fabby27:
Hold on 'cos there is no perfect human being on this earth. It could be due to the environment he grew up,.So long as he has a willing heart to change and other admirable qualities. Still hold on

There are good books you could get him to read, infact his issues are things that can be changed through constant communication. There are too many bad eggs today to throw away a good man for such reasons as this

That one is too extreme, Biko?

I understand his relincyanve to give gifts maybe because he doesn't want to be called maga, but this women has been doing things for him. He should have at least tried to get her something.

What type of person would collect N1500 from another person like that?

told him if he wants me to come he ll pay for the transport fare, which he didn't pay for eventually, at the party I was sprayed 1500, on our way home I showed it to him, he collected the money from me, saying we are ONE now, i was thinking in my mind, are we married? I felt he shouldn't have collected it. At least show you are the MAN.

Gaborone:



Sis, I made some additions to the post you quoted...you can check it up again.

Seems it all boils down to not having a father-figure in his growing up years to teach certain things. If this is the case, you can lovingly tell him about a woman's expectations from a man I'm certain instances (paying t.fare, etc). If he's not ready to learn, or change those little things, then, perhaps you should flee, because that may be a pointer that when you guys get married and big responsibilities come, he may not be stepping up for you.

I don't think there is any excuse here. I am sure he grew up with male friends. He has siblings etc.

There are many men who grew up with their grandmothers or mothers and I don't think they are the crazy.

I quite agree with you. Some gestures are even innate despite culture and upbringing. How can you be eating in someone's house often and never think to contribute? Even villagers bring bread along on visits to family members....

How can he collect her money on the pretext of we are one? Does he give her his money on this same basis?

He will form ignorance and keep expecting her to foot bills.

Besides his somewhat simple nature does not exonerate him from being a womaniser. With men you usually cant tell. Even the most unassuming ones may cheat.

Take it from me, bobo yen o ni nkan se!

Its like one yeye guy I knew who said he didn't know he should give his mom an allowance when he got a well paying job. Did he forget how she was scraping to eat in the village?

This matter just dey upset me like say I sabi the OP....

daretodiffer:

I don't think there is any excuse here. I am sure he grew up with male friends. He has siblings etc.

There are many men who grew up with their grandmothers or mothers and I don't think they are the crazy.

babythug:
I quite agree with you. Some gestures are even innate despite culture and upbringing. How can you be eating in someone's house often and never think to contribute? Even villagers bring bread along on visits to family members....

How can he collect her money on the pretext of we are one? Does he give her his money on this same basis?

He will form ignorance and keep expecting her to foot bills.

Besides his somewhat simple nature does not exonerate him from being a womaniser. With men you usually cant tell. Even the most unassuming ones may cheat.

Take it from me, bobo yen o ni nkan se!

Its like one yeye guy I knew who said he didn't know he should give his mom an allowance when he got a well paying job. Did he forget how she was scraping to eat in the village?

This matter just dey upset me like say I sabi the OP....

LOL at the bolded. I should have thought of that too

That can never change. He is going to be domineering and probably run her down.

Onegai:


That man must be our former neighbour. He had a car but refused his wife driving it to the nearby estate market to go grocery shopping. She would take keke napep in the hot sun and the car would be parked in the compound (and she could drive). When my mum (doing mama of the close) mentioned it to him, he said she should buy her own car if she can't go to the market easily.

I should really knack le hubbs this night o. With all these stories, he's almost a saint. Abeg lemme keep him happy

Not ur former neighbour o, just his think alike.
Abi o, my sister. May God save we the single ones from such kind of men and continue to increase the joy in ur home.

Sister, I no sabi wetin to talk, all the comments just de make me laff...
But sincerely, I don't think his problem is poverty jare,
C,mon, how can he collect the #1500 dt u were given in a parry,
How can he price bike up to the 7th bike just because of #30 difference
How can he keep eating in your house without him giving u something to eat in his house
How can he tell you to come down from a bus just because of #10 increase
I think dey said men get ego, dey like to prove to dir gals dt they are able, how come ds man no dey prove his ego....
How can he not know the meaning of lol, lmao,lwkmd in this jet age? A PhD student?
I think he has personal problems, for heavens sake I know young men who grew up in d village, many came from broken homes, many sponsored demselves, see dey av developed demselves so much.....
Abeg, free d guy o, even if he is rich, he will still behave like dt oo,
Someone like me can't marry him because I no go fit cope, he go rubbish me one day in d presence of friends and families....and he wouldn't even know that....
Well, may be u can teach him with patience sha..but..
And the funny thing is dt there are hundreds of ladies who will love him as he his, just free him and let him get his type of lady...

babythug:

why are you laughing na

Man when nor won spend nor dey look woman
Run for your life
That's how I thought I could change my hubby
Now am depressed,sad,confused,quarrel everyday
My own even get serious mouth odor join
To buy clothes for himself na problem
Imagine someone dey wear green shoe and pink shirt
I don die
Everyday I dey pity my life

rolled:
Man when nor won spend nor dey look woman
Run for your life
That's how I thought I could change my hubby
Now am depressed,sad,confused,quarrel everyday
My own even get serious mouth odor join
To buy clothes for himself na problem
Imagine someone dey wear green shoe and pink shirt
I don die
Everyday I dey pity my life

Tell as about this your husband na!

I know this will hurt some folks but I don't care.


OP is your man an Ijebu man?

You've successfully described a typical ijebu man like one I know personally.


If he's from Ijebu, don't waste your time trying to CHANGE him. He won't change!!!

I'm talking about a 60yr+ man that will deny his children from watching TV just to manage prepaid electricity unit.

I'm talking about a man that will switch-off bulbs and use rechargeable lamps just to manage prepaid electricity unit.

A man that will boldly offer N1000 for a N5000 good after checking about 20 shops.

Don't be deceived, its not always about POVERTY. This same person has over 4 residential apartments on rent and another 9 - 10 shops in Lagos.

When you meet a genetically stingy man, he'd recommend charcoal iron over electric iron even if he's made the MD of Ikeja Electricity Distribution Company.

rolled:
Man when nor won spend nor dey look woman Run for your life That's how I thought I could change my hubby Now am depressed,sad,confused,quarrel everyday My own even get serious mouth odor join To buy clothes for himself na problem Imagine someone dey wear green shoe and pink shirt I don die Everyday I dey pity my life

ahahahahahaha
Your hubby is s e xy

Acidosis:


ahahahahahaha

Your hubby is s e xy

Acidosis you always sound like a man of the qualities mentioned here.

rolled:
Man when nor won spend nor dey look woman
Run for your life
That's how I thought I could change my hubby
Now am depressed,sad,confused,quarrel everyday
My own even get serious mouth odor join
To buy clothes for himself na problem
Imagine someone dey wear green shoe and pink shirt
I don die
Everyday I dey pity my life

Since you are married to him, you can gradually suggest clothing's for him to wear. He has mouth odor, you can get mouth wash for him or try to ensure he brushes his teeth after eating.

I suggest you start looking at the solutions rather than dwelling on the problem. Because the more you thunk of these problems you only get bitter depressed,sad,confused,feel like quarreling everyday.

HIDDENSECRECY:


Since you are married to him, you can gradually suggest clothing's for him to wear. He has mouth odor, you can get mouth wash for him or try to ensure he brushes his teeth after eating.

I suggest you start looking at the solutions rather than dwelling on the problem. Because the more you thunk of these problems you only get bitter depressed,sad,confused,feel like quarreling everyday.

Maybe he is the stubborn kind that will never accept change,
I dated someone that use to refuse to apply deodorant/ he reaked of heavy man sweat, I bought him deodorants as gifts, he never touched them, besides he was lazy among other vices, am glad I ran for my life.

Miami11:
Acidosis you always sound like a man of the qualities mentioned here.

not as bad as described here

Miami11:

Maybe he is the stubborn kind that will never accept change,
I dated someone that use to refuse to apply deodorant/ he reaked of heavy man sweat, I bought him deodorants as gifts, he never touched them, besides he was lazy among other vices, am glad I ran for my life.

I understand your point. Ego and pride is always a mans challenge.

However, I will always propose that females look for a man who has understanding and respects your opinion.

Life is too short to live a miserable life.

missempress:
I met a guy in school where am presently running my masters programme, he is into his phd programme at the moment, there was nothing dramatic about our meeting, we started dating 2month after, and it has been a sexless relationship so far, i have a business dt I run coupled with some professional certificates I am pursuing, I guess all that makes him love and want me (i am business oriented, cos I am of the mindset that a lady should be able to fend for herself) since i wont be a burden to him.
he is the one sponsoring himself in school, at the beginning the feelings was mutual, for me it wasn't love, I liked him and I thought this will grow into love, I guess he starts to love me more, this feelings would have been reciprocated until I discovered our level of exposure does not align and it began to reduce the feelings I had for him.
Suffix me to say, I have NEVER ask him for money, and I have gotten him gifts couple of times, but I felt there are things a guy should do as the man in the relationship to command respect.
To mention a few, ve been going to his place so many times, not for once has he paid my transport fare even though he ll always walk me to get the bike after haggling the price, he ll just wave bye.
On our first outing, this guy priced the bike price to the extent of getting to the 7th bike before we could go because of 30 naira difference, the way he always price transport fare anytime we are going out is so shameful, we ll keep alighting from taxi all because of 10 naira difference. Till it got to a time i always offer to pay the difference so we could get going.
Everytime he comes around to see me he always want to eat, and i always prepare good dishes for him, if he comes around and i am broke i ll just tell him i am yet to go get ingredients from th market, he ll just drop 200 to buy indomie for the 2 of us.
There was a time we were gisting about swimming and how I was looking for who to teach me and he said when we go home to meet his people in the village he ll teach me how to swim in the village river and he was serious about it, I was pissed off (cos he would have said the same thing if my friends were around).
Sometimes lastmonth, he invited me for a wedding in another state, I told him if he wants me to come he ll pay for the transport fare, which he didn't pay for eventually, at the party I was sprayed 1500, on our way home I showed it to him, he collected the money from me, saying we are ONE now, i was thinking in my mind, are we married? I felt he shouldn't have collected it. At least show you are the MAN.
He is backward socially, everything about him has been books and more books, I had to teach him the meaning of smileys in chats, simple things like lol, lmao e.t.c cos when i send any of the aforementioned to him when chatting, he ll reply "e wo ma re o"( meaning what is this). He has not tasted or seen baked beans before, does not know what hot dog, pizza, sharwama is, I told him its not about spending your money on these things that matters, but trying to know what goes on around you.
He is always bored when he is alone and wants me to be keeping his company all the time, which I refused cos I told him am not in the relationship to be keeping his company, I told him to get busy, make friends, go out more,recharge your go tv and be watching news or movie. (he said subscribing everymonth is a waste of money) cos I have a business to look after coupled with other commitments, he ll be complaining its because I dont love him.
He does not know what is in vogue at all, I took it upon myself to teach him, but the more I am doing this the more the feelings is draining, because he is not taking the mantle of a man in this relationship, I have been an independent woman for a while now, taking decisions for myself on many issues, I need a man that I can respect his decision and defer to.
Based on this, the physical chemistry is no longer there, I for one love to kiss, but when I kiss him, I feel NOTHING and its one of the reasons why there has been no s** in the relationship.
I want to break up with him soon, I know he is going to be devastated cos he is so emotional, and he believes he has a wife already( which is me) but I want to be sure my reasons are not too flimsy to leave him, and if I should hold on and see if things ll change.
On the good side, he loves me,he can help out in the house chores (I don't allow him though) he ll be a good father, he is willing to learn and change, very reasonable when we r discussing issues, he is likely to be a one woman type of man.
Should I still hold on ??

sweet heart as far as I'm concerned you are in the relationship out of pity. I suggest you quit if you can't bear. marriage is meant to be enjoyed not endured out of pity

Missempress... pls lack of money is not the only sign of poverty.. You man is TOTALLY poor coz you may be broke but really HAPPY in your relationship; so his own poverty is more than meets the eyes.
A boyfriend that can't pay your Tee-fare has spiritual issues and if truly, he hasn't gotten you a single gift before (not even TomTom) then you need to put your life in perspective and don't assume that he will change.

He will get money and still make your life miserable, pls don't play games with your future and your happiness. We court to have a taste of what we will live with for life so if you think you can stand your boyfriend's attitude forever, you can stay with him. It all boils down to what you want anyway.

rolled:
Man when nor won spend nor dey look woman
Run for your life
That's how I thought I could change my hubby
Now am depressed,sad,confused,quarrel everyday
My own even get serious mouth odor join
To buy clothes for himself na problem
Imagine someone dey wear green shoe and pink shirt
I don die
Everyday I dey pity my life

you have an amazing sense of humor i swear. Forgive me but I have to laugh some more.

:DYour post describing that Ijebu man made me laugh so hard that I even forgot I was angry self.

Acidosis:


ahahahahahaha

Your hubby is s e xy

Funny people every where!
Thanks for making me forget my sorrow
Person been make me vex but as I read your post ehn, I no even know when I burst laugh.

rolled:
Man when nor won spend nor dey look woman
Run for your life
That's how I thought I could change my hubby
Now am depressed,sad,confused,quarrel everyday
My own even get serious mouth odor join
To buy clothes for himself na problem
Imagine someone dey wear green shoe and pink shirt
I don die
Everyday I dey pity my life

Acidosis:


not as bad as described here

Send an email to vannenisoblessed@yahoo.com

FynBabe:
:DYour post describing that Ijebu man made me laugh so hard that I even forgot I was angry self.

really? I'm glad you forgot the worries and anger

Vannywealth:
Send an email to vannenisoblessed@yahoo.com

Done
Ose

How come you guys all suddenly became comedians on NairaLand this evening.
Lol @ TomTom
Abeg, I no fit laugh again!

DipoDee:
Missempress... pls lack of money is not the only sign of poverty.. You man is TOTALLY poor coz you may be broke but really HAPPY in your relationship; so his own poverty is more than meets the eyes.
A boyfriend that can't pay your Tee-fare has spiritual issues and if truly, he hasn't gotten you a single gift before (not even TomTom) then you need to put your life in perspective and don't assume that he will change.

He will get money and still make your life miserable, pls don't play games with your future and your happiness. We court to have a taste of what we will live with for life so if you think you can stand your boyfriend's attitude forever, you can stay with him. It all boils down to what you want anyway.

Yes o!

Acidosis:


really? I'm glad you forgot the worries and anger

Acidosis:

Done
Ose

Alright.

Op, I'll advise u leave him. Men like dat don't change. Let him marry his type, its not exposure dat is d problem, its d stinginess. If he wasn't stingy, I'll say u shud stay with him so he can learn & be exposed as u're, but he's too tight fisted.

OP, when you go visit him, does he even entertain you with anything or he would tell you to bring along your own refreshment?

Mdrr (Morte de rire)!

raumdeuter:
OP, when you go visit him, does he even entertain you with anything or he would tell you to bring along your own refreshment?

ambient:
my dear i know this kind of a guy and trust me when i say u will be misearable when u get married ur kids would also be misearable with this kind of father....trust me.do you know those kind of men that would rather go to the market than give u the money
thats the type of father and husband he will be.am sad to say this but you cant talk him out of it so those people advicing you to talk to him

Ds is my hubby
do you know why he doesnt have friends? my dear its because he cant afford to indulge them,he is always afraid of them ever asking of help or even asking for a drink from him,so he prefers staying on his own than making friends.then he met an ideal woman in you who is independent and whom he wont have to spend on but just love.he will be so happy and over the moon.but know this,your boyfriend is unlikely to cheat on you in the future but you will always be embarassed ,misearable and angry all the time he will make your friends hate u because soon you will be like him.

spare urself future unhappiness my dear.
poverty made him that way but trust me when i say riches wont change him.thanks

Way forward niyen

This guy is terrible!! I see no good in him, hold on to him and regret your entire life. This has nothing to do with being broke, he is obnoxious. Taking away money that was sprayed on you? Marry this guy and go nuts.