You said that you do not want to tell your family, but it might be good to tell at least one person. Tell a true friend or family member, someone who can call you and check up on you from time to time. Might be better not to tell too many people yet, as they may take sides and make things more difficult. Don't make too many decisions about your marriage now, we sometimes make irrational decisions when our minds are clouded with emotions.

Please stop thinking about suicide. I know this is a lot to deal with, and you mind is probably in overdrive, but your children need you. You said you wouldn't want another woman to come into their lives and maltreat them, so suicide is not the answer. Focus your energy on the kids, they are unselfishly yours. They may not be able to offer you words of comfort, but their presence alone will bring you some comfort.

If you are a christian or muslim then you know what must be done - be merciful, be forgiving, and be prayerful. Pray for serenity and strength. Once again, I know this seems like a lot to deal with, but there is a way out, and you are going to find it and be happy again. Don't forget to tell at least a friend, someone you know will be very understanding, will not judge you, and will be there to talk to and check up on you very often. Once you are out of this rut, you can then decide if the marriage is worth saving. You have my most sincere condolences, and I wish strength during this difficult time.

DeeMain:


Guess you are too brain smart and logical to know when to think with your heart. Everything is not logic baby. One day you will get this. Bye.

you too bye. And remember to think with your brain and not your tail

oseod:

Ah!!...i'm God fearing ooooo!!

I dunno ooo

My dear suicide is not the way to go, Its painful as hell I Know. But consider your kids and the fact that @ 27 the bulk and better part of ur life is ahead of u.

If you wanna heal of the wounds u have to realise that it will take time. There is no silver bullet for the pain. It will fade with time.

Whether u stay or leave d marriage is up to u, just remember that the easier path is nt necessarily the best. Its hard to say this but "u know what the nible says about divorce".

Nigerian courts will recognise your marriage so long as it is valid in the eyes of the law where the marriage was conductedm

Go for therapy it may help. Careful who u listen to also, not everyone means well.

Time is the only thing that can heal ur wounds, nothing else can

First off, don't ever think of committing suicide let alone going thru with it.

Now, I need not yell you marriage is not a bed of roses, there will always be challenges and trials it's all part of marriage.

You either choose to stay or go, but go at what cost?! Think about your children, we are not in the West where you can easily get custody on the basis of his unfaithfulness, you most likely wouldn't get custody here(Fact), so are you ready to leave your kids?!

Men are serial cheats, I am a man so I know what I'm saying. It doesn't matter if you are cooking your own flesh for him to eat just to satisfy him, cheating is second nature to us(truth) but if he really loves you then you can change him.
Show him as much as possible how much hurt he caused you with his acts, and I bet you if he really loves you he will change(Confirm).

Lastly, please don't kill yourself and please don't leave him, because that will only give him the freedom to do whatever. Bill Clinton cheated with Ms Lewinsky but his wife stayed, David Beckham cheated but Victoria stayed, Giroud cheated bit his wife stayed, the list go on.......Divorce is not a solution, if you have headache you wouldn't cut your head off instead you take a pill.

most times its not d wifes fault.somtimes u can have a perfect wife.i mean 90% nd yet d husband will cheat.i am talking from a personal experience

freecocoa:
She's supposed to have a part in it? I know you didn't ask me but I'll assume it's just a civil conversation, so you won't mind if I cut in.

A man who will cheat, will cheat because he decided to, he made a choice.

You should pray for him, monitor him and advice him to stop such act. Committing suicide is never an option. Most importantly be close to God almighty cos he alone has the lasting solution to what is happening in ur home.

bestestgirl:
It will be so easy to say "Op forgive him, OP think of your children, OP Men are not worth the stress" but the truth is that, when you are hurting and in such deep pain, those cliches actually mean nothing. Don't take any concrete decisions now OP, you need to just concentrate on getting thru this period of deep emotional distress, first of all you have to surround yourself with your friends so that you don't overthink. finally, pray for your husband, just call out his name and say things like "you are blessed, you are favoured, you will live and not die", it really helps to pray for the person you are trying to forgive.

Best advice so far.

SIRTee15:


Indeed u are pretty
As for the diamond.........well I can't comment.

diamond is not a title or somefn, diamond is my name!

Prettydiamond:
I dunno ooo

It is fate that brought us together on this thread.....
Don't worry very soon we'll be telling our story to other Nlanders

Tgirl4real:


Hmm...

Whichever way, one can ONLY find true peace in Christ Jesus

What would Jesus do in this scenario?

I guess he would forgive and forget!

oseod:


It is fate that brought us together on this thread.....
Don't worry very soon we'll be telling our story to other Nlanders

rotf...durrrh

How do I explain my own predicament? My wife denies me sex each tyme we quarrel. We have two kids. I am trying so hard not to start cheating.

oseod:


Don't mind him joor...
U make p*nises erect for a living..gbam!!!!!!
Shikena...end of story!
Anybody that doesn't like it should hug transformer

Thank you jare. lol!

nickibarb:
Please help me. I'm drowning.

I am feeling very depressed right now. My marriage has been mainly peaceful and chaos free. I did my part, cared for my husband, cooked for him, was available to satisfy his sexual needs 24/7, prayed for him, dressed like I did when we were dating, kept my body in tiptop shape even after 2 babies via c/s, everyone around me testifies to that both men and women.

In the wee hours of sunday morning, I was playing around with his phone cause i couldn't sleep. I realised he had WHATSAPP and BBM apps, it was surprising cause I had tried to get him to download them repeatedly so we can send pics to each other but he refused. He said he wasn't interested in them, so I deleted mine. Like every curious cat, I wanted to see what he was up to on it since he didn't tell me that he had finally downloaded it.

I saw that he had been flirting with almost 10 different girls, had met up with some, given money to a lot of them (even though our finances have not been in tiptop shape, but i've been persevering cause I know it is temporary - I have a great job offer with a N200k salary post-nysc but they are not ready for me to resume work yet, so I have no income for now). Before I digress too much, the chat that hurt me the most was a girl who asked my husband to be sending her N30k a month or week, i'm not sure again (my eyes were blurred with tears), and then whenever he needs her, he should just tell her which hotel to check into. Funny enough, they all know he is married with kids, they even ask him about his baby in the course of their chat. Another one that broke my heart was a girl he asked to arrange 15 girls for a political event being hosted by his older politician friend and the girls should be ready to provide TLC for them afterwards. From the messages, it was clear that he slept with this particular girl after that event because she reminded him that the money she received is not a replacement for the one he is supposed to give her (i'm guessing after a previous sexcapade).

I am so heartbroken, I don't know what to do. I feel like I gave my marriage my all, I followed all the rules of a good wife, I read books, i don't know what I could have done differently. My husband told me everyday how much he was in love with me for the 2 years we dated prior to marriage (we've been married 2 years and 6 months). I saw no trait of promiscuity in him. I trusted him 100% so I never policed him concerning his whereabouts (it's not really in my nature to be like that). I never saw this betrayal coming so it has been very difficult for me to deal with this. I had an emotional breakdown on sunday night when he went for a meeting with the new governor of our state (he is related to him). He came home at midnight to see me unconscious. I woke up in a hospital, apparently I had overdosed on pills. At that time, I wanted to die to get away from my life, but now I didn't die, i'm happy he came home in time to rescue me. I mean he could have easily stayed out all night because it was a special day (post-inauguration celebration). I don't know how I could have thought of leaving my two little kids less that 2 years old. This man has made me CRAZY. If my family hears about this suicidal attempt, they will make me leave him immediately. My fear is, what happens to my little kids, I don't want another woman to come and maltreat them. We were legally married but not in Nigeria. I don't know if Nigerian courts would recognise our marriage certificate. I don't want to lose my kids. I feel like God has allowed a trial too great for me to handle to come my way. I feel like he over-rated my strength. I am just 27. Isn't it too soon for me to face this kind of life challenge? God knows I married this man out of love, not for money, my parents tried their best for me. They sent me abroad, that's where I met my husband, I didn't even know his family in Nigeria was relatively well-to-do. Some people say if your husband cheats on you, it's nemesis for what you did to other women's husbands. God knows I am innocent. I have tried to find out why my husband who says he loves me everyday, will go out of his way to flirt with girls and sleep with them, (it's not like it's all of them that are coming on to him, he is actually doing most of the chasing). He cannot give me a reason for it, he is just begging me to let it go. I have tried but I'm still hurting, i'm still obsessing about it. How can I heal? I don't want to die and leave my children. How can I stop this pain that is eating me up?

I have read all the articles I can find online about how to get past a cheating husband, it doesn't seem to help. I asked my husband if he used a condom and if I need to go and check for STDs. He is not able to answer me directly but says we can both go and get checked out. I feel like God has forsaken me and I don't deserve it. I have tried to be a good girl all my life. I need this pain in my heart to stop. I need to be sane again.

if u die 2day I promise 2morrow he will bring in another woman u should just pray n move bt if u think that man stuff is 4 u alone u should ve a second thoug just live 4 d sake of ur kids

It is well dear may the good Lord give you the strenght to overcome the challenges . That's why I will keep on saying men are polygamous by nature but never theless trust in God to fix your home for you and never consider dealth as an excape rout in all be paitent , tollorance and peaceful the fate of those little kids is very important .pls forgive him if he beg and still hope in God for changes in his life. It is well!

Everybody saying you should pray have a point. But you also need to protect yourself. Make sure you guys get tested and retest after 3 months. Use condoms for that time.
You need a break from your marriage. Take a week vacation alone. Put your kids with someone you trust them with. It's hard to forgive when you get betrayed by d one person you can vouch for. Think about everything and try to make up your mind. Whether you want to weather it or not. It's not advisable to bury the hurt without thinking it through. It could have some devastating outcome.
Get a job. This cannot be emphasized enough. And pls, get a life too. It's very important. Get out there and stop trying so hard. Make friends, get closer to your family, talk to your parents about this. They will help you pull through.
P:S.... Be careful with him when it comes to sex. A neighbor died of Aids that she contacted from her husband some 3 years ago. He knew he was Hiv positive and didn't tell her. He's still very much alive.
Your kids need you so much. I hope you can get past this and be stronger.

I could not help the film of tears that clouded my vision as I read your story...then I checked your profile and realized I also read your other post sometime in the past; obviously you're in pains and I feel for you.

I'm not given to constant comments here on NL; I prefer to remain in the shadows as I peruse others' comments...but this I cannot treat as others.

I'll want you to understand that you're accountable to God for your life thus suicide is not a viable option here. You can't change what has happened but you can control what happens next.

Undergo medical examinations for a start and possibly get your husband to do same. Discuss the way forward with him and try the best you can to pardon him. If this doesn't work, involve his family. Life must continue, I must say; don't let anyone rob you of your peace of mind....I wish I know a better way you can handle this aside forgiveness.
Look on the brighter side of life!

begwong:
How comes within two years six months you had two kids and all through caesarian section?
...we are pencils in the hands of the creator(super story)

my dear i wish it was superstory. The second c/s was due to the short interval of pregnancies. my obgyn didnt think it will be safe to attempt vag delivery so soon after the first c/s. Second preg was kind of unplanned. hubby seemed to be in a hurry to get me preg cos he didn't get married early. when it happened, he was so overjoyed, me i kind of grew into the idea cause of cos, children are blessing of the lord. but no more babies for me though. I am too unhappy

victorazy:


Oya na! No be she go pack her thing back to her parents house with shame?
This is men's world, bear it and pray over it.
"Two wrongs don't make right"

Men's world? K.

plaetton:
My dear op, I sympathise with you.
We can only imagine the shock you are going through.

However, in the broader context, I want to say a few things, a few bitter truths to the general readers of this op, especially the women folk.
Before I go further though, let first say that I am neither a male chauvinist, player, insensitive nor immoral person. I am just one who studies and often come to terms with human nature, biological and social evolution.

I am always quite surprised when I see women shocked by cheating boyfriends or husbands.

The bitter truth, which I tell all my female friends, is that all men are predisposed to be non-monogamous.
Culture, social landscape and economics can either mitigate or exacerbate this predisposition.

Yes, a man can do his best at self control for as long as is possible, but the force of nature is hardly contained for a long period of time.

Speaking from a man's point of view, there are two types of infidelity. Infidelity of the heart, and infidelity of the body.

Now, in op's case and in majority of the cases, the man loves and adores his spouse, but his body is still unfaithful, bodily nourished by mercenary flesh vendors. This is an act of nature for which there is no cure, no mitigation whatsoever.
I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

A man, at one any point in time, with the right opportunity, will grab something on the side, irrespective of how much he loves, adores or is in harmony with his partner. This is a very hard pill to swallow.

I don't know how to repeat this without sounding sexist, chauvinistic, selfish and cruel (things that I am definitely not), but it is unrealistic to REALLY expect a man not to play away match for the entire length of " till death do us part ".

My point is that it is nature, not a moral question for males.
No woman should kill herself over this.


What should the op do right now?
I am not competent to advise.

You beat me to it. Its difficult to accept but that's just the plain truth. you either accept this fact or pretend your man is not cheating as many fain to do. move on to 100 other men and you would be more disappointed. so the question is, does your man still loves you? if yes, remain and open a conversation with him. The key question here is this: Is it infidelity of the body? if yes there is hope. Is it infidelity of the hearth? if yes, there is a big problem.

SexyCeline:
May God deliver us from irresponsible men. Amen

Amen, may God deliver us from irresponsible women too. Amen

SexyCeline:
May God deliver us from irresponsible men. Amen

Amen, may God deliver us from irresponsible women too. Amen

chokolee12:
Don't let it bother u for once! Men aren't worth it just move on with ur life life is fun no time to waste. Mingle nd flex it

You must be a runs girl.

Quite unfortunate. Sucide not an option tho

nickibarb:
Please help me. I'm drowning.

I am feeling very depressed right now. My marriage has been mainly peaceful and chaos free. I did my part, cared for my husband, cooked for him, was available to satisfy his sexual needs 24/7, prayed for him, dressed like I did when we were dating, kept my body in tiptop shape even after 2 babies via c/s, everyone around me testifies to that both men and women.

In the wee hours of sunday morning, I was playing around with his phone cause i couldn't sleep. I realised he had WHATSAPP and BBM apps, it was surprising cause I had tried to get him to download them repeatedly so we can send pics to each other but he refused. He said he wasn't interested in them, so I deleted mine. Like every curious cat, I wanted to see what he was up to on it since he didn't tell me that he had finally downloaded it.

I saw that he had been flirting with almost 10 different girls, had met up with some, given money to a lot of them (even though our finances have not been in tiptop shape, but i've been persevering cause I know it is temporary - I have a great job offer with a N200k salary post-nysc but they are not ready for me to resume work yet, so I have no income for now). Before I digress too much, the chat that hurt me the most was a girl who asked my husband to be sending her N30k a month or week, i'm not sure again (my eyes were blurred with tears), and then whenever he needs her, he should just tell her which hotel to check into. Funny enough, they all know he is married with kids, they even ask him about his baby in the course of their chat. Another one that broke my heart was a girl he asked to arrange 15 girls for a political event being hosted by his older politician friend and the girls should be ready to provide TLC for them afterwards. From the messages, it was clear that he slept with this particular girl after that event because she reminded him that the money she received is not a replacement for the one he is supposed to give her (i'm guessing after a previous sexcapade).

I am so heartbroken, I don't know what to do. I feel like I gave my marriage my all, I followed all the rules of a good wife, I read books, i don't know what I could have done differently. My husband told me everyday how much he was in love with me for the 2 years we dated prior to marriage (we've been married 2 years and 6 months). I saw no trait of promiscuity in him. I trusted him 100% so I never policed him concerning his whereabouts (it's not really in my nature to be like that). I never saw this betrayal coming so it has been very difficult for me to deal with this. I had an emotional breakdown on sunday night when he went for a meeting with the new governor of our state (he is related to him). He came home at midnight to see me unconscious. I woke up in a hospital, apparently I had overdosed on pills. At that time, I wanted to die to get away from my life, but now I didn't die, i'm happy he came home in time to rescue me. I mean he could have easily stayed out all night because it was a special day (post-inauguration celebration). I don't know how I could have thought of leaving my two little kids less that 2 years old. This man has made me CRAZY. If my family hears about this suicidal attempt, they will make me leave him immediately. My fear is, what happens to my little kids, I don't want another woman to come and maltreat them. We were legally married but not in Nigeria. I don't know if Nigerian courts would recognise our marriage certificate. I don't want to lose my kids. I feel like God has allowed a trial too great for me to handle to come my way. I feel like he over-rated my strength. I am just 27. Isn't it too soon for me to face this kind of life challenge? God knows I married this man out of love, not for money, my parents tried their best for me. They sent me abroad, that's where I met my husband, I didn't even know his family in Nigeria was relatively well-to-do. Some people say if your husband cheats on you, it's nemesis for what you did to other women's husbands. God knows I am innocent. I have tried to find out why my husband who says he loves me everyday, will go out of his way to flirt with girls and sleep with them, (it's not like it's all of them that are coming on to him, he is actually doing most of the chasing). He cannot give me a reason for it, he is just begging me to let it go. I have tried but I'm still hurting, i'm still obsessing about it. How can I heal? I don't want to die and leave my children. How can I stop this pain that is eating me up?

I have read all the articles I can find online about how to get past a cheating husband, it doesn't seem to help. I asked my husband if he used a condom and if I need to go and check for STDs. He is not able to answer me directly but says we can both go and get checked out. I feel like God has forsaken me and I don't deserve it. I have tried to be a good girl all my life. I need this pain in my heart to stop. I need to be sane again.

You have the right to feel worthless,but it is a no brainier to expect others to be the source of your happiness. Perhaps you are too blame for praying too much and not bossing your man in bed.

Prettydiamond:
rotf...durrrh

Ah!!!! Babe its like u don't know how sexy this bobo is oo!!!
Hmmm, by the time u see my 10 packs, u'll be the one chasing me

OP life is such a precious gift not to be taken lightly. Don't live for your husband or your children. Live for YOURSELF. In life you will have disappointments and blessings. Take them and move on. Time heals all wounnds but there will always be a scar.
Please please a cheating husband is not the end of the world. You are still very young and there is so much joy in your future. It may be without your present husband. It may also be with him. It all depends on you.
For now, take one day at a time. Fill your days with things you love to do. Pray more and learn to depend more on yourself. Treat him like an acquaintance and don't expect too much from him. Let time decide what you will do next. Don't RUSH into any decision and be careful whom you confide in. God bless you.

chowlade:
Do it back to him. dont let him have a clue dat u did it

u are extremely wicked.

chowlade:
Do it back to him. dont let him have a clue dat u did it

Where are you from. Re you married. How old are u. Sumtyms its beta to kip quiet dan to show pple ur deficiency. Plz go bck home and get proper training.

luchy34:
From your story it seems that your husband is a politician which brings me to ask this,"Why did you marry a politician? Don't you know that they are notorious womanizers. Learn to leave with them committing suicide is not the best option please

he wasn't a politician when I married him. he was just a regular Joe with a regular job. He occasionally says I did not support him when he ventured into politics and that is not far from the truth (you can see why). All I wanted was for us to go back abroad and continue to be regular people. Actually if I go abroad and get a job, i'll make a whole lot of money because my field is a hot cake and i'm qualified to work there.

Op; i'm very sorry about ur story; I had to read tru, but it's very touching and disheartening!!!

I really think, there are somethings u have to know about marriage; Most men will cheat; now they don't do it because there wife is doing something wrong or they don't love their wives; they just do it cus they want to, it's just puerile lust;

Every man cheats; as a woman, what should matter is if he has respect for you. When the respect is their, he will do everything at every cost, to mek his wife not to know. So just guard ur loins with that, and gear up u'll find bliss in ur home..

You killing urself wldnt stop him frm cheating, so dont pls!