Rukemi, thank God for being God in your case. We shall not hear evil reports. Please, continue being good to whoever you get, your good deeds will speak for you and yours.

I am also of the opinion that you go and meet the girl and her mum, not because you want her back, but for clarity purpose. She may have lied to her mum that you were treating her badly, or that you did not enrol her in school as promised, and also to clear the air.

It is really hard being without helps as a working mother and wife.

mummyf longest time. Hope you and yours are fine.
Simababe I sight you too. babe you ll start paying fine now for spelling my name wrongly.

With the kind of jobs you and your husband are doing, you guys would still need another house help. Maybe,this was how you guys planed it out during courtship.

@ rukemi - I am not sure it was a mistake buying her a phone or loading it. In this age and time, I don't think any adult live-in help will agree to not having a phone. I have always use helps and I used to give them that condition but not anymore. It's a deal breaker for them. So what I do is tell them to restrict its usage to after-work hours.

Like Bellong said, I don't think you need to visit the parents and I also don't advise you take her back under any circumstance. You shouldn't also let it bother you too much, take it that a bigger damage would have been done if she stayed so her going was just to avert that damage.

I started thinking like this when a previous help I got ran away after 3 days. Thank God for the security guy who called me and I came dashing down from the office. We later heard she ran to her boyfriend's place....But I didn't really care as my baby was fine. It could have been worse.

So don't get dejected and dont let it affect your goodwill to subsequent ones. And like someone said, a professional who knows what he or she is coming for is probably better. The good thing for me is, after that nasty incident, I have since had angels sent to me to help out; it's soo good between us that when one needs to leave due to uncontrollable circumstance, another sibling/family is sent as a replacement. So cheer up and be happy!

Momcherry:


I can't leave a 15yr old maid with my husband 4 two weeks no matter how holy he might be.

The OP married someone responsible and she was confident to leave a 15yr old young girl with him for two weeks.

If you have a 15yr old male help, do you think your husband will leave him with you?

@pickabeau1, the restrictions were just temporary.if in the long run she shows she is a good girl,i will then give her 100% freedom. i am personally a security conscious person and i am afraid for my little kids. and the pay was ok.my husband even asked if money was the problem but he said no. we had already bought clothes for her, i even took her to see a doctor when she complained of an illness within that one week.

@rukemi,i dont think you need to see the mother. i am sure ur colleague who linked u is aware of all you have done to help. just let it go and pray about the next one you will get.

mummy maran, how are my kids doing?

bellong:


The OP married someone responsible and she was confident to leave a 15yr old young girl with him for two weeks.

If you have a 15yr old male help, do you think your husband will leave him with you?

Congrats to her

I have a lot to say to u but u're not worth it

Rukemi don't be upset by whatever happened, just thank God that you got away unscathed.

Some people are generally aversed to good in their life. Those people are bad, no mincing words. If the girl had complained to her mother that u didn't fulfil ur promise Shebi they would have contacted ur link ( ie ur colleague) .

What is your colleagues take on it.

mummyf:
@pickabeau1, the restrictions were just temporary.if in the long run she shows she is a good girl,i will then give her 100% freedom. i am personally a security conscious person and i am afraid for my little kids. and the pay was ok.my husband even asked if money was the problem but he said no. we had already bought clothes for her, i even took her to see a doctor when she complained of an illness within that one week.

@rukemi,i dont think you need to see the mother. i am sure ur colleague who linked u is aware of all you have done to help. just let it go and pray about the next one you will get.

mummy maran, how are my kids doing?

You miss my point
I am not arguing about your policies

I am saying these girls are in demand and you giving them stress gives them the impetus to get someone else
Its not about being an informant or not

Someone else will snap that girl in a matter of days

Stop this slavery!
Employ an adult part time to do chores for you.

bellong:


The OP married someone responsible and she was confident to leave a 15yr old young girl with him for two weeks.

If you have a 15yr old male help, do you think your husband will leave him with you?

lol @ that comment.

I'm so confused as to why everybody is feeling sorry for the op; da fvck??!!

How many of you would be fine if your employer tells you that you wouldn't be getting paid for two weeks while you're working because they need to travel?

Her education was the payment for her services. Btw, isn't Lagos State Public schools free?? How much is the op paying for tuition??


Secondly, we are dealing with a 15 yr old child here, not an adult. So, this young girl must be treated as such. Is she allowed to eat in the op's home?? If yes, then how did she steal meat and juice?? As far as I'm concerned, she took food to eat for her journey.


Thirdly, the op clearly dismissed the girls'd feelings and it's obvious that the op hasn't taking the time to get to know this young girl. Nigerians look down on their helps and talk to them disrespectfully, it's not far fetched for the neighbors to refer to her as omo-odo. The op is not the recipient of the insult, so she is not in a position to dismiss the little girl's claims.


Yes, speaking to the the mother would be the right thing to do here. Take time to build genuine relationships with those that work in your home. Especially, if you are going to trust them with your child.

fr3do:
Stop this slavery!
Employ an adult part time to do chores for you.

The girl does not only do chores, she is also a nanny! A freaking 15 year old child! Working two jobs so she can go to school. Yet, everyone wants to castigate the young girl for getting pissed.

The child had already missed number of days in school, she is the last person to be taking a two-week vacation from school.

Momcherry:



Congrats to her

I have a lot to say to u but u're not worth it

You're right. He isn't.

kweenkong:
Rukemi don't be upset by whatever happened, just thank God that you got away unscathed.

Some people are generally aversed to good in their life. Those people are bad, no mincing words. If the girl had complained to her mother that u didn't fulfil ur promise Shebi they would have contacted ur link ( ie ur colleague) .

What is your colleagues take on it.

Yes, I have spoken to her. She was so apologetic and surprised too. We will see when I return.

Shollypopz.... I doubt you read well/understood the post.

You speak of chores..... I have a washing machine... so washing plates is a chore? Picking up my boy from school with transportation fully paid for... is a chore? They are things I do myself before she came.

mind you, she hawks for her mum where they stay.

From ur post I can see you don't have a child yet if at all you are working... When you have all combined like it is for me, I will task you to come back and read your post and judge yourself.

Did you even read the part that her academic year would start counting from January? She was in JS2 with very poor results and her mum said she should repeat JS1 so that she would improve. I assure u, we had both started learning together too.

You speak of tuition fee obviously u didn't read d post. Did u see that I just registered her? U won't pay for registration? uniforms and all? I paid.

You are the type that gets a teacher on one topic for weeks.

I fear house help enh !!!

OK

End time

People management is an integrated process. Adult nanny, proper management, consistent monitoring.... Don't do things too late. You got her too late.. Find someone when you don't need them, work and learn and see if it works....

Glory be to God she didnt hurt your son. House help God forbid. I will rather give my parents or my wifes parents to take care of.
Thats how one left with 300k and lots of jeweleries in my sisters bedroom.

Booked tresspassers will be shot

[color=#006600][/color][b][/b]
[b][/b]Advice :never expect a parent to give out their best child as a care giver or househelp. It's only their worst and stubborn child dat is always sent out to work for Sumone. Soo always take ur close relative next time

Asapcymg:
Am 23 in need of. House job

but u na man nw. Abeg dem no want 'HOUSE MAN' LWKM

Wouldnt you find a way around this if there was nothing like house help?

I keep wondering sha, the kinda risks people take

I am not trying to discourage people from getting house helps....
But what

I am not trying to discourage people from getting house helps....
But what

5minsmadness:

You're right. He isn't.

Thank you jare....

She thinks every man on the street is irresponsible.

The girl is clearly mischievious i.e her eye don tear. There is a truth to these house helps - Nobody gives out their best child as a househelp. Many women think they are employing a help when they are really just buying a liability. The mind of a 15yr old is already set. At this point, bastards will remain bastards and they will never be fully integrated into the family. Maybe someone younger who you can mold and who has not been ravaged by the hormonal waves of puberty.

Investigate the family where you are bringing a grown girl from. That the mother of op's house-girl didn't chase the useless girl back tells me something. The apple doesn't fall that far from the tree

Madams have a moral obligation to treat their house-helps well. I cringe when I see some women travel to London every summer with their families, yet the house help wears handmedowns. For many of these girls, this chance at being a house girl is the only way they will ever escape poverty. So, put them in school and get them nice clothes. If you do it well, she will slowly see your child as her responsiblity and will be a big sister.

@op, you did your best, beht bastards will be bastards


and now, an important question
NL women, how much will you pay for a well trained, professional nanny?

15yrs she too old na and she don tear eyes.

Extremely annoying story! So you cannot manage your family properly?
You leave toddler with a teenage househelp to chase paper, and you are here talking nonsense!
You are even lucky, maybe if she gave your baby omo soap to swallow then your big eye will be clear.
See your life, why not just sell your child, the pregnancy, your husband and collect money! As you want to die for money! Nonsense!

Whilst you were away she would have missed 2 weeks of school whilst she was with your husband (you said he resided 4 hours away from Lagos)

She had only just started the school and was settling in and suddenly she is going to be off school for at least weeks. This could have been what upset her and made her to leave abruptly

I am not saying what she did was right, but officially she is still a kid herself so one has to expect some childish behaviour from a kid from time to time

Also how much notice did you give her about her change of location? Has she ever met your husband before now? All this is new territory for her too. She is only 15.

I am happy that your baby is Okay

unfortunately this is a fall out of the society that we live in where families are forced to live in different cities due to lack of good jobs and one person is left to deal with what 2 people should do.
OP, both yours and your hubby's primary responsibly is towards your children so you both need to work out what is best for them.