Squig:
Did you have doubts about your spouse before your wedding?

Did you meet someone amazing and you wanted him but decided to go ahead and marry your spouse?

How do you feel about the marriage now? Do you feel you did the right thing?

I'm in my mid 20s and I'm getting married next month, we've been together for almost 5years. He is the love of my life and I've never doubted my love for him or the fact that I wanted a family with him. He's got everything I want in a man.

The problem is we started having issues about 6 months ago, we stopped talking like before and we are completely disconnected now especially on my end but we're still going ahead with the marriage plan and I still want to marry him.

I met another guy I am really attracted to and we've been talking about a lot. He knows I am having issues with my man and I can't tell him we are planning to get married.

I'm having doubts about my man now, I'm confused, I feel I'll be happier with this new guy, I'm thinking it's lust but it's getting more complicated. Should I go on with the wedding?

Feel free to talk sense into my head, I need to hear hard truths.

A relative of mine had this same premonition few months to her wedding but she ignored it and went ahead with the wedding. Today the marriage has fallen apart.

I remember how much I raised my voice like a weeping prophet before the wedding because of some dreadful signs. No one listened.

OP, you may want to postpone the wedding. Also speak with a counsellor as well as someone who can hear GOD clearly. Some steps of faith can be disastrous!

The shame of cancelling a wedding cannot be likened to the myriad of pains you face when a marriage collapses.

Homguy:
you are getting married yet spending a lot of time with someone else, hoes ! They just can't hide. No wonder there is a communication gap. Please leave your fiance for a better woman. These days I just HIT n RUN, I wonder if attitudes like this I read about would ever make me settle down. The poor guy no go know sey someone else dey smooch hin wife to be

E sure me die say dem don dey sex each other & na the babe dey initiate am everytime

Have you opened your legs to the new guy? If yes then cancel the wedding straight away. Your fiance of 5yrs deserves a better woman and not just

Where is your honour?

Truckpusher:
The highlighted is an insult to Nigerian guys.
Are the so-called Nigerian girls in anyway better and trustworthy?
We live in this same country ,so stop trying to paint Nigerian guys like they are some kind of demons and the ladies angels with no blemishes. Face the topic.

Chai, Truckpusher don vex.

@topic, I'm not a prophet but I see this lady at a crossroad. Going ahead with the already planned wedding may result in cheating on her part 'cos she will easily pick quarrels with her husband so please postpone for awhile. Abandoning the marriage and going for the new man will surely end in disaster 'cos the new man will later find out the betrayal of planning a wedding at his back. He will surely dump you. Sorry Miss, this is what you get when you decide to cheat instead of settling your differences with your man. No relationship is a bed of roses, you can't get 100% in a man.

My advice to you is what my dad told my cousin sister who had many suitors. He told him that "the first man is most likely your man" 'cos he has seen all in you and yet has stayed all these while.

queenfav:
Its very simple..You are not ready for marriage yet.Being with a guy for 100 years doesn't make you emotionally mature enough to handle the commitment of marriage.This is why I tell my friends I am not ready for marriage now.In your mid 20's you are still stuck up on the mills and boons inspired romantic fantasies of a 'perfect' man somewhere.My advice,call off the wedding.Anyways,I blame bellanaija weddings for making it look like getting married is all about the proposal drama,cute engagement ring and lavish wedding ceremony.Its not my dear..I am single but I can tell you authoritatively that marriage isn't as easy as its cracked up to be.It takes work,a total decision to stick with your partner and guidance from God.just face it,have you asked yourself why you even accepted his proposal?Is it because you have dated for 5 years and its only natural to get married?Or maybe because he is ripe for marriage ie has a job,his own apartment and the whole nine.Personally I don't think you even know the meaning of commitment.Its sticking to a person,through great and not so great times..Be honest,you stopped loving your fiance a very long time ago.If not,chance no go dey to even meet the new guy.I am in a relationship,and I keep just platonic male frnds that I discuss my career with.No time to waste in smiling over a guy saying 'good morning beautiful' and other sweet rubbish to me.Not when I have a committed relationship relationship.You created the allowance in your heart to fall for the new guy.Biko,I repeat you are not ready for marriage.I see you to be a lady who wants fun,experience and the thrill of being with other guys.Please do that if it would hit you with a healthy dose of reality.All this advice will not sink in cos deep down you want to be with the new guy.Even your fiance is tired too..a man that can go a week ..then 3 months without calling you simply doesn't love you!!!That's a fact.Just do what would make you happy.That's what counts.Sometimes you'll win,sometimes you'll lose.But more importantly you'll learn!

I like your advice, very realistic..

dad007:
Please,I beg you,dont marry that fiancé of yours,leave him for this new guy.Yes! because you dont love him anymore and for this reason,you are going to make life a living hell for him if both of you become husband and wife.In every marriage,there are problems,and one of it,is communication.It always resolve and more experience achieved.So please,it has got nothing to do with communication but you and that nikopu{new guy} I wish you the best

are u sure you are not the new guy

Tashaamania:

The nonentity might turn out to be Mr. right. I'm just saying..
She shouldn't ignore any signs. Staying with someone for five years isn't a guarantee just as knowing someone couple of months back isn't. Anyone can pretend for any length of time.

OP weigh both options. if need be, take time off the wedding planning, postpone and figure out what you really want. Marriage no be beans especially when you're going into it with doubts, that's alot of pending trouble.

So you mean if the old guy could pretend for five years, the new guy cannot pretend for the two months?



Your advice is lopsided, emotional and frail. You fail to realize that the girl did not have real love for the purported fiance. Remember what the old man said? "Someone who loves you will always have a single reason to stay when the world sees a thousand reason to walk away."




For me, I'll advise that the girl cancels the marriage plan since she has no real love for the guy so that the "fiance" finds the girl that truly loves him.

Bootylicious:
House maids urgently needed in Oman, visa,ticket,accommodation,feeding,transportation, medical insurance provided by company. Consultancy charges upon sighting of visa 2B16E202

Are you by any chance referring to the OP?

prettyboi1989:
dee hoes aint loyal, it aint bout ow much u bn fvcking dem or ow much u been spending on dem. its just dis loose nut in their skull dat makes dem loose their mind all of a sudden n den hook up with someother guy. mehn fvck dat b3tch

#Fact on Marble#

raumdeuter:
Marry both of them

Lol. I concur.

It's either she marries the both of them, or just ditch the both of them, go find herself and start all over.I actually feel sorry for the guy trying to marry her cos he doesn't know the mess he's getting himself in, with a next-man/third-party involved now emotionally. If and when they get married and there's any problem (which will most likely be the case like it's in every relationship/marriage) - she'll always run back to the other guy.

That's the problem with a lot of these chics - they all have the mental capacity/concentration of a toddler and the smallest things can make them start developing unnecessary emotional attachments. Three months break isn't a long time, especially when you know you're getting back together. You don't need a next man during that period - just focus on ya life, do soul searching on things in ya life/relationship you need to work on, and socialise with friends and family. However, these chics are always looking everywhere for guys to tell them things they want to hear cos they believe they're perfect and never wrong, and whoever doesn't agree with them, doesn't appreciate them. Now after investing five whooping years in a relationship - she's stuck between someone who really cares about her and some any guy who was able to observe her weakness and sold her a dream by telling her things she wants to hear. Darn! A lot of chics are stupid.

This story is reminiscent of what my boy told me about his ex. They had a break for a month and when they got back together, ol'girl must have told him that while they were on break - she started talking to her ex again. One day during their convos they started talking about MouthAction, and boom she went to his house to try it out. When he told me that shyte - I almost shed a tear laughing hysterically. That's how utterly dumb most of these chics are. And this chic is our age-mate (not a kid) and we all attended the same Uni. Since that day, I just stopped rating her - and that's a chic I used to rate highly cos we used to be close and she was quite decent.

I hope this is not coming 2 late.

Dont listen 2 all those condemning u, cos dey wont follow u into the marriage.... Its u and u alone dat wud enta dat marriage....... Aside d new guy if u hav oda doubts plss take dem into serious consideration and weigh ur options.
Take some days of from daily routine(work, groove, everything), have a quite time with u alone and let ur soul guard u....... Never Doubt ur inner voice bt to reach it first do all possible physical analysis(leave emotions out cos it deceives) by physical analysis i mean compatibility check, likeness of goal etc. den take quite time and let ur soul guide u.
ALL D BEST AS U DECIDE ON WAT TO DO.

maxigro:
You never can trust a guy who snatched you from another guy...

Nice One!

......and dont forget: You can never trust a lady who dumped his "engaged man" for you, at the last moment!

its just a question of time.... and you will be NEXT!




Lastpage!

ProdigyLoco:


are u sure you are not the new guy

LMAO...Question of Destiny

Marry the one who F-U-C-Ks you better.

Squig:
Did you have doubts about your spouse before your wedding?

Did you meet someone amazing and you wanted him but decided to go ahead and marry your spouse?

How do you feel about the marriage now? Do you feel you did the right thing?

I'm in my mid 20s and I'm getting married next month, we've been together for almost 5years. He is the love of my life and I've never doubted my love for him or the fact that I wanted a family with him. He's got everything I want in a man.

The problem is we started having issues about 6 months ago, we stopped talking like before and we are completely disconnected now especially on my end but we're still going ahead with the marriage plan and I still want to marry him.

I met another guy I am really attracted to and we've been talking about a lot. He knows I am having issues with my man and I can't tell him we are planning to get married.

I'm having doubts about my man now, I'm confused, I feel I'll be happier with this new guy, I'm thinking it's lust but it's getting more complicated. Should I go on with the wedding?

Feel free to talk sense into my head, I need to hear hard truths.

Don't marry him again. You don't deserve his love.



An old man said, "someone who truly loves you will always have a single reason to stay when the world sees a thousand reasons to walk away".




Now you can see that you are not worth his love.



I'm sorry if I sounded caustic. I'm just being generous with the truth. Goodluck.

That one thing about women, there must always be a reason to be foolish

PastorOsamede:


Pardon me for quoting you. Your post beams wisdom and sensitivity. A relative of mine had this same premonition few months to her wedding but she ignored it and went ahead with the wedding. Today the marriage has fallen apart.

I remember how much I raised my voice like a weeping prophet before the wedding because of some dreadful signs. No one listened.

OP, you may want to postpone the wedding. Also speak with a counsellor as well as someone who can hear GOD clearly. Some steps of faith can be disastrous!

The shame of cancelling a wedding cannot be likened to the myriad of pains you live in when a marriage collapses.

Im sure ur relation didnt court for 5yrs without major issues. Dont jst look at things frm d surface. Read what d op wrote again. Her only problem is dis normal last minute feet-dragging and a fresh feeling of love(lust) for some1 else, not some fundamental character flaw she found with her fiance. Truth is, it is easy to become bored in a lasting relationship. but my dear remain!!!

SeverusSnape:
Oh Lawd!... Girls of nowadays.

First of all, I'm not married, Nor am I a marriage counsellor. But I'll tell you something. If you know what's good for you, Go ahead with your wedding, for goodness sake, You've been with your man for five years, five solid years; So because one nonentity came around you want to change your mind.

I know, this new guy has more money??... Offers better sex

Oh please!

Did you meet thisbguy before the issue started? If yes, na ur fault. Once a woman meets another guy, every mistake is amplified. Do whatever you wanna do. It is ur future and happiness. But don't lool back. Obviously the guy loves u 2 wanna marry u. Don't play on his emotions once you move on. You shouldn't eat your cale and have it? Does he kmow about the other guy? If no then you strong oh.

I really wish I'm tall of words right now, well I would advice you follow your heart being in a relationship for 5 years before marriage does not guarantee a happy ending, if yu think your heart has become cold with respect to your SO it's best you call of the marriage or worse still go ahead with the marriage process and face the regret ever after.

edward1984:


What about the fact she start seeing another guy ?

That is just a mistake she made and has been flogged by many on this forum for that. Way forward: She needs to go back to her guy. confess to him in tears and repent. From all she said...this guy(her fiance) does not deserve what she is doing now. If d fiance forgives... they move on with their marriage. I bet u, she will b happy ever after for her decision.

I am not out to blame this poster. We all make mistakes. She is obviously cheating, either physically and or emotionally.

She is not emotionally mature to marry. Some people like doing things only based on feelings which is simply temporary.

I do have profound respect for couples who aint so rich yet they married early and stay with eachother managing their lives happily knowing they wouldnt have it any better outside their current relationships.

Youths need focus. The modern day youth are always distracted after laying up so many options for themselves. One guy is toasting her on facebook, 2 on twitter, 3 are toasting her on whatsapp. Then one guy on the street and none is her boyfriend.

Bitches of these days...damn so loose and confused.

thorpido:
It's just a feeling.Feelings are never good enough.
You're allowing yourself to get distracted.focus on your fiance and sort out whatever issues you have with him.

See advice o.

I dnt really hv much to say but ladies of nw adays re lojukorokoro no thought dis girl wil cheat after marriage.

Before I read about the new man I was going to tell you not to go ahead with the wedding because there's no point getting married to somebody you are not connecting to. But now that I know that another man's involvement is the cause for the disconnection I will still tell you not to go ahead with the marriage if you will not deal with the lust in your life because you are just going to make life unhappy for your hubby and your children with the double standard of life you will be living. Honestly the poor guy or any decent guy does not deserve your type of a woman, your type really belong to those irresponsible guys outside there.

[quote author=GHoJes post=37572142]
. .come out and clarify things more to enable us decipher whether it is lust or not. Btw, if you are told here not to go ahead will you really cancel the next month wedding?
Although i'm seeing lust but i dont want to dismiss your feelings easily.
When did you meet the new guy?
On point I must say!
I smell lust here. The new guy may be pretending dear.
Remember old win may be more bitter,but it taste better.He may be passing through Financial stress I think.

Squig:

I'm in my mid 20s and I'm getting married next month, we've been together for almost 5years. He is the love of my life and I've never doubted my love for him or the fact that I wanted a family with him. He's got everything I want in a man.

The problem is we started having issues about 6 months ago, we stopped talking like before and we are completely disconnected now especially on my end but we're still going ahead with the marriage plan and I still want to marry him.

I met another guy I am really attracted to and we've been talking about a lot. He knows I am having issues with my man and I can't tell him we are planning to get married.

I'm having doubts about my man now, I'm confused, I feel I'll be happier with this new guy, I'm thinking it's lust but it's getting more complicated. Should I go on with the wedding?

Feel free to talk sense into my head, I need to hear hard truths.

You need to understand that 'issues' in relationships are part of the relationship, your reaction(s) to them determines how far and how well you both go. If you leave your man, you WILL still have issues with the new man.

This new man you speak of is most likely the cause of your doubts in your man to the extent that you cannot even tell the new man you are getting married to your man, besides, you have said you are disconnected with your man especially on your own end.

I'm quite sure that if you see this new man with another lady who he is also attracted to (more than you), all your 'attraction' and 'feelings' for him will fade.

Think, sort out your issues with your man and stay with him, you have already said your man is the love of your life and he's got everything you want in a man...so, what else are you looking for?

.

Tashaamania:

The nonentity might turn out to be Mr. right. I'm just saying..
She shouldn't ignore any signs. Staying with someone for five years isn't a guarantee just as knowing someone couple of months back isn't. Anyone can pretend for any length of time.

OP weigh both options. if need be, take time off the wedding planning, postpone and figure out what you really want. Marriage no be beans especially when you're going into it with doubts, that's alot of pending trouble.

for five she was certain of her love for the first guy, just few month to her wedding a distractor came and she suddenly having a doubt. In your opinion the new man might turn out to be Mr. Right, and while she's in the plan to wed the new Mr. Right another man with super features comes around again to distract her, she begin to have her doubt again, I guess you will still consider him to be Mr. Right again. Why don't you just tell her she has lust problem or are you also in the game of dating a guy and looking side way to find a better alternative to the guy you are dating? Get an advise, no angel man anywhere, no man is perfect.

queenfav:
Its very simple..You are not ready for marriage yet.Being with a guy for 100 years doesn't make you emotionally mature enough to handle the commitment of marriage.This is why I tell my friends I am not ready for marriage now.In your mid 20's you are still stuck up on the mills and boons inspired romantic fantasies of a 'perfect' man somewhere.My advice,call off the wedding.Anyways,I blame bellanaija weddings for making it look like getting married is all about the proposal drama,cute engagement ring and lavish wedding ceremony.Its not my dear..I am single but I can tell you authoritatively that marriage isn't as easy as its cracked up to be.It takes work,a total decision to stick with your partner and guidance from God.just face it,have you asked yourself why you even accepted his proposal?Is it because you have dated for 5 years and its only natural to get married?Or maybe because he is ripe for marriage ie has a job,his own apartment and the whole nine.Personally I don't think you even know the meaning of commitment.Its sticking to a person,through great and not so great times..Be honest,you stopped loving your fiance a very long time ago.If not,chance no go dey to even meet the new guy.I am in a relationship,and I keep just platonic male frnds that I discuss my career with.No time to waste in smiling over a guy saying 'good morning beautiful' and other sweet rubbish to me.Not when I have a committed relationship relationship.You created the allowance in your heart to fall for the new guy .Biko,I repeat you are not ready for marriage.I see you to be a lady who wants fun,experience and the thrill of being with other guys .Please do that if it would hit you with a healthy dose of reality.All this advice will not sink in cos deep down you want to be with the new guy.Even your fiance is tired too..a man that can go a week .. then 3 months without calling you simply doesn't love you !!!That's a fact.Just do what would make you happy.That's what counts.Sometimes you'll win,sometimes you'll lose.But more importantly you'll learn!

Lotta révere for this write-up, u touched all necessary areas that needed to be pin-pointed , thou u intend losing wat u learnt wen u' ain't careful. . @ op, no advice here can change ur mind, coz u'll only choose the ones that supports ur next action remember the consequences everafter, dnt make a decision u'll regret in life.

Squig:
@ all, the new guy or my man are not rich, just average guys. I met the new guy when my man and I had an issue and we didn't talk for almost 3 months and I thought that was the end even though we've agreed to marry before then. the wedding issue has been dragging on for a long time and I got fed up. I believe he's scared of losing me that is why he demanded we get married now.

I'm not a bad person or cheat, my man was my first. I just feel this new guy really cares about me and he's optimistic about having me in his life.

PS. the new guy doesn't know we've worked out our differences and we are not dating officially, we just spend a lot of time together and he's talking about getting married.

I still insist it's absolutely wrong for a decent lady to double date. I foresee you having an affair with a side man everytime you have issue with your husband in your marriage.