I love my husband and i am sure he loves me too. I try my best to be a dutiful loving wife. I believe i perform all the traditional wifey roles well. We are good friends, we talk about everything and enjoy a warm relationship.

HE made a statement that 'he owns me' and i found it hard to swallow. i tot we were in the marriage business together, i watch his back he watches mine kinda relationship. I know and realise he is the head of the family and thus my head, but for me, the term ownership strikes me as master slave relationship and i refused to accept it! We havent been married long and i feel that it is correction i must make now, because i am in the marriage of my own free will.

I dunno if i am wrong to have a problem with that statement, so please i need your views and your reactions. Presently he is very angry with me(not talking to me) and says i am being a feminist, please help me to understand the term better if i am wrong, or if i am right how i can make him realise it is not so!

..

You can own an animal.  No one can own a person.  That is how it was in the past with slavery.  
The Bible says a man is the head of the woman and is responisibole to God for the actions of his family.  It also says that a man must love his wife as his own body.  Woman should obey her husband as in the Lord.  Not as an owned creature.

Your husband is not showing love to be behaving so.  However he is showing an immature understanding of his role as husband.  

My suggestion is to ask your pastor to talk to you both about love and marriage and I pray that you will both settle into the Godly roles as husband and wife.

@poster
if he really did say that in a serious manner then you should have said that: ¨yes and I own YOU¨

guess he is a bit tooo possesive but see it from the brighter side maybe he means you are his.
but saying "I own you" sound kinda raw to me

@ all replies, thanks alot

MRbrownJAY:

@poster
if he really did say that in a serious manner then you should have said that: ¨yes and I own YOU¨

i guess this is would have been the best answer, though he said it jokingly. later i asked him 'to be clear on what owning me meant and if i owned him too', his reply was a stony silence.

sexyLeamon:

guess he is a bit tooo possesive but see it from the brighter side maybe he means you are his.
but saying "I own you" sound kinda raw to me

it does sound harsh thats why i did not like it and considering the circumstance i did not deserve it, peharps i'll dwell on that bright side.

This wife submission thing gives me the creeps, how far can one go!

Believe me, u own each other; chikena

Yes, he owns you and you own him.
So enjoy each other jare and stop worrying about lil' stuff

the guy sounds like he's trying to pick a fight.

that's how they start.

thats your culture. My brother law sometimes goes out to a buffet type thing with his wife. She has to go and get him his plates of food and hand them to him, then feed the baby, then she can get her own and by the time she sits down to eat he is ready for another plate. She is inrcedibly submissive! she works full time same as her husband. She works weekends and he doesnt work weekends she comes home about 4pm and he is lying on the sofa dishes everywhere place in bits. She runs straight to the freezer and begins fresh soup. Then at night he goes out til 5am or anytime he like really.

I just dont understand,

Leilah:

thats your culture. My brother law sometimes goes out to a buffet type thing with his wife. She has to go and get him his plates of food and hand them to him, then feed the baby, then she can get her own and by the time she sits down to eat he is ready for another plate. She is inrcedibly submissive! she works full time same as her husband. She works weekends and he doesnt work weekends she comes home about 4pm and he is lying on the sofa dishes everywhere place in bits. She runs straight to the freezer and begins fresh soup. Then at night he goes out til 5am or anytime he like really.

I just dont understand,

He is not a man, but a useless thing.
A real man will care for the wife's emotion and not just use her like a slave.
A good wife is like jewel cup that you protect with you life and all that matters, you take care of her and make sure she is happy and when a man does that to the wife, you are sure you will get the best within her, she will even go out of her way to make the man happy.

Thats nice what you said Fhemmy.

tpia.:

the guy sounds like he's trying to pick a fight.

that's how they start.

That's exactly the way they start and then they blame the woman.

Mama G, which one you be? The devil or the devil's advocate?

@Post
Like someone said, it depends on how he said it.

Romantic, rudely, or in a business-like manner (He bought you from your parents)

Fhemmmy:

He is not a man, but a useless thing.
A real man will care for the wife's emotion and not just use her like a slave.
A good wife is like jewel cup that you protect with you life and all that matters, you take care of her and make sure she is happy and when a man does that to the wife, you are sure you will get the best within her, she will even go out of her way to make the man happy.

you are right about that but i also blame the wife for being THAT submissive. . . . . . . a lazy man will push his luck as much as he can and, by the look of things, that one pushed it all the way.
he is not a caring person and only his needs are important in his world.
the only way that this is going to change is when the poor wife says ITS ENOUGH, until then, she only has herself to blame.
marriage is not slavery.

modele2:

I love my husband and i am sure he loves me too. I try my best to be a dutiful loving wife. I believe i perform all the traditional wifey roles well. We are good friends, we talk about everything and enjoy a warm relationship.

HE made a statement that 'he owns me' and i found it hard to swallow. i tot we were in the marriage business together, i watch his back he watches mine kinda relationship. I know and realise he is the head of the family and thus my head, but for me, the term ownership strikes me as master slave relationship and i refused to accept it! We havent been married long and i feel that it is correction i must make now, because i am in the marriage of my own free will.

I dunno if i am wrong to have a problem with that statement, so please i need your views and your reactions. Presently he is very angry with me(not talking to me) and says i am being a feminist, please help me to understand the term better if i am wrong, or if i am right how i can make him realise it is not so!

Well, ehhmmm, let me ask you a question. Was your husband made to pay "armed robber" dowry by your people before marrying you? I have a friend who hates (I mean like really detest his wife) because he claims marrying her almost ruined him financially. Apparently, he was made to pay a hand and a leg (plus head sef) to marry her. So now, he treats her like one of his numerous cars while he keeps SEVERAL relationships outside. He tells me all the time that he BOUGHT her with his money and so her sole duty is to bear kids for him. After that, he has told me he is going to kick her back to her family. The sad thing is that the wife doesn't even know his sinister plans.

He is pissed with her because she seemed to endorse the exorbitant pre-marital requests her family made of him. According to him, they went as far as asking him to build two HOUSES for her parents!!!! Now if that is the same thing that happened to you before marriage, then maybe you should start taking your husband's statement seriously,

Reptyle:

Well, ehhmmm, let me ask you a question. Was your husband made to pay "armed robber" dowry by your people before marrying you? I have a friend who hates (I mean like really detest his wife) because he claims marrying her almost ruined him financially. Apparently, he was made to pay a hand and a leg (plus head sef) to marry her. So now, he treats her like one of his numerous cars while he keeps SEVERAL relationships outside. He tells me all the time that he BOUGHT her with his money and so her sole duty is to bear kids for him. After that, he has told me he is going to kick her back to her family. The sad thing is that the wife doesn't even know his sinister plans.

He is pissed with her because she seemed to endorse the exorbitant pre-marital requests her family made of him. According to him, they went as far as asking him to build two HOUSES for her parents!!!! Now if that is the same thing that happened to you before marriage, then maybe you should start taking your husband's statement seriously,

Was the lady the only one in the world he could marry? Na by force to marry her?

@topic you two own each other.

Reptyle:

Well, ehhmmm, let me ask you a question. Was your husband made to pay "armed robber" dowry by your people before marrying you? I have a friend who hates (I mean like really detest his wife) because he claims marrying her almost ruined him financially. Apparently, he was made to pay a hand and a leg (plus head sef) to marry her. So now, he treats her like one of his numerous cars while he keeps SEVERAL relationships outside. He tells me all the time that he BOUGHT her with his money and so her sole duty is to bear kids for him. After that, he has told me he is going to kick her back to her family. The sad thing is that the wife doesn't even know his sinister plans.

He is pissed with her because she seemed to endorse the exorbitant pre-marital requests her family made of him. According to him, they went as far as asking him to build two HOUSES for her parents!!!! Now if that is the same thing that happened to you before marriage, then maybe you should start taking your husband's statement seriously,

LOL

hELL NO! Infact my father returned his share of the dowry. I am thankfully employed so pitched in a little, so did our folks. I can confidently say he was not rendered bankrupt!

@ wakagirl
thanks we do own each other but me thinks my own type of ownership has to be with style and diplomacy, its not in the same level, infact its in secret becos he dosent want to hear that, according to him he can correct me, but i cant correct him, na wah oh, in this modern age.

Does your husband still own you?

I am feminist and such talk, though they start small small, should not be swallowed easily.

Please you are a human being like him and he does not own you.

You will smile and accept it today, tomorrow you become punching bag.

http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/2012/09/victims-eliminating-domestic-violence.html

@ op, those words of your husband owning u, is just mere words to show he is Oga, which no one disputes on... but think less of it ...we all know, nobody owns anybody, even in marriage, we simply companions ... just words, nothing more..and he knows it.

modele2: I love my husband and i am sure he loves me too. I try my best to be a dutiful loving wife. I believe i perform all the traditional wifey roles well. We are good friends, we talk about everything and enjoy a warm relationship.

HE made a statement that 'he owns me' and i found it hard to swallow. i tot we were in the marriage business together, i watch his back he watches mine kinda relationship. I know and realise he is the head of the family and thus my head, but for me, the term ownership strikes me as master slave relationship and i refused to accept it! We havent been married long and i feel that it is correction i must make now, because i am in the marriage of my own free will.

I dunno if i am wrong to have a problem with that statement, so please i need your views and your reactions. Presently he is very angry with me(not talking to me) and says i am being a feminist, please help me to understand the term better if i am wrong, or if i am right how i can make him realise it is not so!

look at u hitting ur head on d wall just cos of a simple statement. Why did u not tell him back that u own him? Or is he not ur husband?

@Op, I will tell d sincere truth, your hubby owns you. Period! This issue came up btw my parents, it kinda brought problem cos my mom was like you. She got to accept it when she noticed that it gotta bring in a problem.
Don't mind pple here telling you otherwise. This is Africa. African man must always feel as d head.
Just accept it and move on with life!

You know, if you're a xtian & accept biblical principles & doctrines (& you should), truth is your husband does own you: That's why he's the only one who can divorce you (biblically) while you remain his til his death
Just Musing...

na wa oh. so someone should not joke with his wife again? You husband said he owns you and you came to open a thread on NL. O dikwa very serious!

most people here are not telling the writer the truth. Most people here i guess are not married, so they would not see the question the way the writer sees it. The fact is YES your husband owns YOU, and also YOU own him too. If anything happends to you God forbid, your husband is the first person your family would call and vice versa. If You DIE before you time God forbid, your husband dertermines where you would be laid to rest. The fact is am married and i must say it here, i do tell mine wife i own her. But mine reason for telling her i own her is not just because the family made me spend about 300k for just the traditional wedding, but i say it when may be i made her angry and she says she would go to her house, i would say lai lai na me get you, you nor fit leave me.... meaning, not that i was braging... i was just only playing, trying to create a disscussion. But i surely believe that the writers husband doesnot mean any harm, but rather just wanted his wife to say somethig funny in return, like if she had said, I OWN you too, then the husband would say nope you dont own me and so on.

The Gospel Truth is, if i buy something in the House and me and mine wife had a disscussion about it, she would say point of correction, i bought it with our money not mine money lol. i would say nothing or would laugh. if later in the day i want her to buy something for me, if she says she is borrowing me the money, i would tell her in return, how can you borrow me OUR money, she is return would laugh. So you see, not all words are negative, the writer please try and understand your husband, i dont think he meant any harm.

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Reptyle: Well, ehhmmm, let me ask you a question. Was your husband made to pay "armed robber" dowry by your people before marrying you? I have a friend who hates (I mean like really detest his wife) because he claims marrying her almost ruined him financially. Apparently, he was made to pay a hand and a leg (plus head sef) to marry her. So now, he treats her like one of his numerous cars while he keeps SEVERAL relationships outside. He tells me all the time that he BOUGHT her with his money and so her sole duty is to bear kids for him. After that, he has told me he is going to kick her back to her family. The sad thing is that the wife doesn't even know his sinister plans.

He is pissed with her because she seemed to endorse the exorbitant pre-marital requests her family made of him. According to him, they went as far as asking him to build two HOUSES for her parents!!!! Now if that is the same thing that happened to you before marriage, then maybe you should start taking your husband's statement seriously,

Your friend is a big I.D.I.OT! FOOL!
Did he marry her by force? Did he pay the dowry by force? IDI.OT!

Leilah: thats your culture. My brother law sometimes goes out to a buffet type thing with his wife. She has to go and get him his plates of food and hand them to him, then feed the baby, then she can get her own and by the time she sits down to eat he is ready for another plate. She is inrcedibly submissive! she works full time same as her husband. She works weekends and he doesnt work weekends she comes home about 4pm and he is lying on the sofa dishes everywhere place in bits. She runs straight to the freezer and begins fresh soup. Then at night he goes out til 5am or anytime he like really.

I just dont understand,

Does she want to live a short life and / or look all worn out at the age of 45?

@poster:

He is your husband and you are his wife! You "own" each other in the sense of HAVING each other unless one of you decides to leave the other, which she or he can do anytime so nobody is a slave.

If I were you, I wouldn't start a discussion on this topic. Like some people suggested, make some jokes about it, it's not worth the discussion when everything else is working out fine

Marriage is obviously becoming a useless institution...Why should people not just remain single but rather take a vow that will bring misery and too many headaches to their lives.... I own you, you don`t own me... You don`t respect me, You are cheating on me, bla bla bla. @ OP now that your husband has openly told you that he truly owns you what do you want to do? Please confirm the context of his statement and if he truly meant what he said pack your bag and leave his house because he does not own you... I beg if you are married respect yourself and the marriage institution and drop all your stupid ego i mean both husbands and wives otherwise get a divorce and continue in single.

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