Cutehector:
There is an association in d catholic church, its called justice dispute and peace smth smth, JDPC. They solve problems like this.... There members are mostly retired barristers or serving lawyers... So ask for this people in any catholic church, they will tell u whne they hold their meetins and u go there and inform them about ur matter... They will intervene...

oyizaoyiza:
AUNTY, I WANT TO TELL YOU SOME TRUTHS...........I KNOW YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE THEM BUT IT IS THE TRUTH..

1. YOUR HUSBAND WILL BEAT YOU SOME MORE AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
2. HE WILL KEEP TELLING HIS FRIENDS ABOUT EVERY 'SILLY' MISTAKE OF YOURS AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
3.YOU WILL KEEP CONVINCING YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE THE VICTIM AND THE GOOD WIFE AND THERE IS NOTHING NLDERS CAN DO ABOUT THAT.

DOES YOU HUBBY COME HOME AND START INSULTING YOU WITHOUT YOU PROMPTING HIM TO?
SOMEHOW YOU CLEVERLY OMITTED THE THINGS YOU DO THAT MAKES HIM ANGRY, TRYING TO PLAY THE VICTIM...WHY?

BEHAVE RIGHT! IF HE WANTS ANYTHING GIVE HIM...BE SUBMISSIVE! COOK GOOD FOOD! MAKE HIM HAPPY!
......AND I PROMISE YOU EXCEPT HE IS MAD, HE WILL SING YOUR PRAISE TO ALL HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS.


at the DDeliverer,

Thank you for your contribution,I except response like this on this platform,I would never be pissed with your opinion because you are not living under the same room with us.I am a very loving wife that know my duty fully well in my husbands house,read between the lines and see where i quoted that i love my husband so very well,a point of correction based on your post i am not playing the role of a victim here not all i cant be writing all what has transpired between us on this platform as it might take days to finish the story,How will you feel if your wife keeps comparing you to her father and brother as at every little oppurtunity.A man that shares home monetary responsibilities with you on a basis of 50/50 and still tarnish your image between his friends and folks.just to mention few.and i still declare my love for him outrightly.Dear Ddeliverer all i want is a constructive opinion.Thank you for your opinion though

oyizaoyiza:
hello my fellow nairalanders,

My name is oyiza, I am from kogi state in nigeria, An event happened to me in the course of growing up as a child that is still ever fresh in my memory and something similar is happening in my marriage presently.

My dad was from kogi state kabba precisely, My mum is from idoma but she lived in lagos and understands yoruba to a fault. My mum is a primary school teacher, My dad was a civil servant in one of the ministries in lagos then.

As a young teenager i knew that my uncles and my aunties where always coming to our house to resolve issues between my dad and my mum ,My father was the one always telling his siblings about how USELESS and disobidient my mother was.

Eventually the issue of my dad letting his families into there marriage became a very BIG ISSUE as every one tagged my mother as the BAD WIFE.

It was a tug of war that lasted for years,Eventually my dad sisters came to our house and threw my mum loads out of the house.

My mum pleaded to come back into the suffering as my mum was always been beating in our presence frequently by my dad.

My mum left and my dads relative had oppurtunity to take over all what my dad and mum had built over the years. Eventually my dad became responsible for the payment of his siblings children school bill at the detriment of his childrens education.

*Me and my folks had to pick up sales girl and sales boy job to further our education with support from the tiny salary mummy was getting.

His business that was booming went into demurage ,he started begging from hand to mouth his sisters and brother abandonded him for that period,i was almost graduadting from school when this strange ailment came upon him, we took him from different hospital to another, Doctors took different tests but nothing was found in his body, we took him to three different churches and we were told that its a spiritual attack that was placed on him by one of his family members that asked for money from him but h
e didn't give.Fast

forwarded my Dad died 2months to my wedding day. My dad and mum had the best of marriage but trouble started when my dad was always labelling my mum as Evil to his siblings.The most painful thing is that all they laboured for got wiped away in there very eyes as my mum dare not talk where my aunties and uncles are simply because of the way my dad had spoken of her in there presence.

Hence i need help, I have been married for just 3yrs ,we have fought in our marriage but my husband had reported me to his friends and parents more than 3 times his friends call me to now find out what transpired between us.To me i feel so ridiculed as i sincerely hate people putting there mouth in my home affairs, except COUNSELLORS if need should be.

My husband had beaten me before without mentioning it to a single soul. But if its him he wont hesitate to feed his friend and siblings,The first time it happened we talked about it but it happened again 5 days ago,I love my Husband But i dont TRUST HIM AGAIN.I

felt Betrayed by my husband,i dont want what happened to my dad and mum to happen to me as this was the exact way there issues started way back then before it eventually resulted in divorce and then my father died mysteriously just two months to my day of joy.

Please no insult, Advise on how to resolve this is all i need.

*Note that i have been praying too*.constructive ideas,What are the consequences of Bringing Third parties into marriages, please share your experiences.

Joavid:
Offtopic. Oyizaoyiza, how come your dad is kabba and your mum is idoma but your name is Oyiza?

Oyiza is an ebira name.

Gloriagee:
Hi dear,

So sorry bout wat ure going through. Its horrible when the one thing uve dreaded all ur life appears to confront u. I don't advocate speaking to third parties, esp because the advise ure going to get will inevitably be flavoured by the third party's experiences. So, their advice is typically biased and from their perspective too.

The domestic violence is a no no for me. Why does he have to resort to violence...it's plain unacceptable and must be stopped immediately. Both of you need to see a marriage counsellor and fast too. Ur husband seems to recognise there are issues but the manner hes going bout reeks of immaturity cos he doesn't know half of what's going on in his friends' marriages behind closed doors.

n pls never under estimate the power of prayers. Cos it breaks my heart wen I see negative patterns repeated across family lines. U have to break the evil pattern that occurred in ur mum's life that now wants to destroy ur marriage. Cry unto God and ask Him to change ur story like Jabez did. He's still in the business of answering prayers. It is well!

Gloriagee:
Hi dear,

So sorry bout wat ure going through. Its horrible when the one thing uve dreaded all ur life appears to confront u. I don't advocate speaking to third parties, esp because the advise ure going to get will inevitably be flavoured by the third party's experiences. So, their advice is typically biased and from their perspective too.

The domestic violence is a no no for me. Why does he have to resort to violence...it's plain unacceptable and must be stopped immediately. Both of you need to see a marriage counsellor and fast too. Ur husband seems to recognise there are issues but the manner hes going bout reeks of immaturity cos he doesn't know half of what's going on in his friends' marriages behind closed doors.

n pls never under estimate the power of prayers. Cos it breaks my heart wen I see negative patterns repeated across family lines. U have to break the evil pattern that occurred in ur mum's life that now wants to destroy ur marriage. Cry unto God and ask Him to change ur story like Jabez did. He's still in the business of answering prayers. It is well!

Gloriagee:
Hi dear,

So sorry bout wat ure going through. Its horrible when the one thing uve dreaded all ur life appears to confront u. I don't advocate speaking to third parties, esp because the advise ure going to get will inevitably be flavoured by the third party's experiences. So, their advice is typically biased and from their perspective too.

The domestic violence is a no no for me. Why does he have to resort to violence...it's plain unacceptable and must be stopped immediately. Both of you need to see a marriage counsellor and fast too. Ur husband seems to recognise there are issues but the manner hes going bout reeks of immaturity cos he doesn't know half of what's going on in his friends' marriages behind closed doors.

n pls never under estimate the power of prayers. Cos it breaks my heart wen I see negative patterns repeated across family lines. U have to break the evil pattern that occurred in ur mum's life that now wants to destroy ur marriage. Cry unto God and ask Him to change ur story like Jabez did. He's still in the business of answering prayers. It is well!

Excellentmind:
You need to examine yourself properly and discover that area of your life where you always get wrong without noticing it.

Based on the picture you painted about your parents marital affairs, you feel that your mum was not treated fairly, and that has left you with a cry for vengeance which you display sometimes without knowing it. This off course, will infuriate your husband after examining himself and finding nothing that warrants such behaviour.
Nice one, my dear. This sounds very much like the situation playing out there!