Nice one OP, but hope you wont start tasking her unnecessarily and leave huge financial responsibilities to her

raumdeuter:


they split bills, the wife does childcare, the man does the heavy lifting like fixing cars, fixing electrical, and plumbing issues cut the lawn etc

How is that not sharing responsibilities

How many times does the man do the bolded assuming he does it himself as they are all chores contracted out?

How do it compare to child and home care?

*I have no issues with how individual couples decide to live

bukatyne:
How many times does the man do the bolded assuming he does it himself as they are all chores contracted out?

How do it compare to child and home care?

*I have no issues with how individual couples decide to live

These chores come up daily and they are usually overlooked because one party does it regularly. I saw a movie where they took all the men to war, leaving women alone,. the first few days was chaotic as many of the women have never even taken trash out of their house before.

Let each party stay separate for a weekend to appreciate what each person bring to the family table

bukatyne:

She is a Muslimah and Muslimahs are not mandated to/do not contribute financially in their homes
(What I gathered from the Islamic board)

Ok if they are bound by religion. I dont make comments or judgment when it comes to religion or cultural issues especially those that arent mine,

Have you explored what islam says about woman owning and developing a property without her husbands knowledge. Have you viewed all her complaint from the Islamic prism? I dont know about Islam so I cant really say

But I think its unfair to say Its Islam that forbids her from paying her kids fees yet not considering the impact of Islam on other aspect too

raumdeuter:


These chores come up daily and they are usually overlooked because one party does it regularly. I saw a movie where they took all the men to war, leaving women alone,. the first few days was chaotic as many of the women have never even taken trash out of their house before.

Let each party stay separate for a weekend to appreciate what each person bring to the family table

That was obviously a movie

I am not against appreciation which is extremely important(to be quite honest, each party can decide NOT to do their chores);

However, IMO childcare & homecare (done everyday) cannot be compared to the heavy lifting like fixing cars, fixing electrical, cut the lawn and plumbing issues (because it is not everyday and it is 90% contracted out).

bukatyne:
That was obviously a movie

I am not against appreciation which is extremely important(to be quite honest, each party can decide NOT to do their chores);

However, IMO childcare & homecare (done everyday) cannot be compared to the heavy lifting like fixing cars, fixing electrical, cut the lawn and plumbing issues (because it is not everyday and it is 90% contracted out).

In Nigeria all those child care are usually contracted out to younger relatives Mother In law or househelps same with the homecare

How many women here actually sweep the floor with broom every day?. When they are new brides they have househelps and relatives who help and by the time the kids are over 8 they are already handling most of the household duties. By the time they are 12, Most of the cooking.

A lot of houses also have gadgets that do all these like washing machine, rice cooker, vacuum cleaner etc

So when we get to the real sense of it How many women actually do these chores by themselves

But how many Nigerian women have actually dealt with a Nigerian mechanic before. Typically the car is bad, they park it and the husband does the worry, same with other masculine chores. either done by the man or contracted out

raumdeuter:


Ok if they are bound by religion. I dont make comments or judgment when it comes to religion or cultural issues especially those that arent mine,
Have you explored what islam says about woman owning and developing a property without her husbands knowledge. Have you viewed all her complaint from the Islamic prism? I dont know about Islam so I cant really say

I have not viewed her complaints, I only addressed the part of your post I bolded.

raumdeuter:
But I think its unfair to say Its Islam that forbids her from paying her kids fees yet not considering the impact of Islam on other aspect too

Very true.

raumdeuter:


Ok if they are bound by religion. I dont make comments or judgment when it comes to religion or cultural issues especially those that arent mine,

Have you explored what islam says about woman owning and developing a property without her husbands knowledge. Have you viewed all her complaint from the Islamic prism? I dont know about Islam so I cant really say

But I think its unfair to say Its Islam that forbids her from paying her kids fees yet not considering the impact of Islam on other aspect too

I hope u weren't referring to the case study I brought. If u went thru the stories I wrote, u wld note that the woman didn't build a house behind her husband's back, she was willed a land by her dead father and she shared her plans for the land with her husband bt after then the man withdrew all his financial responsibilities to her and partly for her children.
In Islam, a woman has the ryt to financial security and freedom, any money she earns or any property of hers is hers alone, not for the husband or family, but if she chose to hand it over to her husband or support the family then it's her choice, she isn't mandated to. The man is seen as the provider of the family.
Let's even look outside Islam, socially, and I blive in Christianity who is seen as the head and provider of the family? Is it not the man. I hate pple seeking for excuses for irresponsibility. But with the social and economic melt down we are facing, a ryt thinking woman wld naturally support her husband financially, unless he is overtly rich. But ideally, the financial duties falls on the husband.
The woman spends on her children with or wtout the husbands knowledge, takes care of their feeding and clothing, buys their provision, gives pocket money, pays part of the sch fees when the husband is unable to. If this woman is doin all these, I don't know how else u want her to support the husband financially.

raumdeuter:


they split bills, the wife does childcare, the man does the heavy lifting like fixing cars, fixing electrical, and plumbing issues cut the lawn etc

How is that not sharing responsibilities

Lets stop deceiving ourselves, men rarely do those things these days. They call in mechanicsbto fix the cars, electricians to fix the electricity, plumber for the plumbing work and so on. So no, thats not yet sharing of responsibilities.

DollyParton1:

Lets stop deceiving ourselves, men rarely do those things these days. They call in mechanicsbto fix the cars, electricians to fix the electricity, plumber for the plumbing work and so on. So no, thats not yet sharing of responsibilities.

So In Nigeria the average working woman doesnt contract all those housekeeping and cooking jobs to maids and family members?

So which responsibilities are women doing solely when the cooking cleaning and childcare are done by maids, family or kids as soon as they are older.

Most women the moment they have daughters of 10yrs they stop almost all duties at home. Just come back from work, sit down with TV and bark out orders

no they dont. I mowed my lawn monthly. Takes me 2 hours cuz it is big. The rest you listed are once in a while thing. Taking care of baby is huge responsibility.
I know many mil wifey and they run their home real well with full time job

raumdeuter:


These chores come up daily and they are usually overlooked because one party does it regularly. I saw a movie where they took all the men to war, leaving women alone,. the first few days was chaotic as many of the women have never even taken trash out of their house before.

Let each party stay separate for a weekend to appreciate what each person bring to the family table

armyofone:
no they dont. I mowed my lawn monthly. Takes me 2 hours cuz it is big. The rest you listed are once in a while thing. Taking care of baby is huge responsibility.
I know many mil wifey and they run their real home real well with full time job

In the west/ America where you live both husband and wife do the childcare together

While in Nigeria the maid and family does the bulk of the job

So where is it that wifey does the whole housekeeping and cooking all by herself

Well, I was born and raised in mil life...still in it My mom was an army wife and we didn't have house help. She held a job too.

raumdeuter:


In the west/ America where you live both husband and wife do the childcare together

While in Nigeria the maid does the bulk of the job

So where is it that wifey does the whole housekeeping all by herself

JustOzito:
I will not show my husband anything concerning my money. I don't want to kno his so he shudnt bother abt knowing mine. I only want him to provide his own quota to the family I'l gladly support him. Anyways Her family, her business. My life my business.

My God!

Askseek:


What works for one does not work for another doesn't mean she is a learner. She is putting her home first and they are figuring out what will work for them. We need to stop this behavior of putting everyone in a box and those that don't fit are ridiculed. I have always shared my finances with my hubby and we have been married more than 15 yrs now and u know what I know quite a few couples that their major problems are related to secrets regarding money. Money secrets broke my in-laws apart. Not worth it.

I can decipher a happily-married, wise, virtuous and intelligent woman from afar. You maam are a role model Worthy of elevation to these frustrated singles (hiding under feminism).

armyofone:
Well, I was born and raised in mil life...still in it My mom was an army wife and we didn't have house help. She held a job too.

Did you have relations who lived with you? Did you have older siblings who took over the responsibility

OP's wife, you showed him at your own risk. Just know that things wouldn't remain the same as before and I hope you are ready? OP is like thank you Seun for saving my marriage,Yimu.
Nobody should curse me, they brought their family issue here.
Waiting for your wife's narrative also, things ain't gonna remain the same ooo. Ignorance is bliss.

satowind:
Some days ago I created a topic on why people hide there salary from there spouse.

https://www.nairaland.com/2713974/why-people-keep-salaries-secret

I didn't even know my wife was that active on nairaland and she felt bad and apologized. She said she didn't know the salary issue bothered me this much and was a little bit angry I didn't tell her it bother me that much before taking it to the forum.

That was maturity on the side of your wife. And u were really wrong not to have told her 1st at least once. I've always said to ppl that there's no maturity in expecting ur spouse to just know what u want without telling him/her 1st. A lot of couples are guilty of this.

HaneefahRN:

Abi o, finally, someone who gets my point. The moral of all my story is, the woman shld knw the kind of husband she has well b4 opening all her case files for him. Not every woman is lucky in the marriage institution

Hmmmmmmmm abii oo. A lot of men, if they know you have money they will just relaaax. Until that money finishes they will not be happy. They know you will not sit by and see your kids suffer . One has to use wisdom at all times. If your husband is not honest and open to you then you have to have a need to know attitude towards things

DollyParton1:


I don't understand. So you are your husband's property because he takes care of most of your financial responsibilities? Safe to say a child who is responsible for his aged parents' finances can call his parents his properties?

You are getting it wrong. Most men shy away from housechores or childcare because they believe their only responsibility is financial provision. While the woman is responsible for the housekeeping, child care and other stuff. Really I could care less if a home is ran like this, if the wife is a full housewife. Because the wife can't bring any physical thing to the table per se
But if you as a husband is demanding to split bills with your wife ( am talking about the woman adding something very substantial), then be ready to split other household duties with her. Because if she helps you with your duties, the responsible thing is help her with hers too

If you work why can't you take care of financial responsibilities in the home? How is contributing to a home where you live, your home sharing in his responsibility? It is a joint responsibility. You did not address the other chores men do I gave examples of, should the woman share it if the man helps with the house or with kids? By the way this generalization of all men as the same is wrong. They are not all the same just as not all woman are this perfect wife of cook, clean and take care of the husband. Marriage is not 50/50 or black and white. The ratios vary and trying to fit it in a box is the easiest way for it to fail but what do I know? I have only been married to one man for more than 15 years and I have not met the kind of callous men described on this forum.

DollyParton1:


When your wife's father or mother leaves her a property, do not covet it. Work hard so that you can leave properties for your kids too. Shikenna.

In marriage 1+1=1. So if one inherits something it belongs to both. That's the way it should be. Yes many don't practice this, doesn't make it right

No, we were always moving so no one stayed with us. My dad always boast about how his wife (my mom) is a super woman . She stayed home during our formative years though.

raumdeuter:



Did you have relations who lived with you? Did you have older siblings who took over the responsibility

kilode100:
That your wife must be a learner.
Just negodu this golddigger?

How much of your money will be going into that joint account Mr brokeassman??

Smh*

See his mtn gworo stained he is using to thank nairalanders.. If I marry you eh, I go reformat, reboot and reshuffle that your yamayama head.


This Aunty has given this one license to cheat on her recklessly.

It is demonic mentality that will cause you to marry a terrible man!


watch out!

raumdeuter:


In Nigeria all those child care are usually contracted out to younger relatives Mother In law or househelps same with the homecare

How many women here actually sweep the floor with broom every day?. When they are new brides they have househelps and relatives who help and by the time the kids are over 8 they are already handling most of the household duties. By the time they are 12, Most of the cooking.

A lot of houses also have gadgets that do all these like washing machine, rice cooker, vacuum cleaner etc

So when we get to the real sense of it How many women actually do these chores by themselves

But how many Nigerian women have actually dealt with a Nigerian mechanic before. Typically the car is bad, they park it and the husband does the worry, same with other masculine chores. either done by the man or contracted out

A lot of women do not have helps or gadgets besides these gadgets still need humans to operate them

Very few women have also dealt with mechanics and the 'masculine' chores are contracted out

raumdeuter:


In the west/ America where you live both husband and wife do the childcare together

While in Nigeria the maid and family does the bulk of the job

So where is it that wifey does the whole housekeeping and cooking all by herself

Stop generalizing, probably that's what ur wife does. In the average Nigerian home the women takes up the entire home care and child care, sometimes if the man's mother stays wt them she takes care of her too and still work, I knw my mum did until we came of age to help out

Askseek:


In marriage 1+1=1. So if one inherits something it belongs to both. That's the way it should be. Yes many don't practice this, doesn't make it right

so what do u advice a woman whose husband keeps his affairs secret from? He doesn't show her his lands, when he built another house she heard thru an outsider, herself or children ain't his nxt of kin. U expect her to share her own property wt him?
That can only be done where there is adequate mutual love, trust and understanding, wc many marriages these days lack

raumdeuter:


So In Nigeria the average working woman doesnt contract all those housekeeping and cooking jobs to maids and family members?

So which responsibilities are women doing solely when the cooking cleaning and childcare are done by maids, family or kids as soon as they are older.

Most women the moment they have daughters of 10yrs they stop almost all duties at home. Just come back from work, sit down with TV and bark out orders

How many families do you see around with maids. I grew up in a home where we had no maid, so also is like 95% of families I know around me.

Let's assume they leave the duties to kids as soon as they get older and they had no maid, it is safe to say that the woman must have been the one doing the chores. I believe it is fair if the husband helps her out during those period.

And there is no way you can leave all the chores for your kids, no matter how old they are.

I dont know what set of people you mingle with, but sitting on one's aśš while a 10year old is running the house is a total show of irresponsibility and wickedness.

Askseek:

If you work why can't you take care of financial responsibilities in the home? How is contributing to a home where you live, your home sharing in his responsibility? It is a joint responsibility. You did not address the other chores men do I gave examples of, should the woman share it if the man helps with the house or with kids? By the way this generalization of all men as the same is wrong. They are not all the same just as not all woman are this perfect wife of cook, clean and take care of the husband. Marriage is not 50/50 or black and white. The ratios vary and trying to fit it in a box is the easiest way for it to fail but what do I know? I have only been married to one man for more than 15 years and I have not met the kind of callous men described on this forum.

Read my earlier post. I said MOST men. No generalisation here. And yeah, this is Nigeria, this is the way our culture and belief is, the man is supposed to provide the home's financial needs, while the woman does all the housekeeping duties and childcare. It has been like that for years. But now that things have evolved and men are demanding that women should share in the home financial responsibilities, I guess it is fair that they share the home keeping duties with the wives too.
And those duties u claim that men do in the homes are usually contracted out. Additionally, my belief is that every lady should know how to do those additional light masculine-appearing chores like changing of bulbs, fixing little things around the house etc, as long as it is within their physical abilities.

Finally childcare duties should be shared between the husband and the wife. The kids belongs to both of them, they share equal responsibilities to train up those kids.

armyofone:
No, we were always moving so no one stayed with us. My dad always boast about how his wife (my mom) is a super woman . She stayed home during our formative years though.

Now you've hit the nail on the head she stayed home so that means your dad was solely responsible for finances

bukatyne:


A lot of women do not have helps or gadgets besides these gadgets still need humans to operate them

Very few women have also dealt with mechanics and the 'masculine' chores are contracted out

I don't know any couple who worked full time. Leave home by 6am come home by 7pm and had no help either the husband help or they have family or maids

Who drops the kids in school or day care and who would pick them up

HaneefahRN:

Stop generalizing, probably that's what ur wife does. In the average Nigerian home the women takes up the entire home care and child care, sometimes if the man's mother stays wt them she takes care of her too and still work, I knw my mum did until we came of age to help out

This is not true. You're just embellishing
The wife works full time from 7-6 yet has no help no maid and the mother in law stays without helping with child care and to be taken care of again.

Lol. Tel another one

Dayo, can't spell it all now eh most nig women don't stay home and depend on their husbands salary now. She ran her own business. The best then since we moved a great deal.
Time to heat up, come join me for some miles jogging.

raumdeuter:


Now you've hit the nail on the head she stayed home so that means your dad was solely responsible for finances