several styles by the younger brother

coogar:


many would forgive too....
forgiving her doesn't mean the relationship would continue........

Forgive but divorce her?

OmoAlata1:

Are you interviewing me for Punch or SaharaReports?

Loool.
Neither my dear.
I just want to get your view. Or are the questions too personal?

babyosisi:


I have had people here say I must married to a wimp
My husband is an administrator that overseas a staff of about 50 that answer directly to him and only about two are black,so he is no push over . I am talking very intelligent people with PhDs and all.
Certainly not a man That can be pushed around
He is firm and resolute when he needs to be,his job demands that
But he is not a tyrant
What I read from these men and women is a relationship almost like a slave and master relationship
If there is a conflict of opinion ,his opinion overrules it and I trust his judgment because he is not a foolish man
He is a very wise,very intelligent man and he doesn't have me on a leash
Has given me no cause to distrust him and I know without a doubt he will not disrespect me or his children or his God
He lets me be me and I like it
I couldn't function with a controlling man
I don't understand all this talks about my husband won't allow me do this and do that or go here
Adults that someone has to be told what to do and when to do it
A man is screwing around risking the life of a wife he supposedly loves by foolish choices and the first thing out of people's mouth is forgiveness and marriage at all costs
Is it until he shoots her down with a rifle that she will understand the man doesn't love her
I don't get it
Sorry,I don't

I know how hard it is but believe me, there's no point in staying with a man like the OP's hubby, I mean, just where do you start from? The fact that some people think things can be normal again after something like this beats me, I know that I can never look at a man like this the same, same goes for the sister.

I guess people just love the idea of being a Mrs, more than they love themselves, it's a pity.

kaboninc:


You should be shocked!

I can also forgive.

That was why I said it depends on what you want in life!

SO you will forgive and stay with your wife that sleeps with your younger brother to see if she can get pregnant? Bravo!

OmoAlata1:


Forgive but divorce her?

exactly......
a woman cheating isn't the same as her partner cheating. that's the way planet earth works.....

coogar:


exactly......
a woman cheating isn't the same as her partner cheating. that's the way planet earth works.....

please educate me on how it is different. is it the pain that make it different?

Westendel:


I would have uploaded their watsapp chats here but because I don't want expose his identity, I would rather tell us the content here.

my sister: why don't you wanna send me the 10,000naira?

my husband: I asked you to come over u refused

my sister: I want us to stop this sex of a thing. I feel bad doing dis with you,knowing well that you are my brother in law

my husband: is better I do it with you,than doing it with an asider.what's wrong if you have a child for your sister?


let me stop here don't want to any further. people, what do you make of this conversation?

From the above anyone can see that this is a chronic habit like eating eba
They have done it sotay,the girl sef we like to do don taya to do am sef and is asking for him to allow her rest
Yet they haven't admitted to one o and are willing to swear at shrines

kaboninc:


Loool.

Neither my dear.

I just want to get your view. Or are the questions too personal?

yes I only discuss that with candidates

OmoAlata1:


SO you will forgive and stay with your wife that sleeps with your younger brother to see if she can get pregnant? Bravo!

If she desist, I can continue to live with her. If it becomes too bad, I'll forgive her but may not continue with the marriage.

In fact, I can divorce her and remarry her. Its funny you may say. But I tell you, the surprises in life are just so amazing. Even my brother, I can even get tired of hating him.

Why? Because tomorrow, my brother can end up being an incredible and responsible father and dad to both his wife and kids. I'll die in pains. And my wife can even remarry and find happiness. So why carry so much pain for life?

Let me tell you, you'd be marvelled at what married couples go through should they tell you. That's why they say do not jump into conclusion.

OmoAlata1:

please educate me on how it is different. is it the pain different?

the difference is obvious....
everyone knows it's not the same. if your hubby impregnates a woman outside marriage. you cannot been deceived that you are the mother of that baby.

if you get impregnated by a man outside marriage - you will have to lie to your hubby that the baby belongs to him. that's the difference!

OmoAlata1:

yes I only discuss that with candidates

So you're single then?