Cavenchy:
The problem is not being in a long courtship, the issue is how well they get to know each other within the time frame of the relationship before marriage. Getting to know another human being entirely is a life long experience that can never be fully accomplished, our experiences in life shape us along the way and our priorities change after certain periods of time. I'lld rather contend that the bone-of-contention here shouldn't be the length(quantity) of the relationship, rather the richness(quality) of their experiences together in the relationship.

Haven't you met people who you've only known for a month and you feel like you've known them a lifetime? Haven't you seen relationships that last 8 years and the couples had only seen each other perhaps 4 times a year due to long distance or career situations?

I'll leave with this example. (more like a cliché):
Even though the titanic movie was based on a scripted page inspired by a tragic event, most people think Jack and Rose would have made a perfect couple in a life-long marriage. Well interestingly, they both didn't date that long on the ship, but the quality of what they went through together would serve them a lifetime.

So bottom line: If the value (quality) of your experiences together in a relationship don't look like one that would last a lifetime after a considerable amount of time, focusing entirely on extending the length (quantity) of the relationship would be less likely to improve the quality.

on point comment

Toks2008:


Im sorry to point this out but with due respect,this your comment is one hell of a slutty one.

The fact that a woman is labelled a 'slut' when she goes into long term dating, but the man is the hero?

What makes it slutty?

And please endeavour to use your brain in replying this time around.

Godsonkemz:
You made a very good point for those who would listen. But i want to correct an impression. The paramount role of courtship cannot be overemphasised in a relationship. It gives you the opportunity to know ur partner's attitude, character, values and lifestyle. Otherwise how would you know if ur patner is a chain smoker or alcohol addict without courting along. Marriage is a lifetime union and any mistake can ruin ones entire life or shorten ones lifespan. Thats why one needs to carefully carryout a thorough background check to avert making a lifetime mistake. That's when courtship comes in. Courtship doesnt necessarily mean having a carnal knowledge of each other but in my own understanding, sex enhances relationship and builds affection and at the same time could ruin ones relationship when its been abused. It depends on the individual. Courtship can last up to 2 years or more years.

where is the topic discussed in the post?
OP sef

Long term courtship is always a bad idea. One year max!

No ring, Move on

I kinda get some of the message OP is trying to pass, but may be the topic could have been re-worded based on the fact that most of his points revolve around premarital s.ex.

Personally, in my right state of mind, I wouldn't meet a girl and marry her overnight. If courtship is that terrible, do we know how many miserable and unhappy married men and women will be walking everywhere today? Do we know how many folks will divorce eachother the next day or week after their marriage? I can guarantee the rate of adultery will be multiplied in several folds. The possibilities are endless.

Sometimes it could take a lifetime to know who your partner really is and if both of you click at all. Someone once told me it could take you actually living with someone to know them more than what you see on the surface from just dating them, and I agreed. How else would you know if you want to 'forever' be with someone if you don't take time to experience the act of living with them while you were just dating ? Not spending that time to know eachother before going further is complete nonsense to me.

Back to comments on premarital s.ex. I definitely know that s.ex is important to both involved. Is there any man that wants to end up with a wife so disgusting in bed? Are there women like that? Yes. Is there any man that wants to end up with a woman with stinking ....? Are there women like that? Yes. Is there any woman that wants to spend the rest of her life with a man that can't last more than 30 seconds in bed? Are there men like that? Yes, minute men exist. Is there any woman that wants to stay married to a man that can't even get an e.rection? Are there men like that? Yes. So, I personally believe in digging for facts before getting in so deep. How else can you find the facts out if courting is as terrible as portrayed in this writeup?

How long it takes to study eachother will depend on several factors, but I'm sure only desperate folks won't dedicate time to study whoever they are expected to spend the rest of their lives with and just jump straight into what can turn out to be a life of misery.

You ladies re wicked . After asking the man to give you the thing by screaming harder harder and harder. The foolish man in trying to impress you keep obeying you like mumu until he is dried up like kpanla. Despite that, he ends up spending his hard earned money and in the long run , you will say he dumped you. Didn't both of you enjoy the sex. All men should learn how to masturbate and bone their toto let's see if it doesn't age with white hairs all over like abandoned farm land. Anyways I ve just imported artificial toto from china is very cheap and it will save you all the stress especialy ur hard earned money. No one is dumped

Youngpo413:
so you have pity for ladies abi?you a are a big learner,as for me,I don't pity any lady,what ever happens to a lady,I always believe they deserves it,infact if I see any means,I will add more pains to their injuries....b!tches.

ODE...shameless he goat...no offence at all...am just thinking aloud

Met my wife in my final year in the uni and we only dated for 2months b4 we got married. Believe me, I count my marriage with her as a blessing to me...despite the fact that we barely knew each other but still we are happy with our decision today..19th of September marks my 6yrs wedding anniversary with my wife..I am blessed with 2 handsome boys...Lesson: dont have to date a guy or girl for 20yrs before you undertsand if he or she is your wife or husband

The worst thing some ladies in bad relationship says or think is that, he will change one day, maybe when we get married, maybe when we have kid's, maybe when he gets a good job. Always finding an excuse for the man.


My friend if you are in a bad relationship or you man is physically or mentally abusive, or he is a regular cheat nothing will change that. Going to your pastor's for prayers or all night prayers won't change the situation.


Wake up find someone you compartable with, who respect you and live your life, remember to love yourself first before thinking of loving any man .


Conji na bastard

Wise sayings, thumbs up jare

charlesazeh:
Met my wife in my final year in the uni and we only dated for 2months b4 we got married. Believe me, I count my marriage with her as a blessing to me...despite the fact that we barely knew each other but still we are happy with our decision today..19th of September marks my 6yrs wedding anniversary with my wife..I am blessed with 2 handsome boys...Lesson: dont have to date a guy or girl for 20yrs before you undertsand if he or she is your wife or husband

Congrats bro. Glad yours worked out fine.

ladyF:
Interesting....let's hope ladies will learn to move on when they see that the relationship isn't heading anywhere instead of hoping for change.

Its [size=20pt]LadyF[/size] again

It's not all relationships that will lead to marriage.Just keep the fun going.

MzNelly:
I was expecting to see concrete points

All I saw was "He will sleep with you and get tired" "He will sleep with you and get tired"
Can't she sleep with him and get tired too?

He even called a woman who engages in such a "slut."

Smh.

Yup. I thought I was the only one thinking about the contents and why it's all about sleeping with someone.

Thanks bro...its good to Mary someone that loves you so when you see the love your partners brings to you then you can never resist it but must learn to love in return ...

SmartMugu:

Congrats bro. Glad yours worked out fine.

Toks2008:


So this is a good ground for prolong courtship abi? Tarrr

It doesn't have to be prolonged. Some folks can actually spend minutes, hours or just a few days to figure out what a person is all about. Psychology.

INTROVERT:
very good....








shout out to all the mature ladies courting for 6years and above and still counting...

Won't be surprise if ur 1 of em

Toks2008:
When a man shows interest in a lady and tells her that he would love to know her better,most times in his heart this is exactly what he is saying: "Hi lady, can i get to have a taste of your goody-bag and have the feel of your body to know if you are good enough in bed and decide if i should keep you for long or dump your ass in a jiffy because i don't really care whether we end up together or not".

I honestly don't believe in dating and even as courtship sounds more reasonable,it is still not really necessary and i will try to list logical reasons why ladies should avoid this lie from the pits of hell called dating or courtship and i hope you learn a great deal from this.


1. A man usually knows if there is a huge possibility of marrying you or just want to use you to pass time the very first day he sets his eyes on you and a man who is really interested in a purposeful affair with you will give you the sign almost immediately with the body language except you refuse to be vigilant.

2. Many Men use dating and courtship as a means of exploring you sexually and probably after he realizes that your bosoms are not as firm as he wants them to be or your sex performance is below what he wants or after he has really used you to his satisfaction then he tells you it can't work out because his mum does not want him to marry from your tribe or just brings up any lame excuse and decides to walk away to get another lady to "date"

3. An Angel can turn to a demon: Many people have argued that dating period is a period where you will know the type of person you have but this assertion is very funny because a good person can turn terrible and most times even if the person seems bad many ladies will still go on and marry him with the hope of changing him.

4.Dating and courtship is a disguised miniature marriage because in many cases when a guy starts dating or courting you,you will be doing some stuffs that wives do and i keep wondering why they still see the union as dating or courting when he is practically having all the benefits he should get from a wife hence the need to continue dating and courting and dating and.. until you suddenly realized you have spent your honey years married unofficially to a man who will probably dump you to marry another lady still in the name of dating.

5.A thousand years of courtship is no guaranty that you will know the man and until you two stay under the same roof as man and wife,you will never come closer to knowing who he really is so why waste your years dating and courting.

6.Most of the marriages of our parents are great examples as most of our parents hardly knew each other before getting married yet many of them had a lasting and loving union but these days despite the celebrated dating and courting culture,many marriages hit the rock.

7.A good union is not hinged on the number of years both of you spend sleeping with each other in the name of dating or courtship but its in learning to love whoever you choose to marry and making up your mind to be with him against all odds.

8. I believe that for a man to ever propose an affair to you then he must have found you good enough to have to himself and for a decent lady to agree to an affair with a man then she is definitely ready to be with the man except she is a slut so why waste time fooling around with each other all in the name of getting to sleep with each other in the name of dating and courtship?

9. A sexless date or courtship is the ideal form of courting where both of you try to know just a peripheral detail about yourselves hence once sex comes in then its no longer dating but unofficial marital union.

10.The responsible and matured guys at heart knows the type of woman they want and do not get involved in baseless dating but simply go for the lady of their choice and marry her.

If you are not ready to marry a lady,don't make advances towards her just to waste her years sampling her and if you are a lady,stop fooling yourself thinking you are dating him whereas you are just giving him your body to be used and probably dumped and understand that dating and courtship are just facade from the pits of hell aimed at destroying the lives of ladies by becoming single unmarried mothers,losing their lives through abortions and many have contracted deadly diseases all in the name of dating.

Lets face it,a year of sexless courtship should be enough and one year is not too much to deprive yourself of sex in order to know that guy better and if a man does not start the process of marrying you within a year then it means you are either dating a small boy for the sake of having sex or you are probably with a man who is not sure he wants you.

I know that all the sermons in the world will not bring sanity to the facade of dating and courtship and if any lady sees this piece and shoves it aside,my advice to such is to continue to serve herself on the alter of sexual ecstasy for as many guys as possible in the name of baseless dating or courtship

My humble opinion and

You must be a fa..g...

AgbenuAnna:
here to read comment,and see people's opinion

same as you jare

Omotayor123:

Guys should Emulate that! But pity the trend this days is chop and clean mouth.

And the ladies, what/who should they emulate?

Fact is dating is a big market for many ladies. Not all dating ladies are ready for marriage just yet.

Some girls NEED multiple-dating to finance their high taste: various guys & sugardaddies for school fees, rent, feeding/maintenance, luxury phones, designer clothes etc.

Some ladies feel they are using men to achieve certain things and are simply not victims.

SmartMugu:

Yup. I thought I was the only one thinking about the contents and why it's all about sleeping with someone.

I liked your comment BTW.

Forever is a long time to be unhappy.

And you can never completely know someone, so....

You can click with someone you've known in 2 seconds more than a person you've known your whole life and vice versa.

Short courting is cool. Has its pros and cons.
Long courting is cool. Has its pros and cons.

The disavdantages of Long courting in the OP was really short sighted tho.

I identify with some points, but the rest.... No way.

Okay, lemme stop here, `fore he calls me a slut again.

ladyF:
Interesting....let's hope ladies will learn to move on when they see that the relationship isn't heading anywhere instead of hoping for change.

Its [size=20pt]LadyF[/size] again

You don marry or you won waste all your time on nairaland?

Jhenny:
d first,second posters above. Which network una dey use. You guys submitted at d same time as d op. D hustle is real

You're here to be the first to comment or you're here to learn?

MzNelly:


I liked your comment BTW.

Forever is a long time to be unhappy.

And you can never completely know someone, so....

Yes you are right. You can't completely know someone. Getting stuck with a complete stranger is worse. So, why not spend that time learning what the other person is about? The experience could help anyone decide if it's worth it or not.

SmartMugu:

Yes you are right. You can't completely know someone. Getting stuck with a complete stranger is worse. So, why not spend that time learning what the other person is about? The experience could help anyone decide if it's worth it or not.

Your moniker

Your comment

The irony

MzNelly:


Your moniker

Your comment

The irony

Sorry? Moniker? What's that

Ops i can see that you want to answer every different point of view making it seem like you have all the answer to courtship, relationship and how it is suppose to go down. First of all as a man or a woman you have to define what type of relationship you are seeking from a person . Some people just want to learn about the opposite sex, who tells you that whoever dates you must marry you. How do you know if you are compatible with the opposite sex. Who tells you that every person whether man or woman straight out wants to go to the altar. Dont make it seem that dating and learning of the opposite sex is not beneficial because we all learn from each other
If you dont believe in dating that is fine with you and people like you are the once that meet these monsters who beat and abuse women because they were swept off thier feet by the word i want to marry you.

Toks2008:
When a man shows interest in a lady and tells her that he would love to know her better,most times in his heart this is exactly what he is saying: "Hi lady, can i get to have a taste of your goody-bag and have the feel of your body to know if you are good enough in bed and decide if i should keep you for long or dump your ass in a jiffy because i don't really care whether we end up together or not".

I honestly don't believe in dating and even as courtship sounds more reasonable,it is still not really necessary and i will try to list logical reasons why ladies should avoid this lie from the pits of hell called dating or courtship and i hope you learn a great deal from this.


1. A man usually knows if there is a huge possibility of marrying you or just want to use you to pass time the very first day he sets his eyes on you and a man who is really interested in a purposeful affair with you will give you the sign almost immediately with the body language except you refuse to be vigilant.

2. Many Men use dating and courtship as a means of exploring you sexually and probably after he realizes that your bosoms are not as firm as he wants them to be or your sex performance is below what he wants or after he has really used you to his satisfaction then he tells you it can't work out because his mum does not want him to marry from your tribe or just brings up any lame excuse and decides to walk away to get another lady to "date"

3. An Angel can turn to a demon: Many people have argued that dating period is a period where you will know the type of person you have but this assertion is very funny because a good person can turn terrible and most times even if the person seems bad many ladies will still go on and marry him with the hope of changing him.

4.Dating and courtship is a disguised miniature marriage because in many cases when a guy starts dating or courting you,you will be doing some stuffs that wives do and i keep wondering why they still see the union as dating or courting when he is practically having all the benefits he should get from a wife hence the need to continue dating and courting and dating and.. until you suddenly realized you have spent your honey years married unofficially to a man who will probably dump you to marry another lady still in the name of dating.

5.A thousand years of courtship is no guaranty that you will know the man and until you two stay under the same roof as man and wife,you will never come closer to knowing who he really is so why waste your years dating and courting.

6.Most of the marriages of our parents are great examples as most of our parents hardly knew each other before getting married yet many of them had a lasting and loving union but these days despite the celebrated dating and courting culture,many marriages hit the rock.

7.A good union is not hinged on the number of years both of you spend sleeping with each other in the name of dating or courtship but its in learning to love whoever you choose to marry and making up your mind to be with him against all odds.

8. I believe that for a man to ever propose an affair to you then he must have found you good enough to have to himself and for a decent lady to agree to an affair with a man then she is definitely ready to be with the man except she is a slut so why waste time fooling around with each other all in the name of getting to sleep with each other in the name of dating and courtship?

9. A sexless date or courtship is the ideal form of courting where both of you try to know just a peripheral detail about yourselves hence once sex comes in then its no longer dating but unofficial marital union.

10.The responsible and matured guys at heart knows the type of woman they want and do not get involved in baseless dating but simply go for the lady of their choice and marry her.

If you are not ready to marry a lady,don't make advances towards her just to waste her years sampling her and if you are a lady,stop fooling yourself thinking you are dating him whereas you are just giving him your body to be used and probably dumped and understand that dating and courtship are just facade from the pits of hell aimed at destroying the lives of ladies by becoming single unmarried mothers,losing their lives through abortions and many have contracted deadly diseases all in the name of dating.

Lets face it,a year of sexless courtship should be enough and one year is not too much to deprive yourself of sex in order to know that guy better and if a man does not start the process of marrying you within a year then it means you are either dating a small boy for the sake of having sex or you are probably with a man who is not sure he wants you.

I know that all the sermons in the world will not bring sanity to the facade of dating and courtship and if any lady sees this piece and shoves it aside,my advice to such is to continue to serve herself on the alter of sexual ecstasy for as many guys as possible in the name of baseless dating or courtship

My humble opinion and i hope this helps.

Hahaha

This is the sort of mentality that leaves many girls heart broken, single and eventually extremely desperate!

Entering every relationship with hopes of marriage is very silly. Nigerians just take this marriage thing way too far. And the write up makes it look like men are the enemy.

Majority of ladies keep several backup guys on speedial. They tell so many lies and manipulate guys just to force someone, anyone to marry them. As if marriage is the end of the world.

Ladies better stop this stupidty. Stop assuming every guy u meet must marry u. Marriage is not a chore and there are many reasons why guys eventually refuse to marry gfs. Trust me, if a guy turns u down, most times its because u really are not marriage material. Maybe good in sex and take care of d the house. But what men look out for is a life partner, not a housemaid

ladyF:
Interesting....let's hope ladies will learn to move on when they see that the relationship isn't heading anywhere instead of hoping for change.

Its [size=20pt]LadyF[/size] again

BUSTED!!! U r a guy and ur comment jst said it.

Toks2008:
When a man shows interest in a lady and tells her that he would love to know her better,most times in his heart this is exactly what he is saying: "Hi lady, can i get to have a taste of your goody-bag and have the feel of your body to know if you are good enough in bed and decide if i should keep you for long or dump your ass in a jiffy because i don't really care whether we end up together or not".

I honestly don't believe in dating and even as courtship sounds more reasonable,it is still not really necessary and i will try to list logical reasons why ladies should avoid this lie from the pits of hell called dating or courtship and i hope you learn a great deal from this.


1. A man usually knows if there is a huge possibility of marrying you or just want to use you to pass time the very first day he sets his eyes on you and a man who is really interested in a purposeful affair with you will give you the sign almost immediately with the body language except you refuse to be vigilant.

2. Many Men use dating and courtship as a means of exploring you sexually and probably after he realizes that your bosoms are not as firm as he wants them to be or your sex performance is below what he wants or after he has really used you to his satisfaction then he tells you it can't work out because his mum does not want him to marry from your tribe or just brings up any lame excuse and decides to walk away to get another lady to "date"

3. An Angel can turn to a demon: Many people have argued that dating period is a period where you will know the type of person you have but this assertion is very funny because a good person can turn terrible and most times even if the person seems bad many ladies will still go on and marry him with the hope of changing him.

4.Dating and courtship is a disguised miniature marriage because in many cases when a guy starts dating or courting you,you will be doing some stuffs that wives do and i keep wondering why they still see the union as dating or courting when he is practically having all the benefits he should get from a wife hence the need to continue dating and courting and dating and.. until you suddenly realized you have spent your honey years married unofficially to a man who will probably dump you to marry another lady still in the name of dating.

5.A thousand years of courtship is no guaranty that you will know the man and until you two stay under the same roof as man and wife,you will never come closer to knowing who he really is so why waste your years dating and courting.

6.Most of the marriages of our parents are great examples as most of our parents hardly knew each other before getting married yet many of them had a lasting and loving union but these days despite the celebrated dating and courting culture,many marriages hit the rock.

7.A good union is not hinged on the number of years both of you spend sleeping with each other in the name of dating or courtship but its in learning to love whoever you choose to marry and making up your mind to be with him against all odds.

8. I believe that for a man to ever propose an affair to you then he must have found you good enough to have to himself and for a decent lady to agree to an affair with a man then she is definitely ready to be with the man except she is a slut so why waste time fooling around with each other all in the name of getting to sleep with each other in the name of dating and courtship?

9. A sexless date or courtship is the ideal form of courting where both of you try to know just a peripheral detail about yourselves hence once sex comes in then its no longer dating but unofficial marital union.

10.The responsible and matured guys at heart knows the type of woman they want and do not get involved in baseless dating but simply go for the lady of their choice and marry her.

If you are not ready to marry a lady,don't make advances towards her just to waste her years sampling her and if you are a lady,stop fooling yourself thinking you are dating him whereas you are just giving him your body to be used and probably dumped and understand that dating and courtship are just facade from the pits of hell aimed at destroying the lives of ladies by becoming single unmarried mothers,losing their lives through abortions and many have contracted deadly diseases all in the name of dating.

Lets face it,a year of sexless courtship should be enough and one year is not too much to deprive yourself of sex in order to know that guy better and if a man does not start the process of marrying you within a year then it means you are either dating a small boy for the sake of having sex or you are probably with a man who is not sure he wants you.

I know that all the sermons in the world will not bring sanity to the facade of dating and courtship and if any lady sees this piece and shoves it aside,my advice to such is to continue to serve herself on the alter of sexual ecstasy for as many guys as possible in the name of baseless dating or courtship

My humble opinion and i hope this helps.

are you done ?