Inquire deeply from yourself. Do you really love that woman? If you can sincerely answer 'yes' to that question, go ahead and marry her without looking back. Otherwise, let her go, immediately.

The most important things in life are self control, contentment and tolerance. If you really love her, all those seeming demerits of hers will fizzle out of your eyes.

safarigirl:
love does not hold a marriage. Only kids hold such fallacy.

If you're in a marriage where one person cheats repeatedly, can you remain because of love? We need to be realistic.

NOBODY can make you feel what you don't want to feel. A person who feels inferior will ALWAYS feel so irrespective of another's efforts to change that

The power is in your hands, have you not seen couples where one person's inferiority makes them see things that don't exist? Women are accused of cheating by insecure husbands, inferiority complex is a major cause or abusive relationships...


I would never advise anyone to marry someone who feels inferior because that would mean a lifetime of assuring the spouse or your faithfulness and loyalty

The woman must work on herself. Nobody is to blame for how she feels. she should go to school, work on her spoken English, do what she must to be proud of herself.

I'll pretend I didn't see your veiled insult ala ' only kids hold such...'. You want to learn to couch your words in a more civil manner. Makes you come out on top.

see my guy u ar nt sure whether u love her or nt cos all a man needs is happiness so if u think she cant gv u dat backoff bt if nt guy neglect her bad side nd marry her remember u go mak her learned if u wish to marry one 1st love her 4 love will cover her bad side

It's not a deasea if someone is not literate, but a deasea if d person is not ready to learn. Try n blend her to your taste and bet you you will be happy.

So you decided to cast your wife-to-be on nairaland? But you can sleep with her in private. You are definitely not husband material.

RobinHez:

Yea..right!
Like we're not also animals..

what the _fuck are you talking about? dude, we are ceramics! you hear me? don't let any foolish scientists convince you otherwise with years of solid evidence to prove their claim. we are ceramics and that's IT. the bible says so. GOD created us from dust, alright? confirmed ceramics. turn a blind eye to evidence and stick to what the book says. or you'll go to hell where you'll be baked in a superhot kiln forever.

Teempakguy:
what the _fuck are you talking about? dude, we are ceramics! you hear me? don't let any foolish scientists convince you otherwise with years of solid evidence to prove their claim. we are ceramics and that's IT. the bible says so. GOD created us from dust, alright? confirmed ceramics. turn a blind eye to evidence and stick to what the book says. or you'll go to hell where you'll be baked in a superhot kiln forever.

Hahahahaha!!!

The kinda weed u took this morning can make u go into extinction!

Finding a good woman(vice-versa) in 2015 is like trying to eliminate boko haram completely.This your post is annoying me especially the part of "abusing her". Some people are slow learners and might never catch up with your expectations. If you can't cope with her shortcomings, just let her go.If you eventually marry her,will you be proud of her or you'd just keep her in the house.If you can't cope with it,just let her go.If u marry her now,and she doesn't come up with your expectations u might start abusing her physically and you'll even hate her.About the bloated tummy,nobody loves to look like a pregnant woman when you're actually not.If her tummy is that obvious without any issue,what will happen after 3-4 kids? Will u still love her and happily flaunt her? On the other hand, believe me or not she's not comfortable being with you, they'll definitely be this low self esteem thingy.As partners,u should grow together intellectually and otherwise. If u can't live with all these flaws, just let her go,I'm sure you want a happy marriage.I can really relate with your problem because i once dated a nigga like that who kept mixing past and present tense and we both graduated from a private uni so what's his excuse? He'd say stuffs like" Have you guys through" "Did she came" "I'm in the pack". It was difficult having a conversation with him,i kept correcting till i felt it was too much.If you can live with her happily with the flaws,marry her.If you feel you cannot cope with all of these, call it quits.They're lots of sophisticated ladies with very good speech mannerisms who are really good with domestic chores.Love is never enough reasons to marry.
Moreover, our former president didn't marry a literate woman.She made lots of unforgivable grammatical errors but he loved her however.I'm giving you my opinion like I'd give my own brother.Nairalanders will not live with you in the house,you wear the shoes and you know exactly how you feel about it's inconveniences. Best of luck.

batulakarada:

I tire o .Illitaracy and fat tummy like seriously
Go marry Beyonce na .

tell him!

All this are changing slowly now cos' a damage of so many years can't just be corrected overnight. I'm putting much effort into rearing her cos' she's a wife material.


You better keep calm and marry her....trust me from the quote above,you have answered your own question.
You are not perfect either,age is not a barrier,you can upgrade her socially and educationally,i know regardless
of all her shortcomings you sleep with her and she does your laundry and cooks your food. So marry her!

nathdim:
he is looking for a perfect lady with phd

Yeah the one that can be sending him on errands and make him do all the house chores while she goes on globetrotting on researches in her field of study.

u r a confused human being! rubbish

repogirl:
the thing dey pain some pipu ooooo, LMAO! Senseless mgbeke indeed! Thankyou sha, my husband likes the senselessness and mgbekeness like that.

At least i better pass you, Feeling funky on N150 sun glasses, lol, the nigga be feeling fly! ROTFL!

lol.... ok oooo.. bye bye oooo. I hav important tins to dis morning dan exchanging words with timid illiterate senseless mgbeke.

4C2215131:


I'll pretend I didn't see your veiled insult ala ' only kids hold such...'. You want to learn to couch your words in a more civil manner. Makes you come out on top.

if you had a valid argument to pass across, you would address the rest of my write-up rather than dwell on a perceived insult.

An uncivilized manner would mean wording my terms in a demeaning way a la '....someone with half a brain.....'

But you can't argue with my point, so I bid you adieu. Good Morning

Iamthewatcher:

2. She can cook very well.
3. She is very hospitable.
4. She's very respectful.
5: She's pretty and fair.
6. She's a wife material.
7. She's reserved.

No 6 says it all

2scorehigh:


You are right. I have the same feeling it won't work. And I think the guy already knows it too.

Something is lacking and in certain relationships, what is missing is pretty much more important than what is already obtainable.

I think what he's doing here is just trying to rationalize in his mind between how he really feels and how the girl will feel if things were the other way round. He's also probably trying to figure out how he would deal with the girl's reaction cum disappointment when he tells her he just can't continue with the relationship but at the same time, he doesn't want to be stuck in a sympathy marriage arrangement.

What so many people advising the guy to stick with the girl don't understand is that compatibility can be a very big issue in certain relationships and in this guy's case, I have a feeling the mental compatibility is what is seriously lacking in their relationship hence the guy's confusion.

Yes, it wasn't such a big issue all this while they were courting but now it's marriage and when it comes to marriage, most guys often tend to develop superior sense!

i concur!

A good husband and wife material is very difficult to come by. We can only achieve that through God's leading. I advice that you drop your canal mindset of the kind of woman you want and look unto God through prayers for God's perfect will, only then will you be happy in marriage. Thank me later

my question to you is do u love her?,if u do all that won't be a problem and advice to u is that with ur support n love u can mk her be what she wants to be,if u feel u can't marry an illiterate,y not allow her rewrite her waec n maybe write jamb 2 n for d age matter bros forget dt one, with d right resource n much n boku love ur wife go be ur swt 16 till death do una apart

You have your answers, lovely comments guys.



So, refreshing! . .

toksbisola:
@Op; quit being a PRIMA DONNA. From my observation, it takes a man only few weeks/months and not few years to know if the lady he is currently with WOULD END UP BEING HIS WIFE. You’ve stated both good and bad traits that your GF has; but from the look of things, you just can’t look beyond the bad traits. What I can’t understand is why you even said HELLO to her initially let alone going ahead to date her for a few LONG and LONELY years; when you knew from day one that she had a fat tummy, older than you and not literate enough; I just can’t bring myself to understand it.

Permit me asking this question, how would you feel if someone constantly criticizes you? Due to your constant annoyance, abuse and criticism at your GF, you’ve made her feel inferior to you especially in the area of your literacy and polished way of going about your stuff; Oh please give her a break and quit shocking her. You’re also rubbing salt into her wound by constantly referring to her not being literate enough.

In your case, you made a statement that “for me not to cheat on her later”; (you ain’t even married yet and you’re already contemplating cheating on her) that alone is a RED HERRING and when the opportunity presents itself, you probably might not have the self control to resist. BEST BELIEVE, TEMPTATIONS WOULD ARISE.

You talk as if you yourself are Mr 100% perfect and have no flaws. Listen up dude, I'm sure your GF is putting up with your fault/flaws without blowing your trumpet as loud as you’re blowing hers. If your GF were to make a list of your short-comings, it’ll be as long as my arm but yet, she manages yours and probably don’t complain so much as you’re whining about hers. I can just imagine the agony and pains your GF’s going through as you constantly barrage and correct her over frivolity.

Although you've mentioned sending her to school; what happens if she’s still not polished enough for you and able to articulately speak the MICHELLE OBAMA/QUEENS’ ENGLISH AS YOU WANT? Would that not irritate you and even compound the situation even more? Best believe, she can be sent to school but still not be polished enough for you and THAT’LL REMAIN A PROBLEM. The imperfections that a spouse has is what makes them unique.

You made mention about the age factor; well, as long as she knows not to use the age gap to disrespect you and you in-turn not to use that as an obstacle to chastise or castigate her; then I don’t see why you want to throw this opportunity away simply because the society at large might frown at the age difference. Aside that, some women might not look their age and with advancement in technology as well as having a good diet/health routine (which includes exercise) she probably might age gracefully; hence, you might not need to worry too much about her looking older than you.

Note these 2 points;

1) Never marry anyone out of pity simply because you have been with them for a long time and you don’t want them to lose out.

2) Marry for true love so that when the challenges start occurring in the marital bond (and best believe challenges would arise) that the love both of you have built up would be able to withstand the ups and downs that would occur; take note that MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES.

It would be in your best interest to TO AVOID PROLONGING THIS MATTER ANY LONGER. She is a woman whose biological clock is ticking and if you honestly would not be able to look beyond the “PROBLEM AREAS” you’ve mentioned above; PLEASE FREE HER AND FREE YOURSELF. Don’t have a selfish attitude (No offence hope none taken) where you want to have your cake and eat it by keeping her and STILL HAVING THESE NAGGING DOUBTS/ISSUES THAT YOU CAN’T OVERLOOK.

You mentioned that your family is cool with her; which is good; but note that it is not your family that would be living with her in your home; it's YOU and once you have these doubts occurring then please look into these doubts carefully now in the courting stage of your relationship.

The decision is yours entirely whether to carry on with her or let her be; though it'll be totally out of a selfish interest to allow her to chase other men away (one man’s meet is another man’s poison) with her knowledge that she has met her husband; meanwhile her man is in doubt if he has met his wife; as that’s the way it looks at the moment. I’ll strongly advice you to think deeply before pulling the plug on the relationship. Also note that you might find a younger lady (who might deal with you mercilessly through her character), more educated and flat tummy but might not be a “Wife material”.

[b]FOR LADIES, PLEASE AND PLEASE don't ever wait and stay glued to a man that is more interested in changing you to meet his standards. Never say there might not be another man available to love you for who and how you are as that would be a fallacy and totally wrong. You probably might be chasing other men who meet your criteria away by remaining with the one you are managing to your own detriment.
[/b]
On a side note, the constant dry mouth your GF suffers from might be as a result of some under-lying health issues such as diabetes which can make one have a constant dry mouth; let her go for a health check to rule out diabetes and any other health issues she might not be aware of.

Finally, remember this saying; HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED.

I rest my case

This is for me...Thank You #JustSoHardToLetGo

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4C2215131:


Have you ever sat down to ask yourself this question: What does my girl really want to be in life. What makes her happy?

Please do, as you seem determined to turn her into something that makes YOU happy never minding how she'd feel about it. She's someone with feelings not a toy you purchased for your amusement!

Do you think she doesn't know that you detest these traits of hers. Do you think she's not hurting about it- wishing she could be the superwoman that you want her to be. Guy exercise some selflessness in this your quest I beg thee.

Sentiment. A call for advice in order to avoid failure has become selfishness. How?...and the lady's dreams,things that makes her happy would be what? Not being literate? Protruding belly?

like you assume that the lady also doesn't have things she'll like the guy to address. Does that make her selfish too?

neoapocalypse:


These your questions no be for this world o , e be like question wey dem ask for 1993 JAMB , the JAMB hard no be small

Its simple questions to help reset his mind. I don't believe in writing pages to advice.

If he answers them honestly, his problem is solved.

The solution lies with him.

Iamthewatcher:
I met my fiancee some few yrs ago. I've agreed to marry her but there are factors I still want to give a final consideration before signing the dotted lines. These are:

1. She is not literate but willing to go to school. I never dreamt of marrying an illiterate when I, myself is a graduate. Her waec result is nothing to write home about. In fact she wasted her time in secondary school as far as I'm concerned and when I asked her why she was such an olodo, she quickly blamed those she lived with. She said because she was more or less a maid then, she hadn't much time for her studies and that's why she failed woefully. When I met her, her use of english was zero and I had to exert much effort to bring her to the level where she could converse freely with me at least in english. She retook her ssce and credited all subjects except math.

2. She's 2yrs and 3months older than me. Some argue that a woman will age first when older and that's the reason men go for younger women or at worst, their age mates.

3: She sometimes feel inferior to me cos' of my literacy and polished way of going about my stuff.

4. She has a fat tummy. This I perceived to be an upshot of her eating habit before I met her. Can you believe that it was when I started staying close to her that I discovered that she doesn't drink water after eating. Maybe she does that very much later. She was an expert in devouring meat with her friends and never exercised. I also had to teach her to drink water first thing in the morning before taking breakfast. I discovered that her mouth was always dry as a result of this disgusting lifestyle. If she wants to have a word with me in low tone, I do perceive some offensive odours from the mouth sometimes. All this are changing slowly now cos' a damage of so many years can't just be corrected overnight. I'm putting much effort into rearing her cos' she's a wife material.

There are one or two other drawbacks I won't like to go into now as the aforementioned factors are the ones that baffle me the most. I sometimes get so annoyed and start abusing her. But she also has her good sides that even attracted me to her which are:

1. She is well-mannered.
2. She can cook very well.
3. She is very hospitable.
4. She's very respectful.
5: She's pretty and fair.
6. She's a wife material.
7. She's reserved.

The crux here is that we are presently, not on the same page as far as being learned and refined is concerned and I want to marry someone who'll be very refined as well. Though we stay as friends but I feel she doesn't measure up.
So my people, if you were in my shoes, can you go ahead and marry her despite these bad sides??
Pls and pls, helpful comments will suffice.

I tink you need a woman of ur class.

I bliv ha eyes is not yet open,when is open u will b olodo to her.

Why will She no posses those characters, that's the only character She cn use to beat others girls.

For Me is vry common for olodo to b vry respectful especially if u are her helper.

If She is pretty as u claim,Why Den did u complain abt d tummy?

wen u say a girl is pretty it shuld Nt Mean face alone,it shuld b every thing about ha physical look.

Jst knw that She will not b Lik this After marriage.

I will advice you to follow your hrt,neva marry any gel out of pity or condition.

Marry Cuz ur 100% sure of what u are carrying.

If u feel if u leave ha She will feel some how,then you compensate her.

Leave pity out of marry!!!! Beware

WHILE HE'S AT IT, HE SHOULDNT BE SURPISE IF ANOTHER MAN WHO KNOWS HER WORTH WOULDNT WASTE TIME TO MARRY HER AND GROOM HER AFTERWARDS. THOSE THINGS YOU LISTED AS EXCUSE YOU KNOW VERY WELL ARE NOT PERMANENT, PLUS SHE'S WILLING TO LEARN TO BE BETTER, STILL THEY ARE EXCUSES FOR YOU. SMMMSHH

From all indications this lady is teachable & that to me is a great factor,depending on your vision for life,if you find her suitable for life vision go ahead and marry her,you must remember that there is no perfect lady anywhere ..

WHAT OTHER FACTORS DID YOU NOT MENTION? BEDMATICS WHICH SHE SCORED A1? WHOEVER DID HER ORISHRISHI DID A GOOD JOB.

Iamthewatcher:
on d basis of a wife, I hinge my priority but remember that for me not to cheat on her later, she should be a compatible companion and best friend to me in order not to give me that space. I see where you are headed in d 2nd & 3rd que. This will be my last hope. Only if she will pick up fast and get refined along the way as we journey together. My indecision and fear arose from d snail-speed at which d refining is going. But I honestly prefer a wife to a refined material. Maybe I'm too greedy and want d best of both worlds.

I THINK YOU JUST ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION. THE WORD! TOO GREEDY, U WANT THE BEST OF ALL. AND MY DEAR IT IS IMMMMPPPPOOSSSSSSIBLE, YOU CAN NEVER GET A PERFECT ONE. HAVE YOU EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT THE FACT THAT EVEN WITH YOUR SO CALLED "LITTERACY", SHE COULD HAVE SO MANY NEGATIVE THINGS SHE DOESN'T LIKE ABOUT YOU AND WOULD WISH YOU CHANGE? MAYBE SHE TOLD YOU, MAYBE SHE DID NOT. BUT I ASSURE SHE DEFINATELY HAS THINGS SHE DOENS'T APPRECIATE ABOUT YOU, FROM UR STATEMENT I COULD POINT OUT ONE, YOU ARE THE TYPE THAT CAN INSULT OR ABUSE HIS WIFE EVEN PUBLICLY FOR WHATEVER REASON, AND THAT MY DEAR IS A MINUS, I'D RATHER AN ILLETRATE PERSON WITH CHARACTER AND INNER BEAUTY.... IT IS OBVIOUS YOU ARE STILL A CHILD AT HEART. ABEG FREE HER FOR A BETTER MAN (not boy)WHO WILL ADORE HER FOR LIFE

TALKING ABOUT HER LEARNING VERY SLOW LIKE A SNAIL....... PLS ANSWER THIS
1. DID IT TAKE YOU JUST 2 YRS TO GET TO THIS LEVEL OF SO CALLED "REFINEMENT" STAGE?
2. IF YOUR TEACHERS WERE NOT PATIENT, DID YOU THINK YOU WILL BE THIS GOOD? (IF AT ALL YOU ARE)
TWO YEARS AND YOU CALL THAT SLOW.

I EVEN NOTED ANOTHER IMPERFECTION I YOU, IMMMMPATTIENT! you dont seem like a husband material either
(sorry, but the hard truth)

oracle009:


Olasubomi (Chubbie), is this you?

maybe a mixed up. OluwaChibuike is the name.

Gaborone:
There're compatibility issues here that I don't think should be ignored. Amos 3 v 3: Can two walk together unless they agree?


I sincerely think one should get married to someone who can they can 'go' with on life's journey.

Pastor Sam Adeyemi preached on the topic, "Growing Together" about 3months ago, and the crux of the whole message was that one should never allow his spouse/partner leave him/her behind. What he meant was that, if your partner is growing academically, start making efforts at growing academically too. If your partner is growing intellectually, spiritually, etc, catch up too, because any inbalance might lead to resentment, and one partner being out of place in the other's life.

Now, be very honest with yourself...can you brush her up to become intellectually and socially compatible with you? Should you fail at that, would you be okay if she is unable to play certain roles which your nature of work/lifestyle/plans/circle of friends and contacts may demand of her as your wife in future? Will you be ashamed of her, or embarrased by her grammatical errors in public? Will you be able to take it? Can her not-so-refined ways lead to resentment and irritation from you in future?

I'm sorry about the barrage of questions, but I feel only you can decide on this, same way I feel the answers to those questions would serve as a pointer to you, on the next step to take.

Wish you the best.

Trust the lord with ALL thy heart n lean not on ur own understanding. Forget all this modern pastors. Reaad how God revealed Kenneth Hagin's wld b wife. Read hw smith wigglesworth, pa Adeboye etc met dir wld b wife plus dir level of education. If u wanna talk abt d worldly(wisdom of men) way I wld accept ur view.

Mbilla:
lol.... ok oooo.. bye bye oooo. I hav important tins to dis morning dan exchanging words with timid illiterate senseless mgbeke.

While you are doing your important tins, find time to use dictionary to crosscheck those your words and know their meanings instead of throwing around any word that pops into your head. No be by force to yab abeg.

Displaying your challenged and limited vocabulary to the whole world like this is quite shameful.

Or you can just stick to yabbing in your dialect since that seems like easier for you. . Thank me later.

He came to Nairaland looking for advice on Marriage...

The Question is are YOU DA TYPE OF MAN a person's sister should marry ? Ode ! Mpama !