Every woman loves a romantic guy, show me a woman who puts her husband's dp up ALL the time I would show u a woman is married to a man that makes her smile all the time. My husband isn't the romantic kind of guy but I don't think that's very true: Cos I rem 2yrs back he had flowers delivered to me far away in the United states and he was in naija. How he did I don't know, but it felt like a proposal, cos I didn't experience d "go on ur kneels will u marry me ish with him". I did a survey with my married friends on fb,instagram, and bb. And I see d way wives are bin celebrated by their husbands... so I ask myself, am I doing something wrong as a wife, or is my husband not just a happy man. I tried to talk with him. Cos he doesn't like to communicate much with me it didn't do much impact. I tried to develop sending romantic messgaes to him. It didn't work. I rem few days back, I sent him a message, I quote "is it okay to be crazy in love with you" and his response "lol, as long as u tread with care and caution cos someone like me if u love me to much it will make me care less and love you less... Till date that response is still my most embarrassing textmessage from him, when am not a girlfriend. I was thinking and planning we change environment, probably go out without d kids. But I know who am married to d I dea might even irritate him.
I can't touch his phones without his permission; he can strangle my neck for that reason. And if u ask him he says because I vowed never to touch his phone again he is saving my life from bin destroyed. Lmao.
I don't think he is happy, when he is angry with or we arguing over an issue u hear him say things like I should not av taken d child from u when u claimed u were pregnant: yes I got pregnant out of wedlock but I didn't force him to. So why so much hate...
I see d love in vogue and I ask myself where I av gone wrong that young couples like us av such boring marriage.
I have my weakness, I do in fact I av a lot, but if there is sincere love it can fix it in my opinion. I don't think it's about my weakness. I think there is more. I don't think there is any one else either...
When am down he doesn't notice, if I av something on my mind and I try to wear d mood.. am on my own. I understand he is so engrossed with work but still. Dear hubby only u know wat goes on in ur mind. Would av preferred better options. I have seen u defend ur mum on matters BTW us and I don't think u can ever defend me like that. I have seen u care for some of ur female friends nd Dat treatment is far from us. I one day asked my hubby y he doesn't check me out nd tell me wen I look good nd i recieve the comments from differebt men outside, he said it's normal. He said men admire other women nd might not admire their own wives. So much to say, this is just very little of how I feel.
We had an argument yesterday dat involved me mentioning my mum law before I knew it he reported me to my sister in law telling her everything I said. Till now I haven't recovered from d textmessage she sent. He reallt made me miss my late mum. I know I shouldn't av probably talked about his mum. But I tot couples av each other's back.
We av two lovely kids from this marriage. But if he doesn't love me anymore, maybe he never did.. i rem him telling me on our wedding day that i musnt give him problems oo, he said ot like twice and i rem telling him not to worry all will be well. But do men say that on their their wife on their weddind day? is it adviceable to continue, I don't encourage divorce but wat if it will mk him happy. I can't tell.. I love him very much but he doesn't love me Like I do nd he doesn't want me to push it, it irritates him like he said, And I don't want to force it.I want him to be happy, I can't ask him cos he doesn't like communicating with me, it doesn't always go down fine majority of the time. He doesn't believe in marriage counselor or shrink........ so!! "Very confused state of mind"

I wish I had the right words to tell you, but one thing is obvious. The connection isn't there. It's up to you to decide how you'd want the story to be told.

pamodulus:
I wish I had the right words to tell you, but one thing is obvious. The connection isn't there. It's up to you to decide how you'd want the story to be told.

U r right d connection isn't there.

How long will it take me to finish reading this

I don't really support divorce...
I'll just advice you cut the head of the bull rather than grab the bull by the horns.
Just call him aside and sit him down and table out your problems with him...
And leave the rest for God,,marriage is a one time decision and a very delicate thing to rush into and from your story,i think you rushed into it without give a flying fûck if your husband loves you or not....you make your bed,you gotta sleep on it.

I guess u should concentrate ur mind and effort on ur kids and forget about trying to make things work. Divorce should not also be part of d deal.

Dude, I think this is way beyond her. It's a marriage not built on the usual norms but on a sham. You got pregnant and he was forced to marry you? The writing has been on the wall since the very first day; "hope you won't give me problems." I feel you're more in love with him than he has ever been with you.

Word of advice? Stop trying. The minute he's aware you're drifting away, he'll be scared of losing you. If he's not? You're worth better.

CertifiedFreak:
Dude, I think this is way beyond her. It's a marriage not built on the usual norms but on a sham. You got pregnant and he was forced to marry you? The writing has been on the wall since the very first day; "hope you won't give me problems." I feel you're more in love with him than he has ever been with you.

Word of advice? Stop trying. The minute he's aware you're drifting away, he'll be sacred of losing you. If he's not? You're worth better.

wel said...at ds point just mk hm fil ur ńo mor interestd in makin tinx work for both of u and if dr is nid to do the shakara tin...do

Lady stop comparing your relationship with others. Yes they may be happier, they may be miserable but at the end of the day how does it concern you? Its ok to be envious of the romance between other couples and want it in your own life maybe you can start by discovering yourself on deeper levels so you can take care of some of your emotional needs. Yes yes the constant talks about the relationship and how sad you are just stop it.

The idea that he is your husband so he must act a certain way might be the cause of your sorrow just accept the way he acts and don't try to enforce your ideas of how he must act. He is not an extension of yourself, he is an individual on his own willfully married to you as you are willfully married to him.

You even want to divorce him to make him happy. Please stop this micro managing and laser focus on his happiness. You are the most important person in your own life. Everybody is living their lives the way they want, even your kids will eventually grow away from you.

As for his phone unless you suspect him of cheating and you want to investigate what do you want with his phone? Maybe you can learn to take yourself to the nice places you want to go.

Just give yourself permission to be happy as an individual in the marriage without anyone's contribution.

andromida:
Lady stop comparing your relationship with others. Yes they may be happier, they may be miserable but at the end of the day how does it concern you? Its ok to be envious of the romance between other couples and want it in your own life maybe you can start by discovering yourself on deeper levels so you can take care of some of your emotional needs. Yes yes the constant talks about the relationship and how sad you are just stop it.

The idea that he is your husband so he must act a certain way might be the cause of your sorrow just accept the way he acts and don't try to enforce your ideas of how he must act. He is not an extension of yourself, he is an individual on his own willfully married to you as you are willfully married to him.

You even want to divorce him to make him happy. Please stop this micro managing and laser focus on his happiness. You are the most important person in your own life. Everybody is living their lives the way they want, even your kids will eventually grow away from you.

As for his phone unless you suspect him of cheating and you want to investigate what do you want with his phone? Maybe you can learn to take yourself to the nice places you want to go.

Just give yourself permission to be happy as an individual in the marriage without anyone's contribution.

U av spoken well. But even when u try to make him happy it doesn't seem like he notices. As for his phone I don't even check it cos he has passwords on it. D day I was forced to check it was when a lady kept calling continously, he was ignoring this call then he asked me to pick it tho. D instant she heard my voice she hanged up. This made me feel something was fishy, then I was forced to check the phone when I saw the message sent by this girl saying he took advantage of someone, d instant he saw me with d phone in fact the remaining is long story. And till date he adamantly refuses to give me a deserved explanation. He covers up with my reaction after I saw the message cos I actually concluded he probably cheated on me. When we ladies use the "advantage" word there is ONLY one translation to it. But he denied it. I was forced to do my findings tho, he is a love-vendor at least not a CHEAT. @adromida am not forcing ideas on him, no, but I know he has it in him; something isn't letting him express it. Cos I see his reactions to life and issues in other aspects and I know he has it, thatz y am concluding that maybe he isn't happy, divorcing a man to mk him happy isn't a sin it's only that d bible says u shouldn't remarry. You av no idea how it feels living with a husband who has only 5% of love for his wife, gives 20% to his mum and 20% to his kids and the rest to his job. D kids are bound to leave one day, mum will surely leave too, it only me that will be left with him. Or you want me to just sit, watch and wait till then. Okay..... cod I can actually do that for the kids and just focus my attention and power and other things and conclude it's my destiny. But it's gonna be one long hell of a journey trust me"

treese:

U av spoken well. But even when u try to make him happy it doesn't seem like he notices. As for his phone I don't even check it cos he has passwords on it. D day I was forced to check it was when a lady kept calling continously, he was ignoring this call then he asked me to pick it tho. D instant she heard my voice she hanged up. This made me feel something was fishy, then I was forced to check the phone when I saw the message sent by this girl saying he took advantage of someone, d instant he saw me with d phone in fact the remaining is long story. And till date he adamantly refuses to give me a deserved explanation. He covers up with my reaction after I saw the message cos I actually concluded he probably cheated on me. When we ladies use the "advantage" word there is ONLY one translation to it. But he denied it. I was forced to do my findings tho, he is a love-vendor at least not a CHEAT. @adromida am not forcing ideas on him, no, but I know he has it in him; something isn't letting him express it. Cos I see his reactions to life and issues in other aspects and I know he has it, thatz y am concluding that maybe he isn't happy, divorcing a man to mk him happy isn't a sin it's only that d bible says u shouldn't remarry. You av no idea how it feels living with a husband who has only 5% of love for his wife, gives 20% to his mum and 20% to his kids and the rest to his job. D kids are bound to leave one day, mum will surely leave too, it only me that will be left with him. Or you want me to just sit, watch and wait till then. Okay..... cod I can actually do that for the kids and just focus my attention and power and other things and conclude it's my destiny. But it's gonna be one long hell of a journey trust me"

Are you happy?

When you did your findings what did you discover?

What do you mean a love-vendor not a cheat?

Live for the children? nope yourself and the children yes yes.

You know he has it in him but he is not showing it to you inspite of your best efforts to motivate him. Why do you keep saying he is unhappy?

this one is strong........










BUT WAIT OH!!!!














WHY NOT WRITE THIS DOWN ON A PIECE OF PAPER (old school style)







AND GIVE IT TO HIM INSTEAD OF POSTING IT HEAR.







ABI HIM BE NLder?











but i guess u wouldnt know dat,since u dont touch his phone











and wat about sèx?





tell us about the sěx....

andromida:


Are you happy?

When you did your findings what did you discover?

What do you mean a love-vendor not a cheat?

Live for the children? nope yourself and the children yes yes.

You know he has it in him but he is not showing it to you inspite of your best efforts to motivate him. Why do you keep saying he is unhappy?

U know an unhappy man when he is angry. His choice of words wen he is angry defines his unhappiness. Every marriage has issues, every one has weaknesses, but if u truly love your wife and u know u do no matter how angry a man is he would watch d words he would use on her. My husband practically tells me wen he is angry that he shouldn't av taken the pregnancy, pregnancy u planted n ur free will that I didn't force to happen. When we are not kids. That alone speaks for itself that times wen he smiles with me he is probably faking it.

IamLEGEND1:
this one is strong........










BUT WAIT OH!!!!















WHY NOT WRITE THIS DOWN ON A PIECE OF PAPER (old school style)








AND GIVE IT TO HIM INSTEAD OF POSTING IT HEAR.








ABI HIM BE NLder?












but i guess u wouldnt know dat,since u dont touch his phone












and wat about sèx?






tell us about the sěx....

If I try to talk to him it hardly goes down well. Sex is good with us funny enough, it's d only time I feel loved by him, it's the only time we r closer. But that's not marital bliss.

treese:

U know an unhappy man when he is angry. His choice of words wen he is angry defines his unhappiness. Every marriage has issues, every one has weaknesses, but if u truly love your wife and u know u do no matter how angry a man is he would watch d words he would use on her. My husband practically tells me wen he is angry that he shouldn't av taken the pregnancy, pregnancy u planted n ur free will that I didn't force to happen. When we are not kids. That alone speaks for itself that times wen he smiles with me he is probably faking it.

You've been talking about his unhappiness but you are not happy either. You believe his unhappiness is souring your marriage but it might equally be your unhappiness that is souring your marriage. It seems to me you are waiting for him to be happy before you can be happy.

You need to let him know how you feel when he talks bad about the pregnancy I think this is a really sore spot for you.

Ask for God's intervention because except we are decieving ourselves, happiness matters in all we do, jst do as someone wrote above, write all these ur feelings in a paper, give him to read, ask from him where u were wrong. God will see you tru, i seriously feel for yu.

Eni ti o ni ori, ko ni Fila, Eni ti o ni Fila, ko ni ori



My short advice, can you watch Mr and Mrs film and pick one or two methods if not all because films might be different from reality

NL's blockbuster to drive more traffic! #fabu

I think u are making him feel relevant 2 much...why not try this formular: concentrate on urself...take very good care of urself nd ur kids...wear a new look like a fullfilled woman...always put up a smile...don't give him attention like b4 anymore...u only owe him greetings and mayb serve his food that's if he eats ur food..keep on like this...u will kill him psycholgically...forget how stunch he might be forming now..his conscience will definitely judge him. would have adviced yu to watch one naija movie like that buh I can't recall the name buh if mssg made any impac u can pm me so I search for the movie title, I believe it will really help u a lot. All d best!

There is nothing that Is as bad as Loving a man morethan he does Love you, I wish I could actually make ur husband see his wrongs, One sided love destroys u emotionally, I feel ur pains dear, But do ur best and. Believe he will come around although he sees u like a Liability. But Never say Never! Show him love maybe one day he will realize how unfair and unloving he has been. I will pray for you, Trust God.

I think you guys have issues that started before marriage. Maybe he never trusted you even before marriage. I think there is something he is not telling you. Some men don't talk about some things. They just bury it in their heart and dwell on it. Maybe a wrong he found out or a wrong you did. On the contrary he may 'v had a dysfunctional childhood or a product of broken home. Both of you need help and very fast too.

I just read one of ur write up where u talked abt "virginal Lax", was banned dat was y I cldnt post comment dere.
If what u saying is true, I feel for u and u got ma back. U must be going tru hell, all u nid to do is pray for him, dat God shld touch his heart. Bible says, " d heart of a king is in d hands of God, and he turns it to wherever He pleases". Continue to be d best woman in d world, don't give room for any excuse.


On the contrary, I wld ve arranged for dat man to be hanged on a tree, wif his legs wide spread and use pliers cum hammer to scatter his use less dike. I hate it when men don't ve respect for women, it pains me so much, he deserves to be hanged.


Lastly, pls turn to God, he is d only one dat ve ya solution to dis problem, talk to him and ve faith cos he will surely see u tru.
#shalom cum salaam

OREMUSSANCTUS:
I just read one of ur write up where u talked abt "virginal Lax", was banned dat was y I cldnt post comment dere.
If what u saying is true, I feel for u and u got ma back. U must be going tru hell, all u nid to do is pray for him, dat God shld touch his heart. Bible says, " d heart of a king is in d hands of God, and he turns it to wherever He pleases". Continue to be d best woman in d world, don't give room for any excuse.


On the contrary, I wld ve arranged for dat man to be hanged on a tree, wif his legs wide spread and use pliers cum hammer to scatter his use less dike. I hate it when men don't ve respect for women, it pains me so much, he deserves to be hanged.


Lastly, pls turn to God, he is d only one dat ve ya solution to dis problem, talk to him and ve faith cos he will surely see u tru.
#shalom cum salaam

Pastor Oremussanctus!

This ya preaching na strong one oh! Very haramic! Na you talk about hanging, na you still tall about going to God..

Op I understand what u going through. But your husband seems like one who is capable of loving you but is protective of that feeling. He doesn't want to bring himself down cos he feels you may begin to act with overfamiliarity towards him and lose respect for him. My advice is stop focusing on his happiness or unhappiness, and focus on your happiness and your children. Take yourself shopping and look your best always. engage in other activities to limit your free time. but not too much to keep u away from spending time with the kids. Maybe reading of inspirational books whenever u are done with your necessary duties. and finally always pray

Wow am so scared of marriage right now gosh.as I dnt af my mum anylonger
Bankyblue am scared

pls ma take your problems to God on ur knees or anyway you know how to.persevere as long as there is no form of abuse.with God all things are possible

Shalom
Jesus fix this

andromida:


You've been talking about his unhappiness but you are not happy either. You believe his unhappiness is souring your marriage but it might equally be your unhappiness that is souring your marriage. It seems to me you are waiting for him to be happy before you can be happy.

You need to let him know how you feel when he talks bad about the pregnancy I think this is a really sore spot for you.

Now permit me to say this. Reading comments from people like u is the reason I still visit Nairaland. Your thoughtful and dispassionate advice goes to show your maturity of mind. Thank you for taking the time to address op's issues. Being a fellow woman ( at least ur monika says u are) gives u a better perspective to her plight)

Op, please be assured that u are not the reason he is unhappy, that is, if he really is unhappy.
I think it is about time you stopped blaming yourself for his unhappiness. Leave him be. Focus on doing your wifely duties without more.

Focus on being passionate about life.
Focus on ur happiness, at least, u can do something about that. Stop being fixated on your husband and his feelings towards you. Instead, focus on being the best version of yourself. Join a Gym and burn off the excesses. Acquire a new skill. Go do a masters programme. Just do something that makes you a better woman than the attention craving wife.

Most importantly, affirm to yourself every chance u get, that u are beautiful, smart and worthy to be loved.

Never rely on any human being for your sense of self worth. Nobody can complete you, you are complete all on your own. Your husband is just there to complement your awesomeness.

Do these and watch the magic in hubby's attitude towards you. Believe me, I know, cos I am a married dude like him. He just cannot get over seeing u live confidently.

God Bless u.

misspicy:
Wow am so scared of marriage right now gosh.as I dnt af my mum anylonger
Bankyblue am scared

pls ma take your problems to God on ur knees or anyway you know how to.persevere as long as there is no form of abuse.with God alk things are possible

Shalom
Jesus fix this

Now u don't be scared. Her experience is hers, not yours. Pray about what u want in a hubby, and really mean it. Forget about the superficial, focus on dating only guys with integrity and an unwavering fear of God, and u are home and dry.

Shalom!

stanconnect:
I think u are making him feel relevant 2 much...why not try this formular: concentrate on urself...take very good care of urself nd ur kids...wear a new look like a fullfilled woman...always put up a smile...don't give him attention like b4 anymore...u only owe him greetings and mayb serve his food that's if he eats ur food..keep on like this...u will kill him psycholgically...forget how stunch he might be forming now..his conscience will definitely judge him. would have adviced yu to watch one naija movie like that buh I can't recall the name buh if mssg made any impac u can pm me so I search for the movie title, I believe it will really help u a lot. All d best!

MR and MRS...that's the name of the movie. But then, na movie o, not real life situation.

Hmmmmmmmm
Deep sigh

Dhotseal:


MR and MRS...that's the name of the movie. But then, na movie o, not real life situation.

Don't really kno..buh if it's the movie am talking about, then she will really learn a lot from the movie!

treese:

U r right d connection isn't there.

I think u need to take time off nairaland to settle issues with ur hubbý with the help of mature and trusted people. A lot of posters here are kids/single/jesters/sarcastic posters and so on.

pls go take time off ur work n take a vacation together, discuss and find ur connection again, a lot of posters here are not qualified to render any advice

OREMUSSANCTUS:
I just read one of ur write up where u talked abt "virginal Lax", was banned dat was y I cldnt post comment dere.
If what u saying is true, I feel for u and u got ma back. U must be going tru hell, all u nid to do is pray for him, dat God shld touch his heart. Bible says, " d heart of a king is in d hands of God, and he turns it to wherever He pleases". Continue to be d best woman in d world, don't give room for any excuse.


On the contrary, I wld ve arranged for dat man to be hanged on a tree, wif his legs wide spread and use pliers cum hammer to scatter his use less dike. I hate it when men don't ve respect for women, it pains me so much, he deserves to be hanged.


Lastly, pls turn to God, he is d only one dat ve ya solution to dis problem, talk to him and ve faith cos he will surely see u tru.
#shalom cum salaam