adeekiti:
i wonder if pple like u sef go like una pikin talkless of taking care of them heediot

Brother, grow up. You don't have to insult anybody you come across. Its really childish

adeekiti:
how many woman don run comot for ur house before? Ogini wicked men like u dey wash woman pant under spell

Are you just childish or brain dead? Must you insult anybody you come across to make a point? How were you raised?

firstEVA:
Op you need a help, you can get a relative (a small girl) to live with you so she can assist. Just leave your husband to be fooling himself.

By the way u said he presses his phone all day, does he not work?

Now, that's my point. Wife do household chores all day and husband presses Fone all day? Are they full time housewife and full-time house husband? Doesn't make sense!

gbl01:


Are you just childish or brain dead? Must you insult anybody you come across to make a point? How were you raised?

so he dey pain u? that's a taste of what u started .. Take it in Jesus name

gbl01:


Brother, grow up. You don't have to insult anybody you come across. Its really childish

u started it but u can't withstand it now u see when u said I'm ranting and acting childish..e dey pain me gaaga

gbl01:


Now, that's my point. Wife do household chores all day and husband presses Fone all day? Are they full time housewife and full-time house husband? Doesn't make sense!

it doesn't make sense.

adeekiti:
so he dey pain u? that's a taste of what u started .. Take it in Jesus name

son, grow up

Nazeeboy:
I didn't see anything wrong in this. You're performing your marital duties. Doing house chores doesn't make your body aches, you're just lazy.

. I hate men like u who speak this way.... I wish u did DAT for just a day a see what becomes of ur body....mtewwwww......ungrateful pple like u are every where op I feel ur pains he who wears the shoe knows where it pains

adeekiti:
u started it but u can't withstand it now u see when u said I'm ranting and acting childish..e dey pain me gaaga

I'm done answering you, its obvious, you are not just ill-mannered and ill-raised, you equally dont know your mates and matters that are beyond your comprehension.

continue swimming in the pond of foolishness and maybe one day (just maybe) you'll get the super power known as "common sense".

Goodluck!

Madam u need to calm yourself , I can't advice u pull out cos I encourage a sticker not a runner ok, he must av a little spirit of mercy cos he was romantic when he proposed to u and that's where u to act , do things that will make him help u...when he's home carry the baby and put in his hand and u just walk to the kitchen and make his favourite food while u re handing over the baby to him pls do it with a kiss and a hug, he will smile secondly when u are in the kitchen and he's alone pls call him sweet names and tell him pls darling can u help me pick onions cos I'm carrying pot in my hands pls occupy him sexily u know what I'm saying

FOR1234:
. I hate men like u who speak this way.... I wish u did DAT for just a day a see what becomes of ur body....mtewwwww......ungrateful pple like u are every where op I feel ur pains he who wears the shoe knows where it pains

Dont be quick to judge ma'am, i concur with him, not because he was right and not because i co-sign letting women do all tasks, but because op didnt give the full details. Think abt it, husband stay at home "pressing phone" all day while she do household chores all day, is the house a triplex or an entire community and is the husband jobless? too many questions unanswered.

gbl01:


I'm done answering you, its obvious, you are not just ill-mannered and ill-raised, you equally dont know your mates and matters that are beyond your comprehension.

continue swimming in the pond of foolishness and maybe one day (just maybe) you'll get the super power known as "common sense".

Goodluck!

i just laugh at pple like u , u av no heart to take insult but yet u give it to pple and u expect someone to live with ur attitudes enforced by ur insulting manners, I'm not being rude to an aged man like u so pls accept my apology old man

gbl01:


son, grow up

grandpa sorry u know I'm not aged like u abeg I don kneel down beg u o

gbl01:


Dont be quick to judge ma'am, i concur with him, not because he was right and not because i co-sign letting women do all tasks, but because op didnt give the full details. Think abt it, husband stay at home "pressing phone" all day while she do household chores all day, is the house a triplex or an entire community and is the husband jobless? too many questions unanswered.

. My dear....d lady just explained my predicaments.....but the exception is DAT I work too...in fact also managing a business......hubby and I work and I still retire home to continue only to hear the same statement u mad DAT is women duties

FOR1234:
. My dear....d lady just explained my predicaments.....but the exception is DAT I work too...in fact also managing a business......hubby and I work and I still retire home to continue only to hear the same statement u mad DAT is women duties

I do understand you and its quite frustrating, coupled with the fact that demons have infiltrated the job market of househelps. Its dicey! Your case is different though, you might need to prayerfully get househelp, or a younger sibling or relative to help or if you live in an area where you can get people to do some tasks for you for money, that will help. Final straw, one of those cool romantic time, you can state the issue to him and ask for his advise and offer of help or just understanding if things aint properly done.


Generally most guys are lazy and shy away from household chores, so they eat outside, live in unkept houses or marry to shift the responsibilities, so you'll need to understand his peculiarities and find a way around it, not change him or force him to do the tasks. What if one of the reasons he married you was for that? (not saying it is though)!

bestestgirl:
My dearest brother, I have absolutely no hate for you, none whatsoever!! neither your post nor my post is the "truth" (only the OP and her husband knows the true situation of things), we are just stating our different opinions, with absolutely no hate on my part.

Now, that's a matured response. Kudos!

I think you should talk to him constructively to find a solution. Sit him down and explain about fetching the water early. Say it seems he doesn't want to do it so please can he pay for you to get someone to help you do it every morning.

Sometimes, form sickness so that he will be responsible for taking care of the baby for a day or so , so that you will have a day of rest.

gbl01:


I do understand you and its quite frustrating, coupled with the fact that demons have infiltrated the job market of househelps. Its dicey! Your case is different though, you might need to prayerfully get househelp, or a younger sibling or relative to help or if you live in an area where you can get people to do some tasks for you for money, that will help. Final straw, one of those cool romantic time, you can state the issue to him and ask for his advise and offer of help or just understanding if things aint properly done.


Generally most guys are lazy and shy away from household chores, so they eat outside, live in unkept houses or marry to shift the responsibilities, so you'll need to understand his peculiarities and find a way around it, not change him or force him to do the tasks. What if one of the reasons he married you was for that? (not saying it is though)!

. OK....thanks for this.....u are right cos he once said he hates chores.......

Nazeeboy:
I didn't see anything wrong in this. You're performing your marital duties. Doing house chores doesn't make your body aches, you're just lazy.

Quite an insensitive remark I'd say. ..
I think the 'N' in ur username should have been an 'L' actually.

If you have an insensitive husband like your hubby,just make arrangements to get a help.If you don't want a full-time househelp,there are people who would do day jobs.They will come around to clean during the day and leave.

OP, i feel your pain, but I think you knew right from the start that you married a lazy man when it came to domestic chores. Don't think your case is unique, some men are like that especially when the wife is a full time housewife. I would encourage you to stop letting your world revolve around house chores; don't try to be a perfectionist. Do the ones you can, little by little, one chore at a time. Try to schedule some rest periods in- between chores.
Also, try and talk to ur husband about getting a washing machine; let him know that the chores are becoming too much for you as your family is growing.
As for the fetching of water, i believe there must be some water vendors in your area, patronize them from time to time.
Above all, take time to look after yourself and your baby, have some relaxing and play time. Take your mind off those house chores. If your husbnd won't help you out sometimes, let him kiss the idea of a perfectly tended home bye bye.

[quote author=Ezeanna post=35056462]OP, i feel your pain, but I think you knew right from the start that you married a lazy man when it came to domestic chores. Don't think your case is unique, some men are like that especially when the wife is a full time housewife. I would encourage you to stop letting your world revolve around house chores; don't try to be a perfectionist. Do the ones you can, little by little, one chore at a time. Try go schedule some rest periods in- between chores.
Also, try and talk to ur husband about getting a washing machine; let him know that the chores are becoming too much for you as your family is growing.
As for the fetching of water, i believe there must be some water vendors in your area, patronize them from time to time.
Above all, take time to look after yourself and your baby, have some relaxing and play time. Take your mind off those house chores. If your husbnd won't help you out sometimes, let him kiss the idea of a perfectly tended home bye bye.[/quote didn't u read where she said, she fetches water from a deep well? and u r talking of washing machine. if d man hate chores, he should be buoyant enough to provide d necessary facilities. who he wan kill before her time?

crystalgem:
I am married for two year nw with a baby girl, though marriages ave up and down but the one am going through ryt nw,that makes my body aches is the house chores, I do virtually al the work with no help, starting from sweeping the verandah, to the mopping the sitting room,kitchen, and the passage, to clearing the dishes,fetching water and serious u nid to see our well it's rily so deep,i fills the kitchen and toilet with water, wash the toilet, cook den take care of the baby while my husband sit al tru pressing his fone. Av discussed this with him several tyms but no change. I dnt no wot else to do as this is killing me. I alwaz wonder if he love me cos I dnt no ow u ll claim to love ur wife but stil watch her go through stress without you helping ha.....pls advice

Try and get a relative to help out or a paid help if you can afford one. I used to have similar issues as well and I have kids, work 9 to 5 etc. Wasn't easy coping, so had to get a help that comes in 8am to 5pm daily. I take over when I get back from work though.

Also stop nagging your spouse to help out. He will whenever he decides to. My hubby never used to help out with the kids too despite all my complaints but miraculously sometime this year after almost a decade of marriage, he started helping out with bathing the kids every morning and night. I wish you well

Nazeeboy:
see hate ooo just for saying the truth. Now who's insensitive: one that says d truth or one that dislikes d truth

Naaaaaaa!!!! Naaaaaa!!! I had to quote you please. !
This is the mentality of most people born in Nigeria, we believe women must do the household chores without complaining even go extra miles to build a career/ business at the same time raising kids.
No wonder we don't have middle class in this hellhole,.

If this couple will be able to join hands and manage their homes without bringing in extra expenses like house help, complement each other, both can be productive at the same time and extra income will be realised if the lady wishes to work. I bet the op won't dare to applied for any work that will add more stress to her which will further limit their finances.

Mutter, welcome back!
Post on point!

mutter:
If your body aches from house chores with just one kid then obviously you are not in good condition. That is probably because you are not used to hard work or doing any form of sports.
I assume that you are still young so this should not be a problem for you. If you love your husband you would do these chores happily to please him and build your home, your kids would be happy and learn from you.
Women do so much more for their families and still keep a full time job. That is why mothers are indeed supreme and worthy of respect. This is the same here and everywhere in the world.
Getting a househelp is an option but is she not a human being too? She also knows what body pain is?
If you want your husband to help you then you need to know how to ask for help and mostly how to show appreciation for the help. When you want something specific plead with him to help you. -"Darling please can you help me fetch two buckets of water, my waist is paining me?" When he does it show appreciation and joy. Most men would help even if they do it reluctantly.
Those women that get help from their men know how they got their men to help them.
You haven`t learnt how to ask.
Also it is not for you to question your husband`s use of his phone. Would you rather have him going out and leaving you alone in the house. You ought to be happy that he is at home with you.
Just train your kid`s well and in a few years the work will reduce for you.

crystalgem:
I am married for two year nw with a baby girl, though marriages ave up and down but the one am going through ryt nw,that makes my body aches is the house chores, I do virtually al the work with no help, starting from sweeping the verandah, to the mopping the sitting room,kitchen, and the passage, to clearing the dishes,fetching water and serious u nid to see our well it's rily so deep,i fills the kitchen and toilet with water, wash the toilet, cook den take care of the baby while my husband sit al tru pressing his fone. Av discussed this with him several tyms but no change. I dnt no wot else to do as this is killing me. I alwaz wonder if he love me cos I dnt no ow u ll claim to love ur wife but stil watch her go through stress without you helping ha.....pls advice

Carry your cross o jare. When you were doing it free of charge to answer mrs, you didn't complain.
now é don shele.
You never see oba, stay Dia e hear?
Super woman.
anyway I no get advise for you but if I were in your shoes, N'a screw driver I for take puncture him yansh.
Mteeew.

Maybe your hubby sef dey on line dey fight feminism while him keep slave for house.

Muchecheche.

crystalgem:
I am married for two year nw with a baby girl, though marriages ave up and down but the one am going through ryt nw,that makes my body aches is the house chores, I do virtually al the work with no help, starting from sweeping the verandah, to the mopping the sitting room,kitchen, and the passage, to clearing the dishes,fetching water and serious u nid to see our well it's rily so deep,i fills the kitchen and toilet with water, wash the toilet, cook den take care of the baby while my husband sit al tru pressing his fone. Av discussed this with him several tyms but no change. I dnt no wot else to do as this is killing me. I alwaz wonder if he love me cos I dnt no ow u ll claim to love ur wife but stil watch her go through stress without you helping ha.....pls advice

i totally understand how u feel. i used to feel the same way sometime bak but i just got to understand men recently. they wouldnt help on their own until they are told. this may not mean they dont love u. what i did was to get a househelp who comes during the day- she comes in the morning and evening. also get a washing machine. u can get one for 45k. if there is a well in the compound u can get a water pump to pump water into the house when needed, but your house help can do this too (when u get one). if u need him to do something for u, tell him kindly and scope him a bit( my sister no be fight oo). if he does it, appreciate him very well. sometimes they complain when u ask, make sure u dont react. my hubby will most times do it even after complaining. but never ask him to help you while u are doing nothing, they wont and i dont see a reason they should.

crystalgem:
I am married for two year nw with a baby girl, though marriages ave up and down but the one am going through ryt nw,that makes my body aches is the house chores, I do virtually al the work with no help, starting from sweeping the verandah, to the mopping the sitting room,kitchen, and the passage, to clearing the dishes,fetching water and serious u nid to see our well it's rily so deep,i fills the kitchen and toilet with water, wash the toilet, cook den take care of the baby while my husband sit al tru pressing his fone. Av discussed this with him several tyms but no change. I dnt no wot else to do as this is killing me. I alwaz wonder if he love me cos I dnt no ow u ll claim to love ur wife but stil watch her go through stress without you helping ha.....pls advice

Your story is not complete. You said he is on his phone all through pressing the phone. Does he not work? Is this after work that he does this?

Do you work? If you both work, then you both have to do chores and tend to the baby. But if you don't work and he is the only one working, then you have to do most of the chores with him helping out when he can. If the work is too much and hubby is not helping out, then you will have to result to doing the most important things and leaving the rest. That way he might realise that you are not coping.

Was he like that when you were dating. If he was like that when you were dating and you were forming superwoman, you should not expect things to change because you accepted him like that. You will just have to deal with it.

To other women reading. If you are the type of woman that can do all the chores, by all mean do it. However if you know you can't, it's important that you make sure your man is not the type that believes that chores are for women only. There are many men who don't believe in that. In this thread I have even seen some.

Before i say anything op
I just wanted to know what you do for a living.
Are you a stay home mom or you are working?

Is your husband working from 7am morning till 7pm in the evening?

If you are working and your husband is working, then he really need to do something about it. You have to sit him down and explain to him that this whole thing is killing you gently. That is why you married your best friend. You are his best friend and also a wife. Best friends don't let their friends suffer. You are not a slave. You got to realize that today.

on the other hand if you are a stay home mum, I guess you got to do the best you can because you don't expect him to come back from work and start fetching water while you are at home having a beauty sleep.

he can always help on Saturday and Sunday when he is free. He is your best friend discuss with him. Slaves are scared to talk about domestic work. Friends brings the topic up when they can't cope any more

Not necessarily true @ bold.

Fetching water from a well can affect anyone no matter how healthy they are. That's backbreaking work right there.

mutter:
If your body aches from house chores with just one kid then obviously you are not in good condition. That is probably because you are not used to hard work or doing any form of sports.
I assume that you are still young so this should not be a problem for you. If you love your husband you would do these chores happily to please him and build your home, your kids would be happy and learn from you.
Women do so much more for their families and still keep a full time job. That is why mothers are indeed supreme and worthy of respect. This is the same here and everywhere in the world.
Getting a househelp is an option but is she not a human being too? She also knows what body pain is?
If you want your husband to help you then you need to know how to ask for help and mostly how to show appreciation for the help. When you want something specific plead with him to help you. -"Darling please can you help me fetch two buckets of water, my waist is paining me?" When he does it show appreciation and joy. Most men would help even if they do it reluctantly.
Those women that get help from their men know how they got their men to help them.
You haven`t learnt how to ask.
Also it is not for you to question your husband`s use of his phone. Would you rather have him going out and leaving you alone in the house. You ought to be happy that he is at home with you.
Just train your kid`s well and in a few years the work will reduce for you.

babygirlfl:


Your story is not complete. You said he is on his phone all through pressing the phone. Does he not work? Is this after work that he does this?

Do you work? If you both work, then you both have to do chores and tend to the baby. But if you don't work and he is the only one working, then you have to do most of the chores with him helping out when he can. If the work is too much and hubby is not helping out, then you will have to result to doing the most important things and leaving the rest. That way he might realise that you are not coping.

Was he like that when you were dating. If he was like that when you were dating and you were forming superwoman, you should not expect things to change because you accepted him like that. You will just have to deal with it.

To other women reading. If you are the type of woman that can do all the chores, by all mean do it. However if you know you can't, it's important that you make sure your man is not the type that believes that chores are for women only. There are many men who don't believe in that. In this thread I have even seen some.

Well said dear.

The thing is men really need to be more undstanding about house work after kids are born. Even a woman that is confident that she can take care of a house by herself can never imagine how much more work she will have once she has kids, especially toddlers. Cleaning a house that grown ups live in is a very different kettle of fish from cleaning a house with kids in it. They are just mess making machines. With grown ups, you prob sweep once a day or 2 days. With kids you sweep several times a day. My kids literally go from room to room messing everywhere up, food crumbs everywhere, paint on the tables, cut up paper all over the floor, toys toys toys, get into the kitchen and scatter garri everywhere, clothes taken out of drawers and strewn everywhere. It is overwhelming.

Men PLEaSE once you have kids, your life HAS to change as well. Don't be saying your wife changed after giving birth, tes she did dos she is under immense pressure if you do not help her out. Stop being so bloody lazy, you will not die if you some work around the house.