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My Marriage; A Blessing Or A Curse. Please Advice / My Neighbour Is About To Kill His Wife!! Please Advice. (urgent) / Dear Family Please Advice A Wife To Be!!! (2) (3) (4)
Please Advice A Brother. by Tallesty1(m): 6:56am On Oct 01, 2015 |
His Story: I lost my job (after putting in 7 years) about 11 months ago. The management decided to lay off some staff-with little compensation. Unfortunately, I was affected…the financial compensation is not much and one has been careful not to run out of cash before another job comes. What is stressing me out is the attitude of my father in-law in all these. When things became challenging (economically) for us, my wife took our only baby (8 months old) to her parents’ house. She’s been living there, the few times I made it clear that I want them back home with me, my father in-law said I should focus on finding my feet first and leave my wife and child where they are –for now. I am very bitter about things right now. It’s not as if things are very bad for us, we still get by. Just that I made it clear to my woman that we have to cut down on all our expenses, so as to be able to manage the little money on me…as I intensify efforts to find my feet again. My father in-law is making me run my home from his house. Right now, I really am considering going for another lady, so that he can marry his daughter. But I want to be advised first. Imagine a wife that doesn’t call me on the phone and even when I call, she would refuse to pick the call. When I go there to see my baby (a girl)…she gives me attitude. It is even beyond her to ask how I am faring or even ask after my mother that has been battling ill health for months. Should one’s partner not stand by him during trying times? I am not a lazy man and I have been making efforts to find my feet since I lost my job but I also deserve to find happiness in the woman I call my wife. I am 36 years old, my wife (unemployed) is 28’’ Please what should I do? |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Cutehector(m): 6:59am On Oct 01, 2015 |
Mizmycoli, falconey, ronald4lif... Please ur inputs r needed.. Let's help a friend.. |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Miami11: 7:03am On Oct 01, 2015 |
Sorry you are facing tough times, remember no condition is permanent, God will see you through As for your wife, she is probably as frustrated with the situation as you are, I bet it's not easy for her to depend on her parents too, Just be patient and understanding with her too, you both need to sit down and communicate all this issues, |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Tallesty1(m): 7:09am On Oct 01, 2015 |
Miami11:I tried telling him that but I couldn't prove it. I mean, if she's frustrated as he is then why is she giving him attitudes? They are supposed to stand by each other in a time like this. Why not call him once in a while to know how he's faring? Why not stay with the man's family? 3 Likes |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Tallesty1(m): 7:10am On Oct 01, 2015 |
Cutehector:Thanks bro |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Ebubeslym(m): 7:11am On Oct 01, 2015 |
If you fufilled all the tradition when marrying her, go get her back to your house...... The father of your wife shouldnt give you conditions on how to run ur family if you married his daughter well.. (unless you abuse her) .... As for your wife giving you the cold shoulder treatment when the going got tough, mayb you married a fair weather wife... Or mayb there is another man in the picture now..... Marriage is for better and for worse... If she cant stick with you now the ebb is low, then she doesnt deserve you at all. But Try and Talk to her so as to know exactly what she thinks concerning ur present situation. 2 Likes |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Luckymay(f): 7:21am On Oct 01, 2015 |
Its obvious she never loved u, rather she married u cos u were comfortable and now that the going is getting tough she dosnt want to be the tough that gets going rather she ran to her comfort zone which is her parents house. If ur inlaws care abt ur home as they claimed why can't they send whatever help they can render to their daughter while she stays with u, or better still help u with finding a job cos from ur story i think they are comfortable enough. All in all, i won't advise u to start looking the other way round as it will frustrate u more, rather focus on getting a job first and other things will fall in to place. U also need to talk see into ur wife, i think she s letting her family run her life. 5 Likes |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by MizMyColi(f): 7:22am On Oct 01, 2015 |
Your lack of a job has so eaten into your ego (which btw, is a false sense of self). It has caused you to feel inadequate and really unhappy. This in turn has led you to project your insecurities and fears to the people around you. You are pained. The pain you feel is a negative energy/vibe which as a matter of universal laws will only cause you to receive more pain and more negative energy. Stop whinning. Cleanse yourself. Live in this moment. Stop being a victim of memories and anticipation. Even without a job and a seeming unsupportive wife, you can be joyful. Learn to make peace with things that you can't change. There is a being inside you, a consciousness, which is responsible for making sure that you are always at peace even in the direst of circumstances, please connect to it/him. Do you remember these portions of scripture? We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations; You will observe that in these scriptures, apostle Paul and his team chose joy despite their travails. They had an understanding that what is in them is greater. Why have I painstakingly outlined these? You need to stop projecting and expecting your happiness from others. Let it come from you first. Let it come from within. Your wife might be having her own challenges too, and frustrations. Quit the blame game. And please quash the idea of finding yourself another lady, that is a hasty and brash thought/decision. Every marriage has their trying times. This is one of more to come. I believe in your ability to rise above it all ![]() Let that which is within change that which is without. 27 Likes 7 Shares |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by SirLegal(m): 7:26am On Oct 01, 2015 |
The Irony about Life is that "some ladies" can only become "Wives" in Wealth and not in Poverty, In health and not in Sickness. Your wife if she truly loves you should STICK with you when the going gets bad. Unless she thinks this world is a bed of roses. My little advice is for you to kip on your job hunt actively, Go visit your child whenever you fell like. As for ur FIL, He should be ashamed of himself keeping his daughter away from her husband. 1 Like |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 7:27am On Oct 01, 2015 |
This is the time to be your own man......continue trying to Get a job. Tho the attitude from your wife is so appaling, but this is not the time to consider another lady at all. This made me remember this quote about fairweather ladies 'When they leave you because there is no money, leave them and go make the money and you will see them flocking back to you!'.....as simple as that! 1 Like |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 7:30am On Oct 01, 2015 |
I sincerely sympathise with the guy in qtn but truth be told his problem did not start wen he lost his job. The problem had been there right when he married the woman but he was blind to it. NL has been a blessing to me as a person and it has shaped my life considerably. I mean this life scenarios help bacherlors like us to succintly analyse and scrutinise women. Here are the points to take away : The ops woman is a materialistic person and same goes for the father. The OP has been allowing the father-in-law to rule his houuse albeit subtly . See Op you are a man, it means you have to be tough when you have to and you have to be meek if you have to. If you fail to realise wen to apply this too modes the you will suffer. Very few women can be trusted to reason devoid of emotions. Its obvious your woman has lost respect for you becos you are out of job and shamefully the father is trudging her on. Unfortunately you are also acting like a wimp, by begging and pleading for her to call you WTF!!! This is the time to man up. You are the head of the home, if she doesn't call you don't call her. If she refuses to contact you in a week and her father is in her support believe me the marriage ma y have broken down irretrieveably. So prepare for the worst and stop appearing weak . Send a strong message to her and if she doesn't sit up do not bulge. I pray you get back on ur feet quick, and I hope you are truly the father of that baby? 4 Likes |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Tallesty1(m): 7:54am On Oct 01, 2015 |
Thanks guys. Initially I told him to concentrate on the job hunt and think less of what his FIL and wife are doing but he just can't. Like the thought is stuck somewhere in his memory so I suggested he take @least 2 elders from his own side to his FIL's house, hopefully they would be able to solve the problem but if the FIL still insists that his wife is going to back to him then he should just divorce her. I didn't trust my own judgment there though and that's why I brought it here. The link to the post is already with him so I am certain he will see your contributions. Ebubeslym Luckymay MizMyColi SirLegal Guitarlife modelmike7 |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by crackhaus: 8:10am On Oct 01, 2015 |
MizMyColi:While all of this seems encouraging and long as usual, I fear you have failed to address a very important issue regarding women like the one in the OP. MizMyColi, how about you also type something lengthy and title it 'Sisters, Go Deeper'... It seems a perfect situation here to counter that other thread of yours and level the playing field. 7 Likes |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by tammie24: 8:15am On Oct 01, 2015 |
You should have known the kind of person you married before walking down the aisle Until we hear her own side of the story I reserve my judgement! But please Op Stop calling her!! |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by MizMyColi(f): 8:25am On Oct 01, 2015 |
crackhaus: I am not the writer of that piece. The owner of that blog sincerely requested that I share with Nairalanders. I do not write except I'm inspired to. If I did otherwise, my blog'd be filled with beautiful nonsense. This is not a time to apportion blames. What I have done on this thread is to surgically cut through to the root of the matter...and address him/his need at this moment. If the wife posted this, I would have my words for her too. Different strokes for different folks. 3 Likes |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by ednut1(m): 8:27am On Oct 01, 2015 |
Many ladies of nowadays jst marry u based on what u can offer and not love as they pretend it to be. When a small temporary glitch happens u get to see their true colours. Bro find ur feet and move on abeg. So scared of this crap called marriage smh 1 Like |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by crackhaus: 8:46am On Oct 01, 2015 |
MizMyColi:Err, you did apportion blame to him when you made it look like he's only beating himself up for something he caused. The dude's wife left him and took his daughter along, she refuses to take his calls, and gives him attitude whenever he visits to see his child... Lol, he is not trying to be a victim, neither is he imagining anything and therefore bringing unhappiness into his life like you say. His wife literally left him and took his daughter along, refuses to take his calls, and gives him attitude...LITERALLY! ![]() Shouldn't a man be worried that his partner bolts at such a time when they should stick together? ![]() If he was anything like some men who would just not care about the whereabouts of wife and daughter, but continue living his life without bothering to keep in touch, you would have called him uncaring and unsupportive. Abeg, type something along the lines of 'Sisters, Go Deeper'. ![]() ![]() 9 Likes |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Cutehector(m): 9:09am On Oct 01, 2015 |
MizMyColi:chei easy na.. Ur first paragraph was quite harsh.. The young man wrote he has been intensifying his efforts in finding a new job.. U duno wat it is for a family man to be directed on what to do by his father in law cuz he lost his job, doesn't mean he should throw away his pride. He has a family to protect, and its his job only, and not that of his father in law... Well ur second and further paragraphs was encouraging buh d part dat u judged him wasn't needed.. Its not dat easy to be a man 1 Like |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 9:32am On Oct 01, 2015 |
Why did he let his wife go live with her parents if he could actually provide for them as he claims? Was he not in agreement with their movement? Why does he suddenly want them back when things haven't actually changed? You want your wife to come home and starve when she can be well taken care of in her parents' house? All because of ego? Or staying in your house suffering and dying in silence will make her a good woman abi? Your FIL is being protective, why would she let her daughter go bk home when things haven't changed? I understand how men feel when they can't provide for their family, but you hv to get rid of your ego!! You're even lucky to have in laws capable of helping you financially. .. Use this time to find your feet back. . Your wife should also find something doing no matter how small. .. The only problem I hv with your wife is the attitude she's giving you when she should be encouraging you. ..it's totally uncalled for! Also, if her parents can be helping her from their house, she should move back home! Just hv a heart to heart talk with your wife! About finding another woman, that's silly. . There's no excuse to cheat on your wife! 5 Likes |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by freecocoa(f): 9:40am On Oct 01, 2015 |
OP I don't want to say your friend married the wrong woman but that's all that comes to mind. Why is she staying at her parents? Is her hubby squatting with friends now or what? 1 Like |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 9:50am On Oct 01, 2015 |
MizMyColi:God bless yhu jor, well said. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Vikky014(f): 10:05am On Oct 01, 2015 |
Tallesty1:hmmmmmm this one is strong ooo. well the man shld advice the wife to learn skills that will enable her support her family nah. hw can a 28 yrs old lady be a house wife in this time and age ![]() lastly the man shld nt go and get another lady he shld divorce her first. also he should try his best and get another job |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 10:07am On Oct 01, 2015 |
crackhaus:the action of his wife right now, is kinda irrelevant his kid and securing a job is what should occupy his mind, right now. Yea it pains to be alone in trouble i feel the op has never truly been independent especially emotional, which as nature would have it, defines a man. HIS DEFINITION OF HAPPINESS SUMOUNT WHAT WHATS GOING ON AROUND HIM, HIS JOB, HIS WIFE. notice his thinking of finding a new wife, that need to feel complete, that dependcy he has, and feel of inadequacy he gets when no one is cheering. As a man, IF MY WIFE IGNORES ME IN MY HOUSE, I IGNORE YHU TOO, WHEN I BORED. I SEND YOU TO YHUR FATHERS HOUSE *THATS JUST ME* HE SECRETLY TRY TO PUSH BLAME ON OTHERS, HIS WIFE ESPECIALLY BY POINTING OUT SHE IS UNEMPLOYED. IF ANYTHING THE FATHER INLAW IS HELPING HIM OUT, BY TAKING HIS BURDEN AWAY FOR THE TIME BEEN. SO HE CAN CONCENTRATE BUT HE OBVIOUSLY SEES IT AS BAD. IF I WERE HIM, I WILL BUY KOLANUT EVEN IF IT 20NAIRA,OFFER TO THE FATHER INLAW, BEG FORGIVENESS AND ADVISE. AND ASK FOR HIS PRAYERS AND ENDURANCE. 2 Likes |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Nobody: 10:14am On Oct 01, 2015 |
Vikky014:she is only trying to pressure him, how ever wrong. Put yhurself in her shoes married, with child, living in your fathers house. At this point we dont know what shes doing, maybe hustling, learning a trade. Their marriage obviously has communication barriers, add that to the distance, things are bond to change. Two wrongs can not make a right, neither does two right make a wrong. A woman should be able to scold yhu in her own way yet encourage yhu. COMMUNICATION IS THE PROBLEM OF HIS MARRIAGE NOT HIS WIFE ATTITUDE. |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by ronald4lif(m): 10:21am On Oct 01, 2015 |
She gives you cold shoulder you give her too. When she doesn't call you don't call her as well. That's just exactly the way I'd have threaded if I were in his shoes. Treat her in similar fashion she treat me. Perhaps her father is up to some mischief and is harnessing a relationship with her daughter to some other guy and don't want you in the picture anymore. This is what I'd seek to find out if I were you so I can know when to institute for child custody over my daughter. No time to waste. If they don't want the marriage anymore I need to have some parental custody of my child, file for divorce and to hell with them afterwards. The wife and her father are shameless for chastising him for his inability to secure a job when the wife herself is unemployed. Whoever told them that a woman has right to idle at home but the man work his ass off is as silly as them. I'm guessing they still dwell in the era where a woman's duty is to stay at home and breed while the man works. What codswallop. Any woman who doesn't work have no right to hate a man who doesn't. Atleast not in this age of gender equality sentiment. Had she had something going for her she'd have been the one financing the family till the man finds himself another job. Only lazy beings always feel false sense of entitlement on another's earnings. Nonsense. ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Vikky014(f): 10:21am On Oct 01, 2015 |
chalantmike:you are right that communication is their major problem. but to me the lady shld try her best and find job too. 1 Like |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by hanubarbie(f): 11:20am On Oct 01, 2015 |
If he still considers himself a man,then he should grab his balls,go to his father-in-law's house take his wife n baby back home(didn't u pay her bride price,abi u rack am comot for shelf?)both of u should get a job....nansense!! |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by edwife(f): 11:45am On Oct 01, 2015 |
freecocoa: I am trying to understand what's happening here.... ![]() It seems many are bent on blaming the man rather than addressing the real "problem". He said he [quote author=Tallesty1 post=38552296]His Story: I lost my job (after putting in 7 years) about 11 months ago. The management decided to lay off some staff-with little compensation. Unfortunately, I was affected…the financial compensation is not much and one has been careful not to run out of cash before another job comes. In less than a year he lost his job,his wife(better half) that was supposed to be there in this trying time run off to her parents,not because they don't have a roof over their heads but probably lack of food for her and baby.Can't she go and get food from her house?must she live with them?whatever assistance the parents are rendering,can't be rendered to her house?She is 28 and JOBLESS,what has she contributed since they got married?and now this is time for her to play her part,she run off and not only that,giving attitude and refusing to pick his calls? Yes we all know that he needs to concentrate on searching for a job which he is doing by the way,but for a man who has a family-he needs their emotional support.A word of encouragement from a loved one especially a spouse is very necessary,returning home to meet your wife and child hungry,will give you more determination to make it right.He is HUMAN and not a super MAN. Mr man,leave that lady alone and continue struggling for YOU and the future of your child. When did it become a crime to be there for your spouse? Sensible women will even borrow money here and there to start a trade to support their husbands.I thought we preach equality everyday,how come he must be the one hustling alone while she sits her behind on her father's couch and wait for him to get back on his feet before returning home? The meaning of marriage has been lost nowadays,it is now to each his own. Unus pro omnibus, omnes pro uno. 9 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by freecocoa(f): 11:58am On Oct 01, 2015 |
edwife:My sister the thing come confuse me o, I don't understand why people don't seem to find the woman's attitude horrible, some people even said he should quit whinning, like wtf? Sensible/responsible women who find themselves in this kind of situation, become the man's pillar, supporting and pushing him till things pick up, it's not even as if the guy is lazy, just 11 months and she's left him, I don't even want to talk about her father make e no be like say I dey insult the man but what do you expect from such a family? She's not even ashamed to be jobless in a time like this, if this guy na my brother, hmmm! Let me just keep quiet sha. ![]() 3 Likes |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by Tallesty1(m): 11:59am On Oct 01, 2015 |
edwife:Thanks. I have seen some comments that I would quickly reply/question on a normal day but the case here is quiet different. Some even made it sound like the guy is broke. He is not broke, a compensation was given to him, though not enough but it is manageable. The only thing he asked his wife to do was to cut her spending so they don't go broke before he gets another job. Is that a bad thing? I am glad you understood the situation here........ Thanks once again. 1 Like |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by freecocoa(f): 12:07pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
chalantmike:Is this a joke or what? So a grown man whose wife left because he has no job should be happy? How can you say his wife's action is irrelevant? Why shouldn't he think of finding a new wife when the one he has isn't what a wife should be? Or you expect him to struggle all alone and allow the one that ran to her father, back in when things get better, just like that? Really? The FIL is taking his burden away? How exactly? |
Re: Please Advice A Brother. by edwife(f): 12:11pm On Oct 01, 2015 |
freecocoa: My sister,let's keep quiet o .Imagine a 28 years old woman behaving like a third grade...and they said the man should quit whining.... I am not lying,this is the kind of situation i wish i was a man... ![]() ![]() ![]() Tallesty1: Tell your friend to forget about her for now,she is not worth it. 1 Like |
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