Excellent write up OP

Vyolet:
Why shouldn't you marry a man that is your preferred spec?
If you love a tall,short dark,fair,six packs,pinklipped,slim,fat,huge guy,go for him and don't rush to any man undesirable to you.

If you never lived in a face-me-i face,why should you settle with a man that lives such life all because you want to be a Mrs?

Wait o,are Naija babes this shallow minded?

A man who lives in face me i face you screws you at will but you cant marry such in same room he srws you to stupor so what exactly can even you make of that?

Talking about your specs, how many guys of your spec have come to woo you? and if you see one will you walk up to him and propose to him?

Or you would rather remain single for life if that spec of yours does not walk into your life.

All these write up i put down on nairaland is for young ladies to learn and wise up but if you refuse to im so positive you will remember thiese in years to come.

Kep waiting for that ideal man that may treat you like poo ignoring the other men who are ready to love and cherish you.OYO lowa.

Omotayor123:

Thank you my sister... You are on point. No mind OP

misspicy:

Like seriously? If i didnt love him will i stay and struggle with him in d first place....
So it is okay for the guy to move on to another woman after he has finally made it because the one who struggled with him wants a pay check? Why did she struggle with him in d first place wen she had oda better off suitors,so it is okay she lose both ways

i keep saying,this is a risk i for one will not undertake,imagine if d guy i struggle with af dis kind of mindset

What im just trying to explain is that no woman should date a man because she hopes that the guy will make it in future..infact that is a criminal act

Many Naija babes have this criminal and potentially dumb and parasitic mindset that they are with a struggling guy in order to be a good beneficiary of his speculated future wealthy status.

What if he never makes it? what happened to loving a man for who he is and not who he may become?
I think there is something fundamentally wrong with the mindset of many Nigerian ladies and until they change this appalling mindset,they will never have value in the eyes of any man whether they struggled with him or met him as a wealthy man.

Rich guys go broke and broke guys hit it big and that is just life for you so every reasonable and focused lady should never ever stay with a struggling guy because she hopes he makes it one day.Its one thing to expect progress for your man and another to patch up with a man with a dominant hope that he makes it and then spends on you.

Toks2008:


Wait o,are Naija babes this shallow minded?

No,you should rather open your eyes and stop being myopic

A man who lives in face me i face you screws you at will but you cant marry such in same room he srws you to stupor so what exactly can even you make of that?

Unless you meant all girls to be prostitutes then you should know that it is not all girls that allow every Tom,Dick and Harry screw her no matter his background,moreover allowing a man in a facemeiface you screw you is not a guarantee you could settle for him,every sexual relationship must not lead to marriage.

Talking about your specs, how many guys of your spec have come to woo you? and if you see one will you walk up to him and propose to him?

Or you would rather remain single for life if that spec of yours does not walk into your life.

At a point in your life,you have met a woman that truly fits your spec same with a woman,at ever y point,she must have met a man that fits her spec,physicalwise,their being together and dating is absolutely dependant on her.

All these write up i put down on nairaland is for young ladies to learn and wise up but if you refuse to im so positive you will remember thiese in years to come.

Kep waiting for that ideal man that may treat you like poo ignoring the other men who are ready to love and cherish you.OYO lowa.

All your write up is subject to choice,there is no rule on how to live or not live,what works for miss A might not work for Miss B.
Allow women live their lives as it comes and some day,the right man would be with her.
1.An ugly looking woman gets married to a deseired man,this is just to tell you that beauty is not a criteria for marriage.
2. A prostitute gets married to a desired man,this is to tell you that decency is not the criteria for marriage.
3. A broke woman gets married to a desired man,this is to tell you that richness is not the criteria for marriage.
I can go on and on. What works for you might not just work for another person.

Vyolet:

No,you should rather open your eyes and stop being myopic


Unless you meant all girls to be prostitutes then you should know that it is not all girls that allow every Tom,Dick and Harry screw her no matter his background,moreover allowing a man in a facemeiface you screw you is not a guarantee you could settle for him,every sexual relationship must not lead to marriage.

At a point in your life,you have met a woman that truly fits your spec same with a woman,at ever y point,she must have met a man that fits her spec,physicalwise,their being together and dating is absolutely dependant on her.


All your write up is subject to choice,there is no rule on how to live or not live,what works for miss A might not work for Miss B.
Allow women live their lives as it comes and some day,the right man would be with her.
1.An ugly looking woman gets married to a deseired man,this is just to tell you that beauty is not a criteria for marriage.
2. A prostitute gets married to a desired man,this is to tell you that decency is not the criteria for marriage.
3. A broke woman gets married to a desired man,this is to tell you that richness is not the criteria for marriage.
I can go on and on. What works for you might not just work for another person.

You have the right to your opinion and if you are still unmarried i wish you luck in your fantasy world.

Toks2008:



What im just trying to explain is that no woman should date a man because she hopes that the guy will make it in future..infact that is a criminal act

Many Naija babes have this criminal and potentially dumb and parasitic mindset that they are with a struggling guy in order to be a good beneficiary of his speculated future wealthy status.

What if he never makes it? what happened to loving a man for who he is and not who he may become?
I think there is something fundamentally wrong with the mindset of many Nigerian ladies and until they change this appalling mindset,they will never have value in the eyes of any man whether they struggled with him or met him as a wealthy man.

Rich guys go broke and broke guys hit it big and that is just life for you so every reasonable and focused lady should never ever stay with a struggling guy because she hopes he makes it one day.Its one thing to expect progress for your man and another to patch up with a man with a dominant hope that he makes it and then spends on you.

You are not getting my point... My emphasis is on the fact that guys these days no longer enjoy their wealth with ladies that struggle with them. This is not a matter of if he makes it or not. The ones I'm hitting on are those that have already make it but refuse to reciprocate.

Note : A woman will only suffer with a man she truly loves.

The problem is that we ladies at times tends to be myopic... As a woman, stupidity is when you sit back
cross-legged and search for an already made man. In
case you don't know, every already made man
out there has a woman who has been with him
from when he had only a pair of shorts and a
single shirt. That's why majority of well to do
men, usually make you nothing but a sex- toy,
for you mean absolutely nothing to them.
He might cheat on her with you, but truth is,
he'll never leave her for you… If you are guilty
of hunting for an already made man, then i tell
you, my dear you are such a cow, you actually
need horns. When a good healthy brain settles,
yours floats!
He may not own a car.
He may not earn a lot of money.
He may not live in a posh estate.
He may not be able to shower you with gifts all
the time.
He may not have a great job.
But it’s enough to know you are the only one he
craves for and loves unconditionally
As such we should learn to live with the hardworking man and pray that God will bless the work of his hands.

proserfina:
The problem is that we ladies at times tends to be myopic... As a woman, stupidity is when you sit back
cross-legged and search for an already made man. In
case you don't know, every already made man
out there has a woman who has been with him
from when he had only a pair of shorts and a
single shirt. That's why majority of well to do
men, usually make you nothing but a sex- toy,
for you mean absolutely nothing to them.
He might cheat on her with you, but truth is,
he'll never leave her for you… If you are guilty
of hunting for an already made man, then i tell
you, my dear you are such a cow, you actually
need horns. When a good healthy brain settles,
yours floats!
He may not own a car.
He may not earn a lot of money.
He may not live in a posh estate.
He may not be able to shower you with gifts all
the time.
He may not have a great job.
But it’s enough to know you are the only one he
craves for and loves unconditionally
As such we should learn to live with the hardworking man and pray that God will bless the work of his hands.

OH MY GOD

This is epic

Omotayor123:

You are not getting my point... My emphasis is on the fact that guys these days no longer enjoy their wealth with ladies that struggle with them. This is not a matter of if he makes it or not. The ones I'm hitting on are those that have already make it but refuse to reciprocate.

Note : A woman will only suffer with a man she truly loves.

I respect your opinion but please what exactly is he reciprocating?

Is it a favour for a lady to be wth the man he loves?

Its only in Nigeria that a lady sees t as a huge favour to stay NOT EVEN STRUGGLE with a guy.

For those who invest in a man that is a different ball game but what is there to reciprocate if a lady loves a man and stays wth him.

How does a girlfriend struggle with a man if i may know? by encouraging him it wll be well when it is the guy that works his ass out?

or is it when she opens her leg for the guy to pleasure her?

I insist that naija girls should have a re orientation.

You are not doing any favour to a guy by staying with him duriing his struggling years and its even crazy for a lady to say she declined proposals from other men WHO ARE BETTER OFF cos that alone shows how criminally minded the lady is.

Stay with a man because you want to and if you dont want to,take a walk and be with the one who is better than hiim in wealth i guess.

Except the lady invested on a guy money wise or material wise,he is not obliged to stick with her or indebted to her in anyway.

this is my stands.

Toks2008:


I respect your opinion but please what exactly is he reciprocating?

Is it a favour for a lady to be wth the man he loves?

Its only in Nigeria that a lady sees t as a huge favour to stay NOT EVEN STRUGGLE with a guy.

For those who invest in a man that is a different ball game but what is there to reciprocate if a lady loves a man and stays wth him.

How does a girlfriend struggle with a man if i may know? by encouraging him it wll be well when it is the guy that works his ass out?

or is it when she opens her leg for the guy to pleasure her?

I insist that naija girls should have a re orientation.

You are not doing any favour to a guy by staying with him duriing his struggling years and its even crazy for a lady to say she declined proposals from other men WHO ARE BETTER OFF cos that alone shows how criminally minded the lady is.

Stay with a man because you want to and if you dont want to,take a walk and be with the one who is better than hiim in wealth i guess.

Except the lady invested on a guy money wise or material wise,he is not obliged to stick with her or indebted to her in anyway.

this is my stands.

I get your point. We are all entitled to our opinion.

Omotayor123:

I get your point. We are all entitled to our opinion.

The truth is that we may never be on same page concerning this issue because you are a lady and a Nigerian at that.

Many Nigerian guys are so considerate that they usually see it as a huge sacrifiice if a lady stays with them during hard tiimes but you cant blame us because its as a result of the society we fnd ourselves where majority of the ladies are more interested on what a guy can offer.

Nevertheless,you have every right to your stand view.

Toks2008:
Its really amazing how ladies fear the possibility of remaining unmarried for a long time stretching into their late twenties and thirties.

I have seen countless number of naija spinsters visit many prayer houses to seek spiritual guide and advice just to be a mrs and while so many will quickly come out to say they are unperturbed,the truth is that deep inside of them they hope that they just find the "right man" fast enough and start raising a family before reaching their menopause age.

Many ladies do not need prayer and fasting and in most cases,there is no spiritual attack from anywhere but these ladies are their own pitfalls and the simple truth is that 90% of unmarried ladies in their late 20s and 30s have no business still remaining single.

Considering the present global socio economy siituations expecially in a country like ours,here are 5 very vital questions to ask yourself as a lady and the more you give a NO to each of these 5 questions the harder it may be for you to get a man to marry you.

1.Can you start a life with a man in one room a.k.a FACE ME I FACE YOU?: Many ladies have boyfriends who live in this type of apartment and infact they have spent some nights with him in that same one room apartment and the guy has lost count of how many times he has scr*wd you in any imaginable ways but when it comes to marriage you will foolishly say you can't marry into one room apartment.

Sorry is your second name and i strongly pity you.Most men who own mansions today started their lives in one room so if you are ok being scr*wd in one room but you can not marry same man living in one room then you are not only clueless but foolish and be ready to be dumped after he has really had you to his fullness.


2.Can you marry a struggling man who has no regular job?:Oh i can imagine some ladies answering LAI! LAI!,MBA NUNU! GOD FORBID and so on to this particular question but please let me ask you"why date a struggling guy or allow him srw you at will yet cant marry him?" strange and foolish i must say.

It is important to know that as long as that man is not lazy,his break through will come and must come.How many ladies have given up an affair because they feel the guy has no job just to realize a year latter that he is gainfully employed or he has started a profitable business and they start feeling bad for not being patient enough.

Ok what is even the guaranty that the ones who have good jobs or business can not experience a crazy turn around? many ladies have lost their chance with a vibrant vision driven man just because they are waiting to say yes to a man who has a job rather than for them to also find something doing that will make them financially independent while the guy has enough space to pursue his dreams.Believe it or not 95% of the rich or successful guys you see today have passed through a struggling phase.


3.Can you have a very low budget wedding?: Now i want every reasonable lady reading this to understand that marital union and marriage ceremony are 2 different things.

Most times when you hear words like "my guy is not ready yet for marriage" what this simply implies is that the guy is NOT READY FOR A BIG MARRIAGE CEREMONY and not that he is not mentally,psychologically and emotionally ready but because our young ladies are overwhelmed with that one day celebration,they will never ever plan any wedding with a man who does not have the money to give them a flamboyant wedding and this is one major reasons why many ladies remain single for a very long time.

Have you looked around to see many graduates still struggling in their 30s with no assurance that a job or business will come up tomorrow? Are you among the myopic ladies who get carried away by a flamboyant wedding ceremony rich parents organize for their children?

Who says you can't have a marriage ceremony with N50,000 budget where a man pays the bride price and proceed to the registry with you and when the money starts coming in you two can do another big time wedding ceremony so why put yourself in bondage of having a compulsory big time wedding before you can be a mrs? Why are you giving that guy a good reason to continue using you,saying he is not ready for marriage ceremony but doing all the imaginable things a man will do to a wife on you.

For my igbo sisters i will advice you to appeal to the elders at home to understand that the fact that few of you are lucky to have a guy pay so much or spend so much on a marriage ceremony against all odds does not erase the fact that countless number of Igbo girls are been courted but not married in a timely manner due to the high expenses involved.


4.Can you marry a man who loves you but is not your preferred spec?:Yes there is nothing absolutely wrong in having a picture of who you want and while some ladies are very fortunate to find such,many have lived in a fantasy world hoping to meet that man who has those qualities they dream of just to wait and wait until they become old waiting for an "ideal man"

In marriage there is nothing like a bad or good choice neither do we have an ideal or non ideal man but its about your choice.Many ladies want a tall,cute,rich.GOD fearing,romantic guy and its so amazing how some ladies will never shift ground and when that short caring and loving guy comes their way they hush him and start running after a prince charming that feels nada for them,what a shame.

Stop having this myopic belief that there is an ideal man out there,no man has it all and all you need to look out for is a man who truly desires and deserves you. If you like keep waiting and screening until you become the object of screening yourself. Be wise.


5.Can you marry a man with a wide age gap to you:This is one of the most dangerous mistakes many ladies make. For crying out loud, except a lady just wants to play around,i do not see why a teenage girl will be dating a fellow teenager or a lady in her early twenties will be dating a guy of just a year or two older than her because when she eventually becomes ripe for marriage, in most cases this guy is still jumping around and fulfilling his sexual fantasies.

Yes age is nothing but a number but in most cases, ladies who date or court guys with wide age gaps like 8years or more tend to end up as a wife to the guy while most ladies who at their young ages started an affair with guys of close age proximity are usually left heart broken latter in life because most guys in the 20s are probably still playing around and not even psychologically ready for marital union.

So when i hear a 23 year old lady telling a guy in his 30s that he is too old for her i just laugh at her ignorance. If you are a teenager reading this or a lady in your early twenties,i will advice that except you just want to play around,you should date or court guys with wide age gap to avoid had i known.YES THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS to this but most times my assertion holds true.

I hope these write up makes sense to those who want to see sense in it.

Oga toks i must commend your dexterity in trying to let us all see the truth concerning deep issues as regards relationships but these naija ladies are like the proverbial dog that never listens to the whistle of its master until they are totally lost.

Most Nigerian ladies are the architect of their own destruction and i just saw a throw back pics of 2face and Annie and i come to realize why 2face chose her over the remaining side dishes.

Most Nigerian ladies don't mind to be side dish to a made guy rather than be the only woman of a struggling guy and this is why many rich guys are using them like tissue paper and turning them to shameless baby mamas and dumping them to marry the love of their lives.


I am ashamed to be identified with Many Nigerian ladies.

wrongnumber:


Oga toks i must commend your dexterity in trying to let us all see the truth concerning deep issues as regards relationships but these naija ladies are like the proverbial dog that never listens to the whistle of its master until they are totally lost.

Most Nigerian ladies are the architect of their own destruction and i just saw a throw back pics of 2face and Annie and i come to realize why 2face chose her over the remaining side dishes.

Most Nigerian ladies don't mind to be side dish to a made guy rather than be the only woman of a struggling guy and this is why many rich guys are using them like tissue paper and turning them to shameless baby mamas and dumping them to marry the love of their lives.


I am ashamed to be identified with Many Nigerian ladies.

I have stopped blaming our ladies but i will blame the economy.

Even if a lady desires to be financially independent please where is the work?

A friend of mine went for a bank interview and she was asked to turn around and after she did that the marketing job was given to her.

I have seen where a married lady wrote single on her cv just because she wants a job desperately so if you look at the make up of a woman,they generally gravitate towards riches and thats who they are and this is why the rich guys toy with them anyhow.

I just read a thread where a lady wrote that she is in love with a married man and im very sure if that guy is a broke guy she will never be in love with him after finding out he is married.

So yes our ladies need to maintain a status quo but then its the harsh economy that is forcing our ladies into the hands of dangerous men all because they haev the money to spend for them.

proserfina:
The problem is that we ladies at times tends to be myopic... As a woman, stupidity is when you sit back
cross-legged and search for an already made man. In
case you don't know, every already made man
out there has a woman who has been with him
from when he had only a pair of shorts and a
single shirt. That's why majority of well to do
men, usually make you nothing but a sex- toy,
for you mean absolutely nothing to them.
He might cheat on her with you, but truth is,
he'll never leave her for you… If you are guilty
of hunting for an already made man, then i tell
you, my dear you are such a cow, you actually
need horns. When a good healthy brain settles,
yours floats!
He may not own a car.
He may not earn a lot of money.
He may not live in a posh estate.
He may not be able to shower you with gifts all
the time.
He may not have a great job.
But it’s enough to know you are the only one he
craves for and loves unconditionally
As such we should learn to live with the hardworking man and pray that God will bless the work of his hands.

I cant help quoting this awesome post again.

Your type is rare.

Hmmm

shokky24:
Hmmm

Yes very thought provoking i guess.

If any lady can answer yes to at least 4 out of the 5 questions and she is still single at 30 then let her seek spiritual help.

Love conquers all things

MsBliss:
Love conquers all things

Very true..

Dooess that mean theree is no real love because most ladies will seldom answer Yes to 3 out oof these

Someone asked": What is the difference between a lazy guy and a struggling guy?


-A lazy guy is a guy that does absolutely nothing whether job hunting or hustling but blames his joblessness on every other person.

-A struggling guy is a guy that is ready to do anything legitimate to survive irrespective of his level of education while still focusing on his dreams.

-Some gainfully employed guys are lazy but because they are fortunate to get a job, they hide under this euphoria and ladies get carried away but if peradventure they lose that job,their lazy nature will come to fall because they may never have the propensity or initiative do do nada except hope for another job .

-Take away everything from a struggling guy and he is most likely to bounce back even better.

Let me stop here.

prettythicksme:
In dj khalid's voice***another one**!! i sat No to ur all what u wrote up there op

i sight you again.
you are always objecting..
so what is your take on the issue on ground?
eyes rolling

I say a big NO to 1 and 2.....y would I think of marrying a man dats has no good income and even living in a face me I face you apartment Tufiakwa!!! In life you don't move backward...,instead you move forward!!! I can never do dat in the name of love....who love help? My papa nor go even approve dat kind marriage....he go just disown me sef....... all dis silly men dat don't know how to keep their di*k in one place na i won con sacrifice for I dey craze??.. I'm not going to take any risk for any man in the name of love.....it's not worth it at all.....like i said b4 who love help especially for dis our generation?

no is my answer to all questions..... i rather remain single than say yes.

are u a prophet? @ op

who said u have to settle on top marriage.a guy with no job.tf??!!!

Toks2008:



5.Can you marry a man with a wide age gap to you:This is one of the most dangerous mistakes many ladies make. For crying out loud, except a lady just wants to play around,i do not see why a teenage girl will be dating a fellow teenager or a lady in her early twenties will be dating a guy of just a year or two older than her because when she eventually becomes ripe for marriage, in most cases this guy is still jumping around and fulfilling his sexual fantasies.

Yes age is nothing but a number but in most cases, ladies who date or court guys with wide age gaps like 8years or more tend to end up as a wife to the guy while most ladies who at their young ages started an affair with guys of close age proximity are usually left heart broken latter in life because most guys in the 20s are probably still playing around and not even psychologically ready for marital union.

So when i hear a 23 year old lady telling a guy in his 30s that he is too old for her i just laugh at her ignorance. If you are a teenager reading this or a lady in your early twenties,i will advice that except you just want to play around,you should date or court guys with wide age gap to avoid had i known.YES THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS to this but most times my assertion holds true.

I hope these write up makes sense to those who want to see sense in it.

This can't be any truer.

LadyJul:
I say a big NO to 1 and 2.....y would I think of marrying a man dats has no good income and even living in a face me I face you apartment Tufiakwa!!! In life you don't move backward...,instead you move forward!!! I can never do dat in the name of love....who love help? My papa nor go even approve dat kind marriage....he go just disown me sef....... all dis silly men dat don't know how to keep their di*k in one place na i won con sacrifice for I dey craze??.. I'm not going to take any risk for any man in the name of love.....it's not worth it at all.....like i said b4 who love help especially for dis our generation?

Apparently you must still be a student or without a job...this is exactly the mindset of financially dependent ladies.No insults aburo..just a statement of fact.

miqos02:
are u a prophet? @ op

LOL! Why you ask?

Toks2008:


Apparently you must still be a student or without a job...this is exactly the mindset of financially dependent ladies.No insults aburo..just a statement of fact.

your opinion is not necessary...thanks

LadyJul:
your opinion is not necessary...thanks

Haaa! abi o ti binu?

Ma binu o,ajo n ji ro ro ni.

Don't ever get offended by other people's opinion about you no matter how awkward..just smile and tell them.."i appreciate your opinion" because every opinion is vital for reproach or encouragement so embrace them.

Nnemuka:
no is my answer to all questions..... i rather remain single than say yes.

Its perfectly up to you but trust me, in Nigeria,i stand challenged that 8 out of 10 ladies who can not answer yes to at least 4 out of those 5 should be prepared to be single for a long time and not bother going to any prophet fore prayer or for any deliverance neither should she bother herself with prayer and fasting because she is her own problem.

Mzdivacious:
who said u have to settle on top marriage.a guy with no job.tf??!!!

Statements like this make me laugh out real loud.

Shebbi you read on nairaland everyday how a lady like you go about looking for job that someone had to give her 5k to buy a new pair of shoes and you also read a lady's story of how she worked in 2 places with no salaries.

You are still living in your dreams young lady.

mY advice to every lady reading this is to encourage her man to be hard working, to lok for the few jobs but not to wait for a job..If it is a small car, let him get and start a cab business which he can do for about 3 days within the week and also look for a job at the same time, even if it is that small bus or keke napep..these are not your final destination but a means to an end, fayose was once a bus driver and don jazzy one fried puff puff to survive while still holding on to his dreams and even patoranking was one a rat poison seller.

The problems with our graduate is pride...and the foolish dumb and myopic money monger lazy ladies in their lives who will never want to be identified with a vision driven guy doing a conductor for now but would want to be known with accomplished men forgetting that these men were once hustlers.

How i wish all the men in naija can decide never to date a lady that has no job.after-all what a man can do, a woman can do better and a sauce for the goose is also good for the gander.

bros caaalm down.ejoor e gbe agbara le.even i wont be jobless at a marriageable age.why would i marry someone who is.u think i d bring a guy who lives in a one room apartment and my parents will bless d marriage.be REALISTIC.if those points are no biggie to u.u can bless d marriage when ur sisters n kids bring men like that home.ur post is so long i couldnt read more than 2paragraphs.but my opinion still stands [quote author=Toks2008 post=40008764]

Statements like this make me laugh out real loud.

Shebbi you read on nairaland everyday how a lady like you go about looking for job that someone had to give her 5k to buy a new pair of shoes and you also read a lady's story of how she worked in 2 places with no salaries.

You are still living in your dreams young lady.

mY advice to every lady reading this is to encourage her man to be hard working, to lok for the few jobs but not to wait for a job..If it is a small car, let him get and start a cab business which he can do for about 3 days within the week