Iamthewatcher:
alright, it won't come to the point of "stories that touch". While d advice keep coming in, I'll be examining and counter-examining my heart and decisions. TNX

What are you examining? Do you think issues of the emotions and questions and matters of the heart is like exact science?

Do you even love this lady at all? If you do you won't be so cold and methodical about this whole process to the point of ' examining' all the evidence or arguments for and against the cause. You think this here is some court of law? Shake my head...

Iamthewatcher:
no be lyk dat, maybe I sounded so brash but I just stripped my case bare for all to get it. I used dt olodo word to get her on her feet and be ready to learn.

You referred to a woman you supposedly love and respect as an 'Olodo' in a public forum. I am very sure you have called her that amongst your colleagues. Need I say more?

Iamthewatcher:
my guy I don't want a divorce on grounds of irreconcilable incompatibility. I want to take a final decision and get paired.

I know of a marriage that has issues becaus the wife didn't go to school. They're currently separated.

She has the same inferiority complex due to her educational deficit and it takes a large portion of blame.

Oga, forget NL, na you go marry woman. Are you okay with her status? Can you take her out to any gathering with pride or do you hide her inside?

And please, no matter what, ensure she finishes school or learns a vocation

4C2215131:


What are you examining? Do you think issues of the emotions and questions and matters of the heart is like exact science?

Do you even love this lady at all? If you do you won't be so cold and methodical about this whole process to the point of ' examining' all the evidence or arguments for and against the cause. You think this here is some court of law? Shake my head...

allow him examine.

Love does not hold a marriage, tolerance, understanding and trust do. This is not just a girl he wants to toast, it's marriage and he has every right to weigh pros and cons.

Tomorrow, that inferiority complex could push her to do ridiculous things and make accusations against him.

I have seen a marriage that is on the rocks based on what OP has listed, so let him analyse

RobinHez:


Its what u guys were supposed to be doing during courtship period na


Anyways..put marriage on hold first, and map out a plan to make her who u want her to be...

Be ready to court her for anoda lengthy period

I agree with you!

Gaborone:
There're compatibility issues here that I don't think should be ignored. Amos 3 v 3: Can two walk together unless they agree?


I sincerely think one should get married to someone who can they can 'go' with on life's journey.

Pastor Sam Adeyemi preached on the topic, "Growing Together" about 3months ago, and the crux of the whole message was that one should never allow his spouse/partner leave him/her behind. What he meant was that, if your partner is growing academically, start making efforts at growing academically too. If your partner is growing intellectually, spiritually, etc, catch up too, because any inbalance might lead to resentment, and one partner being out of place in the other's life.

Now, be very honest with yourself...can you brush her up to become intellectually and socially compatible with you? Should you fail at that, would you be okay if she is unable to play certain roles which your nature of work/lifestyle/plans/circle of friends and contacts may demand of her as your wife in future? Will you be ashamed of her, or embarrased by her grammatical errors in public? Will you be able to take it? Can her not-so-refined ways lead to resentment and irritation from you in future?

I'm sorry about the barrage of questions, but I feel only you can decide on this, same way I feel the answers to those questions would serve as a pointer to you, on the next step to take.

Wish you the best.

Wholly on point!

Iamthewatcher:
I met my fiancee some few yrs ago. I've agreed to marry her but there are factors I still want to give a final consideration before signing the dotted lines. These are:

1. She is not literate but willing to go to school. I never dreamt of marrying an illiterate when I, myself is a graduate. Her waec result is nothing to write home about. In fact she wasted her time in secondary school as far as I'm concerned and when I asked her why she was such an olodo, she quickly blamed those she lived with. She said because she was more or less a maid then, she hadn't much time for her studies and that's why she failed woefully. When I met her, her use of english was zero and I had to exert much effort to bring her to the level where she could converse freely with me at least in english. She retook her ssce and credited all subjects except math.

2. She's 2yrs and 3months older than me. Some argue that a woman will age first when older and that's the reason men go for younger women or at worst, their age mates.

3: She sometimes feel inferior to me cos' of my literacy and polished way of going about my stuff.

4. She has a fat tummy. This I perceived to be an upshot of her eating habit before I met her. Can you believe that it was when I started staying close to her that I discovered that she doesn't drink water after eating. Maybe she does that very much later. She was an expert in devouring meat with her friends and never exercised. I also had to teach her to drink water first thing in the morning before taking breakfast. I discovered that her mouth was always dry as a result of this disgusting lifestyle. If she wants to have a word with me in low tone, I do perceive some offensive odours from the mouth sometimes. All this are changing slowly now cos' a damage of so many years can't just be corrected overnight. I'm putting much effort into rearing her cos' she's a wife material.

There are one or two other drawbacks I won't like to go into now as the aforementioned factors are the ones that baffle me the most. I sometimes get so annoyed and start abusing her. But she also has her good sides that even attracted me to her which are:

1. She is well-mannered.
2. She can cook very well.
3. She is very hospitable.
4. She's very respectful.
5: She's pretty and fair.
6. She's a wife material.
7. She's reserved.

The crux here is that we are presently, not on the same page as far as being learned and refined is concerned and I want to marry someone who'll be very refined as well. Though we stay as friends but I feel she doesn't measure up.
So my people, if you were in my shoes, can you go ahead and marry her despite these bad sides??
Pls and pls, helpful comments will suffice.

Cc: Lalasticlala

Finding a good woman(vise-versa) in 2015 is as difficult as eliminating boko haram.There's no point marrying a woman you're not proud of.Some people are very slow learners and might never catch up with your expectations.This your write up is annoying me especially the part of "abusing her".Nobody is ever perfect, you cannot have it all.With all these skepticisms about her, i suggest you just let her go.She might never measure up with you and later in marriage you'll begin to hate her which might even lead to physical abuse because presently you're verbally abusing her.Your kind of man wants a woman he can flaunt very well.They're lots of sophisticated ladies who are well domesticated. Never marry someone who's far below your standard, it just won't work.I once dated a guy who was far below average in terms of intelligence, morals,reasoning, verbal communication skills and every other thing u could think of. I had really hard times conversing with him.He usually mixed past and present tense. And we both graduated from a private uni and he was like two years ahead.He'd say stuffs like" Have you guys through " "Did she came" " I'm at the pack".I had to let go because love is never enough. If you can cope with these shortcomings of hers then marry her. About the bloated tummy; no man likes that.If her tummy is obviously fat without an issue, what will happen after 3 kids? If u can live happily married with these bad sides,marry her.After all our former president didn't marry a sophisticated woman,she made lots of grammatical blunders but he still loved her.If you can't cope,please drop her number i go give my brother.Best of luck Sir.

Mbilla:
Typical mannerless oloshi! Ur comments says a lot about u. F.o.o.l, every tribe have their own accent and urs is not better. I didt nt insult u by asked u if ur tribe accent better than Igbo accent ur mocking but look at how ur barking lyk a mad female dog on a faceless forum. I pity dat nice Igbo man that marry a senseless, s.t.u.p.i..d.y, illiterate, shapeless mannerless oloshi..

lol.... I might have taken offense to what you are saying but since none of it makes sense and doesn't relate to me, why should I bother?

I wonder why I waste my precious MB on idiotic nuisances.

Iamthewatcher. Go for what u want and let go of what u don't want. Are u sure u are a husband material? See how u wash wash ur so called “wife” that's not how choose a wife she is willing to learn she can CHANGE. But u ve made up ur mind am not sure u believe in her ur now using her as practical of what u leant in sch where is ur sch GF. U went for the cheap so take it don't use microscope on them no one is perfect. But bankers are available for marriage goodluck.

He who finds a wife, has found a good thing. Don't let other people's thought make u regret in future...

Teempakguy:
why in the world were you online at 5:02?

anyway, well, they are still courting, aren't they? besides, don't you think "courting" is more of an old fashioned word? i think dating is more accurate.

Dunno why


Lol... I was taught 'courtship behaviour' in Biology!
Courting sounds more appropriate and matured

Dating is garbage...meant for 'the youths'! And it revolves around sex and spending money ..without giving cognisance to the future

funny enough,we are dating the same kind of person but i made up my mind a long time ago to marry her

she's not that literate; i paid for ssce this year and the result was out a month ago or so and she passed all subjects

use of english; i make her watch foerign movies most times and make her speak english to me while i reply her in yoruba

she's actually a nurse and wants to study nursing,i already got her a jamb form

she also has body flaws which we've started working on but her ukwu beats any flaws she has , she had tommy before she met me,she worked it out

she has a lot of great qualities anyone would want in a woman which made me decide 3 months after we started dating to marry her, we're a year and two months old now

i had never dated a lady for more than three months before meeting her

my point is while you merry-go-rounding and contemplating on whether or not to marry her,i'm here making my future with the same model you got and farting around her

Iamthewatcher:
you've got a point that's also part of d reason I put up ds piece. She's picking up slowly on d use of english but she just need a thorough education even as I'll like her to be a nurse. D ish is dt I'm caught up in between d merits and d demerits. Tnx all the same for ur humble contribution.

''Love is blind'' i agree and i disagree. Think carefully and wisely, be your judge.
As for me,i am on my way to ASOROCK and mama P english poor communication is not gonna happen again.
I suggest u go for a graduate who has educational exposure. This is 2015 not 1970 when my mum has secondary cert.
GOODLUCK

You may feel provoked sometimes into using abusive language but I tell you that you're simply destroying your works on her Cruz she becomes demoralized and inferiority complex sets in again. If you want to help her and your relationship, please stop abusing her personality, you're killing her confidence.
On another note, does she complain each time you are taming and teaching her? If she doesnt , it shows she's ready to learn (to have sat for ssce again shows that). Continue teaching her and and take her out once a while even if you will have to act like just friends or brothers on the outing for now just for her to socialise and see how things are done, she may not be much social having previously been maid.
I believe her hygiene can be worked on and will improve with time, you can even buy her things like mouth wash and also emphasize she brushes every night before hitting the bed.
Oh! She's gotten her ssce, get her a jamb form, pray she makes it, I bet you that her English will improve. But you have to personally teach her some stuff in her academics, you can take her up on a topics in maths, teach her some rules of concord, you can even buy her A1 in English or A-Z in english , both by Ashade, let her read and understand basic rules of concord, buy her a dictionary and each time she asks you the meaning of a word, dont tell her train her to consult her dictionary, BUT DONT DO THIS WITH INSULT PLEASE, she'll improve as expected.
I kid you not my brother, if you let her go and marry another woman who eventually doesn't please you again in one way or the other, you will never forgive yourself for throwing away a lady whom you have invested so much time, emotion and energy on. You've invested in her, don't stop and let a man take the glory of what you've done right from the scratch. Any man that takes her now can not work as hard as you have done Cuz you took her up from the raw.
beliefbeliev
LEST I FORGET, I HOPE SHE'S PRETTY TO YOUR TASTE?

Iamthewatcher:
you've got a point that's also part of d reason I put up ds piece. She's picking up slowly on d use of english but she just need a thorough education even as I'll like her to be a nurse. D ish is dt I'm caught up in between d merits and d demerits. Tnx all the same for ur humble contribution.

hmmmm, i wouldn't have quoted you if you did not mention you want her to be a nurse.... Please if you know she's not that intelligent, send her to the university for another course and not nursing school so that you won't end up wasting your money as nursing is too difficult and stressful and they can even eliminate Her if she's not working to their expectations... Another thing is, make sure you marry her before sending her to a nursing school so that she will not be the one writing some flaws about you and to avoid story that touch.... Good luck

Iamthewatcher:
my guy I don't want a divorce on grounds of irreconcilable incompatibility. I want to take a final decision and get paired.

The truth is:
The only factor to be mostly considered in your points is the Literacy aspect, as it can lead to polygamous marriage/family if at all you're later successful to the extent of getting it difficult to presenting uneducated person as wife.(e.g most governors and president(s) don't present their first wives as First Lady). However, that should not be a threat at this century, as there are many ways of becoming literate; Such includes ODL/DLE mode, Part-time mode, and even Normal/Regular mode(in as much as you're ready to sponsor her).

Also, her age barrier has been covered by the following points that you made:
3. She is very hospitable.
4. She's very respectful.

Believe me, you're good to go.
SHALOM!

RobinHez:

Dunno why


Lol... I was taught 'courtship behaviour' in Biology!
Courting sounds more appropriate and matured

Dating is garbage...meant for 'the youths'! And it revolves around sex and spending money ..without giving cognisance to the future

the words can also be used interchangeably. but anyway, i guess you're right. the word that is also used for relationships between monkeys and gorillas is definitely more matured.

Iamthewatcher:
I met my fiancee some few yrs ago. I've agreed to marry her but there are factors I still want to give a final consideration before signing the dotted lines. These are:

1. She is not literate but willing to go to school. I never dreamt of marrying an illiterate when I, myself is a graduate. Her waec result is nothing to write home about. In fact she wasted her time in secondary school as far as I'm concerned and when I asked her why she was such an olodo, she quickly blamed those she lived with. She said because she was more or less a maid then, she hadn't much time for her studies and that's why she failed woefully. When I met her, her use of english was zero and I had to exert much effort to bring her to the level where she could converse freely with me at least in english. She retook her ssce and credited all subjects except math.

2. She's 2yrs and 3months older than me. Some argue that a woman will age first when older and that's the reason men go for younger women or at worst, their age mates.

3: She sometimes feel inferior to me cos' of my literacy and polished way of going about my stuff.

4. She has a fat tummy. This I perceived to be an upshot of her eating habit before I met her. Can you believe that it was when I started staying close to her that I discovered that she doesn't drink water after eating. Maybe she does that very much later. She was an expert in devouring meat with her friends and never exercised. I also had to teach her to drink water first thing in the morning before taking breakfast. I discovered that her mouth was always dry as a result of this disgusting lifestyle. If she wants to have a word with me in low tone, I do perceive some offensive odours from the mouth sometimes. All this are changing slowly now cos' a damage of so many years can't just be corrected overnight. I'm putting much effort into rearing her cos' she's a wife material.

There are one or two other drawbacks I won't like to go into now as the aforementioned factors are the ones that baffle me the most. I sometimes get so annoyed and start abusing her. But she also has her good sides that even attracted me to her which are:

1. She is well-mannered.
2. She can cook very well.
3. She is very hospitable.
4. She's very respectful.
5: She's pretty and fair.
6. She's a wife material.
7. She's reserved.

The crux here is that we are presently, not on the same page as far as being learned and refined is concerned and I want to marry someone who'll be very refined as well. Though we stay as friends but I feel she doesn't measure up.
So my people, if you were in my shoes, can you go ahead and marry her despite these bad sides??
Pls and pls, helpful comments will suffice.

Cc: Lalasticlala

Write the pros and the cons of being with her on a sheet of paper, then if the pros outweigh the con, marry her. If the cons outweigh the pros ask yourself if you can live without her. Be patient and be gentle with her since her habits are already ingrained in her lifestyle, she will change with your help. But, don't go out of your way trying to "teach" her how to become a "better" person, if you go too hard on her you will only create resentment and she will become defensive or passive-aggressive and she will push back and resist all your suggestions. Teach her how to eat healthy--- thats the first step to losing stomach fat. Abs are built in the kitchen not in the gym. Teach her to floss after every meal and to brush before going to bed. What you want in a partner is someone that'll love, respect and cherish you and will also be a good example for your children. She sounds like a good person.

Remember, be very patient with her. Good luck.

People are funny sha! OP you know what you want and where you're headed in life. Think smart!! Don't be phooled by your emotions today, they may affect you badly tomorrow. Alot of men are regretting the women they ended up with and vice versa. Think about the future!!

safarigirl:
allow him examine.

Love does not hold a marriage, tolerance, understanding and trust do. This is not just a girl he wants to toast, it's marriage and he has every right to weigh pros and cons.

Tomorrow, that inferiority complex could push her to do ridiculous things and make accusations against him.

I have seen a marriage that is on the rocks based on what OP has listed, so let him analyse

Its so unfortunate that the battle of the sexes has gotten so bad that things like marriage is no longer an issue of love but just a union of two people who find themselves most compatible to start a contract. Such a shame.

I stand bold and proud to still belong to the old school with repect to things that matter in marriage. Love first and foremost as it alone births the others.

Any union devoid of this special ingredient is a charade and one of convenience. When the shiit hits the fan it can never stand. A union birthed on love stand a better chance of survival. The unions you hear of that have lasted for so long, has anyone of the partners come out to tell you it was just trust, tolerance and whatnot that kept it? They always use a single word- undiluted love. Every other laudable quality ( trust, tolerance et al are embodied in it). Hell, even the greatest teacher of all said it too.

Again, you speak of inferiority complex. Have you asked yourself what birthed such an attitude? The man made her feel thus via his supposed urbanity and modernity which might be fallacious mind you as his urbanity may be akin to that of an Hottentot to me- you see, its relative.

I understand your plight.. but the truth is in marriage you don't get the perfect partner but you make your partner perfect. You'v come a long way and that's a prove of your love for her. If you let her go someone else will appreciate her qualities and eventually marry her cos she's not going to be single forever.so can you leave with that?

I understand your plight.. but the truth is in marriage you don't get the perfect partner but you make your partner perfect. You'v come a long way and that's a prove of your love for her. If you let her go someone else will appreciate her qualities and eventually marry her cos she's not going to be single forever.so can you live with that?

Iamthewatcher:
I met my fiancee some few yrs ago. I've agreed to marry her but there are factors I still want to give a final consideration before signing the dotted lines. These are:

1. She is not literate but willing to go to school. I never dreamt of marrying an illiterate when I, myself is a graduate. Her waec result is nothing to write home about. In fact she wasted her time in secondary school as far as I'm concerned and when I asked her why she was such an olodo, she quickly blamed those she lived with. She said because she was more or less a maid then, she hadn't much time for her studies and that's why she failed woefully. When I met her, her use of english was zero and I had to exert much effort to bring her to the level where she could converse freely with me at least in english. She retook her ssce and credited all subjects except math.

2. She's 2yrs and 3months older than me. Some argue that a woman will age first when older and that's the reason men go for younger women or at worst, their age mates.

3: She sometimes feel inferior to me cos' of my literacy and polished way of going about my stuff.

4. She has a fat tummy. This I perceived to be an upshot of her eating habit before I met her. Can you believe that it was when I started staying close to her that I discovered that she doesn't drink water after eating. Maybe she does that very much later. She was an expert in devouring meat with her friends and never exercised. I also had to teach her to drink water first thing in the morning before taking breakfast. I discovered that her mouth was always dry as a result of this disgusting lifestyle. If she wants to have a word with me in low tone, I do perceive some offensive odours from the mouth sometimes. All this are changing slowly now cos' a damage of so many years can't just be corrected overnight. I'm putting much effort into rearing her cos' she's a wife material.

There are one or two other drawbacks I won't like to go into now as the aforementioned factors are the ones that baffle me the most. I sometimes get so annoyed and start abusing her. But she also has her good sides that even attracted me to her which are:

1. She is well-mannered.
2. She can cook very well.
3. She is very hospitable.
4. She's very respectful.
5: She's pretty and fair.
6. She's a wife material.
7. She's reserved.

The crux here is that we are presently, not on the same page as far as being learned and refined is concerned and I want to marry someone who'll be very refined as well. Though we stay as friends but I feel she doesn't measure up.
So my people, if you were in my shoes, can you go ahead and marry her despite these bad sides??
Pls and pls, helpful comments will suffice.

Cc: Lalasticlala

The root of the problem is you're beginning to look outside. Nobody was born polished,including you.
You have already started don't leave it here and regret later.
Forget age. My wife is older than me. Age is nothing but a number.

You know deep down inside that she is yours. Don't let shallow and unreasonable debates and vain philosophies from friends deceive you.

Iamthewatcher, if I were in your shoes, I will not marry her. Let her find her own class abeg. Compatibility matters a lot. And from your post, it's so obvious she's not in your league. Free her abeg! Find your own match who will also possess the wife material attributes. Dem full everywhere bro.

toksbisola:
@Op; quit being a PRIMA DONNA. From my observation, it takes a man only few weeks/months and not few years to know if the lady he is currently with WOULD END UP BEING HIS WIFE. You’ve stated both good and bad traits that your GF has; but from the look of things, you just can’t look beyond the bad traits. What I can’t understand is why you even said HELLO to her initially let alone going ahead to date her for a few LONG and LONELY years; when you knew from day one that she had a fat tummy, older than you and not literate enough; I just can’t bring myself to understand it.

Permit me asking this question, how would you feel if someone constantly criticizes you? Due to your constant annoyance, abuse and criticism at your GF, you’ve made her feel inferior to you especially in the area of your literacy and polished way of going about your stuff; Oh please give her a break and quit shocking her. You’re also rubbing salt into her wound by constantly referring to her not being literate enough.

In your case, you made a statement that “for me not to cheat on her later”; (you ain’t even married yet and you’re already contemplating cheating on her) that alone is a RED HERRING and when the opportunity presents itself, you probably might not have the self control to resist. BEST BELIEVE, TEMPTATIONS WOULD ARISE.

You talk as if you yourself are Mr 100% perfect and have no flaws. Listen up dude, I'm sure your GF is putting up with your fault/flaws without blowing your trumpet as loud as you’re blowing hers. If your GF were to make a list of your short-comings, it’ll be as long as my arm but yet, she manages yours and probably don’t complain so much as you’re whining about hers. I can just imagine the agony and pains your GF’s going through as you constantly barrage and correct her over frivolity.

Although you've mentioned sending her to school; what happens if she’s still not polished enough for you and able to articulately speak the MICHELLE OBAMA/QUEENS’ ENGLISH AS YOU WANT? Would that not irritate you and even compound the situation even more? Best believe, she can be sent to school but still not be polished enough for you and THAT’LL REMAIN A PROBLEM. The imperfections that a spouse has is what makes them unique.

You made mention about the age factor; well, as long as she knows not to use the age gap to disrespect you and you in-turn not to use that as an obstacle to chastise or castigate her; then I don’t see why you want to throw this opportunity away simply because the society at large might frown at the age difference. Aside that, some women might not look their age and with advancement in technology as well as having a good diet/health routine (which includes exercise) she probably might age gracefully; hence, you might not need to worry too much about her looking older than you.

Note these 2 points;

1) Never marry anyone out of pity simply because you have been with them for a long time and you don’t want them to lose out.

2) Marry for true love so that when the challenges start occurring in the marital bond (and best believe challenges would arise) that the love both of you have built up would be able to withstand the ups and downs that would occur; take note that MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES.

It would be in your best interest to TO AVOID PROLONGING THIS MATTER ANY LONGER. She is a woman whose biological clock is ticking and if you honestly would not be able to look beyond the “PROBLEM AREAS” you’ve mentioned above; PLEASE FREE HER AND FREE YOURSELF. Don’t have a selfish attitude (No offence hope none taken) where you want to have your cake and eat it by keeping her and STILL HAVING THESE NAGGING DOUBTS/ISSUES THAT YOU CAN’T OVERLOOK.

You mentioned that your family is cool with her; which is good; but note that it is not your family that would be living with her in your home; it's YOU and once you have these doubts occurring then please look into these doubts carefully now in the courting stage of your relationship.

The decision is yours entirely whether to carry on with her or let her be; though it'll be totally out of a selfish interest to allow her to chase other men away (one man’s meet is another man’s poison) with her knowledge that she has met her husband; meanwhile her man is in doubt if he has met his wife; as that’s the way it looks at the moment. I’ll strongly advice you to think deeply before pulling the plug on the relationship. Also note that you might find a younger lady (who might deal with you mercilessly through her character), more educated and flat tummy but might not be a “Wife material”.

FOR LADIES, PLEASE AND PLEASE don't ever wait and stay glued to a man that is more interested in changing you to meet his standards. Never say there might not be another man available to love you for who and how you are as that would be a fallacy and totally wrong. You probably might be chasing other men who meet your criteria away by remaining with the one you are managing to your own detriment.

On a side note, the constant dry mouth your GF suffers from might be as a result of some under-lying health issues such as diabetes which can make one have a constant dry mouth; let her go for a health check to rule out diabetes and any other health issues she might not be aware of.

Finally, remember this saying; HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED.

I rest my case

I love uuuuuuuuuuuuu

Chubhie:
.

Olasubomi (Chubbie), is this you?

repogirl:
lol.... I might have taken offense to what you are saying but since none of it makes sense and doesn't relate to me, why should I bother?

I wonder why I waste my precious MB on idiotic nuisances.

I don't waste my tym on mannerless illiterate oloshi like u but i replied u to let u know that ur tribe accent is not better than Igbo or any other tribe accent. I pity dat nice Igbo man dat marry senseless mgbeke like u.

4C2215131:


Its so unfortunate that the battle of the sexes has gotten so bad that things like marriage is no longer an issue of love but just a union of two people who find themselves most compatible to start a contract. Such a shame.

I stand bold and proud to still belong to the old school with repect to things that matter in marriage. Love first and foremost as it alone births the others.

Any union devoid of this special ingredient is a charade and one of convenience. When the shiit hits the fan it can never stand. A union birthed on love stand a better chance of survival. The unions you hear of that have lasted for so long, has anyone of the partners come out to tell you it was just trust, tolerance and whatnot that kept it? They always use a single word- undiluted love. Every other laudable quality ( trust, tolerance et al are embodied in it). Hell, even the greatest teacher of all said it too.

Again, you speak of inferiority complex. Have you asked yourself what birthed such an attitude? The man made her feel thus via his supposed urbanity and modernity which might be fallacious mind you as his urbanity may be akin to that of an Hottentot to me- you see, its relative.

love does not hold a marriage. Only kids hold such fallacy.

If you're in a marriage where one person cheats repeatedly, can you remain because of love? We need to be realistic.

NOBODY can make you feel what you don't want to feel. A person who feels inferior will ALWAYS feel so irrespective of another's efforts to change that

The power is in your hands, have you not seen couples where one person's inferiority makes them see things that don't exist? Women are accused of cheating by insecure husbands, inferiority complex is a major cause or abusive relationships...


I would never advise anyone to marry someone who feels inferior because that would mean a lifetime of assuring the spouse or your faithfulness and loyalty

The woman must work on herself. Nobody is to blame for how she feels. she should go to school, work on her spoken English, do what she must to be proud of herself.

Mbilla:
I don't waste my tym on mannerless illiterate oloshi like u but i replied u to let u know that ur tribe accent is not better than Igbo or any other tribe accent. I pity dat nice Igbo man dat marry senseless mgbeke like u.

the thing dey pain some pipu ooooo, LMAO! Senseless mgbeke indeed! Thankyou sha, my husband likes the senselessness and mgbekeness like that.

At least i better pass you, Feeling funky on N150 sun glasses, lol, the nigga be feeling fly! ROTFL!

Iamthewatcher:
Ok, I got it

Is she from a well to do household?

Teempakguy:
the words can also be used interchangeably. but anyway, i guess you're right. the word that is also used for relationships between monkeys and gorillas is definitely more matured.

Yea..right!
Like we're not also animals..

safarigirl:
love does not hold a marriage. Only kids hold such fallacy.

If you're in a marriage where one person cheats repeatedly, can you remain because of love? We need to be realistic.

NOBODY can make you feel what you don't want to feel. A person who feels inferior will ALWAYS feel so irrespective of another's efforts to change that

The power is in your hands, have you not seen couples where one person's inferiority makes them see things that don't exist? Women are accused of cheating by insecure husbands, inferiority complex is a major cause or abusive relationships...


I would never advise anyone to marry someone who feels inferior because that would mean a lifetime of assuring the spouse or your faithfulness and loyalty

The woman must work on herself. Nobody is to blame for how she feels. she should go to school, work on her spoken English, do what she must to be proud of herself.

You obviously don't understand where I'm coming from so, let it rest. Each to his own. Whatever works fr you or to rocks your cradle espouse it.