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Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by Kimoni: 10:24am On Nov 25, 2015 |
tearoses: I understand the not connecting - you were busy counting sales money of yesterday I know there is a lot of misinformation on NL but where one is personally affected, one has to take extra steps to research further. The same phobia mothers on the pregnancy thread used to have about going to public hospitals for ANC and immunization, thank God for onegai and co now educating us on why government hospitals might actually be the best bet for these services. If I remember rightly, Lagos State converted all its school to millennium school during Fashola's time. Some things are generally not as portrayed here. Outliers are made to look like the norm. 1 Like |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by glossy6(f): 10:27am On Nov 25, 2015 |
tearoses: No be small thing. I don't use my car daily but when I do, she does the washing, if she is around but sending my helper will bring issues. I bought 25 litres of vegetable oil the other day I was surprised to see my 12yrs old carrying it to my car. I used to see them as babies until my helper left. We are growing on daily basis. The relatives want only assistance without offering a helping hand. 3 Likes |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by Ojugunrege(f): 11:04am On Nov 25, 2015 |
babygirlfl: i honestly miss the point about having only the number of kids one can take of. It is not applicable in this case. abi,are there offices where u can bring your kid along to work? the best they can do is to provide a creche within the office premises. and remember the child will graduate from creche at 2 and start a proper school. what happens then on?? so therefore, when u have even only 1 child and u work, u still need someone to help u care for the child when u are at work usually 7-4, 8-5 with an upper and lower time limits that has to be built in 'cos of transport. so u have no other option but find someone to help u care for your kid while u are away. in the op's case, u chose to find a young girl to live with her for that purpose. i dont think she has done anything wrong. if the girl were at home, she would still have run errands for her mum. btw, what kind of work or chores will be in a house inhabited by only 3 people imagine, how many plates will she wash? there's a washing machine, too. how dirty can such a house get? Let me guess, a 2 or 3 bedroom flat... didnt we do much more when we were younger in our own homes growing up? i suspect that the girl and/or her mum has some other motives that they are saying. or may be they didnt understand the TOR of the 'engagement' or may be genuinely the girl felt somehow helping out in someone else's house. some other options that may work is: 1. have your mum, MIL or trusted relative live with you 2. leave the child in school thruoght the time u are at work i.e. drop them in the morning and pick them when u are returning. A lot of schools have that arrangement which most working mothers use. 3. hire a security/background checked 18+ professional maid/nanny. i tell u...it's a really challenging one for working mothers! 2 Likes |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by babygirlfl: 11:08am On Nov 25, 2015 |
glossy6: Lol at SSCE attempted graduate. I put the type of government school I meant in pictures so everyone can see. I am glad we agree on it being unfair to leave someone's child at home to look after babies. Ahh madam, I never said working mothers should avoid using maids or helpers or nannies. I actually support it if needed. I have a nanny too. All I am saying is that our children should be looked after by mature adults and competent well paid people. We should avoid using children and worst still go further to treat them badly. 1 Like |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by Kimoni: 11:12am On Nov 25, 2015 |
tearoses: fair points! And it affects everything else In the UK, I spend hours loosening and washing my hair before going to make it, something I deeply hate to do but in Naija, I would not even dream of loosening one strand talkless of touching the whole braids. Not when mama Emeka's salon outside my house will loosen and wash the dirty stinking hair for N500 pere (just over a pound ). But the minimum wage in both countries also differ greatly, so there is some balance at the end of the day. |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by babygirlfl: 11:24am On Nov 25, 2015 |
Rukemi291: The word "if "means there is a condition which means whatever I say after that is only applicable if the school is like that. I am not here to judge anybody and sometimes we don't only limit our discussion to people online. Go around you and see the treatment that child helps and maids are going through. It's horrible in a lot of cases. An example is the help that the madam took out of school like tearoses said. All I am saying is that people should employ adult maids and pay them well but this is just an opinion. It is not law. If I see you near that type of school, I go run from you self . . I pray you get a help that you would be happy with. |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by Ojugunrege(f): 11:26am On Nov 25, 2015 |
Rukemi291: You are welcome. |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by babygirlfl: 11:27am On Nov 25, 2015 |
favoredgal: Have a nice day too. |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by glossy6(f): 11:30am On Nov 25, 2015 |
favoredgal: It all depend on the angle we look at things. I don't see myself preparing my younger kids for school or church if my 12y and 14 yrs daughters are around but I don't trust my helper to do that because she has a different orientation though a month older than my 12yrs old daughter. I expect my 12yrs old daughter to clean the dishes and sweep. Kini big deal but send the little girl with you and people will scream blue murder. I used to wake up my 12yrs old daughter to prepare her younger ones for school & she was resisting. I was surprised to see her set alarm when my 14yrs went to school before her. But sending my helper will bring issues here. My former helper used to wash clothes but I can't send my little helper to do that but limited her to sweeping and cleaning the dishes and she finds them challenging. I Went to visit my younger brother and family the other day, I met him cooking as well as feeding his son. The wife was away and the maid was washing. My aburo will wash beans for moi moi within 30mins & it's not a big deal for him. If you see him carrying a baby on his back, you will marvel. Those are things we learnt growing up with our elder brother and neighbours told us we were being maltreated Train up a child the way he should go and when he grows up.. .... 3 Likes |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by babygirlfl: 11:37am On Nov 25, 2015 |
Ojugunrege: If everybody had the number of kids they could take care of, they would not give their child away to be a help as a job to someone. |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by iriskiki(f): 1:03pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
I apologize. I didn't mean to give the impression of wanting an argument. I like a good discussion once in a while. gabinogem: |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by iriskiki(f): 1:06pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
I don't mean to argue. His comments are his. Can't I ask for a deeper explanation? I like to know how people get to make living without help work for them even with family planning. Help from family is still help. Maybe you can share how it worked out so well for you. I would definitely like to know because living with some helps can be a nightmare. shndy: 1 Like |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by bukatyne(f): 1:31pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
glossy6: Wonderful post I have not followed your discussion but this post in isolation is very much on point. Yes, we have terrible madams but sometimes, what an help would do with joy for her mother would be an issue if her madam sends her. |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by damiso(f): 1:34pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
Kimoni: I miss the bolded a lot.LOL One of the reasons why I rarely do braids. But that has been handled now sha as there are now braid wigs.LOL I also miss Obioma or what my mum used to call ejika ni shop.. I might have to get a whole new wardrobe when all my wardrobe could have been amended for about N5,000( less than £20) chai. You and tearoses have made fair points about the difference in environment. But you know something I have noticed among some of Us(our generation) or maybe its among people I know sha so don't let me generalise. Some people believe that its NOT POSSIBLE to have lil kids without domestic help. Some of my friends act like they would die if they did not have a maid. Just this weekend I was talking to one on the phone and she kept saying 'you are a strong woman o I cant even imagine not having a maid' This was because she heard me doing referee between my daughter and son. LOL My answer was 'you would cope if I can anyone can' . The ones who come on holiday that cant afford to come with their maids moan all through at the prospect of dealing with their own children 24/7. Don't get me wrong me sef I snap ( I know you don't believe me LOL) and get grouchy when my kids bickering reaches another level but its not something that fazes me like it fazes them. And cos we are together a lot , 'the look' is enough to keep them straight( my kids that is ). I acknowledge that life in Naija( lagos esp with traffic and all) can be stressful but I cant understand the concept of dealing with your own children by your self being seen as drudgery and a chore. Ordinary changing diaper or washing plates themselves is a big issue. All you hear is' you people are trying o' ' that's why me I cant live in this UK someone will just be doing everything yourself '. Changing diaper nitori oloun.I remember when I went to Nigeria with my daughter as a baby and she needed changing, me I had brought out my changing bag and my friend said ' what are you doing let me call my help to come and change her' help that we just sent to get something nitori oloun ?? I am big a big believer in buying comfort with your money and delegating so you don't get burnt out but the mentality that you cant survive without live in domestic help is just so ingrained in some people. When I say it just needs planning they look at me like I am crazy LOL. The environment point might be in play here abit sha as most(not all) of the men here are more hands on. Maybe the men are not more hands on as well cos they feel there is help. 4 Likes |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by Eketem: 1:46pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
damiso: Sadly true. I am told I am wasting money for not having a live in maid and for not turning my maid into a nanny She cleans that is it I still pay for child care so they look at me like I am silly. People are always nagging me to get a live in but I don't understand why I need someone to wait on me 24 hours, when I am home I can handle my own house and even though hubby's job is super demanding he is very hands on. I cannot leave my kids with an untrained nanny, it's a risk too much. If I don't spend money on child care is it on shoes and bags I will spend money? 1 Like |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by glossy6(f): 1:50pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
Ojugunrege: No. We were born with silver spoons and did not do any house work . We went to school before 7:30am and returned by 6:00pm. and do homework till 8:00pm; D Someone even said we should send money for the girl's fees while she does or performs tougher tasks for her mum. Please let them compile the list of such children & fwd to us guilty employers of child labourers to foot the bill because we are FGN with no responsibility. ;E In their own opinions which they are entitled to anyway. My 7yrs & 9yrs old wash dishes & sweep the house and am cool about that. My 9yrs cooks indomie. Am cool about it too. Child labour?? She is learning to wash her clothes because I won't follow her to boarding house come next year. My husband started asking my kids to wash the toilets by 10yrs even though I objected initially but I now know better. |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by damiso(f): 2:02pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
Eketem: I don't even have anything against having maids as long as they are not under age. Just don't understand why some people feel its not POSSIBLE not to. I also think there should be a job description. If you need help with chores get a maid, if you need childcare get a nanny all this mixing and matching sometimes means that the employee is over worked. I don't get why people are mixing paying for a service and teaching your children chores. Or getting someone to 'help' with adoption. Oh well each to his own. 1 Like |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by gabinogem(m): 2:04pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
iriskiki:Alright apology accepted... A family of 4(husband, wife & two kids) should be able to handle their household issues without external helper as long as the husband is understanding & cooperative since culture makes him the head of the home. it's never easy to live a life, talk more of having & taking care of a family that's why we need planning inorder to adjust to such situation... there are selfless sacrifice one has to pay to raise his or her kids without househelp. Timing is always essential in this aspect. E.g u are a working class lady and ur child of 2years have started going to school, there must be a way u will squeeze ur time to pickup the child from school everyday & tend to his needs accordingly with the support of ur husband. Both parents will have to play their role in order to take care of their kids It's never a onesided thing. Except u are a single parent, then I can advocate for a househelp. Not just any house-help but the one that is related to u one way or the other.... there must always be solution to every domestic problem that's why it's essential to plan(forward thinking), critically measuring the odds to life. |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by babygirlfl: 2:14pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
glossy6: You are free to quote me. I said if people want to help, they should help the child in her mum's. The other bits is what you added and not what I said. Also, I am not against a child doing chores. I am against child labour. A child needs to go to school, do some housework, play or have some recreational activity and also study.I will never support using a child as help or worst still as a nanny and like you rightly said, it's my opinion. |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by glossy6(f): 2:20pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
bukatyne: Admittedly we have terrible madams but some maids or helpers no be am, may be by upbringing. I for one detest lies talk less of chronic lies. I try to teach my kids the benefits of saying the truth always. I saw my kids talking the Mattress outside on Saturday and I enquired about what happened. My 9yrs old daughter quickly admitted bedwetting by mistake. But my 12yrs old helper will wet the bed, mop d mattress with pillow and stand her ground that she wasn't the culprit even when she slept alone. Train up a child the way he should go and when he grows up. .....My 7yrs shys from house work. You will hear her complaining when asked to wash plates but she will get use to it as time goes on but she will admit wrong doing and end with apology. I don't have issues in house work. I cook my food and wash my car when I want to. I peel my beans in record time for moi moi. I do my ironing. Kini big deal? I basically need someone to stay with d kids until I come back which at times will be 9pm because of traffic. Otherwise, what does one need a maid for? Will she bath me or what? Let's try as much as possible to allow our kids do some house work. My hubby asked my 9yrs old daughter to carry do bag of pure water to the car and she surprised me. So kini big deal? 1 Like |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by babygirlfl: 2:22pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
damiso: Exactly my point. 1 Like |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by Eketem: 2:22pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
damiso: It is tiring my sister. If you talk they start listing all they do and have done for this child. When we say some actions men take are abusive and start listing the abusive things men do, we will all be united but when we are faced with our own abuse of others because of their own disadvantaged situations then you hear justification and all sorts of Defence. Because it is common doesn't make it right Because you buy her clothes doesn't make it right Because she does the same at her own home doesn't make it right. A child cannot legally take up employment that is what the law says. It is well, I am tired. 1 Like |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by iriskiki(f): 2:23pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
Fair enough. Thanks for accepting. And explaining. gabinogem: |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by glossy6(f): 3:12pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
babygirlfl: That is what am saying, if my kids do the chores, it's not child labour but if she does it in another person's house it is child labour.. If she does it in their house it is normal but in another person's house then it's child labour. Well taken and understood. 1 Like |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by damiso(f): 3:23pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
Eketem: We will get there eventually( hopefully). There were workhouses in Victorian Britain where children were forced to work due to poverty e.g The settings of Charles Dickens Oliver Twist. Thankfully I know there is now legislation against child labour. Its just left for there to be a cultural and mind-set shift. We will get there. 1 Like |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by Eketem: 3:51pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
glossy6: ThYour child can do chores at your home but she cannot be engaged to do so by a third party for commercial purposes this is because a child cannot enter a legally binding contract with you to work for you and seek favorable terms and conditions of employment. The law is there to protect the best interest of the child because even though you say you are fair to the child not everyone who engages these kids are fair to them and sadly the unfair population are in majority. Besides a child is not psychologically mature enough to leave their own home and go and take care of another persons home and be deprived of love, empathy and the allowance to make mistakes, play and grow like children should do. I am tired, the law may be slow but it will soon catch up with defaulters 4 Likes |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by Eketem: 4:20pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
glossy6: foregoing laws. The relevant provisions are found in Sections, 28, 29 and 30. Under Section 28(1), no child shall: (a) Be subjected to any forced or exploitative labour he shall not be employed to work in any capacity except where he is employed by a member of his family on light work of an agricultural, horticultural or domestic character4 He shall also not be required in any case to lift, carry or move anything so heavy as to likely to adversely affect his physical, mental, spiritual or social development5 Moreover, it is unlawful under the Act to employ a child as a domestic help outside his own home or family environment6. The prohibition extends to not allowing a child to work in an industrial undertaking7 or be used for the purpose of begging for alms, guiding beggars, prostitution and domestic or sexual labour8. No child shall be used as a slave or for practice similar to slavery such as debt bondage, serfdom or forced or compulsory labour of any kind.9 Consequently, children are not to be found hawking on main city streets, brothels or highways10 1 These include street trading, domestic servitude etc. 2 Cap L1, Laws of the Federation of Nigeria, 2004 3 The Act was enacted in 2003. 4 Section 28 (1)(b). 5 Section 28(1)(c). 6 Section 28 (1) (d). 7 Section 30 (2) 8 Section 30 (2) (a) 9 Section 30 (2) (b) 10 Section 30 (2) (c 2 Likes |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by babygirlfl: 4:40pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
Eketem: Thanks for the information. I am glad our law does not allow child labour. I just hope enforcement is carried out. 1 Like |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by Eketem: 4:47pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
babygirlfl: We are "God fearing" people nah, must we wait for enforcement before we respect the law? 1 Like |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by babygirlfl: 5:01pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
Eketem: I believe most Nigerians are Religious but not Godly or God fearing. While adults are expected to follow the law, until it is enforced, most people won't take it serious. Also people could be ignorant of the law expecially as the law is just over a decade old. 2 Likes |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by Eketem: 5:10pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
babygirlfl: No mind me jare I was being sarcastic. We Nigerians are special people until you force us like animals to obey laws we ignore them. Traffic laws are the easiest yet go out on Sundays that is when most traffic lights are disregarded because people are rushing to church to "worship God" they don't know obeying the law, staying on the right lanes is an act of absolute worship because you are putting the needs of other road users ahead of your own selfishness. See how Latsma treats people that is what it takes to enforce laws in Nigeria. Hopefully if this Government is wise they could make a lot of money from enforcing these laws by fining Defaulters huge sums of money maybe then it will stop 2 Likes |
Re: This Is What My House Help Did To Me by glossy6(f): 6:56pm On Nov 25, 2015 |
Eketem: Did you see sub section 1 (a)? Most times it is kids from extended family that plays that role. Now don't judge me. The law knows that our niece's and nephews and even younger cousins can assist us. We are reading the law "as is". If there is any other interpretation to the aforementioned sub sections, please enlighten us. 1 Like |
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