My boyfriend has been addicted to
pornography since 1999, about 14 years
before he met me. We have dated for about
2 years now and unfortunately he is still
hooked to pornography.


Yes, he tells me the frequency has
drastically reduced from a daily basis to a
once a month affair. I do not keep count or
care about frequency, but all I know is that I
feel inadequate any time I hear the word
‘porn.’


He is upfront with me and actually lets me
know whenever he has viewed porn and
masturbated to it. He is not letting me know
to spite me but letting me know in agony, so
I could help him. I was OK with being his
accountability partner but recently it got too
much for me to handle.


Trust me hearing about your spouse, who
you want to spend the rest of your life with,
ogling other women is painful. I don’t
understand how I can trust him. He uses
porn to fill a void in his life. For example
when he is depressed, the next thing is
porn.


He is a charming guy and super intelligent.
He is the most intelligent man I’ve ever met
which baffles me as to why he can’t see the
devastating effect porn will have on our
family if he continues. He can’t see it. It’s
almost like he is blind to it. He is also
spiritual but I think his spirituality is
hypocrisy, because I don’t get how you can
be spiritual and still be checking porn.


I am hoping he will get out of it because he
is one of those men with every other thing
right apart from this.


He tells me he loves me but can someone
love you and still check pornography. He
feels entitled to have me understand him.
He is someone who tries to form principles
everywhere and when we started dating he
really grilled me because of my former
hopeless relationships with useless exes.


We’ve moved past all that, but when he
looks at porn, he imagines me in it and my
exes and that takes him in depression mood
which leads him back to porn again. A
destructive cycle. He is a smart man but this
is getting beyond me because I don’t
understand. I hope he could just understand
what it feels like on my side. I hope he
could have more empathy. I hope he could
know that if this does not stop I will leave.

We have a full disclosure understanding in
our relationship. There is no hiding
anything past, present, future. Tell it as it is.

Whenever he checks porn, he tells me about
it. I try to be strong and he professes his
love for me, we pray and we are back
together. He does it again and the same
thing happens, again, again, again. After
about 150 (I’m not keeping count) times, is it
possible for me to be able to still be strong
for him? Is it possible for me to respect or
trust him? Is it possible for me to kiss him?
How do I tell that when he is kissing me he
is not imagining some random porn actress?
I really want this to work but any time he
tells me about porn it feels like a stab in the
back and it feels like cheating or practicing
to cheat. I can’t ever imagine looking at
porn while in a relationship.

This is
something that if I did, he will make a
tantrum out of. I have even thought of doing
it so he can know what it feels like. It hurts
when someone you love is checking out
thousands of naked photoshopped bodies on
the internet.

HOW AM I TO COMPETE WITH
THAT?

I don’t get it but sincerely I can’t stay with
him if this porn does not go away. I’m sorry
I can’t. If that happens, this will be the
worst heartbreak because this guy is what
any woman will dream about (it’s just the
porn aspect that is messing it whole up and
unfortunately porn cascades into everything
else messing and crushing everything else up).

We have spoken countless times on how to
be free from pornography. We have read
books on porn freedom together. We have
prayed together about freedom. The only
improvement I see is that the frequency has
reduced but it still hurts badly. It’s about 2
years in our relationship but I can’t commit
if porn is still an issue. I can’t say ‘yes’. I
can’t say ‘I do’ if porn is still there.

I know the world is not helping with all this
pornified music videos and advertisements
but I believe he should be able to overcome
the temptations.

2016 is coming in a few days. I can’t deal
with this in 2016.

If anyone here has dealt with this before,
can you tell me how you both resolved it.

More From The Source At KITNAIJA.COM

Submit his problem to God

space booked

be bk lara

Because you arent givin him the style dat he likes...

Since he his willing to stop, he should meet a therapist nd find other things that interest him which can take his mind away from porn..... Praying about it alone can't solve it, he should also take actions

Sorry OP. bt wen did watching porn became a sin?

Pray 4 him, pray with him and replace all his porn flicks with comedy or action movie stuff .

Hmmm, it does sound disgusting & pervy, but to let a good man, as you say he is, go because of this issue just seems a little over the top to me. But if this is a deal breaker for you, then by all means, move on.

One thing you must know though is that nobody is perfect. This guy is honest with you, doesn't cheat, "is all any woman would want" & has cut down significantly since meeting you- can't you give him more time to totally overcome this addiction? It sounds like he is trying & that's commendable imo

Stay with him always..... and advice him to keep himself busy.... pray for him and let him pray also... he can only help himself

Therapy... Therapy.. And pray hard. Good mean aren't easy to come by.. Esp the ones that are compatible with u.

All i can say is that you should take him for prayer as he has been possess with a bad spirit

Nothing wrong watching porn but not like his case.

That means you're not digging him well

this thing has happen to me several time, i think your boy friend and I were the same thing cos i can't do without this masturbation things but big thanks to my queen that really help me out now i'm not into it any more but some times when she is not around forget o nah masturbation sure pass i prefer it than I cheating on her.

Pheals:
Stay with him always..... and advice him to keep himself busy.... pray for him and let him pray also... he can only help himself

good ideal

He needs Deliverance ASAP =======> MFM.



U can as well mak sure u check his videos on daily basis n delete d porns on his phone/PC. D porn websites on his bookmark...delete em too.

He can only overcome it with ur help.

See the way you are insulting him.
"Hypocrisy, blah blah, gbo gbo".

When it comes to certain addictions, there is no thought. Only do.
And that is how porn is to men because it latches into the man's very high sexual aspect that comes from sight.

This is not an aspect women have like that, so quit judging him. Your petty judgement is the last thing he needs, because I'm sure if we were to analyse your own life on a forum too, we would find things there where everyone will be like "Is she stupid? does she not know that doing that will make XYZ happen in the future?" etc etc

News flash, he IS spiritual. That is why he made you his accountability partner. But it seems you can't even do that properly judging by the tone you have taken to speak about your boyfriend (+brother in the faith). He wants to stop...as he should. That is the spirit at work in him.

Encourage him to not be shy and to go see a therapist. MFM won't help. It's a psychological thing (i.e. His synapses have merged to crave satisfaction through that medium) kind of like smoking and it should be treated as such. That's all.

From almost daily to once a month is a massive improvement that should be celebrated. I think the real problem is that you are letting it get to your ego. As in, "Am I not enough for him"? But that's the worst place to allow your wild emotional feminine thoughts carry you to. It's not about you. You and that battle he is fighting are two rather different compartments of life.

Men are not like women. We don't tie everything into one big ball. Life for us is in compartments.
Anyway that's a topic for another thread. For now. Therapy works.

The most important thing is that your guy is loyal... trust me most men watch porn but they do it secretly,

.

Cybertext:
The most important thing is that your guy is loyal... trust me most men watch porn but they do it secretly,

Please help me explain to her oo... Babe you've got one loyal dude there, hold onto him and don't leave him because of porn. What if he doesn't tell you, how would you know?

See ehn, that he watches porn doesn't mean he doesn't love you, nahhh it doesn't. My girl knows I do, we even watch it together at times, I mean, porn could be educating na.

What's even the guarantee that the guy you leave him for won't be worse? if he hears what made you leave your ex (ur guy now), he'll just keep it from your knowledge.

look before you leap OP.






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