[b]I am a father of two beautiful twin girls. Read my personal experience, and you will see why it is common.

I am not going to sugar coat this. And what you will read will be no exaggeration. These are simply facts from my life. I am not leaving out some detail that somehow excuses the mother for her actions.

I got my ex girlfriend pregnant. It was a long distance relationship. She is a Registered Nurse, and works in a labor and delivery unit, and used to educate women on proper birth control usage. I am a respiratory therapist, and worked in the NICU at the same hospital. I took a contract at a hospital in another state, but we actually became more serious during the long distance part of the relationship.

She stopped taking her birth control, and didn't tell me. This is why I have fraternal twins. Because she was hyper ovulating when we had sex. I was not informed at all. I had been seeing her for over a year, and we had a great deal of trust for each other. I trusted her with the protected sex portion of our relationship, rightfully so since she was an expert and took her oral med at the same time every day since I knew her.
As soon as she got pregnant, she informed me of three things. First she told me she was pregnant. I asked about the birth control, she told me she had stopped taking it. Her excuse was "I was gonna switch to another kind and didn't think it was a big deal". This coming from an RN working in a women's center and who educated women on the pitfalls of birth control. After telling me she was pregnant, she told me she didn't want to be with me. Then she told me to not worry, her mom and dad will take care of everything, that I should just go away. She told me " I will never come after you for child support". I was confused. I was in love with her, and thought she was as well, she had told me a million times. I was begging her to not throw me away. I asked her to marry me. I was literally laughed at. Mind you, I am 6'4, 245 pds, good looking with a great career. I have been lifting weights for over 13 years. I am not pond scum. I was so confused that I rationalized all this as her being in shock. I figured in a month or so she would come around.

My reaction was very simple. I was going to be the man my mother raised. Within one month I quite my contract, paid back the bonus, got a new place to live back in her hometown, and a new job at a new hospital. That is not easy. I sent her flowers, and gifts. I begged her to be with me. After about 6 months into the pregnancy it became clear, she had an agenda. She had her mother move in with her. She had her father(her parents are divorced) running all her errands and doing everything for her. I was totally heart broken, and scared out of my mind. She made it very clear she wanted me completely out of the picture. And she passively did things, and said things that sent shivers down my spine.
I had no say in what their names are. And I was the last person she had contacted when they where born. I begged to be there for their first breath, and to cut their cords. I was so excited to be a father, despite it not being with her and a family unit. When they where born, she barely let me see them at the hospital when they where in a NICU for a week. People both of us worked with where embarrassed for me. Some people couldn't look at me because they felt so bad for me. The nurses and Doctors knew me, and where heart broken telling me I can't come in to see them because mom said no.

Now, she kept me off the birth certificate for a reason. It keeps me from having any rights at all. And she gets to make the decision. A woman has this power outside marriage. And it is a tactic recommended by shady lawyers to set up a mom to take complete advantage of the father and destroy him. Without my name on the BC, it would buy her almost over a year of time to avoid custody decisions by a judge. To give you some perspective, after a year and a half in court the only thing ironed out is child support. I still don't have respective court orders for visitation, and definitely not custody.

Now before your minds run crazy with what ifs, I am a licensed professional in two states. Have no arrest record. Served in the military. There is absolutely no reason to keep me off the birth certificate. I even called the hospital, and talked to a social worker to get my name on it. And I was told, it is up to the mom.

Now, at this point baby momma is pissed that I didn't go away. This is not what was in her plans. So, she stepped her game up. When I would visit them as babies, I would go every other day for hours, or as long as I was allowed to see them. I would literally sit there and hold my daughters while her, her mom, her brother, and her father would mock me. They would laugh at me. They would poke fun at any little thing I did, demeaning me and belittling me. I was called horrible names, to the point I started recording my visits. When they found out, they would make faces, and stand 2 inches away from me. They would literally take turns sitting right across from me staring at me. I had gotten a lawyer, and was waiting for court to hear my case. I wanted to establish visitation, child support, and custody. Until the courts heard my case, I had to abide by her decisions.

To make this story as short as possible, I will sum things up as much as possible. It wasn't enough that I was a veteran of the US Army, It wasn't enough that I took care of babies in a neonatal intensive care unit, and it wasn't enough that I was a stand up citizen in society with nothing on my record besides a speeding ticket. I had to go to two months of classes, in a room full of moms with ankle bracelets on. I had to go to a seminar. And I had to pay a lot of money. This was all just so the court could see me as remotely fit to be a father. It was the most humiliating experience up till that point. To be considered as much of a burden as drug dealers and hookers. Now, my daughters are 17 months old. I bought a crib when they where born, that I have never used. My child support was assessed off pay checks that had 30 extra hours of overtime, so I was paying over a grand a month in CS. I was going broke, and had a lawyer to pay. She has broken three court orders, and has never been held in contempt of court. My lawyer, who is a woman, explained that they don't like doing that to mothers because it could backlash onto the kids. She also explained to me a whole myriad of tricks that Lawyers pull when representing mothers. A lot of family law lawyers don't like to represent fathers because it is so depressing and such a losing battle. Representing moms is big business though and easy.
She took me to court over my dogs. One of them is a pitbull. It was a service dog at one time, that was used to help kids, and elderly in California. My pitbull was also used in a club that rescued other pitbulls to help socialize them, because she was so calm and even tempered. I had all of this proof presented to the Judge, including video's of my pitbull around a group of kids at a park. Baby Momma wanted the dog completely off the property for me to see them in my home. And she got it. Despite the fact I have a detached garage with a kennel, a huge back yard, and am a responsible pet owner with all kinds of vet records. The judge ruled in her favor. So now, I have to find a babysitter for my dog, to have my kids at my house.

I have had holidays canceled. I went to the sheriffs department last Thanksgiving with a court order for my 4 hour visit to be up held. The Sheriffs department tried to get her to comply, but she wouldn't. Even with a sheriff at her house, telling her to follow the court order. She refused. He did nothing, because who is gonna arrest a mother that provides milk for her kids right? I was denied my new years day visit. She wouldn't let me have both at the same time until this January. Only after her second lawyer(fired her first lawyer because she told her she needs to follow court orders) recommended doing so to show the Judge she was "Child focused co parenting".

When I pick up my daughters, they reach out for me. Happy to see me. She will jerk them away, turn them, and hug and squeeze them. She will not hand them over until they are crying. Every time I pick up my girls for visitation, my heart breaks watching this routine. She and her mother are trying to train them to see me and be confused, or scared. They don't like the fact that my daughters are happy to see me.
In 2014, I paid 12k in CS. Not including hospital fees. I paid 8k in court and lawyer fees. When she started receiving CS, she went out and bought a brand new 2015 Toyota 4runner. 4 months later, she bought a 185k house 30 minutes away from me. Now, my 4 hour visits are just 3, due to driving time. Having a baby with a man that makes 50k a year is a big payday. Right now, I am working two full time jobs. I work 72 hours a week, 12 hour shifts 5 days a week. I spend average 10 hours a week with my girls.

On average, men in my situation will see the court room 50 times before my kids are 18 years old. I am going to spend enough money to put them both through a very nice college.
The amount of power mothers have over fathers is simply disgusting. It is a horror show. I have no future. No woman would ever date me, or consider me as potential to be a husband. For many reasons that are obvious, but also because all women know how much power mothers have, and that they don't want to be dragged into court along with me. No woman in her right mind would consider a single father that is fighting to see his kids. Her is a video of me and my daughters about a week ago.
I love them. I have almost lost my mind, soul, and dignity.[/b]


Culled from Reddit

Cc: Dinachi
,cococandy,victoriabee,Thesonofmark,sonofmark,francistony....

Let read your views on this

That is one long painful read. Some people have no conscience.

The mystery is why did she do all these go him..

Something is amiss..

The West and hypocrisy when it comes to the female gender are Siamese twins.

bellong:
The mystery is why did she do all these go him..
Something is amiss..
The West and hypocrisy when it comes to the female gender are Siamese twins.

Nothing's amiss. She's just naturally wicked and determined to use the system to her advantage. We have tons of them living like a queen for free here. I stare in their eyes and search for that rigid evil but to luck. They leave these responsible men jobless because the cs is just outrageous, they too rather stay on welfare and useless to their family at home. Some of them voluntarily leave for Nigeria and never come back. It's a terrible ordeal

My eyes have seen a lot, lot.

I'm almost certain the lady in OP is a foreigner hence all the parents drama , but that doesn't leave other immigrants out too, anybody can milk the system by using kids to get rich quick. That's why Nigerian Men kill their rebellious imported wives, they rather go to jail than live in misery.

^^^^ I quite understand the taking full immoral advantage of the system. The part I do not understand is the sudden change to become evil despite having a smooth and cosy relationship all along.

The guy is a very nice man. The woman is lucky that the guy is nice, else na sorry tale would have followed.

Ewuro4, lol @ looking for the rigid evil with no luck. I guess they can rationalise their actions away somehow, so they have a clear conscience, somehow.

@Bellong, I don't think she just became evil all of a sudden. It was her plan all along to use him as a sperrm donor. I think her behaviour shows she really didn't want him around. She could have asked him if she wanted to have his babies.

Timbuktou,

The heart of human is desperately wicked. Her action is worse than what ISIL is doing in Syria.

bellong:
Timbuktou,

The heart of human is desperately wicked. Her action is worse than what ISIL is doing in Syria.

Interesting perspective. I think there's change on the horizon, though. The extremity of the laws is gaining notoriety and that should lead to amendments, because at this rate men would literally check out of serious relationships altogether.

Timbuktou:

Interesting perspective. I think there's change on the horizon, though. The extremity of the laws is gaining notoriety and that should lead to amendments, because at this rate men would literally check out of serious relationships altogether.

They are already checking out. A kid said he is not getting married because he doesn't want to share his money with any woman due to divorce..

bellong:


They are already checking out. A kid said he is not getting married because he doesn't want to share his money with any woman due to divorce..

.

Crazy. I keep wondering how things got this bad. Like christ said, "the law was made for man, not man for the law."
It's just sickening.

I'll be right back



cc KanwuliaJara your attention is needed here

Timbuktou:
.

Crazy. I keep wondering how things got this bad. Like christ said, "the law was made for man, not man for the law."
It's just sickening.

Greed and sheer wickedness

mredwifeosband:
I'll be right back

Kulyie, how u dey?

bellong:


Greed and sheer wickedness



Kulyie, how u dey?

great as usual


happy wet Sunday

mredwifeosband:
great as usual


happy wet Sunday

Good to hear... Happy Sunday to you too...

Have a great day

I think us, the men are our own worst enemy.
My wife who I imported from Nigeria to Europe tried that nonsense with me after 3 kids.
She took me to court for child support money and visitation. I told the court from day one that I am not interested in someone restricting my access to my children because its against my Yoruba culture . I walked out of Court, Icame back to Nigeria and cut off communication.
Now its the baby mama begging me to come back after 7 months.

^^^ You were able to pull that off because you have another country you can run to.

The person in this story doesn't sound like a migrant.

bellong:
^^^ You were able to pull that off because you have another country you can run to.

The person in this story doesn't sound like a migrant.

Are you saying a citizen of a country cannot go and live in another country.

I think something happened to wake up the beast in her.

Something similar happened to a collegue a long time ago. He got his gf pregnant and his first few sentences her said when she told him werent very good and included the word abortion.

She refused to have an abortion, but when his kid was born he fell in love with his son. . . . That is where trouble started.
She wasnt having any of that and they went to court many many times.

The court only gave him a few hours custody but by this time she had gotten married and moved away. This guy travelled miles every fortnight just to see his son for a few hours

He couldnt sustain any decent relationships because according to him women didnt want the wahala of baby daddy plus the fact that he was spending such a big chunk of his wages on child support

I knew both of them. The guy was a catch back then and the girl was the one chasing after him; but his feck up after she told him about the pregnancy is what started it all off. I guess it was a case of being pushed ot the wall and finally fighting back.
The last time I heard, he is single and never had any other kids.
If you hear the story from his own mouth you will feel sorry for him, but her own story may be different.

Obodo999:
I think us, the men are our own worst enemy.
My wife who I imported from Nigeria to Europe tried that nonsense with me after 3 kids.
She took me to court for child support money and visitation. I told the court from day one that I am not interested in someone restricting my access to my children because its against my Yoruba culture . I walked out of Court, Icame back to Nigeria and cut off communication.
Now its the baby mama begging me to come back after 7 months.

I totally agree with Bellong's opinion below yours, and while citizens of those countries may be able to migrate to other countries, it would be a shock. But, yeah, that's a valid/viable. Also, don't you think the ex pleading with you to come back could be entrapment?


@Teasroses: that woman is evil. She must have known her boyfriend wasn't ready for children but she went ahead and got pregnant anyway

Timbuktou:
Ewuro4, lol @ looking for the rigid evil with no luck. I guess they can rationalise their actions away somehow, so they have a clear conscience, somehow.

@Belong, I don't think she just became evil all of a sudden. It was her plan all along to use him as a sperrm donor. I think her behaviour shows she really didn't want him around. She could have asked him if she wanted to have his babies.

Ofcourse , she clearly had an agenda, but needed a reason to treat him like that hence the bait, ofcourse any right minded guy will ask what happened to her pill esp when they never discussed starting a family. So claiming her tantrum was because of his questioning statement holds no water.

Bellong, he's clearly an immigrant if you read his statement he said ( I'm my mother's son) when he made the decision to move back to her state of residence prior to twins birth).
I give him couple more years before he goes undercover, save up & get out of that hell hole. She's ready to make his life miserable and suck him dry till he gives up. Yes I know so. I hope the birth certificate are modified & reissued appropriately else his attorney needs to be fired.

Nobody deserves such ill treatment.

Timbuktou:


I totally agree with Bellong's opinion below yours, and while citizens of those countries may be able to migrate to other countries, it would be a shock. But, yeah, that's a valid/viable. Also, don't you think the ex pleading with you to come back could be entrapment?


@Teasroses: that woman is evil. She must have known her boyfriend wasn't ready for children but she went ahead and got pregnant anyway

My Bro, I dont know what went down in their bedroom o! you know guys, when they want something they promise Heaven and Earth, Maybe in the heat of passion he said something that he didnt mean and she took it seriously

I do beleive that she was genuingly hurt when he told her to abort the baby. For her to feel that way, they must have had some prior understanding . . . .or not as the case may be

I kind of see where her bitterness stemmed from as he left her all alone whilst she was pregnant and he flaunted a new lady around and It was not until he set eyes on the baby a week later that he started to even pick her calls.

What I dont understand is the sustained bitterness.
She has married
She has other kids
She married a rich man
She has a good career
The son in question is doing well
How then has she got time to be so bitter I dont understand.

More reason.

Male birth control pills should be accelerated. Not ready to pay child support on a kid I never planned to have.

You told me you were on birth control pills , so how come you are pregnant?

We can all see it manifesting with all these useless girls trying to tie celebrities to themselves by shamlessly getting pregnant. Most ladies and money , .....only God would give them some brain. All they see is money and would go to any length.

Also the American justice system if bleeped. No one needs a soothsayer for that. Genuflecting and over reliance on these gender biased laws is one thing ruining marriages. A man would put up with abusive wives because he would have to part with half of his wealth for a bitch and on top of that lose custody of his kids because the justice system believes the mother is the natural parent of the child even when evidence shows the mum is a nut job and needs deliverance.


I have seen many going bankrupt just cause they got divorced.
No wonder most men are not willing to get married. Why get married to lose all your life savings?

tearoses:


My Bro, I dont know what went down in their bedroom o! you know guys, when they want something they promise Heaven and Earth, Maybe in the heat of passion he said something that he didnt mean and she took it seriously

I do beleive that she was genuingly hurt when he told her to abort the baby. For her to feel that way, they must have had some prior understanding . . . .or not as the case may be

I kind of see where her bitterness stemmed from as he left her all alone whilst she was pregnant and he flaunted a new lady around and It was not until he set eyes on the baby a week later that he started to even pick her calls.

What I dont understand is the sustained bitterness.
She has married
She has other kids
She married a rich man
She has a good career
The son in question is doing well
How then has she got time to be so bitter I dont understand.

Ah, Old Man Konji has led to many men putting themselves in trouble countless times. Could be as you said, though, we can only speculate as we try to make sense of such extreme behaviours.

I'm very sure this is the genesis of it all. Asking her to have an abortion isn't enough, IMHO, to warrant such bitterness. It's also possible he did the flaunting to show her the error of her ways or try to console himself, she definitely wouldn't have seen things his way.

In my opinion, she's just a bitter, vindictive person. If she wanted the abortion would he have been able to stop her from getting one? It's selfish to bring a child into the world when the other 'parent' isn't interested or ready for one just because you have the power to. She's lucky he's a calm person, others have lost their lives because they put their baby daddies in this position.

Well, what do I know? I'm just an observer of life.

Na real wa o! Oga, knock someone else up with agreement on outcome, that will take the sting off your situation. Haba! She will soon get tired of shouldering the parenthood alone. Mtchheeeew!

Really heartbreaking! All I know is, this was a well-thought plan, with her parents involved.

We've got lots of expatriates where I work. The tale of woe is sickening to say the least. A great percentage of them are divorced. Several of them are married to naija ladies here, some take them home (diaspora - God knows how that'll play out).

Funny thing is naija laws are also being amended and fast catching up with US laws as regards women right. . . what they fail to consider is that naija males ain' wired like their foreign counterparts.

Boys are already screaming about ladies and their western influence! Let's hope this laws won't galvanize guys into abandoning marriage altogether.

i'mma need a summary.

Reading

It takes two to tango, and I want to believe something went wrong. The heart of man is full of evil and desperately wicked, who can know it.

First of all, I don't support that people get married because Bae got pregnant. Yes, irrespective of if they were so in love. This view may be awkward but my reasons are:

- We've been together the whole time banging with caution because we didn't want the world to know and we were not ready to be parents.

- I became pregnant accidentally and you propose marriage. Like seriously, are you marrying me for the baby
sake or to prevent me from being mocked by society. Or it was just a coincidence that when you were ready to marry I also got pregnant.

- Not all marriages from this line succeed because oftentimes the woman is at the mercy end: that I did you a favor by marrying you expression by the man.

- They may not be each other's true partner, staying happily married becomes a problem.

Now, I don't mean that marriages started otherwise maybe not experience bullet points 3&4 but she got pregnant so... Becomes the bone of contention. I prefer you both give it some time to be sure you really want to be married and not because of baby.

The lady may have considered the above apart from the fact that there may be a wrong she hasn't forgiven you of, so she took a bow out of the affair.

From your actions, you have really tried and I will score you a hundred. I don't think I will prevent any from seeing his kids if he shows concern, talk less of them not bearing his name. At least for the love we shared.

I will bluntly tell you to move on and stop chasing them. You can ask for a rescind to visiting them too and if possible revoke the child support. Let her have her space, get a life for yourself.

Heaven and earth bears you witness that you mean well. The children will come around someday by their self, you can take this statement to the bank. There are witnesses everywhere and they will hear of their moms treacherous act, and they will seek you.

It may tarry but wait for it.
Have a good time.

Xx

Obodo999:
I think us, the men are our own worst enemy.
My wife who I imported from Nigeria to Europe tried that nonsense with me after 3 kids.
She took me to court for child support money and visitation. I told the court from day one that I am not interested in someone restricting my access to my children because its against my Yoruba culture . I walked out of Court, Icame back to Nigeria and cut off communication.
Now its the baby mama begging me to come back after 7 months.

lol you go fear 'importation' like we talking about a commodity