LIFE AS A TEMP AT KPMG - Edwin Ugwuodo Chukwunonso

Less than ten days from today, I would round off my three months of temporary placement as a graduate tax analyst at KPMG. A Swiss entity, headquartered in the Netherlands, KPMG is listed in the Fortune 100 table of the best places to work on earth. Susan Adams on Forbes publication dated September 3, 2015 cited Vault.com “the most prestigious consulting firms in 2015”, ranking KPMG as 9th in the world. Passionately driven by it slogan “cutting through complexities”, KPMG attracts the brightest minds in the world across diverse academic backgrounds and inclinations.

I chose to start with this intimidating preamble not with the intention to express pride or assume the role of an unpaid advert agent, but to roughly lead your mind to catch a glimpse of the scenario I am painting and also to have better understanding of the story that will follow hereafter.

It all started on 31st October,2014 in University of Lagos. After days of sleepless nights in the preparation of the first ever National Tax debate which had in attendance most of the prestigious universities in the country. My school got an invitation to participate in the challenging contest. My school was represented by myself, Omeye Emenike (walking encyclopedia), Ogbuka Ukandu (lord of the advocates) and Agu Ozioma (glorious queen bee). On that fateful day, we made it to the finals after defeating other schools at the preceding stages. After the whole arguments and counter arguments, the panelists determined our fate within the space of 10 minutes. Like the voice in the wilderness, one of them announced, UNN is the winner of the 2014 National Tax Debate! Jesus! Yes, Yes!!! We shouted. We jumped, we danced and we sang. We received the victorious trophy, prizes and an offer of internships. From that day, life became more meaningful. Destiny was further chastised.
Excitedly, I and Emenike resumed our placements on the 3rd of August, 2015, immediately after our degree exams. It was one of the most memorable days of our life. I climbed for the first time in my life, a sky scraper with 13 floors. The light green building was so tall and conspicuous that you can see it from every angle of Victoria Island. That day, I thought I was walking into heaven (lol). The ebony receptionist welcomed us and after series of correspondence, we were dispatched to different Tax Units in the firm. Another experience and adventure of my life just stared.

Dear reader, my eyes saw a lot, I can’t exhaust the explanations.

STAFF: I saw myself in the midst of geniuses. People of every profession and field you can ever contemplate. Everybody there has a remarkable and outstanding quality that made KPMG hire him or her. They were all outstanding students with stellar leadership traits in one way or the other from various schools of the world. No wonder one of the partners jokingly asked me during introduction; “Edwin, I am sure you made a first class”. Imagine! But to tell the truth, that is the mindset at KPMG, an achievement mindset. That notwithstanding, the benchmark for hiring remains second class upper division i.e (2.1). The staff of KPMG are true definition of devotion. The degree of personal and impeccable commitment to duties leaves you wondering how on earth a firm could instill such level of religious devotion in an employee. They are intelligent I must confess. Very friendly and hospitable.

WORK ENVIRONMENT: My goodness! See, at intervals, I forget that I am in an office. The environment and facilities are so conducive that you lack nothing. My dear, every day was a party in the name of lunch. Chicken, catfish, beef, rice of all sort, name them. They all lost value in my sight. We take three course meals during lunch, at the expense of the firm. Chai! Should I talk about delicious cakes and surplus drinks that regularly go round the units or the informal outings (movies, dinners etc) the partners host us to most times. Hay! If you think you are a glutton, try KPMG. There are two standard cab companies that carry the staff in their luxurious cars. I flex owner’s corner so often on official trips you would mistake me for a partner. To cap it all, for the first time in my life, in the course official trips I was using the airports regularly without personal financial consequence. Flying from state to state as an intern, I almost forgot the poor family I come from, God forbid! I never did. I know you would be asking yourself if they can fly an intern in this manner, what about the staff. That is to tell you the stuff KPMG is made of. They spend a good portion of their revenue creating adequate working environment to enhance excellent productivity. Indeed the work environment in KPMG is” heavenly” but please take note; they would work your ass out. But is it worth it? O yes!

LEARNING: I learnt extensively. Now your boy is a little tax masquerade…lol. I was drilled and chastised intellectually, particularly in my unit area of taxation. But who wouldn’t learn in such a place, where one goes on trainings so often you would think it’s an extension undergraduate program. You go for technical sessions and every day in the office, you tackle all those global issues that you hear those technocrats discuss on the media that most often wouldn’t make any sense to a poor guy like me. I have prepared millions naira worth of documents and receipts and I must tell you, that is, if you belong in the same societal strata like me, all of the money we hear investors part with every now and then on the media are true. A lot of economic activities are happening in our country. There are millions of people out here who live that your disturbing dream. I tell you! Being an unrepentant car freak, I have seen all my imaginary vehicles and now, I am humbled, lol! I almost got knocked down by a car one day while I was admiring a luxurious SUV 2015 Cadillac that passed by. I don’t mean to wash my linens outside, just to make you appreciate the whole picture and enjoy the humor.

The major reason why I am eagerly putting these lines carefully is to wake up some of us in the Eastern part of Nigeria, especially those in University of Nigeria. There are lots of opportunities out here. One of the devastating lies I learnt in the school is that there is no job anywhere. Some of our lectures buried us in mediocrity (with due respect). I was pained one day when I shared with a colleague in the office how some of my school guys dream to work in a places like this and do you know what he asked me? “Do people in your school know about us?” It was an innocent and subtle question but he didn’t know I was boiling inside of me already. This write up is resultant from that response. They have the notion that we are not exposed. I would out of sentiment choose not to believe them but by statistic, the truth is, the average exposure is possibly 1/10. Sorry if this sound embarrassing but its unbelievably true. We have to wake up. Not that people here are more intelligent than people in the East (although I understand that we face some prejudicial factors), yes, there are geographical advantages but God forbid that we dwell in sin that grace may abound. Make good use of your time and go on temporary “chatting” break. Aspire your way out of mediocrity and shine. Tell yourself that the time is really now.

There are much yet untold. Take this as part one. The remaining portion of the experience would come after 30th October. Then, I would have bid farewell to KPMG. But before then, take a moment and ponder, ask yourself, where do you belong? It could be anywhere, in your chosen field of private law practice, in consulting, in NGOs or in international organizations. There are thousands of places like these. Let us leave our comfort zone and take a step further. I have shared with you the beautiful part of my journey here, but what you may not perceive here is that behind the story were lots of late nights and pains. Let us leave that for another day.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that I have arrived. I am still struggling like you and praying that I would meet my destiny. See you again after 30th October. One love!

olumide81:
No offense intended....but a good number of Nigerian Graduate can not and never fit into such working enviroment

kyrieEleisom:
And the moral of the story is? Well to buttress what i feel you are trying to point out, when i was serving i seemed to be the only corp member at my PPA that had heard about KPMG and graduate training/internships in multinationals. After i went for a graduate test and got my success mail someone looked at me point blank and said "girls are so lucky, b**bie open door for them" i felt sad for him really.

Gbajabiamila1:
Try Deloitte.

flamingtiger:
Nice one. @op I hope you got permission from Edwin before sharing

Shinelle:
oh well...
hope to get there someday! ! !

blank:
I first heard of KPMG as a 2nd year undergraduate studying accountancy. We were quite a number that passed their exam (comprising of various departments) and were invited to do the interview in Lagos. After all, they asked those of us still in school to be posted to their office for service and then continue from there. Although i never went back to continue the process, i ended up working for some of the other big 4.
I am surprised to hear that they did not continue with the tests in UNN. It was quite interesting and very tasking.

juddexy2:
The experience wouldn't be so different from this, the big 4 have similar work processesSure!Sure,you will through hardwork!Likewise, didn't experience that during my underG days there, i hope they continue..i guess u presently work at .........

blank:


On the contrary, i heard about them in UNN. I have modified my story a bit.

I don't work in the big 4 anymore. They are stepping stones to better things.

olumide81:
No offense intended....but a good number of Nigerian Graduate can not and never fit into such working enviroment

westmest:


C'mon it's KPMG, not NASA.