I work with a very wonderful organization and as my job demands, one of my very crucial academic meetings is always held outside Nigeria.

I am also married with a 1yr 11 month old son and pregnant (few weeks gone).... My husband works and lives in a town that is 4hours away from Lagos where I work.

The need for a house help arose when morning sickness started. So I told a lot of people in the office that I needed a girl. Luckily one of the staff told me she could help me send down her half sister who is 15years old and her mum can no longer carter for because they are poor. She said she's also with the girl's elder sister.

I spoke with the girl's mum, she was so excited and prayed for me and all she requested was for her girl to go to school. I promised her that the girl would go to school. The girl was brought to me on 19th October.

So I went in search of a school and I was lucky she was admited into a Lagos State Government School that is close by. The principal said that it was late actually but she doesn't want the girl to be idle at home, so she could resume immediately but her academic session would be from January. I paid all d fees and got her two sets of uniform. She started school early this month.

My son has also started school, so she drops him in school and picks him up when she's back too.

Fast forward to this time, d official assignment that would take me away from the country was close. I couldn't risk leaving her in Lagos with my super active toddler for almost two weeks that I would be away. I had to take them to my husband.

Early on Thursday, 19th, I received a call that my girl had left home with her belongings and she left a note that she was angry with me that I did not let her go to school and that if not that she loved my son ehn.....

My husband's job is a shift- based job and he was on night duty to be back home by 8am the morning she left.

A neighbour called my husband who was at work that the girl took my son to them very early in d morning that we sent her on an errand and that they should borrow her N500. They took my son from her and told her to wait for my husband to return. They said they did not know when she left.

The girl scattered the whole house took all the pieces of meat in d pot, the juice packs at home. I Knew she wouldn't get money, my husband isn't as careless.

My husband spoke with her mum that didn't sound surprised and all she said was that she would scold her when the girl comes home. Yes, d girl is home now.

I was devastated and destabilized for two days. I never ever maltreated this girl. My conscience is as clear as a gallon of distilled water.

Well, my son is now with my mum.

My mum also spoke with her mum that the girl said neighbors were calling her omo-odo (house girl). She left the 6th day she got there. We stay in a compound of 5 flats where everyone minds his business. So who called her a house-girl.

I think the mistake we made was that we got her a phone and even loaded the phone. My husband said he noticed she was always calling someone and he once heard her telling the receiver the address of where she was.

I really wish to visit her mum when I return and I hope to see her and ask her questions.

I really appreciate my family for staying with me throughout this period and I'm glad I'm not hypertensive maybe I'd have lost this pregnancy. And I thank God most that she didn't hurt my son because I never hurt her.

Well, it's all good. Life goes on.

I am not trying to discourage people from getting house helps....

Am 23 in need of. House job

House help are always not helpful. They even add more stress to the already stressful life at home... that's why I always advice folks to engage in family planning. If ur home was well planned, such a situation wouldn't have occurred. Good spacing is healthy for breeding.

You are lucky she loved your son. Who knows something worst than eating the meat would have happened.

Madam,you don't need to speak with her mum when you return from ur travelling,since she's in support of her daugther's treacherous act.

Asapcymg:
Am 23 in need of. House job

No need to go, she said she's pregnant

I think with the rate of kidnaps orchestrated by house helps we should be very careful who we take as house helps. We should also set our priorities right. Between family and career, we should choose which should come first!

Am really glad that you said you didnt maltreat her.Make sure you ask her who are those calling her Omo odo (House girl) or maybe she just used that as an excuse.She should go elsewhere.

Rukemi291:


Early on Thursday, 19th, I received a call that my girl had left home with her belongings and she left a note that she was angry with me that I did not let her go to school and that if not that she loved my son ehn.....


I think the mistake we made was that we got her a phone and even loaded the phone. My husband said he noticed she was always calling someone and he once heard her telling the receiver the address of where she was.

I really wish to visit her mum when I return and I hope to see her and ask her questions.

I really appreciate my family for staying with me throughout this period and I'm glad I'm not hypertensive maybe I'd have lost this pregnancy. And I thank God most that she didn't hurt my son because I never hurt her.

Well, it's all good. Life goes on.

I am not trying to discourage people from getting house helps....

@first bolded; scary. If not she loved your son what would have happened?

@second bolded. Dangerous and not security conscious enough. Why buy her a phone and load it? Who is she calling? You're lucky she didn't call robbers to your house or worse. Then again it might still be good for you guys to change the locks and be a little more security conscious for a few days.

@third bolded I may be wrong but is that really necessary? Why not jejerly thank God u dodged a bullet and leave them alone? No need for the visit IMO.

No matter how good you are to those househelps, they will still prove to you that they are not ur biological children.

gabinogem:
House help are always not helpful. [/b]They even add more stress to the already stressful life at home... that's why I always advice folks to engage in family planning. [b]If ur home was well planned, such a situation wouldn't have occurred. Good spacing is healthy for breeding.

@1st bold... Fallacy of generalization.

@2nd bold.... Who told you her pregnancy is a mistake? How has family planning affected somebody going on official assignment but didn't want to leave the kid alone?
Sometimes, it is good not to type than add nothing to a situation other than compounding problem. How has your comment helped the Op?


@Op,

Since she didn't accuse you of any wrong doing and your conscience is clear, you have no business seeing the parents in person. They should be the one to seek you since they are the one in need of help more.

I will advice that you do a proper check on a potential domestic help prior to taking her in. Don't take the girl back, no matter the pleadings.

As noted above by 5mins.., change all the locks in your house and that of your husband.

This experience shouldn't deter you from being good to your domestic workers. Many will advice you to treat them like a second class citizen, do not give in to such evil advices.

May God see you through to a safe delivery.

You took a big risk.
Or maybe I didn't understand your story well.

I've never had phobia for househelps,I just don't know why...........well I guess I pray about them before bringing them in.
I've always used househelps.I will be getting another one in January.

Not many househelps are good but in your case I think she didn't understand what you were trying to do with her.She said she wanted to go to school which you agreed with and when you took her away to your husband's place she must have felt you were deceiving her.

You don't have to be too hard on yourself. You did what anybody with conscience would have done. Maybe that's why she loved your son. What is meat and juice? My advice is when next you go looking for some helping hands, go for someone younger, someone you can still mould, someone that is still naive. Maybe it's even better you go to the villages.

Remi I am sorry about your experience, sadly this is the story of many Nigerian women because of a variety of factors :
Note I am not judging you, just helping you understand so you can avoid the same mistake next time


1. There is a difference between a maid and a nanny. Anybody can cook and clean but it takes special training and patience to care for a child, we need to start understanding that.

2. Avoid cheap labour: I insist we need to get professionals instead of this " let me pay school fees " arrangements

3. Poor training of these helps: even the ones who come from agents are not trained mostly you are left to start training them from scratch and it can get veru frustrating.


I am sorry you went through this bad experience but let me ask you and other women with this problem how much you are willing to pay for a properly trained, security checked Nanny or Maid. I am asking not as Judgement oh I am working on something ni

gabinigem....
What else is family planning? is a 2year spacing not family planning enough? I don't want to train kids with pension. I'm still young and this is the best time to have kids so as to focus on my life, my family and career.

I wish to see her to really know the reason for the lies. What exactly chased her from my home?

Sincerely, I am so happy mature minds are here. Reasonably thought out comments. Bless you guys a bunch.

Yes, she's never coming back. NEVER. and really, they should look for me.

ele e gidi gon.. simple.. she's possessed

Chai... This your experience dey wan kind.

The part about if not that he loved your son really scared me....
Why are you planning to go their house? What for?
Nne, just relax in your house and thankGod o.

I really wish we can do without house helps/nannies but it's nearly impossible as the 'economic hardship' demands all hands to be on deck...

It's well...

The is retaliation in what all oga madam has been doing to all of their house help recently. You are just lucky madam

[quote author=bellong post=40309933]


@1st bold... Fallacy of generalization.

@2nd bold.... Who told you her pregnancy is a mistake? How has family planning affected somebody going on official assignment but didn't want to leave the kid alone?
Sometimes, it is good not to type than add nothing to a situation other than compounding problem. How has your comment helped the Op?

If u have understanding u won't ask me such questions... in this country of ours we lack planning & that's why our country is so haphazard. Husband is busy, wife is having a kid & heavy and she's on active duty in her work place... who's going to take care of the home for them, me?! Effective planning is always good and it starts from the home.

[quote author=gabinogem post=40311352][/quote]

Ok...

Dear thank God it wasn't more than this. cause I have been thinking of what would had happened if not that she loved your son.
In as much as there are bad maids there are also good ones too, so please incase you go for another one continue being good. But I don't think you should get the new one a phone, kind of risky I think.
Your maid wasn't grateful at all cause some people could have promised the mom and didn't put her in school. Just let her go. I pray you get a good one that wouldn't stress you and put your home in disarray.

Sorry for what happened but not all maids are bad, try and get one from Cross river/Akwa Ibom they are the best.

Rukemi291:
gabinigem....
What else is family planning? is a 2year spacing not family planning enough? I don't want to train kids with pension. I'm still young and this is the best time to have kids so as to focus on my life, my family and career.

I wish to see her to really know the reason for the lies. What exactly chased her from my home?

Sincerely, I am so happy mature minds are here. Reasonably thought out comments. Bless you guys a bunch.

Yes, she's never coming back. NEVER. and really, they should look for me.

since u feel two years is good enough, then deal with the situation. There will be a time where we will be faced with choosing either our family or our career. Life's all about calculative choices which sums up to effective planning.

@ Rukemi291 i think you should be thankful you got out of this experience unscathed!

If all she stole was meat and juice and she had the *good mind/sense* to leave your child safely with a neighbor you're extremely fortunate.

I suspect though that she may not have realized that she and your baby were only going to be at your husband's place for a short period.

Although the truth is many times one can't ascertain how the typical Nigerian maid/help/nanny(and sometimes) relations sent to assist reason. You may treat them well and so on and still get an unfavorable result while sometimes they get treated badly and come out with good results!

Sometimes too you give it a good shot and get pleasant results.


i'd encourage you and indeed anyone who has third party helping to care for children or clean their homes to always do what is right by their consciences always keeping in mind our creator who we are accountable to at the end of the day!

Peace out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Otses:
Dear thank God it wasn't more than this. cause I have been thinking of what would had happened if not that she loved your son.
In as much as there are bad maids there are also good ones too, so please incase you go for another one continue being good. But I don't think you should get the new one a phone, kind of risky I think.
Your maid wasn't grateful at all cause some people could have promised the mom and didn't put her in school. Just let her go. I pray you get a good one that wouldn't stress you and put your home in disarray.

I actually think the phone is needful. . For easy communication in times of emergencies, complaints, clarifications etcc.. Remember, she stays alone with the boy, they need a means of quick communication. ..

However, I will suggest the phone becomes a home contact kinda and not necessarily the girl's phone..whereby the phone is left at home as a means of reaching the house... The woman can be monitoring the airtime usage and call register. .. the phone will be strictly for reaching dad or mum and vice versa. .
Sometimes, when at home, the woman can use the phone to make calls et al, just to show the girl it isn't hers as it were...

They made a mistake by buying the phone, then calling it hers..

Rukemi, thank God nothing extreme was done, because it takes the special grace of God to get a good housegirl.

@gobanigem....... And the issue of family planning has notin to do with getin househelps, what if u spaced the kids for like 5years and you stil ended up not being able to monitor dem ursef, abeg dat

Otes isight u

thank GOD it was not more than this oo. just keep doing good.
in this economy, two hands on deck are not even enough to run a home comfortably so househelps are necessary.
if you eventually get another househelp, check her bags thoroughly before admitting them into your house.when and if u give her a phone for communication sake, ring it in her ears that the only number you want to see on it is ur husband's and yours.
when you buy airtime on it, buy only 100 naira card and tell her its just to flash you and u will call her back. always monitor the phone.
the truth is that no matter how nice you can be to anybody, they can still betray you. it does not only apply to househelps even family members.

i got an househelp recently, on checking her bag the first time she got to my house, she had a very long list of phone numbers.i asked where she got the numbers frto om, she said they are her friends. she even had a sim card but no phone. i told her i will give her a phone and another sim just for communication sake. i wanted to watch her for 2 weeks before giving her the phone. after one week, the agent that brought her came and said they want to take her back.that her family wants her. he brought my money back and took her back immediately. they even left her bag behind in the rush to leave with her.
my own assumption is this; she could have been sent to be an informant but my close monitoring did not allow her have access to a phone to call her ' friends'.
she might have come to my house with somethng else in mind.

the reason for my epistle is for other people to learn from it.one has to be security conscious.

otses and simababe,howdy?

@op i really feel for u o let her be, she has left for good

bolded
it may not be this but the restrictions you placed on her coupled with pay

These girls are in high demand and someone is ready to take her quickly

mummyf:
thank GOD it was not more than this oo. just keep doing good.
in this economy, two hands on deck are not even enough to run a home comfortably so househelps are necessary.
if you eventually get another househelp, check her bags thoroughly before admitting them into your house.when and if u give her a phone for communication sake, ring it in her ears that the only number you want to see on it is ur husband's and yours.
when you buy airtime on it, buy only 100 naira card and tell her its just to flash you and u will call her back. always monitor the phone.
the truth is that no matter how nice you can be to anybody, they can still betray you. it does not only apply to househelps even family members.

i got an househelp recently, on checking her bag the first time she got to my house, she had a very long list of phone numbers.i asked where she got the numbers frto om, she said they are her friends. she even had a sim card but no phone. i told her i will give her a phone and another sim just for communication sake. i wanted to watch her for 2 weeks before giving her the phone. after one week, the agent that brought her came and said they want to take her back.that her family wants her. he brought my money back and took her back immediately. they even left her bag behind in the rush to leave with her.
my own assumption is this; she could have been sent to be an informant but my close monitoring did not allow her have access to a phone to call her ' friends'.
she might have come to my house with somethng else in mind.

the reason for my epistle is for other people to learn from it.one has to be security conscious.

otses and simababe,howdy?

When I read d heading I was thinking of something worse than what u posted. Just thank God d only issue is that she left without you or your husbands consent leaving your child with neighbours.

I can't leave a 15yr old maid with my husband 4 two weeks no matter how holy he might be.