Dear Lady Squig,

You said you wanted the hard truth? Here's mine response to your earlier post https://www.nairaland.com/2568788/im-having-doubts-getting-married :

It is imperative for you to know that for your supposed fiancé to propose to you after five whole years of courtship means that he has evaluated his chances of making a life with you as well as his chances of having inner peace all through his stay on mother earth with you.

And don’t forget that he has been building his world around you. Technically, he holds you with the highest esteem.

Before I continue, if you know that you have opened your legs to the new guy who you find fascinating, pls leave your prospective husband (your fiancé) the heck alone.

You don’t deserve his honour and respect and have thrown away your priceless pride to the dogs. But if not, God bless you.

We are all humans and as such we are not perfect, but the thought of you giving listening ears to the new guy in the first place shows that you weren’t totally committed to your supposed relationship. Else if you wanted a listening ear to bare your heart out to, I'm sure you have friends and family members who you can confide in. But you went ahead to exchange numbers with your new Mr. Charming, call and even exchanging sweet talks and texts and even considering him. Haba! What if you were married and you had some disagreements with your supposed husband to be and this guy comes along? You will find solace in his arms?

Did you try to even talk the issue over with your fiancé? Is it that the excitement just died or the love? Is he suddenly so not good for you after five years of unrelenting investment of his and your time and resources?
Or is that the new guy is loaded with big cash and offers big luxury to you?

Look, I’d rather you leave the poor, decent (for it is only decent people with great aspirations that build their worlds around the love of their lives) and cool guy alone before you take away his inner peace with heartbreak and relationship rivalry.
You mean you couldn’t find just one single reason to hang on and make it work with him? Or has he ever laid his hands on you?

My dear, there’s something that is called metaphysical manipulations. Have you ever prayed concerning your upcoming wedding ceremony?

Here’s a true life story:
I was with Evelyn (not real name) for three years. As of that period I was struggling to find my feet. After my NYSC and PGD programme I was blessed with my first job of 70k per month but not enough though. I already had some savings of 375k and I thought if I could make another 200k in 10 months, it would be able to facilitate our small wedding. I was so much in love with her and I didn’t want anything to come between us.

At first she was ok with the plan, but something happened; a new guy came along. He had an SUV with which he was taking her to n fro lectures etc. The outings were superb for her as the dude usually takes her shopping and to eatries.
I noticed that I was no longer attracted to her and she even confessed it to me that she longer liked me as she used to. Upon inquiry, I got to know about the dude. I was so heartbroken and I left her for good.

Surprisingly, she didn’t even care that I left or not.
Fast forward to 11months later, I got another job with a better pay and was already in an advanced stage with a lady who was there for me and helped me got over her. Then one afternoon out of the blue she called me on the phone and was complaining bitterly why I didn’t even try to reach her. Not quite long a friend of hers called to tell me that her supposed sweet boo was already engaged to some very decent girl all the while and she was looking for a safe landing after she was jilted.

My wedding comes up next month too, but with the lady who stood by me when Evelyn shattered my heart heartlessly. She started crying bitterly upon seen our pre-wedding pictures blaming some devil for influencing her for she called me on the phone while lamenting all these.

Enough of my boring story. If you know that you don’t love this guy anymore simply because the excitement has gone into hibernation, pls don’t disturb his peaceful destiny. Just walk away and enjoy your life for it is good to be happy.
Look back before you leave his life according to Celine Dion.

God bless you.

NB: Remember why you hung on all these years.
The new guy knew you were with someone even before him yet he's with anyway. That shows that he will go away whenever he's done extracting whatever thing that's still keeping him.

Cc: RoyalRoy and Lalasticlala

I am glad to let you know that you have just poured water at the back of a calabash

next

emmyrichie:
Dear Lady Squig,

You said you wanted the hard truth? Here's mine response to your earlier post https://www.nairaland.com/2568788/im-having-doubts-getting-married :

It is imperative for you to know that for your supposed fiancé to propose to you after five whole years of courtship means that he has evaluated his chances of making a life with you as well as his chances of having inner peace all through his stay on mother earth with you.

And don’t forget that he has been building his world around you. Technically, he holds you with the highest esteem.

Before I continue, if you know that you have opened your legs to the new guy who you find fascinating, pls leave your prospective husband (your fiancé) the heck alone.

You don’t deserve his honour and respect and have thrown away your priceless pride to the dogs. But if not, God bless you.

We are all humans and as such we are not perfect, but the thought of you giving listening ears to the new guy in the first place shows that you weren’t totally committed to your supposed relationship. Else if you wanted a listening ear to bare your heart out to, I'm sure you have friends and family members who you can confide in. But you went ahead to exchange numbers with your new Mr. Charming, call and even exchanging sweet talks and texts and even considering him. Haba! What if you were married and you had some disagreements with your supposed husband to be and this guy comes along? You will find solace in his arms?

Did you try to even talk the issue over with your fiancé? Is it that the excitement just died or the love? Is he suddenly so not good for you after five years of unrelenting investment of his and your time and resources?
Or is that the new guy is loaded with big cash and offers big luxury to you?

Look, I’d rather you leave the poor, decent (for it is only decent people with great aspirations that build their worlds around the love of their lives) and cool guy alone before you take away his inner peace with heartbreak and relationship rivalry.
You mean you couldn’t find just one single reason to hang on and make it work with him? Or has he ever laid his hands on you?

My dear, there’s something that is called metaphysical manipulations. Have you ever prayed concerning your upcoming wedding ceremony?

Here’s a true life story:
I was with Evelyn (not real name) for three years. As of that period I was struggling to find my feet. After my NYSC and PGD programme I was blessed with my first job of 70k per month but not enough though. I already had some savings of 375k and I thought if I could make another 200k in 10 months, it would be able to facilitate our small wedding. I was so much in love with her and I didn’t want anything to come between us.

At first she was ok with the plan, but something happened; a new guy came along. He had an SUV with which he was taking her to n fro lectures etc. The outings were superb for her as the dude usually takes her shopping and to eatries.
I noticed that I was no longer attracted to her and she even confessed it to me that she longer liked me as she used to. Upon inquiry, I got to know about the dude. I was so heartbroken and I left her for good.

Surprisingly, she didn’t even care that I left or not.
Fast forward to 11months later, I got another job with a better pay and was already in an advanced stage with a lady who was there for me and helped me got over her. Then one afternoon out of the blue she called me on the phone and was complaining bitterly why I didn’t even try to reach her. Not quite long a friend of hers called to tell me that her supposed sweet boo was already engaged to some very decent girl all the while and she was looking for a safe landing after she was jilted.

My wedding comes up next month too, but with the lady who stood by me when Evelyn shattered my heart heartlessly. She started crying bitterly upon seen our pre-wedding pictures blaming some devil for influencing her for she called me on the phone while lamenting all these.

Enough of my boring story. If you know that you don’t love this guy anymore simply because the excitement has gone into hibernation, pls don’t disturb his peaceful destiny. Just walk away and enjoy your life for it is good to be happy.
Look back before you leave his life according to Celine Dion.

God bless you.

NB: Remember why you hung on all these years.
The new guy knew you were with some even before him yet he's with anyway. That shows that he will go away whenever he's done extracting whatever thing that's still keeping him.

Cc: RoyalRoy and Lalasticlala

tnx for dis. hw i wish she will read and learn

It happened to me too (not becasue of a 3rd party), I was just tired of the disconnection.
I almost threw my ring away just less than 6months to the wedding. Thank God for genuine advice!
Emmyrichie too bad for your EX.
Girls love good life. It's how they are wired. Even if they have their money, they need their man to show that he cares for them financially too. You were taking good care of her but, she was definitely materialistic. Now she missed out altogether. (I wish you didn't cut your sory short)
Squig I hope your Fiance doesn't find out about the new guy before you get the time to make up your mind because he will never believe you are not cheating all the way. (And what if he set you up with this new guy to test you? (very wrong though, because God did not say test but love your neighbour))

What happened to posting it on her thread?

This is for guys out there, if you find a girl whose loyalty is not fickle hold on to her cause she is a rare gem. I cant seem to understand how she grew fond of someone else while in a commited relationship, I bet she said to herself that they were just FRIENDS. If that new guy is smart enough he would know that if she can leave her guy for him she can also leave him for someone else.

Fkforyou:
This is for guys out there, if you find a girl whose loyalty is not fickle hold on to her cause she is a rare gem. I cant seem to understand how she grew fond of someone else while in a commited relationship, I bet she said to herself that they were just FRIENDS. If that new guy is smart enough he would know that if she can leave her guy for him she can also leave him for someone else.

Man it is RARE to find a loyal female. But at least the squig girl expressed second thoughts about going through with the marriage before wedding day. Because most females like her would have married the guy and sneak around behind his back.

cococandy:
What happened to posting it on her thread?

There were so many responses on there. I actually did replied on her thread but I wasn't satisfied with it as it was short. Besides psychologically some responses will mask others hence my move to open this thread.

Seriously, what most of dis ladies do discourages me.
They ain't loyal. Give them 2 inches & they will take 4 inches. I pity her fiance.

May God neva cross my path with any lady dat will cause me pre-mature death.

Eddodoh:
Seriously, what most of dis ladies do discourages me.
They ain't loyal. Give them 2 inches & they will take 4 inches. I pity her fiance.

May God neva cross my path with any lady dat will cause me pre-mature death.

Lol. Everyone wants loyalty and inner peace

Raw truth bro. Same thing I echoed in the original thread she opened. No relationship or Marriage that don't have up and down season.

But that does not mean you should bolt simply because you find a mere attraction else where.

2goodbobo:
Raw truth bro. Same thing I echoed in the original thread she opened. No relationship or Marriage that don't have up and down season.

But that does not mean you should bolt simply because you find a mere attraction else where.

That day I wish the fiance had known...

Thanks a lot for taking your time out to write this to me. I have gone through a lot and nobody knows me enough to judge me but it's all good. I'll not put out everything that was wrong with our relationship because I don't want to dwell on the negatives because he's a great guy and beyond that I've made up my mind concerning the issue at hand.

To those that responded to my thread, I appreciate it and your comments were read one after another, none was skipped.

I read her story and just can't stop wondering if her fiancé did not send the new guy to test the future mother of his kids. Why now it just 6 months to the wedding that the new guy surfaced in all the five years they were together. It seems that she is failing a test set for her. I didn't comment on her post though.

kelechiodo:
I read her story and just can't stop wondering if her fiancé did not send the new guy to test the future mother of his kids. Why now it just 6 months to the wedding that the new guy surfaced in all the five years they were together. It seems that she is failing a test set for her. I didn't comment on her post though.

Perhaps.

Squig:
Thanks a lot for taking your time out to write this to me. I have gone through a lot and nobody knows me enough to judge me but it's all good. I'll not put out everything that was wrong with our relationship because I don't want to dwell on the negatives because he's a great guy and beyond that I've made up my mind concerning the issue at hand.

To those that responded to my thread, I appreciate it and your comments were read one after another, none was skipped.

Hi,

I'm glad you finally saw this. Sorry if I went off the track a bit as I acted on the information on your thread.

However, you are the one who wears the shoe and you know where it pinches. There are so many what ifs as regards your story.

One question I stop asking is: what if you got married to him two years ago? How will you handle the situation at hand?
Will you still find solace in the new guy's hands?
Or will try to make your marriage work?

May you find peace and love in the end.

Sorry if I was a bit hard.

emmyrichie:




Hi,

I'm glad you finally saw this. Sorry if I went off the track a bit as I acted on the information on your thread.

However, you are the one who wears the shoe and you know where it pinches. There are so many what ifs as regards your story.

One question I stop asking is: what if you got married to him two years ago? How will you handle the situation at hand?
Will you still find solace in the new guy's hands?
Or will try to make your marriage work?

May you find peace and love in the end.

Sorry if I was a bit hard.

No it's fine, you don't have to apologise. A lot of water has passed through the bridge and if it was 2 years ago, no I wouldn't have looked elsewhere, I've never done it, it was an abomination to me, I value fidelity. I'd have fought for us but I got tired of fighting to make things right. I loved the man, I did right by him and he knows it. And no, this is not me trying to feel good or justify the horrible thing I've done.

I have understood I am wrong and like I said, I have taken every comment and any form of concern to mind.

Squig:
No it's fine, you don't have to apologise. A lot of water has passed through the bridge and if it was 2 years ago, no I wouldn't have looked elsewhere, I've never done it, it was an abomination to me, I value fidelity. I'd have fought for us but I got tired of fighting to make things right. I loved the man, I did right by him and he knows it. And no, this is not me trying to feel good or justify the horrible thing I've done.

I have understood I am wrong and like I said, I have taken every comment and any form of concern to .

Wow! That's awesome. It's a good thing to know.

May you never regret your choice. God bless your family to be.

Someone said she is disconnected from her fiance and you people keep insisting that she should go ahead and marry him cuz they have been together for 5 years. And so what?

Babe, marriage is a lifetime thing. I assure you that if you go into a loveless marriage where u are disconnected from ur spouse. You will be miserable alot.
You will even wish u never got married. People go 6 month without talking.. Which kain thing be that?

There is a reason why u are having so much doubt. A relationship is not marriage. A relationship is the process of finding out if u really want to spend the rest of your life with a particular person. If after 5 years, u are having doubts of being with him then he might not be the right man for u.

The worst mistake u will make is to entrap urself by marrying the guy hoping things will be alright after marriage. Everything magnifies (X5) after marriage.
All the people giving u advise here, calling u names cuz u are sincerely evaluating one of the most important choice you will make in life wont be there to live with u in ur marriage.
Don't be afraid to suspend the wedding. Many Nigerians have found themselves in mess they could have avoided because of "what will people say syndrome"
dont be one of those people.

Trust me there are no rules to this things, u could date a person for 5 years & ur marriage could work out or fall apart.
I have seen people date for less than a year and they have an amazing marriage.
All in all there are no rules to these thing. Your happiness matters alot.
People can blame the new guy all they want but i assure u, even without this new guy. You would still have had doubts about ur man.
It says so much about where you two are at in this relationship.

Babe, take time off. Clear ur head.

RiffRaff:
Someone said she is disconnected from her fiance and you people keep insisting that she should go ahead and marry him cuz they have been together for 5 years. And so what?

Babe, marriage is a lifetime thing. I assure you that if you go into a loveless marriage where u are disconnected from ur spouse. You will be miserable alot.
You will even wish u never got married. People go 6 month without talking.. Which kain thing be that?

There is a reason why u are having so much doubt. A relationship is not marriage. A relationship is the process of finding out if u really want to spend the rest of your life with a particular person. If after 5 years, u are having doubts of being with him then he might not be the right man for u.

The worst mistake u will make is to entrap urself by marrying the guy hoping things will be alright after marriage. Everything magnifies (X5) after marriage.
All the people giving u advise here, calling u names cuz u are sincerely evaluating one of the most important choice you will make in life wont be there to live with u in ur marriage.
Don't be afraid to suspend the wedding. Many Nigerians have found themselves in mess they could have avoided because of "what will people say syndrome"
dont be one of those people.

Trust me there are no rules to this things, u could date a person for 5 years & ur marriage could work out or fall apart.
I have seen people date for less than a year and they have an amazing marriage.
All in all there are no rules to these thing. Your happiness matters alot.
People can blame the new guy all they want but i assure u, even without this new guy. You would still have had doubts about ur man.
It says so much about where you two are at in this relationship.

Babe, take time off. Clear ur head.

I don't know how old you are, but from you just said it seems you haven't really nurtured a solid relationship before.

What if they were married and this type of misunderstanding sprouts up? She should move to anybody attractive who just shows interest in her?

Have you heard the fiance's version of the story?

Did you try to think that a guy who's mind was made up and made the daring move to engage her will just shun her just like that without just cause?

Did you try to imagine the kind of thing that will make two people who were deeply in love for 5 yrs to just sit mum without showing interest in seeing or hearing from each other?

Are you suggesting she call the wedding off to think to clear her head or she should start dating the new guy?

Did you try to think about what will happen if she called the wedding off and later go back to the fiance that she will like refix another date for it?

It is either she leave the guy alone or make it work...

I wonder ooo

@emmyrichie
"I don't know how old you are, but from you just said it seems you haven't really nurtured a solid relationship before"
.
My age has no bearing on the issue at hand. I also do not know how old you are. I don't care, because it doesn't in anyway belittle the opinion you hold as regards this issue. Your opinion are yours, you are entitled to them just like i am entitled to mine.
What evidence do you have to back up the claim that i havent nurtured a solid relationship. You don't know me, so why make that kind of assumption?
.
"What if they were married and this type of misunderstanding sprouts up? She should move to anybody attractive who just shows interest in her?"
.
Hello!! They are not married. It is a relationship. The more reason she needs a clear head to be sure this is the guy she wants to spend the rest of her life with.
They haven't walked down the aisle or taken any vows. She is absolutely free to call of or continue the relationship. That is what relationships are. A test run to see if this is who you want to speend your life with. If a person does not fit, you move on.
It is the reason she came out in public to seek help. So she can make an informed choice before she settle down. She needs a clear head. I will never advise anyone to rush into a marriage with all the doubts and red flags she is seeing.
That is how lot of people end up being miserable in their lives. We read their stories here in the family section all the time.
.
"Have you heard the fiance's version of the story?"
.
I dont need to. She is the one asking for advise here on nairaland not her fiancee.
.
"Did you try to think that a guy who's mind was made up and made the daring move to engage her will just shun her just like that without just cause?
Did you try to imagine the kind of thing that will make two people who were deeply in love for 5 yrs to just sit mum without showing interest in seeing or hearing from each other?"
.
Not talking to someone you love for 6 whole month. Man!! I dont know about you but 6 month is a long time not to communicate with someone you love. That should tell you how bad things are between them.
That is not even the case. She feel disconnected from him. How can anyone advise her to still go ahead and marry him?
Isn't marriage about happiness and bonding with your spouse? All of her senses are screaming No!!! Cuz all those things are missing now.
The only thing she can point to now is they have been together for '5 years'.. nothing more. Not that "i love this guy, we share a great bonding and i see myself being with him for the rest of my life."
All of her doubts are for a reason.
.
"Are you suggesting she call the wedding off to think to clear her head or she should start dating the new guy?"
.
I am suggesting she suspends the wedding indefinatly until she is sure where she stands or if she truely wants to be married to him.
She is inlove with a new person. The more reason why she shouldnt even think of getting married.
Imagine marrying one guy while you are in love with another person entirely.
In all, the decision rest solely with her. We can only analyse and come to our own conclusion from the details she provided in her story.
She is the one that knows the whole story and what to do.
.
"Did you try to think about what will happen if she called the wedding off and later go back to the fiance that she will like refix another date for it?
It is either she leave the guy alone or make it work"
.
Do you ever think of what will happen if she marry a man she feels disconnected from?
You dont care about her happiness, she should just go ahead and marry him cuz they have been together for 5 years. Marriage is a lifetime thing. She deserves to be with someone she loves, someone she shares a connection with.
Everyone deserve to make a choice of being happy.

emmyrichie:


I don't know how old you are, but from you just said it seems you haven't really nurtured a solid relationship before.

What if they were married and this type of misunderstanding sprouts up? She should move to anybody attractive who just shows interest in her?

Have you heard the fiance's version of the story?

Did you try to think that a guy who's mind was made up and made the daring move to engage her will just shun her just like that without just cause?

Did you try to imagine the kind of thing that will make two people who were deeply in love for 5 yrs to just sit mum without showing interest in seeing or hearing from each other?

Are you suggesting she call the wedding off to think to clear her head or she should start dating the new guy?

Did you try to think about what will happen if she called the wedding off and later go back to the fiance that she will like refix another date for it?

It is either she leave the guy alone or make it work...

I like the way your sincere, and not trying to be bias with your advice. Guess you will make a good counselor....

2chainz:
I like the way your sincere, and not trying to be bias with your advice. Guess you will make a good counselor....

Lol... I'm flattered. Thanks bro

Interesting.