The Acts of King Mumu son of Hari Chapter 1: 1-24

1. In those days, She-cow and his gang of brigands ravaged the land, and they took daughters as captives from the temple of learning.

2. The people cried unto King Jonah the able son of Locki, saying “Bring back our daughters and slay She-cow for he torments us!”

3. Whereupon the Almajirites from the land of Norte conspired with their devotees from the land of Yoruga to oust Jonah the Able Son of Locki from power.

4. Thus did they address the people saying, “Johah Son of Locki cannot protect you from She-cow and cannot bring back your daughters, but Mumu the cattle rearer, son of Hari will.”

5. And there arose the zealot, Mumu the son of Hari, frail by age, and wrinkled by pain and anger. And he and the people with him took an oath and made a covenant with the people, saying “In 100 days, we will rout She-cow and his gang of terrorists from the land. I will feed your little sons and daughters in our various temples of learning, and make the mighty Dollar same in value as a single Naira! And your able men, I shall give jobs in our orchards, and ten thousand silver coins to those without work. O, good people make me king over you instead of Jonah, and I shall do all these and more.”

6. And these were the men who stood by him, when he thus addressed the people: Oshi son of Gbanjo, Atif son of Tifku, Tifni son Nubu, Sara son of Raki, Ob son of Jeh (these men wined and dined with Jonah the Able son of Locki, and several kings before him).

7. Thereupon, the people made Mumu the son of Hari, frail by age, and wrinkled by pain and anger, King over them.

8. On the twenty-ninth day, in the fifth month, two thousand and fifteen years after the death of our Lord, Mumu the son of Hari, frail by age, and wrinkled by pain and anger, began his reign.

9. And King Mumu the son of Hari journeyed to the land of Germania, and upon return called them West Germania, and he forgot also the names of the house which made him king, for his memory often fail him.

10. Thereupon, he journeyed to the United World, without a scribe, to consult with Emperor Omanman son of Balak, the promoter of pervert men, to request for weapons to fight She-cow.

11. But Omanman son of Balak, would not give him weapons, unless he allowed perverted men, openly practice their perversion in his land.

12. And when King Mumu the son of Hari, frail by age, and wrinkled by pain and anger, saw what was before him, he declared to the people “Lo, I am aged, there is limit to what I can do. O people, why didn’t you make me king over you earlier? I shall favour those who helped me.”

13. Then the people ask King Mumu to appoint men from among them who will help him reign as he’s frail and aged.

14. But King Mumu the son of Hari would not budge, for he found none worthy except himself, and those from his household. He said to the people, “I shall appoint them, in the fullness of time.”

15. Thereupon arose from his among his praise singers, a certain liar, Liar son of Momed. He visited King Mumu the son of Hari in the dead of the night and thus addressed him:

16. “O great and mighty King, thou art stronger than Samson, may you live longer than Methuselah son of Enoch and, may you crush all your enemies like Utman Dan Fodio your great grandfather.”

17. “O wise King, do not tell the people you are old and wrinkled and unfit for the job, for I shall tell them that your sneeze can cure their sick, your cough shall defeat She-cow and his army of terrorists, and your body language will fix the land and make crops grow.”

18. “O good king, even when thou shall tremble, I shall tell the people it is the earth that trembles at thy sight, not thy mighty self. And I shall blame all the ills of our land on our last King, Jonah the Able son of Locki, and the good shall be thy doings.”

19. And when Mumu the son of Hari, has been King over the people for hundred days, he addressed the people, and said unto them, “I did not go into covenant with you, neither did I promise to do anything in hundred days. Though I have appointed my friends, family and loyalists into power, it is within my power and my right as King over you.”

20. And the liar, Liar son of Momed addressed the people saying, “Lo good people, our great King Mumu the son of Hari body language has improved our power; his body language has improved our relationship with neighbors. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad O good people for surely, King Mumu son of Hari’s body language will bring food to our table, oil for our lamps, and fix our road, and defeat all our enemies.”

21. The people murmured, but could not speak out in shame for they have made Mumu son of Hari, King over them instead of Jonah the Able, son of Locki.

22. And She-cow continued to ravage the land, and hold captives. The great dollar continues to oppress the Naira and able sons of the land continue to lose their job, and not a single shilling is paid to any.

23. The people continue to murmur. And the liar, Liar son of Momed, continued to tell the people that the trembling King Mumu the son of Hari's body, is the solution to their woes.

24. And from across the big rivers, there arose another zealot, Nnam the bright, son of Dalu, and he addressed King Mumu the son of Hari thus, “Let my people go!”


Prequel
https://www.nairaland.com/2174898/tribulation-jonah-chapter-one-verses


Similarities of the characters with anyone dead or living is NOT deliberate!

Am I supposed to read all that?

Funny pointB

honeygirl17:
Am I supposed to read all that?

Apparently, it wasn't made for your kind.

This is how madness starts,no wonder the many mad men roaming about today are mostly"young men".

Femi Fani Kayode after stealing some millions of naira as a minister,cornered some millions as the PDP campaign spokes man,slept with his mother,disowned his children,used all kinds of hard drugs suddenly realised that Nigeria is built on a satanic foundation.

You like FFK need to see the shrink.

ASAP too

This is grand, I've been laughing my hearts out reading it

Lalasticlala plz move this to fp for comic relief

ret@rd of this unprovoked attack on a sitting president makes the FP that means Nairaland has been compromised
you can write all the epistle you want. that man remains your president till 2019

ECOTERRORS:
This is grand, I've been laughing my hearts out reading it

Hehehehe,

Thanks dear

na toto you wan use Bribe am make he carry am reach FP ??

ECOTERRORS:
Lalasticlala plz move this to fp for comic relief

Jaideyone:
ret@rd of this unprovoked attack on a sitting president makes the FP that means Nairaland has been compromised
you can write all the epistle you want. that man remains your president till 2019

I am an artist; I draw words!

PointB:

I am an artist; I draw words!

you have PhD in wailionogy
keep wailing and if Buhari wins again in 2019 you'll be a professor

Jaideyone:
you have PhD in wailionogy

keep wailing and if Buhari wins again in 2019 you'll be a professor

Ok, you've been noticed.

Now make way for far more intelligible inputs.

PointB:



Ok, you've been noticed.

Now make way for far more intelligible inputs.

intelligent inputs on phoolish thread. keep waiting

PointB always on Point.

This made my day, I have not read such creative write up in Nairaland in a very long time.

Thanks PointB for bringing this to light.

Jaideyone:
ret@rd of this unprovoked attack on a sitting president makes the FP that means Nairaland has been compromised
you can write all the epistle you want. that man remains your president till 2019

OK but only a deaf and dumb vulture follows the carcass to the grave.

Whao! What a nice one from PointB. My respect

kettykings:
This made my day, I have not read such creative write up in Nairaland in a very long time.

Thanks PointB for bringing this to light.

You are always welcome brother.

Jaideyone:
intelligent inputs on phoolish thread. keep waiting

And you keep coming to a 'phoolish thread', what does that say about you?

OMG i have got tears in my eye from reading this .
Point B it seems you are trying to get me shipped to yaba left .
See how people were peeping at me laughing in my office but did not have the courage to ask why.
Please be careful and put a disclaimer:
"This Write Up should be read in a place of work or business AT GREAT RISK to the reader , as massive and uncontrollable bouts of laughter may occur".

EMANY01:
OMG i have got tears in my eye from reading this .
Point B it seems you are trying to get me shipped to yaba left .
See how people were peeping at me laughing in my office but did not have the courage to ask why.
Please be careful and put a disclaimer:
"This Write Up should be read in a place of work or business AT GREAT RISK to the reader , as massive and uncontrollable bouts of laughter may occur".

Hehehehe,
Sorry if I put in you trouble, I didn't think it was that funny. I've added "Readers Discretion Is Advised."

My people food is ready

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hehehehe.point nwanne

Hmmm......funny write up that actually made me laugh but you remain a wailer. Wait till 2019

Yeske2:
Hmmm......funny write up that actually made me laugh but you remain a wailer. Wait till 2019

Hehehehe, I proudly accept to be a wailer; I rather wail than masturbate on top of lies.

i always tell my people come to nairaland n ur sorrows will be over. Pointb u r so so so on point.

This write up is not in any way funny & can lead to aggression & violence.

This is damn hilarious!!! A well composed comic story that truly depicts the unfortunate story of Buhari's emergence in aso rock!!

Zoharariel:
This write up is not in any way funny & can lead to aggression & violence.

Violence as in what? When you were insulting GEJ you thought it was fun abi? Bring in it on mofo!!! You will soon find out that no one has a monopoly over violence

Zoharariel:
This write up is not in any way funny & can lead to aggression & violence.

To the violent, are things are violent!