My friend has been living with her sister and her husband for six months now. Her sister is using her for some help especially asking her to take care of her little baby/child. My friend on the other hand needs a job and sometimes will want to go out to meet friends to help her apply for jobs; but her sister feels angry whenever this my friend is not available to help her babysit.

My friend can't leave her sister's house until she gets a job!

What can you tell my friend, should she continue helping her sister and not help her self? Should her sister not take the child to day care so she can have her own freedom, not just make my friend by default watch the baby when they all (with husband) go to work?

I marvel at th questions som Nigerians ask here atimes.
she should do that which is reasonable to you

Tell her to apply for a teaching job around her location, or get herself enrolled in a catering school, just anything that will give her the time to learn new skills, and more time to apply for her dream job.

She can spend her evenings and weekend with the family.

Acidosis:
Tell her to apply for a teaching job around her location, or get herself enrolled in a catering school, just anything that will give her the time to learn new skills, and more time to apply for her dream job.

She can spend her evenings and weekend with the family.

Yea weekend is still good. Not that the sister should be so selfish just for her self alone

She or he is getting help plus free accommodation, free food e.t.c so she has to contribute her own quarter to the house by helping the sister in return.

She just needs to talk to the sister and work something out/ maybe spend a few days job hunting more days watching kids

All these 'my friend' stories sef, tell us the truth shebi it's you?

its a sad notion that many have that when a relative is staying with you they have to work for their accommodation and food Your sibling o, you mean you can't take care of your sibling for free Of course she should help out with the kids and home but not as payment for accommodation or food rather because she loves her sister and obviously would want to help out. How ever the sister should never take advantage of that, the girl is there to look for a job and get her life on track so she can move out. How will she do that when she's been turned to full time nanny. If she's not careful she'll still be in that house doing nanny in years to come and the same sister will be first to want her out once her kids no longer need baby siting, humans are selfish

If she's not free enough to let her sister know the issue without offending her she should ask their Mum to have a diplomatic conversation with her. The Mum can just say she's noticed she's not getting anywhere with finding a job so the sister should please encourage her to go out and job hunt.

Mamatee07:
its a sad notion that many have that when a relative is staying with you they have to work for their accommodation and food Your sibling o, you mean you can't take care of your sibling for free Of course she should help out with the kids and home but not as payment for accommodation or food rather because she loves her sister and obviously would want to help out. How ever the sister should never take advantage of that, the girl is there to look for a job and get her life on track so she can move out. How will she do that when she's been turned to full time nanny. If she's not careful she'll still be in that house doing nanny in years to come and the same sister will be first to want her out once her kids no longer need baby siting, humans are selfish

If she's not free enough to let her sister know the issue without offending her she should ask their Mum to have a diplomatic conversation with her. The Mum can just say she's noticed she's not getting anywhere with finding a job so the sister should please encourage her to go out and job hunt.

If the sibling was with her parents, would she not do chores?

I also find it strange that people expect not to do chores when they go stay with a family.

Miami11:
She or he is getting help plus free accommodation, free food e.t.c so she has to contribute her own quarter to the house by helping the sister in return.

She just needs to talk to the sister and work something out/ maybe spend a few days job hunting more days watching kids

Your recommendation is fair enough. However, i dont think her sister will want her to take few days off. Here in the US, childcare is very important so perhaps her sister gets mad for asking days off. But why should it be more days watching kids? She then cant find a job soon

brainzdh:
All these 'my friend' stories sef, tell us the truth shebi it's you?

Even if it is me, what has that got to do? Can you put a face to the story?
smh

Mamatee07:
its a sad notion that many have that when a relative is staying with you they have to work for their accommodation and food Your sibling o, you mean you can't take care of your sibling for free Of course she should help out with the kids and home but not as payment for accommodation or food rather because she loves her sister and obviously would want to help out. How ever the sister should never take advantage of that, the girl is there to look for a job and get her life on track so she can move out. How will she do that when she's been turned to full time nanny. If she's not careful she'll still be in that house doing nanny in years to come and the same sister will be first to want her out once her kids no longer need baby siting, humans are selfish

If she's not free enough to let her sister know the issue without offending her she should ask their Mum to have a diplomatic conversation with her. The Mum can just say she's noticed she's not getting anywhere with finding a job so the sister should please encourage her to go out and job hunt.

In fact Mamatee, you are the best. This is exactly the case. you just hit the nail on the head. The girl is there suffering and planning to build her own family too but no job for her to even be independent. as soon as the baby grow finish the sister will remember she no longer needs baby sitting. Human being are very selfish. Shes very confusing that she doesn't even know where and what to do. she cant leave because shes broke for almost 6 months and she cant get a job because shes stuck with baby sitting

bukatyne:


If the sibling was with her parents, would she not do chores?

I also find it strange that people expect not to do chores when they go stay with a family.

They can help with chores but not sole responsibility. So because she has free housing now she must do chores all the time? How will she get the job and her independent? If she has her chores she can do it when you like. Don'T you do your chores when you like as an adult?

Lizypumping:


Your recommendation is fair enough. However, i dont think her sister will want her to take few days off. Here in the US, childcare is very important so perhaps her sister gets mad for asking days off. But why should it be more days watching kids? She then cant find a job soon

In U.S, he don't have to go anywhere to look for a job, the internet is full of jobs. What state are we talking about.does he have the right papers.
Why should he not help the sister, it his nieces/ nephews?

bukatyne:


If the sibling was with her parents, would she not do chores?

I also find it strange that people expect not to do chores when they go stay with a family.

The story isn't about chores, it's about a selfish sister.

I'm sure you're one of those with the belief that any relative living under your roof must either be worked to death, or made to sacrifice their lives and freedom for your 'kindness' in offering them shelter.

@op, all I have to say is, do not lay down your life at your sister's altar. Of course, make compromises by staying home to babysit sometimes, but please, don't forget that that isn't the job you went there to look for. That's what I think.

Poster give me the state, I will show you how to find work.

Miami11:

In U.S, he don't have to go anywhere to look for a job, the internet is full of jobs. What state are we talking about.does he have the right papers.
Why should he not help the sister, it his nieces/ nephews?

Some jobs require physical attendance. These days there are alot of people not called for interviews. Plus she is new in the area. Yes her niece her sisters daughter

Miami11:
Poster give me the state, I will show you how to find work.

I am telling you she needs to make friends to and get use to the area. Job on internet wont she go out too?

Gaborone:


The story isn't about chores, it's about a selfish sister.

I'm sure you're one of those with the belief that any relative living under your roof must either be worked to death, or made to sacrifice their lives and freedom for your 'kindness' in offering them shelter.

@op, all I have to say is, do not lay down your life at your sister's altar. Of course, make compromises by staying home to babysit sometimes, but please, don't forget that isn't the job you went there to look for. That's what I think.

Let us always put people in our shoes o... The girl needs to have freedom to go and and also look for job not dumping the child with her. They all go to work and by default she has to stay home and watch the kids. she cant go out

Lizypumping:


They can help with chores but not sole responsibility. So because she has free housing now she must do chores all the time? How will she get the job and her independent? If she has her chores she can do it when you like. Don'T you do your chores when you like as an adult?

Whose responsibility is it then?

Would I wait for my elder sister and hubby to cook before eating? Must I be told to babysit when they are going out? Must I be told to do their laundry before doing it if we put our used clothes in the same laundry basket? Must I be told to clean before I do?

When you stay with people, you don't do chores when you like but when they like especially if you are not engaged (work/school/sick) etc.

Expect her elder sister is an enemy of progress, she will not stop her from attending a geninue job interview.

Gaborone:


The story isn't about chores, it's about a selfish sister.

I'm sure you're one of those with the belief that any relative living under your roof must either be worked to death, or made to sacrifice their lives and freedom for your 'kindness' in offering them shelter.

@op, all I have to say is, do not lay down your life at your sister's altar. Of course, make compromises by staying home to babysit sometimes, but please, don't forget that that isn't the job you went there to look for. That's what I think.

You can't be sure my friend.

When I visit people, I treat their homes like mine home and do chores.

I am sure if her elder sister was her mother, she wouldn't feel this way.

bukatyne:


Whose responsibility is it then?

Would I wait for my elder sister and hubby to cook before eating? Must I be told to babysit when they are going out? Must I be told to do their laundry before doing it if we put our used clothes in the same laundry basket? Must I be told to clean before I do?

When you stay with people, you don't do chores when you like but when they like especially if you are not engaged (work/school/sick) etc.

Expect her elder sister is an enemy of progress, she will not stop her from attending a geninue job interview.

you sound partially correct but the girl is not a maid. shes passing time so her sister can help her get her feet on the ground not just to make things worse for her. Job interview will not jump at her in bed..

Lizypumping:


you sound partially correct but the girl is not a maid. shes passing time so her sister can help her get her feet on the ground not just to make things worse for her. Job interview will not jump at her in bed..

Lizypumping,

If you were staying with your parents, would you consider yourself a maid doing chores? Especially when you are @ home?

How does doing chores make things worse for her?

Granted she is searching for jobs however she would apply online (at home) and be shortlisted before thinking of interviews.

Lizypumping:


Let us always put people in our shoes o... The girl needs to have freedom to go and and also look for job not dumping the child with her. They all go to work and by default she has to stay home and watch the kids. she cant go out

If it's that bad, she can broach the topic with her sister. If at the last she finds that her purpose for going there is being defeated, she may have to generate a plan b. Something would have to give sometime.

bukatyne:


Lizypumping,

If you were staying with your parents, would you consider yourself a maid doing chores? Especially when you are @ home?

How does doing chores make things worse for her?

Granted she is searching for jobs however she would apply online (at home) and be shortlisted before thinking of interviews.

You dont get it Buka, she needs to also go out! How can a lady or someone stay in the house 24/7, expect for church. Shes new in the area. I am saying the sister should not make the babysitting her job, let her sister take the baby to babysitter she needs to get her own life too.

bukatyne:


You can't be sure my friend.

When I visit people, I treat their homes like mine home and do chores.

I am sure if her elder sister was her mother, she wouldn't feel this way.

What about the job shes looking for. CHores isn't the ish here persay

Lizypumping:


You dont get it Buka, she needs to also go out! How can a lady or someone stay in the house 24/7, expect for church. Shes new in the area. I am saying the sister should not make the babysitting her job, let her sister take the baby to babysitter she needs to get her own life too.

Go out to where?

You rightly said she is new in the area. Isn't Church an avenue to build relationship s?

When her sister and family is going out, does she not join them?

Doesn't she tag along with her sister to the market, saloon, friend's place etc.?

Lizypumping:


What about the job shes looking for. CHores isn't the ish here persay

People don't look for jobs on the street na.

She has to apply online first or tell her sister & husband to tell their friends.

The Church she is going to is even sweet sef.

Ha Sis A, you are the younger Sis of Sis B. What do you do?

I am looking for a job o in ABC field. Even have CVs handy.

If it is by roaming about, a lot of people looking for Jobs would have gotten.

bukatyne:


Go out to where?

You rightly said she is new in the area. Isn't Church an avenue to build relationship s?

When her sister and family is going out, does she not join them?

Doesn't she tag along with her sister to the market, saloon, friend's place etc.?

Wow! SO she should stay home. What if shes new, she will be new forever. She doesnt have to do what her sister is doing. Shes not a new comer to the US, jUST NEW in that state period. My friend is even married but her husband is not in the same country. so shes not a small girl. She can choose her own kind of activities not go to saloon or market with her sister

bukatyne:


You can't be sure my friend.

When I visit people, I treat their homes like mine home and do chores.

I am sure if her elder sister was her mother, she wouldn't feel this way.

That's good to hear. Really. Sorry about the assumption.

However, the truth is that I'm still a little surprised that you seem not to see anything wrong with her elder sister's behaviour. Note that she isn't complaining about chores per se, she is only concerned about not being allowed enough time to go out in search of a job. I feel such a thing shouldn't even be heard of where blood sisters are concerned. The elder sister should be a little more caring and concerned about op's friend's job hunt, moreso as she must have had babysitting arrangements before her sister came along.

I may be too sentimental about this, but to me, the elder sister comes across as selfish, and I'ld say that is unnatural, given that this is her own sister we are talking about.

Lizypumping:


Wow! SO she should stay home. What if shes new, she will be new forever. She doesnt have to do what her sister is doing. Shes not a new comer to the US, jUST NEW in that state period. My friend is even married but her husband is not in the same country. so shes not a small girl. She can choose her own kind of activities not go to saloon or market with her sister

Na was for you o!

You just added Maggi to the soup after it is ready

How does job search work there? Does she have her own cash or is her sister going to raise her everytime she wants to pursue her interests?

I have a younger sister, and I can't imagine adding to her stress if she came to stay with me for the purpose of getting a job. I cannot even conceive the thought.

One would have even thought that it is part of her responsibilities as elder sister to show her the way in the new town/environment. But hey, that's my opinion.

bukatyne:


Na was for you o!

You just added Maggi to the soup after it is ready

How does job search work there? Does she have her own cash or is her sister going to raise her everytime she wants to pursue her interests?

I agree with you, you will be surprised the older sister payed for her ticket and visa fees to U.S and now this person with the entitled mentality is eager to leave even without helping the sister.
Those of us in US know you need a car and gas money to be able to go to work.
You need someone to drive you around, it is not easy,( a lot of preparation is needed to help a new person) so poster should be patient with the sister.