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My Husband And My Friend Are Having Secret Contact by Nobody: 8:50pm On Feb 29, 2016 |
I have been married for 15 years. My husband and I have always had a great relationship. He is a very gentle, trustworthy, helping man. That’s what I have always loved most about him. He is 53 and I am 43. We had some family friends (mom, dad, & 2 teenagers) for about 5 or so years that we spent quite a bit of time with. With that said my family was dealing with some pretty big issues with one of our daughters that caused a great amount of stress in our family. I also was dealing with significant health issues of my own. I know that I was probably pretty hard to live with at the time (this past spring) for both my husband and my kids. I’m sure that I neglected to see that my husband needed somebody to talk to about it and I was too busy with my own problems to see it. My problem is that my best friend, C, took it upon herself to start calling my husband a few times a month and sometimes more to check on him and see if he was okay, so she says, never mentioning to me that she was doing this. I asked him why he didn’t tell me that she was calling before and he said he knew that there was so much going on in our lives with our teenager that he knew I wouldn’t understand and it would make things worse and I would jump to the wrong conclusion about talking her. He said he never had any feelings for her other than she was my friend and thought of her like maybe a sister. He said he finally realized that she was wrong in calling him (she called all the time) behind my back and thanked her for helping him but told her to stop calling. I feel so betrayed... I am trying to deal with the fact that he didn’t tell me to start with (he said he didn’t think anything wrong about it to start with or he would have) but more than anything I feel so betrayed by my best friend. I loved her like a sister and I don’t think I would’ve have ever called her husband without her knowing it no matter what the circumstances would have been. I feel like she was never a friend at all to have kept such secrets about my family to me. Its been really hard to deal with for the last 3 months. Can it be true that a husband can be faithful to his wife and love her in a situation like this? Was my friend wrong in not telling me about her calling my husband? Was my husband wrong in not telling me about it even though he knew I probably wouldn’t understand at the time? He hasn’t hid anything from me—call logs, etc.—he actually showed them all to me. She doesn’t feel like she has done anything wrong... then why am I so hurt? I don’t know if I can ever have a female friend anymore that I can trust. Does it sound like I can trust my husband? For some reason I always have. He has apologized for being so naive about her many, many times and even feels embarrassed that he talked to her about anything at all. He actually called her husband and apologized to him because he felt like he had betrayed him for ever talking to her when she called. I respected him for that. She hasn’t even apologized to me or my children for the hurt she helped to create. Some background history—I grew up with a Dad who always cheated on my mom and still does—we always knew about it and it was a hard pill to swallow—could this be why I am so doubtful about men and truth? Please help me! |
Re: My Husband And My Friend Are Having Secret Contact by MoonChildng: 8:54pm On Feb 29, 2016 |
Fears have a way of surfacing as our reality if we don't let them go . He has apologized and even apologized to your bestfriend's husband , I think you should just let bygones be bygones |
Re: My Husband And My Friend Are Having Secret Contact by yomi007k(m): 8:56pm On Feb 29, 2016 |
Madam,take it easy. Don't make life harder than it already is. Ur husband n d friend said there's nothing so give them d benefit of doubt. |
Re: My Husband And My Friend Are Having Secret Contact by halfricanadian(f): 9:02pm On Feb 29, 2016 |
Bae you are foolish to tink nothing went wrong U berra focus on ur kids trust no man abeg |
Re: My Husband And My Friend Are Having Secret Contact by ITbomb(m): 9:33pm On Feb 29, 2016 |
The last paragraph captures it all, it is more of a psychological problem than fidelity problem. I bet you if anything was happening and they didn't want to to know, you will never know. Thank God for the kind of husband you have, from what you wrote here, he has been very considerate and responsible, remember, a man's maturity is mainly how he react or handle situations not what he did |
Re: My Husband And My Friend Are Having Secret Contact by Nobody: 9:37pm On Feb 29, 2016 |
@op. Since ur husband has explained everything to u, give him that benefit of the doubt because relationship/marriage is built on trust and see if such thing will repeat itself again. Then for ur friend, avoid/monitor her seriously. |
Re: My Husband And My Friend Are Having Secret Contact by Nobody: 10:24pm On Feb 29, 2016 |
that's why I don't do friends. you are either family or an acquaintance. anyway op, it's time you mend the fence with your husband. you are in this with him for the long haul. you should forgive him and let him know that you have forgiven him from your heart. he is a good man. hold on to what you share with him. don't throw away 15years of married life. re-direct your focus on your family. that's all you've got really and whatever you are going through personally don't let your family suffer for it. keep your "friend" at arms length. all the best with your family. |
Re: My Husband And My Friend Are Having Secret Contact by thorpido(m): 10:45pm On Feb 29, 2016 |
Give your hubby the benefit of doubt.He has apologised so you should let go. Keep a watch on your friend and try to keep her at arm's length. halfricanadian:Wrong mindset. You skipped the part that her friend had a role to play in this and it's possible she may have even initiated it.Why are you not blaming the lady too? |
Re: My Husband And My Friend Are Having Secret Contact by Nobody: 10:51pm On Feb 29, 2016 |
halfricanadian:How you can easily call someone foolish baffles me, you can just pass your advice without the insults. |
Re: My Husband And My Friend Are Having Secret Contact by halfricanadian(f): 10:52pm On Feb 29, 2016 |
thorpido: Watever is done behind a wife is as good as hurting the wife will the man accept such See its the wife's headache not mine let dem solve it abeg o |
Re: My Husband And My Friend Are Having Secret Contact by halfricanadian(f): 10:55pm On Feb 29, 2016 |
pcguru1: i'm sorry typographical error |
Re: My Husband And My Friend Are Having Secret Contact by NemzySeries(m): 6:54am On Mar 01, 2016 |
U feel betrayed dat wat happened? Are u d only 1 aving issues? We men are like adult babies, u leave us & we crawl no d nxt adult's hand datz willing to carry us.....wat wuz so big a challenge dat u left ur family m husband un attended To & nw u blame it on d man & trust & u feel ur fwend betrayed u.....itz always beta to solve problems as a family dan ab individual.....im no supporting ur hubby or fwend but u actually gave room 4 such |
Re: My Husband And My Friend Are Having Secret Contact by onehouse(m): 10:19am On Mar 01, 2016 |
Madam, Reading through your post gave me a good glimpse of how you really feel at the moment with whatever occurred between your best friend and your husband. However, as bad as it appears to you, I strongly feel you should give them both the benefit of doubt -based on the trust you had for you husband before your health issues and other stuff came up. For a mere man or woman out there, it's so hard to let completely but ensure you let it go completely through God's help and don't use it against them in future or in your words when mad at your husband. Perhaps, here is something I think yiu should consider from a divorce lawyer : https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10153705774056130&id=759016129 May God bless and uphold your home. |
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